I'll Be There Tomorrow

Five years ago, 2012, I wrote this piece, "What Do You Call an Old Chicken?"  it marked the beginning of this part of my journey. Then in 2015, I was still parked in the middle of Menopause Lane, right smack in the middle of peri-menopause and I wrote this: "Private Pain".  Boy I needed to reread that again today. I know it's been almost exactly a year since I've blogged anything. I am conflicted when it comes to this forum, because I really need to be getting my book published (another one of those things I know I should have done YEARS ago)..I've stopped asking why. However, when I'm struggling with something, and I need a revelation, it often comes when I begin to write. Something tells me that typing is going to be way faster this morning. OK Lord....I need a revelation.

Well, tomorrow two surgeons are going to work together and I'm going to be having  a....(are you sitting down, I'm about to impress you with this medical mumbo jumbo) Laparoscopic Supracervical Hysterectomy with Bilateral Oophorectomy along with a Cholecystectomy.  Layman's terms: I'm getting my uterus and ovaries removed and leaving behind my cervix, then I will be getting my gall bladder removed as well. About 6-8 small incisions on my abdomen and over 560 internal stitches.

Back in February of this year I had a different doctor, she, at the very last minute (like the day before my surgery was scheduled) changed her mind and told me she was afraid to do the hysterectomy and instead gave me an ablation. The ablation, sadly didn't work, not even for one month. I've been having to get monthly iron infusions and this surgery has been a long time coming.

SO why am I emotional this morning? 

Possibly because I've seen some beautiful young women give birth this week, my babies are all growing up and I also spoke to a dear young woman who lost her second baby this week. I can't believe that 26 years ago I had a woman lay hands on my womb and tell me that the Lord wanted her to pray for me. I never knew the journey it would be for me to conceive and give birth. 10 years of infertility treatments, 14 babies in Heaven waiting for me, the greatest joys in my world are still sleeping down the hall.....and NOW I'm about to lose that womb and jump directly into menopause.

I've had endometriosis, fibroids, 100s of cysts on my ovaries, have bled all over myself and other peoples homes despite the enormous amount of protection, I've had severe pain, I'm anemic because of this and have suffered tremendously in this past year because of anemia and thyroid condition combined. IT IS TIME - I'M EXCITED ABOUT THIS!!  I really am...I'm not sure why I'm crying.

This morning in my chair I cried to Jesus. He loves me you know. He understands my hormonal mind, my womanhood, my tears,  he doesn't mind when I cry on his shoulder. Really what this entire journey (infertility and peri menopause) has taught me is that NO ONE but Jesus can really comfort your soul. Have you ever needed to be reminded of something you have said yourself? I cannot be the only one. Well, even if I am I'm okay with that. SO here I go:

Lisa, you are a child of God, take comfort in the knowledge that it is who you are the inside that matters to Him. (Prov. 31:30) You shouldn't fear the aging process.  You have the assurance that God's grace is sufficient to get you  through whatever life throws at us. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2nd Corinthians 12:9. Remember Lisa, you find your peace at the foot of the cross.

Am I afraid of the surgery. NOPE! Well, I don't look forward to that gas pain everyone keeps telling me about. The gallbladder coming out and figuring out what I can eat and cannot eat isn't too exciting either, but I have NO FEAR!

I truly think for me today, it is that I loved all things about being pregnant (and I had some very tumultuous stories too), but I would do it again in a heartbeat. I love my uterus. Even though it has caused me pain and suffering - it held my babies...all of them. I miss babies. I do. I miss that smell and feeling that comes from holding your own baby and that comfort that only a mommy can bring to their baby. ::sigh:: I know I will never give birth again, and I really don't want to, but for some reason, I guess a little part of me feels like "Gosh, I'm finally here at this place and there is no turning back to what's familiar." Isn't that like us. WOW. STOP!

WHOA! Now there's my revelation. God has great things in store for me. The children of Israel looked back in their trying times and thought slavery in Egypt was better than their journey to the promise land. NOPE! I'm not going there. I want my promise land. God has been so good to me. He's granted me the desire of my heart and now it is time to take back my health. I am excited about tomorrow and I'm believing God for a quick recovery and little to no hormonal symptoms. Either way...He's got me! OK...now I think I'm ready for my day to begin.  Tomorrow, surgery, menopause, new life, new beginnings, health....I'm ready as I'll ever be.

The Little Girls In My Life

In a world of all boys, I have always appreciated all the wonderful women in my life. The Lord has blessed me with rich friendships with many wonderful women, young and....seasoned. Women I can sit and learn from, women who when we are together can sharpen each other's iron, women who share in my emotions, women who make me come out of my shell and make me laugh, women whom I've been able to wrap my arm around and mentor...all these women...such a blessing in my life. Friendships that I treasure and that are necessary for my personal growth.

Teenage girls are just as beneficial to my life you know. They may get a bad rap sometimes, but they are treasures that are finding themselves and growing up into the women God created them to be. They need us as much as we need them. It's true!! The opportunities I get to spend with teenage or young adult women...is some of the most inspiring times of my life. I can ALWAYS see the potential and will always remind them of their future...which is so open and bright and beautiful! The picture of their life is still to be painted and they are about to begin that process!! It is most exciting.

However, I do believe that it is just as necessary to have some little girls in my life as well. Little girls remind you of the "you" deep inside. The little girl free to be and create and to dance. The little girl that has the natural ability to nurture, love and be the princess she was created to be.

I've been equally blessed to have some little girls in my life. I couldn't get pictures of all of them on my blog, but these two are quite special. The little girl (who isn't so little any more) above just holds such a special place in my heart. She is my baking partner. She loves me and all my quirky ways in the kitchen. It is rare to be with her where we don't dream of what we should bake. She recently sat me down and showed me her incredible doll house. Oh I just wanted to cry....my love for her is so big! Her innocence, compassion and genuine love for others...oozes out of her every pore. I want to be just like her. When I am with her, she makes ME feel like a princess. When I walk into her home or she mine...she is so quick to wrap her arms around me...first thing. OH my heart swells just thinking about her. SEE...I need little girls in my life.

