Lovin' You for Over Half of My Life

You may kiss the bride! 12/15/90

I was 21 years old, you were 25 - this was December 15, 1990. When I tell people that we met in September of 1989, started dating in February 1990, got engaged June 1990 and got married in December of 1990....people think we're nuts. We know we are!

We know that the decision we made at that altar, in Pennington NJ that rainy, snowy day...was one of the easiest and best decisions we've ever made.

My handsome guy...there to pray with me before I spoke! 10/24/14

It's easy to love your very best friend. We've been through so much in the last 24 years....our journey has not been easy, but it has always made everything better...knowing you were by my side. The truth is I couldn't imagine doing life without you. You are my umbrella when it rains in my life. One of my most favorite things about you Mike Engel...is that you never EVER doubt...you have always saiud without a doubt...that marrying me was something you know you did right! You have done so many things right....but I am so glad you asked me 24 years ago to do life with you.

I love him SO much! 12/9/14

We have had some serious laughs! We have gone to bed very late...working on issues! We have certainly shared a number of tears....but through it all...you are the one I want to hold me, you are the one that can make me feel better with a kiss. I can't believe that you can still make me melt after 24 years.

I'm so proud of you Michael - you have taught our children that working hard will pay off! You have never given up - I'm so thankful. I know that as we continue through our "middle ages" things are changing. It is strange to see these boys who were just babies when I started this blog...

Shane, Brendan & Kyle - our 3 sons! 12/6/14

...looking so handsome and tall. Look at these young men Mike. WE DID THIS! :) That's got to make you smile big (and cringe a little)! Your role in their lives is now more pivotal than ever. OH...I'm not going to talk about them growing up....we'll work on that later.

Michael, I'm crazy in love with you. I've been holding your hand since 1989...and I will continue on through eternity. Praise God that we have eternity in our hearts Michael. That means we get to keep the gift of our love forever! I've written of so many of our memories throughout the years...but there are some...that are so dear, so special, so vividly engrained in my heart...that seem as fresh as the dawn of a new day.

Thank you. Thank you for proposing 25 years ago, thank you for protecting me, for loving me, for fathering our boys, for making me laugh, for making me stretch, for believing in me, for cheering me on, for standing up for me, for fighting for me, for wanting the very best for me...for loving God and never walking away from Him, for being a constant in our lives, for being willing to bend, morph and even change, for praying with and for me and with and for our boys daily, for sticking to every single vow and for wanting to grow old with me. We've done a pretty good job of growing old so far. We've been loving each other for over half of my life! I look forward to every single day of the remainder of our lives...doing just the same! xoxo ♥ Lisa

It's Not Just Reserved For Fairy Tales!

I'm thrilled to have been asked to join hundreds of other bloggers to help Fawn Weaver, the author of The Happy Wives Club, spread the truth about marriages today. This post is a part of The Happy Wives Club Blog Tour! For more information about this, or if your interested in being a part of it...please CLICK HERE!

Mainstream media has tainted our view of marriage, people tend to believe that it is nearly impossible to have a great marriage these days. I remember sitting in a car with two of my good friends and they both made the comment that my marriage is rare. I'll confess, it brought me to tears. I came home that day and wrapped my arms around my husband and wanted to be sure that we were okay, that we were normal. I didn't want to think that it must be that hard to have a great marriage...because if it is...what if something happens to us. See how that works? It can be so discouraging.

Fawn Weaver, has taken a journey and allows us to ride, sit, dine and get our hair done right alongside of her as she travels around the world talking to couples, collecting the secrets to happy healthy marriages. It is a fantastic book and it comes out on Monday, January 7th. (See below to order your copy today)

About 10 years ago, then I was married for 13 years, I sat across my table from a woman who said these words to me: "When I stood at the altar I knew it didn't really mean forever." WHAT? I was dumbfounded. When I stood at the altar at the age of 21, I KNEW without a shadow of a doubt, it absolutely meant...UNTIL DEATH DO US PART! So her comment shook me, call me naive, but I really didn't think people thought those thoughts. So, I shared with her one of the things (looking back for the past 23 years of my marriage - I've shared this with LOTS of women) that I think has been a huge key to the success of our marriage. If your interested, I'll share it with you now. Come on, I'll invite you to sneak a peek in to my studio apartment in Prospect Park, NJ circa 1991, about 22 years ago.

