I Found A Little "Me"

I have been serving in Vacation Bible School for years! Five years at this church, and at least 10 years at my other church. I have served in several different capacities, but always for the same reason. Seeing children come to know Christ and sharing the message of hope with them is the reason I serve all week at VBS every year.

Last year I wrote a blog about my friend Nellie. I got permission to write about her. This year the Lord placed a spot light on a different little girl. A girl who is in so many ways "me" 36 years ago. I don't really have permission to write about her, so I am not going to use her name. In light of the circumstances of her life, it is better off she be anonymous for this purpose. She is not and never will be anonymous to God or to me. Today, I told my story. I told the boys and girls that 36 years ago, I was sitting in the same kind of place they were sitting in today. Someone held up a storyboard and told a story of a little girl who had a Mom who was very sickly, and I saw that little girl kneeling beside her Mother praying. I identified with that little girl in the picture, and we were told that we could know Jesus personally and we could talk to Him, and He would answer us, He loved and cared for us, and He wants to be there for us. I still remember like it was yesterday. We sang Trust and Obey and then our leader asked if anyone wanted to ask Jesus to come into their hearts and be saved. I was the only person who ran down the isle. I needed Jesus, to save me and my very sick Mommy.

You can see my testimony here. I was a child who needed to be rescued in many ways. I told the boys and girls today bits and pieces of my story. When I finished I told them that I realized that many of these children have really great lives and my not see the need for a Savior (although we ALL need Him), but I also knew that there may be some like me, for whom life was hard and they desperately needed a hope! Either way, we live in a fallen world and why would we want to work so hard to get through this world without Jesus and have no reward in the end. If we ask Jesus to take up residence in our hearts, then we don't do life by ourselves and our reward is eternal life in Heaven with Him. I prayed a simple prayer with them and several people raised their hands to tell me that they had prayed that for the first time (approximately 32 children said they said that prayer for the first time).

When the bell went off to be dismissed a little girl came up to me, face flooded with tears and said these words: "I pray before I go to bed, but I never knew we needed to invite Jesus into our lives. I did that today for the first time." I cried, she cried...she continued to tell me that her Father just recently showed up in her life after being away for a very long time. Her parents are not together. She loves her Daddy, and now he wants to take her away from her Mommy. She loves her Mommy too. "They just don't get along, and I cry a lot at night! I am scared!"

I told her through my tears that she is not alone. She has invited Jesus into her heart and He will never leave her or turn His back on her. I told her how she needs to talk with Him all the time. When I was her age...I did just that! Sometimes you would find me under a table or a desk with my small New Testament talking to Jesus as I shook with fear at the circumstances around me. I needed her to know that even though she made this decision, Jesus didn't promise to keep her from all the scariness around her...her Daddy may still want to take her away & her Mommy & Daddy may continue to fight. Tough times may still be apart of her life, BUT, now she has a Rescuer. Jesus will be sure she makes it through those tough times and He knows everything she must endure and He will give her strength and wisdom beyond her years to get through the tough times. I told her my life was very very similar to hers and look at me today. Here I am, still loving Jesus, still holding on tight to Him, full of His joy and telling others about Him! I told her what she learned in VBS, that God is with us, God is powerful, God does what He says He will do, God gives us life, and God cares for us, is all very very true and she will probably see that to be very evident in her life! I told her that even after I said that same prayer, many things happened to me that I wouldn't wish on anyone, but GOD has always been my constant in an ever changing world! Even 36 years later!

We hugged each other for a little bit and she just cried in my arms. OH how my heart broke, but I know that this little girl was the one that God etched in my heart to never forget. Much like my Nellie (who, by the way, joined us again this year at VBS!) I vowed to Jesus to intercede on her behalf. I may never know what happens to her, but I know this, that I gently laid her in the palm of my Abba Father, and I know He will take very good care of her!

Lord, thank you for this precious little life. A little "me" from so long ago. Lord, you are a faithful God and you care deeply for your children. Watch over this child for me. Bring her parents to a saving knowledge of You! May her world be changed forever because of her decision to follow you. Father place in her life people who will disciple her and teach her how to read her Bible and pray. May she learn songs to sing to you and sing them often. As she goes through life, may she always be aware of Your hand of protection in her life as it was in mine! As the tears flow from my eyes right now Jesus, because part of me wants to tuck this child in tonight, please please tuck her in for me. Cover her, place your angels in charge over her and minister to her body, mind and spirit! May she always know how much she is loved by you!

This Is Why I Do VBS!!!

It is VBS week at our church this week. My kids talk about Vacation Bible School all day long! I love VBS. It is my time to give back to the Lord after all that He had done for me as a child. He rescued me when I was 7 years old! I love these kids!

We are only two days into it, but clearly Kyle's got a grasp of the truth! This is my Kyle...yes he is on the "spectrum", yes he has his "special issues", but man...this boy loves the Lord! He wrote and sang the song above before he went to sleep tonight! He really gets it! Thank you Jesus!