Then there is the privilege I have of teaching preschool at my church once a month. These little girls are just reminders of who God made us to be. This precious one in the picture below I have the honor of seeing her at church but also, her Mom and I homeschool together - so I get to see her during the week too. She is such a sweet and special love! The best part of teaching preschool or volunteering in children's ministry is when they see you outside of the classroom and they run up to you in the hall way and wrap their precious little arms around your leg or if tall enough your waist!!! Seriously....there is nothing better than that! I feel like the little girls in my life are such gifts - true treasures!!  (consider volunteering to be blessed by the children in your church)

I LOVE LOVE LOVE my boys! I love little boys too!! I'm a boy Mom..how could I not? I'm all about playing the damsel in distress or making zooming noises as we race cars, or jump on trampolines, throw the football, shoot some hoops are even play an occasional video game! I'm all about it!! I LOVE my guys!  But honestly my boys could never have braided my hair. (I did get a few tea parties and even some doll house playing when my youngest was in preschool. ::smile big::)

Instead I have gotten this...and have loved it just the same

Please understand that nothing can or will ever take the place of moments like this:

But there is just something about the little girls in my life that remind me of this!

So I'm unapologetically appreciative of the the little girls in my life. They teach me so much - thank you Lord for these adorable little treasures....these little girls! Keep them coming Lord...please!

Whatever You Did...

We had a wonderful day as a family traveling up to north Florida. It was very hot, and buggy (nothing a little insect repellent couldn't handle) but we were together and exploring some of Florida we've not seen before. We hiked nature trails, we discovered monuments to bloody battles of the 1500s and we conquered our 4th (out of 5) National Park in Florida today. It was a good day!

We are smart travelers. We pack some great snacks...pretzels, apples, bananas, watermelon...hard boiled eggs, so we know that if hunger strikes, we've got some good options (and we can stick to a very strict budget). Today as we came to a stop light in our car, we saw a man standing on the side of the road holding a sign that said..."Whatever you give will help!"

Shane has always had a heart for homeless people, for people in need. He seems to always understand the simple truth that God loves them and so should we. I LOVE that about him. He is thoughtful and mindful of others needs and wants to do something to help. We've done this before. My Little Man With A Big Heart shows this same boy 3 years ago wanting to do something for a homeless women we had met.

Today, he sees this man, sun burning his head, holding this sign and Shane says from the back seat. "We have to do something Dad!" "We have to give him something!" "We can't just ignore him like everyone else!" OH HOW I LOVE his precious heart. Mike explained that he probably wanted some money, and we didn't have any cash on us at all. Shane reminded his Dad that the sign says..."Whatever"! So, I reached into our snacks and pulled out all the pretzels we had left and I handed them to Shane. He rolls down the window and says..."Would you like some pretzels?" The man smiled, thanked us and took them. Then I handed Shane the bananas and he rolled the window down again, "Would you like a banana?" The man came over to the car and said, "Boy you really know what I love! Thank you so much!" He smiled, went into the shade and peeled that banana and suddenly the light was green. Shane sat back relieved and said, "Doesn't it just make you feel so good inside when you do that!"

He has been a witness to our family being blessed abundantly. He has had opportunities to help feed the homeless for years. He knows that Jesus loves everyone...no matter what! He knows to be a Christian means to be like Christ. I was so proud of my boy today! I told him right after the car started to pull through the green light...

"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’...‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me." Matthew 25

Son, today you loved on Jesus! Today you fed the Lord! Today you offered hope...you did it for Him! I love you Shane.

Nothing!

I absolutely LOVE the Word of God. Romans 8:38-39 is a powerful scripture that reminds us that there is NOTHING that can separate us from the LOVE of God. Too many people feel like they've done way too much for God to ever give them a second chance, or that they've used up all of their "2nd chances"! I think the Message Bible puts this scripture in just the right way...for everyone to understand what it is saying. So, I've simply copied this scripture from the Message for you and I to read:

So, what do you think? 

With God on our side like this, how can we lose?

If God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us? 

And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God’s chosen? 

Who would dare even to point a finger? 

The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. 

Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! 

Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture: 

They kill us in cold blood because they hate you. We’re sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one. None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. 

I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

Powerful right? You shouldn't have any doubts about whatever situation you are in...He's not letting go of you...at all! Nothing is going to get in His way of LOVING you and me!

OH how He loves us & NOTHING is going to hold Him back!

They Took My Place

I started to write this post last night - I have completely erased my original post because I know I'm suppose to write this one. This morning when I woke up, the Lord placed a memory in my heart/mind, one that I try not to think about all that often. It is a major part of my story, but it is indeed one of the many painful, if not the most painful part of my life (as some of you know...there are many parts to my life that are extremely painful this is just a small part of one - all which have been made new by the Cross!) As I lay there seeing all of this happen as if it were yesterday, literally tears streaming down my face I thought "Lord, why must I think of this today?" As painful as it was to see those images before my eyes so early this morning, I'm grateful. I have never written this part in detail, I have shared it publicly, but even now as I sit at the keyboard, to write it is almost painful. Please, bear with me, there is a point that I'm trusting the Lord wants to get to for whomever would read this post. Here is this part of my story: (forgive the length...background is necessary)

To be caught in the vicious cycle of abuse perplexes the minds of many. Why would you go from one abusive relationship to another? It makes no sense. She was married to an alcoholic. I never met him, I wasn't born yet. She gave birth to their two daughters. I'm not sure what life was like, but I can only imagine. They divorced and she tried to make it on her own, just her and her girls. Several years later she met another man. Oddly enough he was a decent man. I'm sure he had his flaws (don't we all). These two never marry, but they have a baby together. She named her little girl Lisa.

My Dad was a good man, but he did not stay with my Mom very long. He walked away from the turmoil that was going on in that house. He wasn't cut out for 2 wild teenage girls and a crazy household. Oh he loved me...no doubt. (I've written about that in my Apple of His Eye series). I remember the day he left. I was only 5 years old. (Don't think children do not remember when things like this happen. We carry that around with us.) My mother sat on the edge of the bed, weeping. I searched for tissues to wipe her tears. I remember kissing her face, I can almost taste the salt from her tears right now.

She tried to make it on her own, she just couldn't. She let another man into her life. One I think she may have had relationship with before she met my Dad. His influence in our lives would literally send my family into hiding. I'm sure my mother struggled to make ends meet and she was very sickly. She worked in a factory and did the best she could. I'm confident that she thought she needed him to survive, to feed her family, so she endured the next several years.