You see that girl with the 90's hairdo sitting on the Southwestern Style sofa, arms crossed, looking away from the very handsome man sitting next to her...that would be me. I remember it like it was yesterday, but oddly I don't remember what event or what was said that brought us to this point. Clearly this was our first really BIG argument, disagreement, (I won't say fight because that word, to me, connotes physical...and that would seriously bring the wrong image here!).

Whatever the argument was about, I knew I was right....and he knew he was right! We were in a no win zone, a no passing point. I remember thinking, this is why people get divorced, we were never going to be able to get beyond this point. I was just married a year, maybe a bit less, and this was it for me. I was MAD! How could he NOT see that my way, my point, my argument was right? I really didn't "like" this adorable man at this moment. (I'm sure he didn't "like" me too much either). It came to that point where I didn't want to talk to him anymore. It was late, I was tired, this wasn't going to work - we've been on this couch for what felt like forever! We had vowed to never go to bed angry (I guess we were NEVER going to bed!).

Eph. 4:26-27 (In the Message version) "Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life."

Then suddenly out of the corner of my eye, I saw this man that I had married slip off the couch next to me and get on his knees. I remember thinking, what is he doing? OH he better not be praying! I know that sounds really bad. Close your jaws...if they've dropped! It's true. The very LAST thing I wanted to do, (I honestly didn't think it would be possible for me to do) was to pray with him. UGH! Yes, so that is exactly what Mike Engel started to do...pray.

Because this was such a monumental moment in my marriage, I remember the gist of what he prayed quite well. It went something like this: "Father in Heaven, please forgive me. I want to be a wonderful husband, I want to honor my wife. She is a gift to me, a priceless treasure that you have placed in my care and I love her so much. I don't know how we are going to get beyond this, but I just want you to bless her right now. I thank you for the woman of God she is, thank you for placing her in my life and I just ask that you would pour out your blessings upon her. Grant her the desires of her heart...."

You get the idea. He was praying a prayer of blessing over me. WHAT? The moment he said "Father in Heaven" I remember thinking...there is NO WAY I can pray...I was so angry...my heart was so hard! Here is the miracle of that posture...as he continued to pray a blessing over me (he didn't pray that I would see his way, or that I would grow up and get a grip, or that we we stop arguing) my heart began to melt.

I didn't want to budge, but honestly I couldn't help it. There is something about sitting in the presence of God, (because let me tell you when you are on your knees praying...God is right there too), that just takes you off your own altar, so to speak, and places you in the proper position before God and the man. I was extremely humbled and I began to weep. He just prayed blessing after blessing over me and asked God to forgive Him, and to help him. When he said "Amen!", I slipped off the couch next to him and in between my tears and sniffles, I started to pray prayers of blessing over this precious gift that God had placed in my life as my husband. I laid a hand on his head and prayed blessings in his life, I thanked God for my relationship with Michael and I asked God to forgive me. When we finished praying, we just held each other...for a long time...without any words...and yes...we kissed!

From that moment on, though it can be the absolute hardest thing to do, because your flesh wants nothing more than to be right and to stay angry, this is what we do. When we are at a no passing point or a no winning zone (which we don't really get there too much anymore) we will get on our knees, or hold hands or just wherever we are....PRAY a prayer of blessing over each other. Never do we pray that the other would see it our way, do it differently, learn something, NOPE...we just pray blessing over each other. Marriage is about honoring, respecting and loving one another. It's about putting the other first...it works when you both do it...it almost magical!

I've been married now for 23 years...going on 24. We've been through the loss of 14 babies, the death of all of our parents, the loss of jobs, financial ruin, depression, pre-menopause, career changes, a child on the autism spectrum... We've learned each other really well...we are best friends, lovers and both of us are children of God. I remember my pastor speaking to us in our premarital counseling..."remember that you are both children of God...you better treat each other like such...Lisa is a daughter of the King...Mike is a son of the King...you mess up..you answer to the King." Makes me smile thinking about it! The King is so gentle and willing to teach us how to love one another as perfectly as we can this side of Heaven.

