Wednesday, March 2, 2011
The Apple of His Eye!
Would you like to take a walk down memory lane with me? I'm being very vulnerable here. In the next few days, I will post a blog related to a very bittersweet memory. If no one reads this, I understand, really, I'm writing it for two reasons: 1. So I can get it out of my mind when I sleep, and 2. So the memory can be preserved.
I wish I knew of a way to take VHS-C and put it on DVD so I can have what very little of my Dad's voice recorded in a safer place. For the first time in 15 years, I watched a video of my Dad. I remember the day I bought that camera, I bought it with the sole purpose of taping my Dad, so I could someday show my children who their Grandpa was - I got one 3 minute section of footage and that was all! But in it he tells me how much he loves me..those 3 minutes are locked in my heart forever. Next week it will be 15 years since my Dad's passing. My mother died when I was about 10 years old after my Father and his wife adopted me. My life story is complicated to say the least, but it is one where the Lord rescues a little girl, and well, it isn't finished yet. You can read my testimony in a poem I wrote here. This isn't about me, it is about my Dad. I think I'm gonna have to write a few blogs, I'm missing him more this year than I have in the past.
I was his only child, and the apple of his eye. He was a shy man and a brave man at the same time. He was a little stubborn too! I witnessed to that man my whole childhood and teenage life. His response to me was always..."I went up for salvation every week at the Salvation Army when I was little -- I don't need salvation anymore." It isn't about our timing is it? My Dad got very sick back in the early 90s, had a massive heart attack, got a pacemaker, and then he fought a battle with esophageal cancer in 1995-1996.
I'm pretty sure it is all about the Holy Spirit's timing...not about mine. So, I'm about to publish something that I've had tucked away on my computer since 1995 - mind you I was 27 when I wrote this...I haven't changed a thing...it is how it was the day I wrote it. I'll never forget that day, as long as I live.
Have you ever tried to read something, but your mind was distracted, so you have to read and read and read the same sentence over and over again? That was happening to me on June 1, 1995. I was having some quiet time and couldn't concentrate. So I sat at my computer and typed a letter. When I finished the letter I remember feeling a sense of relief, but urgency as well. So I got into my car that following Saturday morning, drove 2 hours south on the Parkway and Turnpike to the hospital where they were doing tests on my Dad. At this point in time, we did not know about the cancer, we knew he was sick and they were doing tests. I got to his room and he was so pleasantly surprised to see me. His face is etched in my heart and mind. I remember going into the room, Pat, his wife was not there..actually no one was there. I had some time to myself, to talk with him.
Instead of talking, I sat on his bed and put my head in his lap. Twenty seven years with my head resting on my Daddy...just for a few minutes. Even as I type right now..I'm having to remove my glasses because of the tears. I kind of miss being Daddy's little girl right now. Sometimes, during my quiet time, I imagine myself resting my head on Jesus' lap. Maybe that is because of this moment in my history.
After a few minutes of telling him about my students (I was a high school teacher at the time) and my plans to visit with him during the summer, I reached into my purse and pulled out this letter. I remember placing it into his weak hands. I handed him his glasses and gave him a kiss on the cheek, told him I was going down to the cafeteria for 20 minutes and we'll talk about the letter when I get back.
Stop back tomorrow as I publish the letter that I gave my Daddy to read.