My first memory of this man's violent alcoholic rage was when he held the arm of one of my sisters and poured boiling hot water all over her arm. Fear is where I lived from that point on.

He was extremely violent. My mother endured her very own hell, but when it came to her children, I know she felt the need to protect as best she could. We tried to escape his wrath. To the best of my memory, we left in the middle of the night life refugees. With the clothes on our backs we walked out of our house (my mother and my one sister...the other was married at this time). We took shelter for our tired feet on the steps of an old catholic church. Soon we found ourselves an abandoned barber shop where we made our home for several days. We basically squatted until my Mom was able to find a way to fly the three of us to California - the farthest she could possibly run away.

California added a whole new dimension of terror for me personally. That is for another time. My poor mother struggled in California. We lived in the projects of Los Angeles. There for 2 weeks as a six year old girl I lived absolutely alone while my mother was in the hospital because of a heart attack. My sister gave birth to a beautiful little girl in California. The one and only good thing that came from this particular experience. We left within a year. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. The secrets I had to hold onto would torture me until the day I met my Jesus, He rescued me and healed my wounds.

Actually, it was that particular summer...after we returned from California that I met Jesus at a Christian Camp. Another story for another time.

I spent the summer after 2nd grade with my Dad, met Jesus, and even went to Sunday school, but before I could get comfortable my Mom, sister and niece and I were on our way to Arizona. I'm sure it was to run from that man again. In Arizona, my mother's health was so bad. There were long periods of time I just lived with my sister, in roach infested apartments. Until one day, on my way home from school in the 3rd grade, I saw the man. He had found us. I remember feeling frozen sick on the inside while the Arizona temperatures were 113 degrees. Why? How? It didn't matter. My mother and I moved into a trailer with him.

He was a violent alcoholic. For no reason at all, he would drink in excess and night after night find some excuse to beat my mother to unconsciousness. There were routinely, many nights I would lie in my bed, shaking, not able to sleep. He was out and my mother would lie next to me, rubbing my back, trying the best she could to help me sleep. Then I would hear the door and I would want to vomit. He would stumble in, and come in my room, reach for my mother's long black hair and literally drag her out by her hair. Then he would come pick me up and throw me on the couch and proceed to tell me all of my sins. Everything that I did that was wrong that day, and explain it was because of these things that my mother would be punished. Things like I had left the door open and a fly flew into the house, or I had licked my ice cream cone the wrong way. The blood. I remember the blood splattered all over the tan carpet. My mother's face disfigured. I held my ears and rocked back and forth. At first she would scream and fight, but after many, many nights of this same violence, I think a part of her had died inside. She would take the beatings as I sat and held my ears and eyes closed. Until the wrath was complete for the night, I would wash her up and place her arm over me and hide my body under hers on the carpet. Morning after morning I was forced to mix his drinks at his bar. I became a very good bar tender at the age of 8/9. If I messed this up, my mother would suffer dearly. This went on until my mother sent me away for the summer, back to my other sister for a time of respite. For me? For her? Perhaps for both of us.

I didn't realize it then, but that woman took beatings and shed blood that, in the mind of a very sick man, was really meant for me. I know that no one really deserved these beatings, me or my mother. The offenses were not real offenses, they were just the warped thoughts of a raging alcoholic. But I imagine that my understanding of what Christ did on the cross of Calvary was very easy for me to accept because of my mother's example of pure love to me. Willingly she took such great abuse to save her daughter. He never laid a hand on me except to throw me on the couch, but instead my fragile mother carried scar after scar for me.

The difference between my mother's abuse and my Jesus' death, was that it really was my sin that He carried on the cross. We are all born in sin. You may be a good person, you may be a victim, but the fact remains that we were born in a fallen world and a Holy God cannot look upon sin. That is why God gave His Son as a sacrifice, to take our place once and for all! We are unable to come to the Father in Heaven but by the shed blood of His one and only Son Jesus. Jesus endured the cross for me. He saved me. For eternity.

If you have stumbled upon this blog I need you to know this truth, this good news.

No amount of human goodness could ever be as good as God. God is perfect righteousness. Because of this, Habakkuk 1:13 tells us God cannot have fellowship with anyone who does not have perfect righteousness. In order to be accepted by God, we must be as good as God is. Before God, we all stand naked, helpless, and hopeless in ourselves. No amount of good living or good works will get us to heaven or give us eternal life. What then is the solution?  God is not only perfect holiness (whose holy character we can never attain to on our own or by our works of righteousness) but He is also perfect love and full of grace and mercy. Because of His love and grace, He has not left us without hope and a solution. Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Because of what Jesus Christ accomplished for us on the cross, the Bible states “He that has the Son has life.” We can receive the Son, Jesus Christ, as our Savior by personal faith, by trusting in the person of Christ and His death for our sins. John 1:12 But to all who have received him--those who believe in his name--he has given the right to become God's children.

Salvation is a FREE gift and it is the sole reason Jesus died on the cross.  The entire time, he had you and I on his mind. If you would like to receive and trust Christ as your personal Savior, you may want to express your faith (belief) in Christ by a simple prayer acknowledging your sinfulness, accepting His forgiveness and putting your faith in Christ for your salvation. This is the reason we remember the cross on Good Friday. This is the reason we celebrate His resurrection on Sunday. He rose again...so that we might ALL have life!

It's Not Just Reserved For Fairy Tales!

I'm thrilled to have been asked to join hundreds of other bloggers to help Fawn Weaver, the author of The Happy Wives Club, spread the truth about marriages today. This post is a part of The Happy Wives Club Blog Tour! For more information about this, or if your interested in being a part of it...please CLICK HERE!

Mainstream media has tainted our view of marriage, people tend to believe that it is nearly impossible to have a great marriage these days. I remember sitting in a car with two of my good friends and they both made the comment that my marriage is rare. I'll confess, it brought me to tears. I came home that day and wrapped my arms around my husband and wanted to be sure that we were okay, that we were normal. I didn't want to think that it must be that hard to have a great marriage...because if it is...what if something happens to us. See how that works? It can be so discouraging.