Me and my Mr. Incredible at the beach a few months ago! 

This is just one of the things we've vowed to keep in our marriage..it works! If you want to know more about us...I just posted a blog post a month ago...entitled Priceless Treasure, feel free to click on that and catch more of our story! As I've said in the introduction of this post, Fawn Weaver has gone around the world finding more things that work to keep our marriages healthy. She sent me an advanced reader's copy and I couldn't put it down! It will be an encouragement to you for sure - happy healthy marriages are for real - it's not reserved for fairy tales!! I'm excited to write my review!! You can pre-order her book today by CLICKING HERE.

Thanks for joining me and so many others on this Blog Tour!!

The Priceless Treasure

Summer of 2013 After being gone from him for a month on vacation,
this was a much needed reunion!

This week is flooded with memories! I'm not sure I'll be able to post on the exact days...so here is a conglomerate.

This will be one crazy busy weekend as Friday night I will be at my final set up for Bagels & Blessings and the Saturday my final B&B teaching (unless of course I'm invited to share again), right after that is my son's play at church and then Sunday is my 23rd Wedding Anniversary. Whew!

December 12th marks the 16th anniversary of the loss of our first son. You can read more about that in There is a Time For Everything. So I sometimes get a bit emotional at the memory of that, not that I'm still sad, but I just remember the time and how it really affected the rest of the month of December that particular year. I know I will meet with every single one of my babies again someday when we see Jesus face to face - and that actually brings me joy.

Then there is the closing of this chapter in my life. My final Bagels & Blessings at EAC. I will be stepping down as Women's Ministry Director after 5 years of serving, and actually announcing that my family and I have been worshiping someplace new. I've been very quiet about it. I guess I was thinking no one would actually notice that we've not been there on Sunday mornings. :) I have received several phone calls in the past 3 months...especially from the people that sat nearby. At any rate, this is a wonderful thing. While my heart is still not sure how to leave Bagels & Blessings, because in some ways I feel like it is my baby. I know it has grown up and it is fully functional and totally does not need me, but still, I liken it to when your child goes off to college. You've done well, you gave birth then you've watched your baby go through some growing pains, you've see it blossom and become its own thing...and then boom..its ready to stand on its own and doesn't need Mama anymore. :) I know it sounds silly. I have some friends who actually understand my silly heart - and I'm thankful. I've come to be very excited about what God is going to do...B&B is His...and so I know He's got the perfect plan for it! As for me and my family...well, we're His too and I know He has some amazing plans for us as well.

Still, I'm going to miss doing this - and I'm going to miss the women especially! I just have such an incredible love for the women who come to B&B. I know that is from the Lord...because even when women are new...I just love them so! EAC will always be a part of my family...we've been there 10 years and have walked through some very difficult storms personally and corporately, but we have rejoiced over many miraculous times as well. You know we bond through those times right?! So thankful for my relationships and friendships that will last for eternity! Such incredible gifts.

I'll be sharing on JOY! I think it is the perfect way to close this chapter!! I'm so very very excited and I think the Lord has big plans for Saturday!

Then there is Sunday. My 23rd wedding anniversary.

Last year I wrote a blog that talked about my wedding day it was called Holding His Hand. The year before that it was "I Still Do!" I've been blogging since 2007 how many ways can I express my joy of being married to my best friend?

Well every year it is just a little different. You reflect on the past year and so much happens. As we approach our 23rd anniversary we are both aware that we've been married for over half of my life.

The making of a great marriage is hard work. As we grow older together, there is a level of comfort, but this year I'm finding a new spark in the thought that we do this thing called life really well together. It isn't like everybody else..its the way the Engels do it and I really really LOVE it!

After 23 years, I still get butterflies when he holds my hand - it brings me right back to my college days. I love just sitting next to him. There is so much more behind a kiss after 23 years...it is deeper, more meaningful. I couldn't be more proud of someone in my whole life! I mean I'm super proud of my children, but I have to admit, I supremely proud of my husband. He is such a sweet and loving soul. Even when he is going through difficult times in his life I want nothing more than to be his cheerleader! I'm not shy at all when it comes to bragging about him! I love the fact that we are most definitely best friends. There are NEVER any eggs shells, NEVER any worries, NEVER any doubts....ALWAYS REAL!