Shhhh...Listen Up

We live in a very busy, highly technical, loud world! Unless of course you are Amish or live in the country or just practice that laid back lifestyle. I don't really know what that is like. I used to live 10 minutes from New York City...the busiest place I know, when I moved to Florida I thought, life quieted down. It has a little, but not really. I am convinced that it just follows me. This week I am purposefully practicing slowing down. I need quiet time. Before I had children Mike and I would just sit and read for hours at night. Not so much anymore. Unless I'm reading to my children, I'm usually cleaning up, doing laundry, bathing children, doing bills, and the TV is usually on. UGH! By the time my boys are in bed there is still the every 15 minute check on them until the last one falls asleep and then finally, I have some time & I'm exhausted!

That is why I practice this: Psalm 5:3 "In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation." For me, it is necessary...up before the family = quiet time!

You know why quiet is necessary? In 1 Kings 19 you read about Elijah, the prophet. To encourage and strengthen Elijah's faith, God visited him on Mout Horeb (ironically enough that mountain means mountain of revelation, cool huh?)! This is what happened:

"v.11-12: Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave."

This visitation was accompanied by a great wind, earthquake and fire, but the Lord was in none of those events. Instead, God's revelation came in the form of a "gentle whisper." Elijah learned that God's work proceeds and advances "Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit," says the Lord Almighty" (Zec. 4:6). God had in fact not deserted his prophet or his faithful people. By his Spirit and eternal work, he would bring redemption, righteousness and eternal salvation.

Seriously, I don't know about you, but I need to hear from God. It is essential to my life...like breathing in and out!

Do you wonder sometimes if your prayers are hitting the ceiling and not reaching Heaven? Have you been so busy with life that you can't hear the Lord clearly? Do you feel anxious, worried, frustrated?

Wait quietly in His presence while His thoughts form silently in the depths of your soul. Do not try to rush that process, because hurry keeps our hearts earthbound! He is the Creator of the entire universe, yet He chooses to make His humble home in our hearts. It is there where we can know Him most intimately; it is there where He speaks to us in holy whispers. Let's remember to ask the Holy Spirit to quiet our minds so that we can hear His still, small voice within us. After all, what He says will make a difference. He speaks words of Life...Peace...Love. Ahhh...that is the way I want to start every single day!

Tan Skin & Pink Toes

This is my favorite week of the summer so far! Just me and my boys, relaxing by the pool. Reading good books, playing Legos & learning to swim in the deep end!

Here are a few shots of our relaxing week!
If my family reads this blog...the picture above is very cool! Kyle has finally learned to swim in the deep end. Actually I think that he has always had the ability, but not the courage....the difference is the goggles! I had him try to swim without them and sure enough, he will not open his eyes under water...so he had a lump the size of an egg on his head from smashing into the side of the pool!
The boys are in the pool for about 5 hours a day...at least! They just love it! When they get out, I get in and do some laps! In the meantime...I relax in the sun and shade with a book!

He is such a cutie!
Tan Skin...pink toes!

How To Keep Cool & Stick To Your Diet at Disney

We had a wonderful day in the Magic Kingdom for the twins birthday. They got the royal treatment! It was a Friday and it was 95 degrees. Why is it important that I share those two details? Well, I weigh in at Weight Watchers on Saturdays and it was ridiculously hot outside (hence the title of this blog!). I didn't want to register a gain on the scale the next day so I had to be very careful not to splurge in the land of milk & honey!

Here we are on the boat to the magic Kingdom, after our pep talk about going slow and keeping cool!

So the recipe to keeping cool in the dead of summer at Disney goes like this:

ride Splash Mountain (get soaked) then ride Thunder Mountain (get dried), then repeat 4 times. Splash Mountain, Thunder Mountain, Splash Mountain....Great Fun! (By the way, just a plug for Disney. If you have a child with special needs, they give you a pass to get on everything without the wait! Thank you Disney for blessing us!) Then Kyle discovered this: A fountain in front of the First Aid Station. Yes we ended up in the First Aid. Shane sliced the skin right off of his finger and it wouldn't stop bleeding. Fun!

The other way to stay cool is to go into all of the air conditioned attractions. Here are my boys preparing to get their permit to carry a weapon!

And here we are purchasing hats...the gifts shops are freezing cold!

Then of course there is always this:

This is not Weight Watcher friendly, so I set out to find something cool and refreshing and free (free as in the value of points on Weight Watchers). Where there is a will...there is a way!

Chilled (packed in Ice) Sour Dill Pickles...YUMMO! I love pickles and yes they are free on Weight Watchers and only $ .95...so we purchased a few for the road! This little stand in Liberty Square sells fresh fruit, veggies and ice cold pickles!

So there we are above...staking our spot for the fire works and evening light show...soaking wet from, you guessed it Splash Mountain! We had a wonderful magical day. My kids were amazing, we were there for 12 hours straight! We just love Disney. We miss having our Annual Passes, but we enjoy it every time we go!

Kyle and Brendan both agreed: This was the best birthday EVER!

The Umbrella God Gave Me

Almost 20 years ago God gave me an umbrella and I am so thankful!

An umbrella according to Webster is the following:

1. A device for protection from the weather consisting of a collapsible, usually circular canopy mounted on a central rod. (Ok we get this one!)

2. a. Something that covers or protects. b. Air cover, especially during a military operation. (both a. & b. very good - I'll be focusing on this one!)