Fawn Weaver, has taken a journey and allows us to ride, sit, dine and get our hair done right alongside of her as she travels around the world talking to couples, collecting the secrets to happy healthy marriages. It is a fantastic book and it comes out on Monday, January 7th. (See below to order your copy today)

About 10 years ago, then I was married for 13 years, I sat across my table from a woman who said these words to me: "When I stood at the altar I knew it didn't really mean forever." WHAT? I was dumbfounded. When I stood at the altar at the age of 21, I KNEW without a shadow of a doubt, it absolutely meant...UNTIL DEATH DO US PART! So her comment shook me, call me naive, but I really didn't think people thought those thoughts. So, I shared with her one of the things (looking back for the past 23 years of my marriage - I've shared this with LOTS of women) that I think has been a huge key to the success of our marriage. If your interested, I'll share it with you now. Come on, I'll invite you to sneak a peek in to my studio apartment in Prospect Park, NJ circa 1991, about 22 years ago.

You see that girl with the 90's hairdo sitting on the Southwestern Style sofa, arms crossed, looking away from the very handsome man sitting next to her...that would be me. I remember it like it was yesterday, but oddly I don't remember what event or what was said that brought us to this point. Clearly this was our first really BIG argument, disagreement, (I won't say fight because that word, to me, connotes physical...and that would seriously bring the wrong image here!).

Whatever the argument was about, I knew I was right....and he knew he was right! We were in a no win zone, a no passing point. I remember thinking, this is why people get divorced, we were never going to be able to get beyond this point. I was just married a year, maybe a bit less, and this was it for me. I was MAD! How could he NOT see that my way, my point, my argument was right? I really didn't "like" this adorable man at this moment. (I'm sure he didn't "like" me too much either). It came to that point where I didn't want to talk to him anymore. It was late, I was tired, this wasn't going to work - we've been on this couch for what felt like forever! We had vowed to never go to bed angry (I guess we were NEVER going to bed!).

Eph. 4:26-27 (In the Message version) "Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life."

Then suddenly out of the corner of my eye, I saw this man that I had married slip off the couch next to me and get on his knees. I remember thinking, what is he doing? OH he better not be praying! I know that sounds really bad. Close your jaws...if they've dropped! It's true. The very LAST thing I wanted to do, (I honestly didn't think it would be possible for me to do) was to pray with him. UGH! Yes, so that is exactly what Mike Engel started to do...pray.

Because this was such a monumental moment in my marriage, I remember the gist of what he prayed quite well. It went something like this: "Father in Heaven, please forgive me. I want to be a wonderful husband, I want to honor my wife. She is a gift to me, a priceless treasure that you have placed in my care and I love her so much. I don't know how we are going to get beyond this, but I just want you to bless her right now. I thank you for the woman of God she is, thank you for placing her in my life and I just ask that you would pour out your blessings upon her. Grant her the desires of her heart...."

You get the idea. He was praying a prayer of blessing over me. WHAT? The moment he said "Father in Heaven" I remember thinking...there is NO WAY I can pray...I was so angry...my heart was so hard! Here is the miracle of that posture...as he continued to pray a blessing over me (he didn't pray that I would see his way, or that I would grow up and get a grip, or that we we stop arguing) my heart began to melt.

I didn't want to budge, but honestly I couldn't help it. There is something about sitting in the presence of God, (because let me tell you when you are on your knees praying...God is right there too), that just takes you off your own altar, so to speak, and places you in the proper position before God and the man. I was extremely humbled and I began to weep. He just prayed blessing after blessing over me and asked God to forgive Him, and to help him. When he said "Amen!", I slipped off the couch next to him and in between my tears and sniffles, I started to pray prayers of blessing over this precious gift that God had placed in my life as my husband. I laid a hand on his head and prayed blessings in his life, I thanked God for my relationship with Michael and I asked God to forgive me. When we finished praying, we just held each other...for a long time...without any words...and yes...we kissed!

From that moment on, though it can be the absolute hardest thing to do, because your flesh wants nothing more than to be right and to stay angry, this is what we do. When we are at a no passing point or a no winning zone (which we don't really get there too much anymore) we will get on our knees, or hold hands or just wherever we are....PRAY a prayer of blessing over each other. Never do we pray that the other would see it our way, do it differently, learn something, NOPE...we just pray blessing over each other. Marriage is about honoring, respecting and loving one another. It's about putting the other first...it works when you both do it...it almost magical!

I've been married now for 23 years...going on 24. We've been through the loss of 14 babies, the death of all of our parents, the loss of jobs, financial ruin, depression, pre-menopause, career changes, a child on the autism spectrum... We've learned each other really well...we are best friends, lovers and both of us are children of God. I remember my pastor speaking to us in our premarital counseling..."remember that you are both children of God...you better treat each other like such...Lisa is a daughter of the King...Mike is a son of the King...you mess up..you answer to the King." Makes me smile thinking about it! The King is so gentle and willing to teach us how to love one another as perfectly as we can this side of Heaven.

Me and my Mr. Incredible at the beach a few months ago! 

This is just one of the things we've vowed to keep in our marriage..it works! If you want to know more about us...I just posted a blog post a month ago...entitled Priceless Treasure, feel free to click on that and catch more of our story! As I've said in the introduction of this post, Fawn Weaver has gone around the world finding more things that work to keep our marriages healthy. She sent me an advanced reader's copy and I couldn't put it down! It will be an encouragement to you for sure - happy healthy marriages are for real - it's not reserved for fairy tales!! I'm excited to write my review!! You can pre-order her book today by CLICKING HERE.

Thanks for joining me and so many others on this Blog Tour!!

The Priceless Treasure

Summer of 2013 After being gone from him for a month on vacation,
this was a much needed reunion!

This week is flooded with memories! I'm not sure I'll be able to post on the exact days...so here is a conglomerate.

This will be one crazy busy weekend as Friday night I will be at my final set up for Bagels & Blessings and the Saturday my final B&B teaching (unless of course I'm invited to share again), right after that is my son's play at church and then Sunday is my 23rd Wedding Anniversary. Whew!