Unlike some couples, we had a good 10 years before we were able to conceive children. I think that has made our lives, in some ways, a bit easier. Well, I said in some ways. I think parenting when we were in our 20s would have been a bit easier (more energy) but ... oh well, so we're old parents! That is why I color my hair!

Is my marriage perfect! I laugh....NO! I love him...the best I can here on earth and I know he loves me the best he can - but if you're looking for perfection...then that would be Jesus! We both know that...so I think that helps too!

Mike Engel - here's to eternity! May we continue to weather the storms together, walk on water together, share in victories together! May we continue to honor each other, look out for each other, love each other the best way we know how. May we never give up on learning new ways to show our love! May we raise our children to be mighty men of God! May we continue to make sure we have time together in the business of running a household of preteen boys. May we always remember to laugh! May we continue to lay each other at the throne of Grace...daily! May we cheer the loudest for one another! May we never stop praying WITH each other! May we never ever forget the priceless treasure God has given us in each other! May we hold each other's hand in the journeys ahead. I wouldn't want to do ANY of this life without you Mike Engel! I'm so eternally grateful that God loved me so much...he would have you choose me! Wow! May we continue to look at our stones and enjoy making new memories in the years to come!

Holding His Hand

Before you laugh...today is my 22nd Wedding Anniversary. It has been 22 years of the most incredible journey of my life..I've been married to this man more than half of my life (I was 21 when I got married). I know my dress is "old fashioned", our wedding song is certainly dated...but still beautiful. So, here are snippets of our vows...oh..and one of the songs played/sung by our dear friends...Here & Now by Phil Keaggy.

Pastor Hersey: "The greatest treasure that anyone can have in this world is the undivided love of another person. Today, Michael and Lisa have come with their family and friends to begin married life."

"How beautiful, then, the marriage of two Christians, two who are one in Hope, one in desire, one in the way of life they follow, one in the God they serve. Side by side they partake of God's banquet; side by side they face difficulties and persecution, share their consolations. They have no secrets from one another; they never bring sorrow to each others' hearts. They never shun each others' company. To such as these He gives His peace. Where there are two together, there also He is present."

Michael: "I love you Lisa, and it is because of this love that I make these vows to you. I Michael, take thee Lisa, to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. To love and to cherish, till death us do part...according to God's holy ordinance...I pledge thee my trust!"

Lisa: "I love you Michael, and it is because of this love that I make these vows to you...."

Pastor Hersey: "Michael, indicating your responsibility to Lisa to receive her into your care and keeping, I give you this ring that you may place in on her finger as a token and pledge that you are to receive her.... Thus you are to compass her life with strength and protecting love."...."Lisa...indicating your responsibility to Michael to receive him into your care and devotion, I give you this ring that you may place in on his finger....Thus you are to encircle his life with affection and tenderness..."

"I pronounce you husband and wife....Therefore, let all men take care in the sight of God that this holy covenant shall ever remain sacred."

I'm still holding his hand, and he is still holding mine....22 years later. I love you Michael Engel...♥

My Hero Is Super!

 "Faster than a speeding bullet! More powerful than a locomotive! Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound!" Well, ok...not exactly. However, I do refer to him as Mr. Incredible...and there are numerous reasons why. I know, you probably think your husband is the best, and I hope you do, but today August 5th is my husband's birthday..and I'm taking this opportunity to share why he is one of my most treasured gift from God. Forgive me while I indulge.

He may not be more powerful than a locomotive, but he can calm a crying baby and actually loves to do it. He is one of the most self sacrificing people on the planet. This man has, on numerous occasions, taken care of other people's children as well as our own, so that I can go an help a friend, or have a meeting with others whose husbands work (his contribution to women's ministry). He has cooked more meals than I can count for people who are sick (I may volunteer...but he is in the kitchen). I love to hang with people, he does too, but when we do...he's the one in the kitchen. Actually he always does the cooking all the time. ♥

Here he is cleaning his sister's refrigerator that had stopped running while she was away on vacation. This took hours and he had to clean it out..maggots and all. That has to be love.