3. Something that encompasses or covers many different elements or groups. (& this one too - interesting)

4. Zoology :The gelatinous, rounded mass that is the major part of the body of most jellyfish. (I had to keep this in here...this was new to me! :))

It is not uncommon for me to be in my car waiting for the rain to let up just a little so I can run to my destination without getting soaked. Where is that umbrella? Oh, in my closet or in the trunk of my car! Been there before? Well, I learned very early never to be out and about without that special umbrella that God gave me 20 years ago!

When I say that I am thankful for this umbrella, I know that particular word does not do justice to how my heart overflows with gratitude. While we live in a fallen world it is impossible to dodge all "inclement" situations. It could be too much sun (and boy did I wish I had an umbrella yesterday at the beach..I am burned to a crisp today!). It could be pouring down rain! Both of which, if caught without your umbrella, can leave you feeling miserable. Think about those moments in life when you are caught in a storm. It could be finances, relationships, illnesses, stress, anxiety....all very inclement wouldn't you agree?

Twenty years ago God gave me an umbrella that I was to have and to hold till death do us part! That would be my husband. What attracted him to me when we first met 20 years ago (we will be married 19 years in December) was his heart for God and his love and passion to see people come to Jesus. Twenty years ago I served on a campus ministry team with this very wise man with a passion for Christ! His knowledge, understanding, and love of the Word of God, and his desire to serve God with all of his heart stood out among all others in my world! He is my umbrella. I learned very early on in my marriage to allow him that role that God gave him in my life and it has served me well. He is my protector, my coverage, and I am thankful that he is wise! That is why when women snicker about submission, I know they must not really understand what it means. Simply put (and believe me I can write a whole other blog about that subject alone) it just means standing under that umbrella that God gave you! For me, as I sit with my skin as hot as can be from sunburn, (who knew you could get burned even though you had a great tan already!?) I sit thankful for the umbrella God gave me in a Godly husband. We hold each other accountable to be students of the Word and we pray together and for each other! I love my umbrella & he is never stuck in my car trunk or in my closet! Thank you Lord for my handsome umbrella!

My Gracious Gift From God

Shane...that is what his name means..gracious gift from God. Today we celebrate the miracle of his conception, birth and life! Six years ago I went to my doctor on June 16th only 4 days after my twins turned two. This is what transpired that morning. I went in for my twice a week ultrasound to see this baby that my doctor was convinced would be born with challenges regarding his abdomen or liver. On the ultrasound we saw this very large baby with an abdominal area twice the size of a normal baby at 36 weeks.

I had already been hospitalized three times due to fetal distress and dangerously low amniotic fluid. My doctor had already had the discussion with me that Shane may not make it...I was told that we would have the best neo-natal unit ready to sweep him away and care for him right after my delivery. My doctor was one of the best in the state, but he found himself consulting with doctors in NY and CA he said..."it is one for the books."

Back to the morning of June 16th. I went in and told my doctor that I had had one of my weird dreams about him and my delivery (typical pregnant dream) it had something to do with Martha Stewart too...she was in my dream...odd huh? Anyway, we all got a good laugh about it, then my doctor says these words...I will never ever forget them. "Funny that you say you dreamt about me. I had a dream last night too, and I have never in my memory ever had a dream...ever!" He just explained that he had never dreamt before ever! Wow! However, on June 15th he dreamt about a patient with a very large womb...he was examining her, when he suddenly saw this bright blinding light coming from the uterus. He looked over at his nurse and said "Do you see that bright light?...amazing." She leaned forward to look and she said with a gasp..."OH look there is an angel in there!!". He immediately woke up, shook his wife awake and said "I have to deliver Lisa Engel today!" He had already made the arrangements for the Operating Room and I was set to deliver at 8:00pm. I remember saying..."WHAT? Because of a dream!" He reiterated that he had never dreamt before and he said "when I heard the nurse say that there was an angel in the uterus...I immediately knew that I must deliver your baby today!" A month early! He said that if Shane stayed in one more month he was likely to be around 15 lbs at the rate his abdomen was growing...the ultrasound showed a very large, very disfigured baby in a lower amount of amniotic fluid. It just made sense to him, and I was a peace! So it was set! We would all meet Shane at 9:00ish! Meanwhile, I call our freind and "adopted" grandma Carole and these were her words..."Well, I've been praying for Shane and I believe that was the Lord in your womb, healing that baby!" Little did she know how prophetic that really was!

This same doctor delivered my twins and was there when I almost died. He gave his team and amazing pep talk, looked over at Mike and I and said...it is in God's hands. (This man was not saved as far as we know, but we loved him and still do very much!). The operating room was crowed, more than with the twins, with NICU people and everyone was anxiously waiting to care for this little "gift from God"!

He removes Shane and I remember hearing my doctor almost cry in astonishment, "Do you see this? Do you SEE THIS? LOOK AT HIM!!?? I can't believe it!!....LOOK AT HIM!!" I remember crying thinking..."what in the world does he see!!" He started to laugh and came around the curtain and told me Shane is so beautiful, he told Mike to see for himself...he was 10lbs, a little jaundice and had an enlarged liver, but not anything...NOTHING..like what we saw that morning!! (We all believe that the Lord was in my womb healing Shane in that dream that my doctor had!) NICU could leave...Shane would spend some time under the lights, but by 11:00pm I was holding my newborn, beautiful, gracious gift from God! In my memory, it was my first time holding a newborn. (remember my last post...I was in and out of a coma when they gave me my twins..I have pictures, but no memories of holding them as newborns!)

