Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Defeated...I Think Not!

I want to say thank you to my friend Monica -  she is an inspiration. Visit her here! She missed me, needed to catch up, wanted to know what's going on in my life - she and I met in this virtual world of blogging years ago - I consider her my sister and love her dearly. It blessed me that she missed me.

I'm going to be very transparent (when am I NOT transparent?). I say this only because it feels like I'm about to undress in front of you and it is "awkward" to say the least. However, I know I need to do this, because getting vulnerable and being authentic is what ministers most to others.  So, lets catch up a bit.

I am still homeschooling all three of my middle schoolers (6th, 7th, 8th graders). I am attending a new church (well not so new, I may have mentioned that in the past year and a half), teaching preschool Sunday school once a month (pick that jaw up off the floor...I am a new creation). I am hosting my first "Fill My Cup" girlfriend gathering at a local coffee house this week, I am a Sales Coordinator with the most amazing company ever - Juice Plus. I've been privileged to see results in my own life, the lives of my family and so many others. God is totally using whole food nutrition to minister to the health and wellness of many. I'm so close to Senior Sales - May is a very big month for me. I've been spending time helping my team grow.  I've been teaching writing at our Homeschool Co-op, getting ready for our big promotion day this Saturday. Running the Mom taxi to tennis, piano, allergy shots, youth group once a week (all different days). Working on raising money for all 3 of my boys to go to camp this summer. Trying to be that cool Mom who loves to watch Marvel with my man group. Yes, I'm still going through peri-menopause...ready for that to move on. :) I group once a week with my accountability group and am presently studying the book of Psalms with another group of amazing ladies. Love going to church on Saturday nights now that we've added that additional service. I'm going through a little mourning because I'm having to say goodbye to a little ray of sunshine in my life as she goes on an incredible adventure with her precious family for a year plus.  I'm trying to be the best friend, wife, Mom, coach, servant that I can possibly be. That's my nutshell.

With that said, today was a rough day. I am thankful for the friends who speak truth in my life. I think sometimes when I get overwhelmed with all the hats I'm wearing I feel paralyzed. I love my hats. Really, I love every single one of those hats...a lot! I've done some serious evaluating of my "crystal balls" and my "bouncy balls" or my hats whatever you want to call them.  I feel like I've placed my hats in proper triage, but today I had a meltdown.

I woke up this morning on fire! I've been declaring out loud who I am in Christ. My pastor is preaching a great sermon series. "I AM COMPLETE! In Christ I have everything I need to live a full life!" Yes, every morning...read my Psalms and make my declarations. What happened today? Does it have to do with my many hats? Here is my theory.

It is May. Every homeschool Mom I've ever known says things like..."Gosh, did we do enough this year?" We are WAY harder on ourselves than I ever was when I was a public school teacher with a class of 23 high schoolers). Truth! So in my "fear" I let the enemy get a little foothold. Suddenly, things were not going as I had planned. There was a bit of nit picking going on, some buttons being pushed - I gently warned if the buttons were continually being pushed the nuclear bomb that the boy holds will eventually erupt and that will just not be pretty. Oh but, lets admit it, when you were 11, it was kind of fun to see just how far we could go before the explosion. It's kind of excited...for the one child, for the other....not so much. Well, it wasn't exactly Chernobyl, but by my reaction, it might has well been. What happened to me. I lost it. Suddenly I was appalled by my own behavior and then I started to fall apart.

Lies. Oh the enemy loves to whisper lies. My weakened state from wearing my many hats may have something to do with my meltdown over something so silly. I'm just being real here. I entertained those lies and I said things. "I can't do this...." "I'm not good at this!"  "I'm not going to reach my goals", "I feel like I'm doing all of this on my own." "I feel like scrap metal put out to the curb!" YES I said these things. The very same woman who declared "I AM COMPLETE!" just 5 hours before...said these things. The words were flying out of my mouth and being echoed in my ears. I seriously could not recover. I know the power of words!  When I tell you that I cried...I mean...I haven't cried this hard in a LONG TIME! Seriously, people are going through very difficult things (I've been through more difficult times) but I couldn't recover. In the midst of my tears...I am saying..."NO weapon formed against me shall prosper!" It was like the enemy heard that and was laughing and just shot a little dart my way (I mean it could have been on of those little orange rubber darts) and I just couldn't get up off the ground! UGH! Pitiful right?!

OK. End this pitiful story right? I ran to a friend. I cried on her shoulder. I got back in my car with swollen eyes, told the devil he's a liar and reclaimed my authority! NO MORE! ENOUGH!

Listen, when we criticize and condemn ourselves, we side with the enemy of our hearts. GOD IS FOR US! WE ARE MORE than CONQUERORS! I AM an OVERCOMER!

It happens folks. Even when we read our Bible, even when we wake up with declarations on our tongues - we can get beaten down. I just needed to run back to His feet! I am all about speaking life. Ask my kids! They recognize immediately when they hear someone speaking death! There is so much power in the tongue.

That top picture. Baloney! Rubbish! Well, we can do it - just not alone! We can do ALL things through Christ!! When the hats get to be too much, when we feel overwhelmed or paralyzed, that is not the time to start "taking the wheel", start controling things...it even more imporant to LET God handle it, let Him be in charge!

Defeated....I think not! You, Me, WE ARE OVERCOMERS! WE ARE VICTORIOUS! Thank you Lord for your GRACE! Yes and Amen!