After giving birth to my twins, I spent 4 days in and out of a coma...he was on it..feedings, diaper changes, up all hours...sacrificing, my children are 11 & 9...and he still on it! Faster than a speeding bullet, maybe not, but you chase after 3 kids under 2 years old.

He's is one of the most present father's I know. He earned that accolade because for several years, he was home..unemployed or taking care of his grandfather and being a dad...24 hours a day. Allowing me to go on retreats, meetings and conferences. Making sure I got some alone time...he still does that.

Leap tall buildings in a single bound...maybe not, but he certainly has built his share of tall buildings with mega blocks and legos.

 He has played the sick patient for a couple of quack doctors.

He prays with his children every single night and often during the day too. He has modeled what it is to be a man after God's own heart to his three sons. He is teaching them every day how to be a father and a husband, how to pray, how to love, how to live.

Unashamed, he has faced hardships like none other. Ridicule and harsh words thrown in his direction by people he loves...yet he continues to love.  He has struggled to find work, yet has supported his family. He has worked part time while going to school full time.  Pretty powerful in my book.

 He (with me) has taken several young girls to concerts...helping make some of their dreams come true. There he is with his niece above, and below some other friends.

Again...just look at that guy. Who couldn't love that face...the two headed pushme-pullyou!

OH and of course...my personal hero when it comes to capturing all things creepy. There he is disposing of a rat snake. 

So I've bragged on his cooking, he cleans and does laundry too (please don't ask what I do). He also makes costumes. His creation of the Lenni Lanape Indians above and of course our most recent Star Wars escapade...that's all Mike. I'm not that creative.

He is my rock when it comes to emergencies. This is when Shane busted his head on the corner of our counter. My man, Mr. Incredible, calmly holds the child, puts us all in the car and drives us to the emergency room. Calm as a cucumber.

Love this man! Speaking of calm. I know I don't have to repeat it, but for 4 years he was the sole caregiver of his grandfather. Pop, suffered from Alzheimers/Dementia. When he finally went into a facility, the nurse told my husband that he had gone...way above the call of duty and that Pop really needed a full staff of professionals for that last two years at least.

 My husband lovingly, sacrificially, tirelessly cared for him until the end.

OH and yes...he is that Dad and Husband who really couldn't see getting a puppy, but just because he loved us and really couldn't see his family be disappointed...he said yes...to Dodger! He totally went up in the ranks for all of us that day!

At 45 years old...he goes back to school. Trying to begin a career, finding out what "God has put on his heart to do", he goes back to school for nursing. He graduates at the top of his class in 3 more days at 47 years old. Nursing school full time, work part time, father and husband full time, head elder of our church for the past 6 years. Lost his mother and grandfather...his family hurt him deeply...yet he loves on. We are so profoundly proud of him (next post I'm sure).

So, Mr. Incredible...we may not look up in the sky to find him flying like a plane or a bird, but I certainly look up to him. My three sons, look up to him. I'm so incredibly blessed to call him my husband and best friend for the past 22 years. He's mine and I love him. One of the most treasured gifts that the Lord has blessed me with. So, Happy Birthday Mr. Incredible..my man who is indeed smarter than anyone I know, more patient that a rock, and able to make my heart leap miles high by just one look or a simple kiss! My protector, (who has watched me get so deeply hurt in the past few years and has been my rock of wisdom) my umbrella, my coffee buddy, my sounding board, my best friend, my hero -  I love you Mike Engel!

A Divine Day (Day 3)

Well, today was one of my favorite days of the entire week thus far! We woke up very early and got on the road. Mr. Incredible had to do an observation and take a tour of The School for The Deaf & Blind in St. Augustine...which is right down the road from Historic Downtown St. George St. so we decided it would be awesome if we could hang out and leisurely walk through St. Augustine with out the children. (The only other time we've done that was when I had my first 5K on the Bridge of Lions.) I was so preoccupied back then...so this was so peaceful. One of my goals this week was to read a book from cover to cover. I don't get to read just for pleasure too often. Between studying for Bagels & Blessings and my Life Transformation Group and my personal devotions...then add schooling and reading the read alouds...I don't get much time to read just for fun. So...I borrowed this book Forsaken and was planning on reading for hours. However, my cousin in Jacksonville wanted to join me for a bit too, so we got to St. Augustine around 8:15am. The only things open were coffee shops and the visitor center.