I always say that Shane was my bow on the most amazing gifts I could ever hold! My journey to become a Mommy was such a long one. Ten years of taking my temperature, getting shots, giving blood, having surgery and losing 14 babies along the way, then to get pregnant with twins almost losing them two or three times, strict bed rest for 6 months and then almost dying after giving birth. I never thought I would get pregnant let alone have a fairly decent pregnancy. I was totally surprised when I saw the plus sign on the pregnancy test (with the twins...I always expected a plus sign...being a fertility patient will do that to you!) I got to show off my belly when I was pregnant with Shane (less bed rest with him), I got to purchase an outfit for him...I couldn't do that for my twins (bed rest!)...so all the things that didn't happen or I couldn't do while pregnant with K&B I was able to experience with Shane...gracious gift from God!

So here he is! Six years old today! Such a special blessing to add to my quiver!
The Lord has given him a very sensitive heart for people. He loves people...just like his Mama! He has a magnetic personality and I believe the Lord will use him in a mighty way to influence other to receive Jesus! Thank you Lord for this week in June. The week that I will always celebrate like Hannah did, that perseverance did more than culminate in three miracles for me, but it built my character, faith and trust in a God whose timing is perfect and who cares what happens in the "waiting" time as well as in the answer to my prayer! Much happened to me in that time of waiting on the Lord. He changed me for eternity, then he gave me these gifts that bring me joy unspeakable! Thank you Lord for loving me they way you do!

Shhhh....It's a Sneak Peek!

Today is my twins 8th birthday! I have mentioned several times about the books that we get them instead of cards. We write a very meaningful and heartfelt letter in the front cover of their books with memories of the past year, and prayers for this coming one. Well, I just finished their books while they are still sleeping I thought I would give you a sneak peek.

You can see that only Kyle & Brendan get the books today...Shane will get his on Tuesday! Each boy however, is receiving a new Tee Shirt because...well...because we are going to Disney World! If it is your birthday you get to go to Disney for FREE!! So we get 2 for FREE today! (So Shane's little card says..."Because we love you Shane!" and he gets a shirt too.)

More on the book choices when I get their reaction on camera! Both of these books are amazing (and really so perfect for this past year and what my children have been asking, experiencing and dreaming about lately!) I can't wait for them to wake up....well, actually...I need to go to sleep and pray they sleep in just a little!

What Anonymous Said!

I laugh because if you read the comments to my blog below you can read what Anonymous said and it is true. I have been distracted lately. I think about that often. My friend Michelle told me that my blogs do not have to always be deep and meaningful if you blog often. So the pressure doesn't need to be there to make it "book" worthy (because I'm writing a book I feel like everything I write must be placed in my book)! If that were the case, really, no one would have enough time or energy to read anything I have written.

I must confess to whomever Anonymous is that it is not only FB, it is Skype as well. Recently we got connected (ironically through FB) to close friends of ours who live in the Philippines. Bruce and Jane were some of the closest friends we had when we were married and in college. We went through the birth of all three of their beautiful daughters with them and went through some of the most difficult times with them as well. We have been out of contact for 12 years only to have found each other last week. So to say I have been distracted, it would be a true confession and for that I am sorry, but for the richness in my relationships (and having a webcam is amazing)...well, if you know me relationships mean so very much to me!

So I'm here and I'm about to write another post...when it rains...it pours!

A Few Words on Prayer

One of my favorite quotes recently is the following:

"If you pray and you believe God will answer, then it works, I know, I have done this all week!" Brendan Engel my almost 8-year old son! We have spent the last two months reading and savoring this book! If you haven't read it you must! George Muller is certainly one of the heroes of my faith!
Last week we had the stomach flu in this house. I prayed that the Lord would spare me. It started on a Saturday night and it lasted 9 days. I was the last to experience the worst of it! My soon to be 6 year old prayed diligently for me to "not get sick" and I believed...just like George Muller (sorry no more details today...run and get that book)! When Shane woke up on Saturday morning to see me on the floor of my bathroom, he literally fell to his face! I asked him what was wrong, because that is sad posture! He said he was sad because "God didn't answer my prayers!"

Let me preface this with the fact that I felt wonderful the day before, and we both rejoiced all day long about how God answered prayer! So for him to see me sick was devastating (not to mention that every day he woke up someone else was sick...poor guy!) I sat him on my bed and told him this..."Shane, God did indeed answer your prayer, and He did it in two ways! First, he spared Mommy for so long so that I could easily care for my family (all three kids, a 91-year old grandfather and a husband), and for that I am grateful. Secondly, he created my body so uniquely that when something is inside of it that is making it sick...my body forces it out...and I am not sick anymore! So He is healing me as we speak! Is that awesome? I love God for being so awesome!" Shane did feel better after this conversation. We spoke about the different type of answers to prayer, like yes, no, wait! Ahhh...the lessons we learn!