December 12th marks the 16th anniversary of the loss of our first son. You can read more about that in There is a Time For Everything. So I sometimes get a bit emotional at the memory of that, not that I'm still sad, but I just remember the time and how it really affected the rest of the month of December that particular year. I know I will meet with every single one of my babies again someday when we see Jesus face to face - and that actually brings me joy.

Then there is the closing of this chapter in my life. My final Bagels & Blessings at EAC. I will be stepping down as Women's Ministry Director after 5 years of serving, and actually announcing that my family and I have been worshiping someplace new. I've been very quiet about it. I guess I was thinking no one would actually notice that we've not been there on Sunday mornings. :) I have received several phone calls in the past 3 months...especially from the people that sat nearby. At any rate, this is a wonderful thing. While my heart is still not sure how to leave Bagels & Blessings, because in some ways I feel like it is my baby. I know it has grown up and it is fully functional and totally does not need me, but still, I liken it to when your child goes off to college. You've done well, you gave birth then you've watched your baby go through some growing pains, you've see it blossom and become its own thing...and then boom..its ready to stand on its own and doesn't need Mama anymore. :) I know it sounds silly. I have some friends who actually understand my silly heart - and I'm thankful. I've come to be very excited about what God is going to do...B&B is His...and so I know He's got the perfect plan for it! As for me and my family...well, we're His too and I know He has some amazing plans for us as well.

Still, I'm going to miss doing this - and I'm going to miss the women especially! I just have such an incredible love for the women who come to B&B. I know that is from the Lord...because even when women are new...I just love them so! EAC will always be a part of my family...we've been there 10 years and have walked through some very difficult storms personally and corporately, but we have rejoiced over many miraculous times as well. You know we bond through those times right?! So thankful for my relationships and friendships that will last for eternity! Such incredible gifts.

I'll be sharing on JOY! I think it is the perfect way to close this chapter!! I'm so very very excited and I think the Lord has big plans for Saturday!

Then there is Sunday. My 23rd wedding anniversary.

Last year I wrote a blog that talked about my wedding day it was called Holding His Hand. The year before that it was "I Still Do!" I've been blogging since 2007 how many ways can I express my joy of being married to my best friend?

Well every year it is just a little different. You reflect on the past year and so much happens. As we approach our 23rd anniversary we are both aware that we've been married for over half of my life.

The making of a great marriage is hard work. As we grow older together, there is a level of comfort, but this year I'm finding a new spark in the thought that we do this thing called life really well together. It isn't like everybody else..its the way the Engels do it and I really really LOVE it!

After 23 years, I still get butterflies when he holds my hand - it brings me right back to my college days. I love just sitting next to him. There is so much more behind a kiss after 23 years...it is deeper, more meaningful. I couldn't be more proud of someone in my whole life! I mean I'm super proud of my children, but I have to admit, I supremely proud of my husband. He is such a sweet and loving soul. Even when he is going through difficult times in his life I want nothing more than to be his cheerleader! I'm not shy at all when it comes to bragging about him! I love the fact that we are most definitely best friends. There are NEVER any eggs shells, NEVER any worries, NEVER any doubts....ALWAYS REAL!

Unlike some couples, we had a good 10 years before we were able to conceive children. I think that has made our lives, in some ways, a bit easier. Well, I said in some ways. I think parenting when we were in our 20s would have been a bit easier (more energy) but ... oh well, so we're old parents! That is why I color my hair!

Is my marriage perfect! I laugh....NO! I love him...the best I can here on earth and I know he loves me the best he can - but if you're looking for perfection...then that would be Jesus! We both know that...so I think that helps too!

Mike Engel - here's to eternity! May we continue to weather the storms together, walk on water together, share in victories together! May we continue to honor each other, look out for each other, love each other the best way we know how. May we never give up on learning new ways to show our love! May we raise our children to be mighty men of God! May we continue to make sure we have time together in the business of running a household of preteen boys. May we always remember to laugh! May we continue to lay each other at the throne of Grace...daily! May we cheer the loudest for one another! May we never stop praying WITH each other! May we never ever forget the priceless treasure God has given us in each other! May we hold each other's hand in the journeys ahead. I wouldn't want to do ANY of this life without you Mike Engel! I'm so eternally grateful that God loved me so much...he would have you choose me! Wow! May we continue to look at our stones and enjoy making new memories in the years to come!

He Ain't Heavy...

Brendan and Kyle...I love this picture so much...says so much about their relationship.

He's my brother. We've heard the song, if you haven't check it out...it was made famous by The Hollies in the mid 70s. I know, I'm dating myself. So years ago,when my sweet Kyle was first diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (PDD-NOS) I got myself in a support group where I felt right at home. These people understood me and my world. It was comfortable and I learned a great deal from others who have walked down this road.

Today, I don't have a support group and some say I don't need one. Truly, most every adult I know...absolutely loves my boy, and really cannot see any "special needs". I'm so thankful - he has come a long way!! We see it all, we see what others don't. I've turned to writing as my way of wrestling with the raw feelings that really only others who have walked this path can truly understand. Perhaps if you haven't had to walk this path, you will run into someone who is and can be a source of encouragement.

Twins!

I have written quite a bit about Kyle. My oldest (by 2 minutes). I have written about the fact that I once prayed for healing...and realized that God made no mistakes when He created Kyle - the healing came in me. I would love for him not to struggle socially or academically, but honestly...the boy shows me Jesus all the time.  Tonight the boys came home and once again I am sitting here with a huge lump in my throat. I do feel for my boy and his challenges and Mr. Incredible and I work hard at trying to give him tools to help him work out those "issues", but it is getting more difficult now that hormones are getting involved, not to mention he is just getting smarter. He knows things now that he wasn't aware of before...and it is starting to hurt.

The lump that is in my throat has to do with his twin brother, Brendan. As we talked about what happened during the car ride tonight Brendan looked at me with tears in his eyes and explained to me that people do look at Kyle differently. People do raise eyebrows and people can be rude to him. Brendan says that often he will step in as his brother and explain "My brother has a form of Autism...he can't help it." He told me that most of the time, almost all of the time, people get it and understand. He said to me with a tear in the corner of his eye, "Mom, if people would just get to know him they would love him and accept him!"

This is why I am purposeful to teach them the truth about who they are in Christ!

Who Christ says he is!!