I love coffee...if you haven't figured that out. City Perks is a great coffee shop on St. George St. They brew espresso for their coffee. That makes me smile.

So Mr. Incredible and I had a little chance to take a walk until he had to begin his observation...loved looking at the cemetery and taking our time to read anything we wanted to read. When we are with our children...reading the descriptions of things gets old...they want to MOVE! Made me smile when we were there.

I felt like today was a day of divine appointments. On the way to St. Augustine Mike and I talked about some of the changes we might be having to make in the next month. Financially speaking..we are running very low on money. We've budgeted so well, and God has been so good, but the next month or two are going to be a real test. Mike will be done school in August and we are praying he gets a job quickly. We also talked about the changes in our children (had to talk about the children right?) and how we have to begin to adapt our parenting to their growing needs and changes as well.

As we walked back through the city gates of St. Augustine...we talked about how grateful we are to be where we are right now. Gratitude is a vital part of joyful living...no matter what the circumstances. Our time this morning filled me with such peace and joy. Once Mr. Incredible left for school, I found my spot....

...and read. I watched as the store owners arrived to open their shops. I thought about how wonderful it would be to come here and stay a few nights...just Mr. Incredible and I. We would totally do this very thing...he and his book, me and mine. Makes me smile again. Shortly after reading a few chapters my cousin called to tell me she had arrived. This will be another divine appointment.

She and I walked around a bit. I love her. I'm thankful to have her in my life. We talked about the boys and how I missed them, but knew this was so good for all of us! We went to lunch and we continued talking. She said she woke up with Nana on her mind. Nana would be our grandmother who passed away the year after I was born. She felt strongly that she had to talk to me about my family. I never met my grandmother on my father's side. Come to think of it..I've never met any of my grandparents. As she began to speak, talking about family history, I felt my eyes beginning to well up. I've been mourning the fact that I feel so disconnected to family. I know I have family (not very many), I have memories as a child albeit limited. Because I'm the youngest of all my cousins, she has memories that don't include me..because when I was born she was already 26 years old. She filled me in on details of my history. Are you ready for this...I am related to..wait for it...JOHN ADAMS! I can't wait to tell my kids. Yes, I actually qualify to be a Daughter of The American Revolution. WOW! Our cousin Kathy traced our blood lineage on my father's side directly to John Adams. She also told me things about my grandmother back in the early 1930s and what she  did to survive. Such fascinating stories - such a divine appointment.

Mr. Incredible joined us for lunch and Ilene had to go shortly after that. We walked around and explored things we had never seen before. Like the history of New Smyrna which is the town directly above where I live presently. I love Florida History. Then of course we absolutely love international foods. The part we miss about New Jersey...however you can find just about every international flare right here in St. Augustine (the oldest city in the United States by the way!)

Cafe con Leche and a guava & cheese pastalitos. OH yummy! We continued walking up and down the town, all over the side streets and then decided to walk over the Bridge of Lions. It was such a beautiful day!

As we were walking over I ask Mike what would happen if the bridge would go up...is he sure they would see us? "That's not going to happen." Well....we step onto the section of the bridge that would go up and no sooner than our feet hit the ground...all these alarms go off! The bridge was going up. We had to run off that part, by the time we got to the flashing gates..they were closing us in on the wrong side. I think they finally saw us and lifted the gates for a second so we could run through.

 That was invigorating to say the least. I love watching boats. So peaceful and relaxing.

We ended up having dinner at Harry's a New Orleans style restaurant...where I enjoyed jambalaya and he had shrimp and grits. Again...yum! We held hands, talked, laughed, missed our kids together but realized an important fact, we need more of this. Someday our superheros are going to be on their own, we need to take care of us, enjoy us...we don't do this enough. What a divine day! I'm so in love with Mr. Incredible...22 years of marriage and he still gives me butterflies when we hold hands.