Prayer is the natural thing in my home...and my boys see it all the time! I remember being pregnant with Shane, my twins were not even 2 yet, we all gathered in my kitchen and Mike and the boys laid hands on my womb and prayed for our baby Shane that God would spare his life. I have seen the power of prayer first hand many many times!

So Brendan, last night, prays his prayer and explains again the key is believing. Kyle prays beautifully, in his special way! Then Shane prays...it is so precious...I really wish you could be a fly on the wall! There little hearts are full of serious stuff that is unique to them. After everyone has prayed including me, I sang a few songs and I was about to leave and this is what comes out of Brendan:

"Mom, I'm kind of in the mood for ham, I think I will just pray for a piece of ham to appear right on my bed. Do you think that will happen?" "Brendan really? Do you think that would happen?" "If I pray for it...God can do it!" "Yes, He CAN do anything, but He WILL do His will. He doesn't do magic tricks for you, He has provided food for us before, but He is most likely not going to make ham appear on your bed right now because you have a hankering for some pork babe!" I knew he meant what he said...I used to pray that I would wake up skinny...I never did..because what would I gain from that! He is in the business of doing what is best for me. I told Brendan this same thing. "I think I will pray anyway Mom!" A few minutes after his prayer everyone laid silent until Kyle piped in from the top bunk bed..."Well, Brendan, do you got any ham?"

I can just see my Jesus slapping Himself on the knee and roaring with laughter! I love that my kids are learning about prayer and believing God and not just in God! I couldn't imagine a life without Jesus.

I will confess here at the end, because if you stuck with reading this blog to the end then you deserve one more chuckle....I secretly waited all day for some form of pork to appear at our door. None came, but yet I will rejoice!

Let The Count Down Begin!

Soon it will be birthday week here in the Engel home. With Kyle & Brendan's birthday on the 12th and Shane's on the 16th! The official count down began on the 2nd of June. Why? Because as my almost 8 year old said..."You always count down from 10 Mom!" 10...9...8...7... Yes, 9 more days and my twins will be 8. Oh my goodness! I always get choked up! I promise not to go into all of the drama of my pregnancy and birth. (do a search for infertility tags and you can read more details if you like). For any new readers, I was a fertility patient for 10 years...Kyle & Brendan were the first out of 14 babies that survived an almost full term pregnancy....and I almost died giving birth...4 days in and out of a coma...10 days in the hospital...raising twins every since! There, that is all the drama in a nutshell!

Ok, now for the fun! I figured since most of my family and friends who read this blog already know my story I would just put a few pictures in to journal the beginning of this journey! Since pictures paint a thousand words...well then...that is a whole lot less typing for me!

The picture above was designed and constructed by a woman in my life who prophetically spoke into my life directly regarding my pregnancy and birth of my children. She purchased my two cribs before I was even through my first trimester because the Lord clearly spoke to her at a Christmas Eve service. It was "touch and go" for these babies, and to hear her say the Lord told her to purchase two cribs was sweet news to my heart! Then while I was on continued bed rest..she called again and said she was showering and the Lord clearly showed her a phrase that she knew to be mine for this pregnancy. "To God be the glory, great things He hath done!" A song that I sang in my heart for many years on my fertility journey! She and her husband were over my apartment designing and decorating!

Here are my boys 8 weeks three days! What a familiar, but wonderful sight! I had ultrasounds done every two weeks in the beginning and every week during my second trimester and twice a week in my third. I have way too many ultrasound pictures I can't count!
Here they are again around 5 months! A new and glorious sight to be seen!

The picture below was taken at about 5 months as well!

Seriously, I looked about 12 months here! Yup 5 months! You should have seen me at 8 when I gave birth! HA!
Ahh...home at last! Two babies...7lbs each! I chose not to show hospital pictures..you know me getting 8 blood transfusions...just not pleasant to look at! That would be Brendan with his mouth opened...I am pretty sure if I looked now it would still be opened!
I want to give a shout out to whomever invented the pacifier or Binky as we called it!

"I LOVE YOU!" I love these two pictures! I have thousands...as you can imagine...these were among my top thousand favorites!
This following picture was taken when they were approximately 3 months old...my first day out of the house...I had a car accident! However, my friend Janet Cox and I still decided to brave the mall! I love this picture because there is my Kyle comforting his brother Brendan. He used to do this a lot. Ironically enough, when Brendan and Kyle were in Kindergarten, Brendan hated the cafeteria (hated school in general) and the staff would allow Kyle to go give Brendan a hug every day even though they were not in the same class..because it made Brendan feel better! Awwwe!
My boys and their fascination with baskets! Perhaps it began here! They were such happy babies! Possibly because the had the happiest parents in the world!
You cannot read the letter I wrote to them on this collage, but it is the first of 7 I have written. Every year I write a new letter to each of my boys and give it to them in a very special book. (This first year they got books too, but there is never any room to write in those books that are touch and feel friendly for one year olds!) On this poster are pictures of their first year of life...along with little nick names and memories! Very special! To end this post I will write the letter I wrote below!
Dear Kyle and Brendan,
Happy 1st Birthday! Mommy & Daddy love you so much! You are our precious priceless treasures from God! We have had the most amazing year with the two of you in our lives. Nothing could have prepared us for the joy you have brought to us! May you grow in God! We pray that the next year brings more smiles, giggles, hugs & kisses, but more importantly we pray that as you develop and mature you learn that you are loved so very deeply by Mommy and Daddy, but most of all by the Author of love Himself...Jesus! Love Always, Mommy & Daddy June 12, 2002

Cherry Boy!