Then he asked me if I thought the Lord might heal Kyle, if I still pray for his healing like I use to. I haven't prayed for his healing. I guess I pray for his challenges and that he would be an overcomer...but I love him so much and often think...he is this way for a reason.  Most people do understand and most people love him. It is this age, 13 years olds, it is a weird phase, and boys this age...can be hurtful without even knowing it. We try to explain to Kyle that some of the things he does...can annoy people. You see he tries so hard to fit in, to make people laugh. Sometimes, if he feels even a bit uncomfortable he will resort to trying to be funny...that is his way of feeling better in social situations.

My pain is for Brendan, who at the age of six tells me..."Mom, don't worry, when you die my wife and I will take care of Kyle." Who says that at age six? Today, he hurts for his brother. He hurts when his friends act impatient and rude to him. He carries a burden that I never ever wanted him to have to carry.

Kyle feeding Brendan!

I told him tonight that I am so thankful that Kyle has him as a brother. He is an amazing kid with a incredible heart! He told me right back..."I'm glad I have Kyle...I love him Mom!" I really feel like Brendan doesn't feel like it is a burden. Like the song says...

"The road is long, with many a winding turn that leads us to who knows where. Who knows when, but I'm strong -  strong enough to carry him. He ain't heavy, he's my brother.

So on we go, his welfare is of my concern. No burden is he to bear, we'll get there. For I know he would not encumber me. He ain't heavy, he's my brother.

If I'm laden at all I'm laden with sadness, that everyone's heart isn't filled with the gladness of love for one another. It's a long, long road from which there is no return. While we're on the way to there why not share and the load doesn't weigh me down at all. He ain't heavy, he's my brother."

I can not even put into words how much I love this boy. How thankful I am for his heart for the Lord and for his family. He has stepped in an intervened on so many occasions. His precious heart hurts for his brother and being 12 years old himself...I'm sure he doesn't know how to deal with it all the time. I'm in my mid 40s and I don't even know. I'm glad that Kyle has found some new friends at our new church. They seem to love him and truly make him feel like he belongs.

Brendan absolutely loves his brothers. He would gladly carry them, wherever, whenever! Kyle and Shane just don't know how incredibly blessed they are to have Brendan in their lives. I pray someday they will! I pray that someday they will appreciate that they are amazing brothers...my true superheros.

He ain't heavy, he's my brother!

This is the perfect set of pictures! There is my sweet Brendan...pushing his brothers...and smiling the whole time! "He ain't heavy, he's my brother!"  I love you son....more than my words or actions could ever express! I'm so thankful you are in my life my sweet superhero!

Intimacy Only Found In Quiet

Me, in 1973 - I was 4 years old, but that is still me. There is a little girl/boy in each of us!

I try the best I can to express the necessity of quiet time. We tend to often find so many other things to get in our way, or perhaps we feel like we don't know what to do in this...quiet time.

I haven't been blogging lately. Hoping that changes. However, I have completed a book that is presently with the editor. That has taken up much of my creativity and writing time. No matter how busy I can be, the one thing I know that is necessary is my time with my Creator.

We don't have to spend our quiet time the same way or at the same time. That would be silly, you and I are very different. Sometimes I will close my eyes before I read anything, and just listen. Sometimes, I will start out with simple words of praise (HE is worthy of all praise). Then there are times, when I start off, much like that little girl excited to see her Daddy and tell him all that is on her heart. I know He's waiting for me....and that makes me smile.

A few weeks back, I sat in my spot and had just finished reading Jeremiah 29:13 "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart I will be found by you,” declares the Lord,.." I closed my eyes and it was as if I were watching a silent movie...let me try and set the stage: I was running, like a little girl, through a thick forest. So many trees of all different sizes. Then I paused, leaned on a tree and almost out of breath I closed my eyes and starting counting...1..2..3..4..5..10..."Ready or not, here I come!" The smile on my face was filled with excitement and anticipation. I ran just a little bit and I see Jesus leaning up as if to hide behind a tree, but instead he was "hiding" IN FRONT of the tree. I laughed and ran up to Him and shouted..."I found You!" He embraced me and we both just laughed! Then I did it again. 1..2..3..4..5..10.."Ready or not, here I come!" This time He had wrapped His arms around the tree, so His hands and feet were clearly visible.

For a moment, I thought my heart could be sad, because that thought of How he allowed His hands and feet to be nailed to a tree briefly entered my heart. But I realized that is just how much He loves me.

So I sneaked up on Him and shouted...I found you! He acted surprised, but I knew He really wasn't. He again wrapped me up in His arms and twirled me around! We walked hand in hand..and played hide and seek again. He was so easy to find every time, because if  you will seek Him, you will always find Him!  Talk about intimacy! I still get teary just thinking about this time I had with my Jesus!

Today I woke at 5:00am. Got into my chair and closed my eyes. This morning I was searching for His gaze. You know that He is always present! I am aware that He dwells inside of me. I'm a part of Him. I want to see myself through His eyes. His gaze is true, steady, sure and untainted by sin. He sees me as one who is loved eternally, deeply, intimately. I find such peace in His presence, in His gaze.

There have been times, for much of my life that I would concentrate on what others saw in me. Others, however, always (to no fault of their own), see me through the filters of their own life and limitations. Christ does not have that problem. You see at one point in my life it was important to me that people liked me. OH the danger in this.

Now that I have come to understand my identity in Christ...I don't struggle with this nearly as much. I once read that the "major problem with letting others define you is that it borders on idolatry." You see, "your concern to please others dampens your desire to please your Creator!"

That is why I need to check in with my Creator every day - so He can remind me who I am in Him. Its a big deal! Not to mention the fact that the more time we spend with Him, the more we know Him and the more time we will want to be with Him. It really works just like that!

We were all created for intimacy. True, glorious, life changing intimacy is most definitely found in our quiet time. Have you had your quiet time today?

Selah

I have read  that "Selah" means "stop and listen". I love to do that, right here.

I wanted to steal a page from my son's journal..."The Psalms of Shane", but I looked everywhere for it and couldn't find it at all. It doesn't help that we have an excess of composition notebooks in this house. At any rate, I thought about his little book of praise today. He started writing in that book the day after he had a very very difficult day. He woke up and had already repented before God so now it was time to come to me and that sometimes is more difficult. "I already asked God to forgive me and help me be a better listener. Do you forgive me?" These are some of my most favorite moments of being a parent. The moments when we can TOTALLY show the amazing LOVE of Jesus. "Yes, of course, I forgive you, I had already forgiven you and I love you like crazy! My love for you will never end Shane, no matter what!"

His book of Psalms came out of his life wrenching moments. Just like many of the Psalms David wrote. Indeed my sweet son, you are a man after God's own heart.

Today, as I sat discouraged about some of the "extra" things that I do. The work and time that I put in to some things seem at times not really to matter to others. You plan and prepare and its on your mind continuously, but when the rubber hits the road, sometimes its really only on your mind, it doesn't matter "that much" to others...and it can get discouraging. I could feel it...."The Psalms of Lisa" were about to be birthed.

I had to walk away from my list of things to do. Just for a moment. I closed my door, went to my spot, and asked the Lord if I'm really supposed to be doing this, because I just want to cry. I don't want to care about this any more, maybe its time for me to lay it down, walk away, let someone else handle it...or NOT.

He reminded me, as He is so faithful to do:"You do these things for me. Out of obedience, you not only do these things, but you do them with excellence, because I love you!" I love you too Lord! "You do these things for My Glory, for My children, it may seem like 'just an event', but it is My desire to minister to these people. It is on My mind and I'm the only One that matters. 'Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters...' "

Oh how things work so I can learn a lesson. So I spent the rest of my time reciting "The Psalms of Lisa". I just spent a few minutes being thankful...because really...His love endures forever...and I have much to be thankful for. (Modeled after Psalm 107, which ironically enough I read this morning during my quiet time!)

Give thanks to the Lord for His very timely, yet very gentle reminders.
His love endures forever.
Give thanks to the Lord for my children are really my educators.
His love endures forever.
Give thanks to the Lord for His Word that gives me everything I need to live.
His love endures forever.

to Him who is always on His throne and is never surprised by anything or anyone,
His love endures forever.
to Him who is purposeful in all things, who placed the moon and stars precisely where they are,
His love endures forever.
to Him who provides for our every need,
His love endures forever.
to Him who rescued this woman when she was just a girl,
His love endures forever.
to Him who longs for all of his girls to have an encounter with Him like no other,
His love endures forever.

He remembers me, knows me, knows how to speak my love language,
His love endures forever.
He gives me strength to do the things He has called me to do,
His love endures forever.

Thank you Lord for meeting me where I am, for speaking truth to my heart, for gentle chastisement and reminding me I do what I do because you first loved me...and I love you too (and I'm glad I stopped and listened). I do it as unto you Lord! --Selah

How He Loves Me!

I did what I always do. Wake up and run to Jesus. It's our special time..every day. Today was not suppose to be any different. My internal clock had me awake at 5:30am, I take my place in our designated spot and begin to pray. Oh how I love Him too!!

What happened next could have made me feel horrible. Could have had me feeling behind and guilty today, but oh the contrary. As I began to pray...

That is all I can remember. Suddenly I open my eyes and its 7:00am. What? I didn't read my Bible, I didn't pray...what? I must have fallen asleep! I cannot remember the last time I've done that!

However, none of that went through my mind. NOPE! I felt such peace! I know I spent time in His presence. In fact, I woke up and felt as if I was in His very arms. I felt as though He gently caressed my hair and rubbed His hands on my cheek and whispered "Oh How I love you!" over and over again....like I do my boys sometimes. So peaceful, such a gentle touch the Father has!

Instead of feeling like one of the disciples who fell asleep at the Garden, I felt like sleep was exactly what He wanted me to have this morning..and He lovingly bestowed it upon me! What an overwhelming sense of His peace. When we rest in His lap we can't help but have peace...He is the Prince of Peace after all!

Do I have a lot to do today? Yes. It has been one of the busiest weeks ever...but I'm not in a rush (I'm writing this aren't I). He will accomplish what He desires in me and through me today!

So I begin my day, with His scent still on me! His mercy rests upon my heart and soul and today will be a wonderful day! I can't wait to spend some more time with Him. It makes you long for more! How He loves me...and I love Him too.

It's no surprise that I woke with this song in my head!

Hit With A 2X4!

"If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,but do not have love, I gain nothing." 

1 Corinthians 13:2-3 

I've been enjoying reading so much this summer. That's all about to end once school is in full swing. I will be doing my focused reading...reading on Grace for my preparation for Bagels & Blessings and of course my daily readings for my own personal spiritual growth. So among many books I've been reading this summer is Crazy Love by Francis Chan. It's been great! Today I was reminded of while I was reading this he had us do an exercise by replacing our name in 1 Corinthians 13.

I will demonstrate in a moment. You know, nothing else really matters. I love, I mean absolutely love words. I love to write and to speak and listen and read good writings and teachings. Just love the way the words roll off someone's tongue or page. But, we can talk all day, write what we want, but the truth is...if we don't show any of it...it doesn't really matter. There really is something to the "Actions speak louder" adage. Don't be mistaken either by thinking "doing" is "loving" because the verse talks about the fact that even if we give everything we own to the poor or if we sacrifice ourselves...if we don't LOVE the way God means LOVE....then we're still bankrupt! God measures our lives by how we love from His perspective.

OK..are you ready? I'm going type out those same 1 Corinthians 13 verses taken from the Message (because its just fun!)...

"If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love. 


Love never gives up. 
Love cares more for others than for self. 
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. 
Love doesn't strut, 
Love doesn't have a swelled head, 
Love doesn't force itself on others, 
Love isn't always "me first," 
Love doesn't fly off the handle, 
Love doesn't keep score of the sins of others, 
Love doesn't revel when others grovel, 
Love takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, 
Love puts up with anything, 
Love trusts God always, 
Love always looks for the best, 
Love never looks back, 
Love keeps going to the end. 

NOW...replace your name everywhere you see the word Love. Don't be chicken...watch...Lisa never gives up, Lisa cares more for others that for herself, Lisa doesn't want what she doesn't have....and on and on and on. OK..does it feel a little like what it might feel like to be hit with a 2X4? Ouch! I think I'm going to be working on making sure I show love they way He wants me to. Thank you God for your Grace! I just loved this little reminder! Go and don't just throw the words around...really LOVE today!