I am just so in love with fruit! You think I have a lot of turtle pictures (see blog below) you should see the number of fruit pictures I have! HA! Anyway, I love cherries! Don't they look delicious! Last week I purchased some cherries, but I was afraid no one would be able to enjoy them because we had a stomach virus running wild in this house! It lasted 10 days and it included everyone....including our 91 year old Pop! Oh how fun! So this was Wednesday when, since I wasn't sick yet, decided to pull out the cherries for Shane and I. He is my child when it comes to good food! He had been bugging me to wash the cherries so I did! Then....I remembered how "unfun" cherries were with children.

Why? Well let's see:
1. They stain; fingers, clothes, anything else the child touches.
2. It looks like the above picture.after being chewed and spit out a few times...so not to swallow the pit! (clearly I was not interested in things being spit out of any one's mouth by our 4th day of stomach virus & everyone missing the toilet!)
3. I have to do the next picture!

Yes...always fun! Do they have some kind of instrument that takes the pits out of cherries? Pampered Chef must...if you know of something will you comment please!

However, when all is said and done...this makes all of that labor of love worth my time and effort! Sadly, that night...guess who got the stomach virus! Yup...that would be my cherry boy! Oh I am so thankful I can laugh about it now!

What Is It With The Turtle?

The Engels are undeniably huge turtle fans! I have over 12 pictures of turtles in my photo software...possibly because turtles are slow enough to capture on camera...or possibly because they are so adorable!

They are indeed interesting. Did you know that The Latin word for tortoise, which is testudo, was also a name given to a technique used by Roman soldiers during warfare? The soldiers would huddle together and hold their shields above their heads to form a protective dome. This allowed them to approach the enemy and keep safe from the arrows, spears, and stones hurled at them. A little bit of Roman history never hurt anyone!Sizes and weight of turtles range from 4 inches like bog turtles and 1500 pounds like the leatherback turtle.

Another of the many interesting turtle facts is that turtles can be found in every continent except on Antarctica.
Then of course there is the story of the tortoise and the hare. Hmmm....I am just fascinated with turtles! Odd that we do not have them as pets...I will tell you why....salmonella! We will stick to our cat for the time being. However, we will most likely have 12 more pictures of the turtle at least by the end of 2009.

Odd post huh? Something more deep is coming, I promise...it has just been a busy month of May!

I'm Lost Without You

I took my boys to the beach on Friday morning. We had worked so hard all week on school, I decided to do my morning walk on the beach with two of my children and one of their buddies and then they could swim/surf/play until it was time to go home.

My 5 year old son Shane is going through a stage right now where his stranger radar has totally increased. He is very aware of his surroundings and needs to be able to see me at all times. A few weeks ago, we went to the beach and he wouldn't let me sit in my chair, I had to be in the water the whole time or he was in the sand next to me. Even with his brothers braving the waves, he still needed me.

This time was no different, except that we brought a friend with us this time. I think Shane wanted to appear brave in front of his buddy, but he clearly still needed me.

He went into the water with Brendan and Chase and then as the waves would take them off...he would look up from where he was and frantically search the beach for me and my chair. He waved as he saw me and then off with his body board he went. Sometimes the tide would take him off to the right or left and I could see it in his face..."I have to see my Mom!" Every 5 seconds, I'm not kidding, he would look up and I would have to wave at him. Even if he saw me, he wanted to be sure that I saw him...I had to wave back. I understood and complied. He had a great time.

After about an hour of waving, my arms were tired so I called him in. I asked him why I had to keep waving. This is how he responded: "I just feel safer knowing you are there. If I see you, and you see me, then I know I'm not lost!"

Even as I type these words the tears flow down my face. I hugged him and told him I would continue to wave (even if my arms were in pain!)

As I sat there I thought about what an example he was to me. Every single day, I want to be that desperate for my Jesus. It is so easy for us to be overtaken by the storms in our lives. It is all we can do sometimes, just to keep our heads above the crashing waves of the ocean and sometimes we do get off center and are taken left or right. We should frantically be looking for our Savior...not just in times of storms, but in all times. I don't want to do this journey called life on my own. I'm am indeed lost without Him. I do feel safer knowing He is there, right beside me. And yes, if I am constantly aware of His presence in my life, then I know I am where I am supposed to be and I am not lost!

God said to Jacob in Genesis 26:15 and he says it to us today: "I am with you always and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you."

Randomness

Above is our exchange student from some tribe....no, it is just my 5 year old Shane doing what he does best....looking cute even when he is filthy filthy dirty!

I think every blogger blogs a random post every once in awhile. So much is going on here that it has been challenging to sit and type. So, a few pictures should catch you up!

Pictures I do not have however, are the ones of my boys riding their bikes...I'll have to work on that! Everyone but Kyle is officially on the road! Ahhh....just in time for the 90 degree weather! At least we can ride our bikes and jump in the pool!