It Is Better To Have Loved

In 1850 Alfred Lord Tennyson penned these words in his poem, In Memoriam 27 and even if you don't love poetry you probably have heard a portion of this piece:

"I hold it true, whate're befall;

I feel it, when I sorrow most;

'Tis better to have love and lost

Than never to have loved at all."

As my children buried their pet toads this week, I read this very poem to them and tried to explain that what they were feeling is beautiful. It was because they loved that they feel pain. Although I spent most of my afternoon comforting mourning boys who wear their hearts on their sleeves, it was precious to see the love in their hearts...for all things...life!

He checked the tank and gave the grave report...."I think Brendan's toad is...frozen." Brendan looked over to me with his sad eyes...as if to say..."he doesn't mean frozen does he Mom?" Then my youngest came back and said with tears.."Mine is frozen too Mom!"

A flood of memories hit me. I was a freshman in high school, had come home from school and found my great Aunt had died on her bedroom floor. I was in shock. Called my parents at work and said that she had fallen out of bed and wouldn't move. I couldn't say the words I knew to be true. Death was hard to speak about.

My sweet Shane had gone to feed the toads and noticed that Toto was "frozen" so he went back to pick up Hopper and he was still alive. Shane held him, placed him on the table and Hopper hopped once. Thinking all was well, Shane looked at Hopper's belly to watch him breathe...and right there in his hand..Hopper took his last breath. Oh there was heart ache!

Then Kyle frantically searched the tank for Darky. It has been a little chilly in the mornings so the toads tend to bury themselves in the dirt to keep warm. We couldn't find the toad. I suggested we take the tank outside and bury the other toads. We went outside, the boys made crosses for the grave sites. Shane dug Hopper's grave. All the while crying. I'm sure wondering why this had to happen. What a sad day. Then as he went to get his "frozen" toad out of the tank he saw movement...it was Darky..Kyle's toad.

What mixed emotions. This from a boy who has been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, this from a boy who has an enormous heart and who knows how to express his feelings and emotions. Who loves deeply! He didn't know how to act. What he knew to be true, that Darky was "frozen" like the rest of them, was no longer truth. I watched everything transpire in Kyle's mind and heart. Elated that his toad had survived (God knew what he was doing), but sorrowful for his brothers...Kyle quietly pick up his toad...cried mixed tears...and decided to let him go.

He placed Darky by our neighbor's Oak tree with his homemade cross. Said his goodbyes as the other boys looked on. What a beautiful sight. The other two boys were happy for Kyle and happy for Darky...LOVE in the purest fashion. Kyle was cautious about his reaction...LOVE...displayed through the purity of compassion. We all wished Darky well as he hopped away...alive. Kyle placed his cross at the base of the tree and told Darky to stop by and "remember to thank Jesus every day for what He did...He saved you Darky."  Wow...this from my boy who has been diagnosed with ASD. He is indeed...special.

We went back to mourning...the loss. As I watched my 8 year old dig the hole that he would place his "friend" in...it hit me...this is a moment of growth. I saw a little man out there with that shovel. As he ever so gently placed Hopper in that grave, letting one of his own tears drop on Hopper's belly (LOVE physically displayed),  he instinctively said some of the most beautiful sentiments. "I love you Hopper. I remember when we played in the backyard and you hopped in the grass, and when I set up the obstacle course for you with all of the containers...you were so happy. I hope I see you again...in Heaven...I think you knew about Jesus...he did right Mom, how could he not know? I will never forget you Hopper."

We prayed for Shane and we thanked God for Hopper. What a joy it was to know him and we are thankful we showed him love. I looked at my son..tears flowing down his face. So many questions, so many memories. Memories of deaths past...his Pa and his Meme. Then the questions..."Mommy what if Dodger dies? Mommy please tell me you won't die?" I know he knows that death is a part of life...we've had this conversation before. I just let him ask questions, answered each one the best I knew how and held him close..all the while knowing that this is a lesson in life and LOVE.

It was hard for all three boys. They were broken for each other. I watched my little superheros come to the rescue of each other. It was one of the highlights of my Mommy life. The words of comfort that they gave to one another. "Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep." Romans 12:15

I could see Jesus in all of my boys that day. I could feel His presence and was thankful for the wisdom he granted me for that moment. I knew that this was a big deal...LOVE is a big deal!

My sweet Brendan. Most tender of all hearts, most selfless of all three. He took this so hard. As he took one last look...he says to me. "Mom, I'm thinking of all the things I didn't do. I didn't feed him like I should, I didn't play with him as often as Kyle & Shane, I don't think he knew how much I loved him. Is it my fault he is dead?" Looking at me, longing for me to rescue him with my words. I did the best I could. He whispers in my ear so his brother could not hear..."I don't know if I believe toads go to Heaven Mom...they do not have a soul...they really don't have a Savior."

No my son, but they do have a Maker.

As Brendan tries to take my advice and think about the good things about having his pet, I know this child is totally thinking of the most recent death that he had to experience...his grandmother. He cried so hard at the funeral. He is also very aware that his Pop is going to be 94 this month. One of the questions he asked was how I think the toads died. I have no idea...we talked about the toads' age and life expectancy.

He prepared the grave...so much harder for Brendan...my boy who wears his heart on his sleeve. My deep thinker. He had to give Toto some comfort, even in his death...he had to wrap him up..it was the only decent way.....LOVE...respectful. "Taking Jesus' body, the two of them wrapped it, with the spices in strips of linen." John 19:40

Questions were asked, fears were relieved, hearts were in pain. Pain, because we love so deeply. As one boy mentioned..."I wish I didn't love my pets! It wouldn't hurt then if they die."

Ahhh...but it is better to have the memories of the love you have shared, then to have never loved before. Imagine NOT having those memories at all! Imagine not LOVING at all!!  How very sad that would be. Those very memories will soon turn to joy. I promise. For now, it hurts...I know.

Tomorrow it will get a little easier, and we will think about LOVE a lot. We will be conscious about how we demonstrate love, how we spread love and how we don't. We might be more mindful of making memories...memories made out of LOVE that live on...after the grave. Oh boys, it really is better that you have LOVED and loved deeply.