Ok..so this is me on Mother's Day. Blessed to be a Mom! FYI: My weight loss journey is going great...28.6. lbs. so far... I'm in my 4th week of training for my first ever 5K. Very excited about this! I've been asked to write for a magazine...my article must be accepted first...many surprises here...if I get chosen I'll let you know!


It is May in Florida and this is what we do from now until about November! We love it! I did get a very cool new bathing suit...even got my picture taken in it...won't be showing it though! HA!

Brendan!

Shane (clean)

Kyle

Fun with friends! We don't get enough of each other at Bible Study every other Friday night..so why not hang out on the other Friday nights! Actually Mr. Dave is a police officer and he will be working on the Bible study nights...so we need to implement this game night....Oh by the way...Mike and I crushed them all in a very long long game of Cranium! I told them not to mess with the Engels!

Teaching my young one the art of winning, oops, I mean playing games! (Michelle, if you read this..how do you type something with the line through it?) hmmm? Anyway, as most people that know us know, we are a huge game playing family and this is one of Shane's (and mine) favorite games!

This is all I have for now. The Lord has been good to us & more life changes are on the way! Stay tuned!

Mommy

I wonder how long I will be called "Mommy"? I have already been called Mom...so far I haven't been called Mother! Whew! I am eternally grateful for the gifts that God has given me, both here on earth and in Heaven. I do not take my role of motherhood for granted at all...as many know, it took me a long long time to get pregnant with many babies now in Heaven. Kyle, Brendan and Shane are my gifts and I am honored to love, care and raise them up! I read this little story and I wanted to share it in light of Mother's Day. The author is unknown. Just so you know, it is just a cute little story...it's not doctrinally correct.

A Special Angel

Up in heaven a child was ready to be born. The child asked God, "I know You are sending me to earth tomorrow, but how can I survive there? I am so small and helpless."

God replied. "I have chosen a special angel for you there. She will love you and take care of you."

"Here in heaven, Lord, I don't do anything but sing and smile. What will I do on Earth? I won't know how to sing the songs down there."

"Your angel will sing for you." God replied. "and she'll teach you how to sing, too. And you'll learn to laugh as well as smile. Your angel and I will take care of that."

"But how will I understand what people say to me? I don't know a single word of the language they speak!"

"Your angel will say the sweetest things you will ever hear, and she will teach you, word by word, how to speak the language."

"And when I want to talk to You...?"

"Your angel will gently place your little hands together and teach you how. That's the simplest language of all. It's called prayer."

"Who will protect me there, God?"

"Your angel is soft and gentle, but if something threatens you, there is no stronger force on Earth than the power she'll use to defend you."

"I'll be sad not getting to see You anymore."

"I will always be next to you, even though you can't see Me. And your angel will teach you the way to come back to Me if you stray."

Then it was time to go. Excited voices could be heard from earth, anticipating the child's arrival. In a hurry, the babe asked softly, "Oh God, if I must go now, please tell me my angel's name!"

And God replied, "You will call your angel....Mommy."

I'm Glad You Married That Girl!

I haven't done this in awhile. Quote my kids! It is fun every once in awhile to just jot down what comes out of their sweet little mouths. Here are a few:


Kyle: Mommy, I love you so much ::Kiss:: You are married already huh?

Me: Yes Kyle, I'm married to your Daddy. If I had known there would be a you and I was born when you were born, I would certainly have married you!

Kyle: Well, it's okay Mom, I'm glad you married Daddy...he's a great Dad...you did a great job Mommy. ::Dad walks in:: Dad, are you glad Mom married you?

Dad: Absolutely!

Kyle: I'm so glad you married that girl! She is such a great girl and Mom...she is great at being both! Good choices guys!

Mom & Dad: Thank you Kyle....now close your eyes and lips...its time for bed!


I'm on the phone with a friend...(I guess I had to make several calls that day)...enters Shane:

Shane: ::eyes roll:: Oh my gosh Mom are you calling the whole universe today?!


Kyle talking to his Meme:

Kyle: I am best friends with my brothers. But Brendan is my bestest friend because we go all the way back to the belly days when we were babies!

Brendan: Yea...one time in Mommy's belly, I remember eating chocolate cake...Kyle and I fought over that...remember Mom?

Indeed I do remember that day...my only time I ate cake in my pregnancy..and those babies had a war in my womb! Fun memories!

What You Do When You're Forty Something!

I have had a blast turning 40. I guess I am not turning 40 anymore, I am just 40 now! However, my wonderful friend and "Forty Fairy" Susan, just turned 40 "something", and she is my mentor when it comes to being in my 40s. Here is what we do now that we are in the 40 club! Enjoy!

We did celebrate Susan's birthday with some serious style and a little Thelma and Louise"ish" too!

We had FUN FUN FUN on Susan's Birthday!

Victory!

Why am I hesitating to type? Is it because I'm about to share some personal goals, issues, and fears....perhaps. However, I do know that it is when we are vulnerable that the Lord shows His mighty strength and I as well as others can be penetrated by His Word and His Spirit. So Holy Spirit penetrate me!

In January I made the decision to join Weight Watchers...it was my time...I could feel it! It has been 16 weeks so far, and I am loving every single day! I have lost a total of 25.8 lbs since joining. I have a about 60 more pounds to lose to reach my personal goal! In February I over did it when I rode my bike for 6 miles, played racket ball two days in a row and did some weight training (all without properly stretching...yikes)! I thought I pulled my back out or something...I was in intense pain in my lower back. I tried Tylenol, ice, heat, rest...nothing took away the pain. I began just to get used to the pain. It wasn't keeping me down! I was feeling great, except for the low back pain and a low grade temperature. By late March I made it to the doctor because I still had this temperature. After some tests the doctor thought I had a very serious/advanced kidney infection. Three weeks later, different doctor, more tests....my new MD. isn't so convinced it is kidney infection (still have a temperature) but my kidneys are definitely not working properly. I am headed for a CT Scan on Thursday of my abdomen and pelvic region.

Again, I feel like in many ways this is a new beginning in my life. I feel great, I'm getting stronger, but at the same time....my body is fighting something. I just started training for a 5K today. I did the plan....it was rough...but I am going to do it! (Unless Dr. says NO!) I am planning to run the race that benefits the Louis Argitis Jr. Foundation for Challenged Children in July. I'm very excited! So why the picture up above?

I have to admit, through all of my learning about trusting this year, I am struggling with fear. Fear of what they might find in this CT Scan. Several years back they found that I had pre-cancerous lining in my uterus. I have several benign fibroids resting in uterus now and Lord knows I was a fertility patient for 10 years. A long time and a lot of meds for one body to endure! I do not want fear to creep into my mind! I rebuke the enemy....but the reality of what might be is still there. Both of my parents died very young & I just turned 40!

Up at the top of this blog is a card that my friend gave me today! That little girl is me and that BIG dog is fear! Reminding me that I hold the leash in Christ Jesus! Ironically enough...I am in the midst of writing a book that centers around a scripture that someone else quoted to me today. After this friend read Joshua 1:9, I went a step further and wanted to read the whole chapter....because of the research for my book! I had to quote this here from the Message Bible:

Joshua 1:1-9:
After the death of Moses the servant of God, God spoke to Joshua, Moses' assistant:
"Moses my servant is dead. Get going. Cross this Jordan River, you and all the people. Cross to the country I'm giving to the People of Israel. I'm giving you every square inch of the land you set your foot on—just as I promised Moses. From the wilderness and this Lebanon east to the Great River, the Euphrates River—all the Hittite country—and then west to the Great Sea. It's all yours. All your life, no one will be able to hold out against you. In the same way I was with Moses, I'll be with you. I won't give up on you; I won't leave you. Strength! Courage! You are going to lead this people to inherit the land that I promised to give their ancestors. Give it everything you have, heart and soul. Make sure you carry out The Revelation that Moses commanded you, every bit of it. Don't get off track, either left or right, so as to make sure you get to where you're going. And don't for a minute let this Book of The Revelation be out of mind. Ponder and meditate on it day and night, making sure you practice everything written in it. Then you'll get where you're going; then you'll succeed. Haven't I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don't be timid; don't get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take."

I have been reading through the Bible chronologically this year and I'm just finishing up Judges, 1 Samuel...there have been so many battles! If there is one common theme in all of these battles, I know that when God is in charge...the battle is won! So, here I am...still facing fear...but I hold the leash....the victory is won...I can laugh at the site of fear because I am holding on to Jesus and His word and His promise! I declare today that I will not let the enemy of my soul try to use the very Word I find comfort in to cause me to doubt my Commander and Chief! Satan has tried to do this today! I am thankful for words of scripture quoted and cards "mysteriously" purchased for such a time as this...Praise God. I am not alone....when my arms get tired during battle, and I like Moses, have a hard time keeping them lifted...I have friends who will come beside me and lift up my arms.

Tonight, I sat at this very computer mad because I felt fear...now, I'm empowered..."Perfect love casts out all fear!" Fear may be a giant...but I've got the victory! Now let me go get my slingshot and stones!

Ahhhh.....

Here I am holding a "Bad Hair Day" plant! :)

Sometimes there cannot be a title that would do justice to the emotion of the day. Yesterday's blog...clearly "Mercy", today....all I can say is ahhhh!

I reached my goal of losing 25 lbs. today (25.8 lbs actually). Celebrate!!! I feel great! I went shopping with my cousin Ilene in St. Augustine...she always makes me feel like a princess! Ahhhh!

I was able to get shirts and pants 2 sizes smaller than the last time we shopped! That feels great! Ahhhh....

Then I went on a bike ride up in Palm Coast with my girl friends....here are some pictures..even a 5 second video...I bet you can't say anything but Ahhhhh! Enjoy

Before viewing, please note....do not try this at home!

We rode approximately 2.5 miles to Washington Oak State Park from a Publix shopping center in Palm Coast.....

Margie and Karen with their bikes and my sweet ride!

Ahhhh....

Some Oak Tree Huh?

My sweet friends...what a great day we had! We laughed, talked, walked, and rode together for 4 hours, then we ended our evening with dinner! It couldn't have been a more perfect day!