The Little Girls In My Life

In a world of all boys, I have always appreciated all the wonderful women in my life. The Lord has blessed me with rich friendships with many wonderful women, young and....seasoned. Women I can sit and learn from, women who when we are together can sharpen each other's iron, women who share in my emotions, women who make me come out of my shell and make me laugh, women whom I've been able to wrap my arm around and mentor...all these women...such a blessing in my life. Friendships that I treasure and that are necessary for my personal growth.

Teenage girls are just as beneficial to my life you know. They may get a bad rap sometimes, but they are treasures that are finding themselves and growing up into the women God created them to be. They need us as much as we need them. It's true!! The opportunities I get to spend with teenage or young adult women...is some of the most inspiring times of my life. I can ALWAYS see the potential and will always remind them of their future...which is so open and bright and beautiful! The picture of their life is still to be painted and they are about to begin that process!! It is most exciting.

However, I do believe that it is just as necessary to have some little girls in my life as well. Little girls remind you of the "you" deep inside. The little girl free to be and create and to dance. The little girl that has the natural ability to nurture, love and be the princess she was created to be.

I've been equally blessed to have some little girls in my life. I couldn't get pictures of all of them on my blog, but these two are quite special. The little girl (who isn't so little any more) above just holds such a special place in my heart. She is my baking partner. She loves me and all my quirky ways in the kitchen. It is rare to be with her where we don't dream of what we should bake. She recently sat me down and showed me her incredible doll house. Oh I just wanted to cry....my love for her is so big! Her innocence, compassion and genuine love for others...oozes out of her every pore. I want to be just like her. When I am with her, she makes ME feel like a princess. When I walk into her home or she mine...she is so quick to wrap her arms around me...first thing. OH my heart swells just thinking about her. SEE...I need little girls in my life.

Then there is the privilege I have of teaching preschool at my church once a month. These little girls are just reminders of who God made us to be. This precious one in the picture below I have the honor of seeing her at church but also, her Mom and I homeschool together - so I get to see her during the week too. She is such a sweet and special love! The best part of teaching preschool or volunteering in children's ministry is when they see you outside of the classroom and they run up to you in the hall way and wrap their precious little arms around your leg or if tall enough your waist!!! Seriously....there is nothing better than that! I feel like the little girls in my life are such gifts - true treasures!!  (consider volunteering to be blessed by the children in your church)

I LOVE LOVE LOVE my boys! I love little boys too!! I'm a boy Mom..how could I not? I'm all about playing the damsel in distress or making zooming noises as we race cars, or jump on trampolines, throw the football, shoot some hoops are even play an occasional video game! I'm all about it!! I LOVE my guys!  But honestly my boys could never have braided my hair. (I did get a few tea parties and even some doll house playing when my youngest was in preschool. ::smile big::)

Instead I have gotten this...and have loved it just the same

Please understand that nothing can or will ever take the place of moments like this:

But there is just something about the little girls in my life that remind me of this!

So I'm unapologetically appreciative of the the little girls in my life. They teach me so much - thank you Lord for these adorable little treasures....these little girls! Keep them coming Lord...please!

Being Intentional

I'm working on being intentional about everything that's important to me right now. I've been studying on how to be lead by the Holy Spirit. I want to be lead in every way, in every area of my life. I told the Lord I want to be your student - teach me. So I must invite the Holy Spirit into all the areas of my life that I want to be lead in. My home, my marriage, my schooling, my parenting, my ministry, my business (yes I'm still doing Juice Plus), my dreams and goals all of it!

Slow down. Let's take one thing at a time. Suddenly, I've picked up my "pen" and started "journaling" again. (I place that in quotes because I mean "put my fingers to the keys and starting blogging again" - I journal almost every single day with an actual pen.) I use to blog regularly. I have taken time off, I get caught up in having to "educate" or "entertain", but my original plan for this site was simply to capture moments in my life and save them. If I can be a blessing along the way...Praise the Lord!! (I've got some huge dreams coming to fruition...so I can't wait to share!)

So what's new? Well, today I'm gonna write about my superheros! (Afterall, that is why I started this blog to begin with.) Oddly enough, my children, my teenagers, asked why I haven't written about them recently. I found that so strange coming from the children that wouldn't allow me to take a picture of them at age 13. Same children who said I should be "very careful on social media."

So here we are Shane, age 13, Brendan and Kyle age 15. Brendan (10th grade) has his learner's permit and is presently dual enrolled at our local college. What? How? When? I know...please...I know all too well. Kyle (9th grade) has had the most difficult transition of all (I promise I will touch upon this as well - for all my special needs parents - I will share what I'm learning - and mistakes I've made in the journey), however he is having such a great school year (only day 2 but hey...we'll take what we can get). I see such great potential and changes in him. Shane, well, as much as I've tried to keep this child my baby...I'm afraid he's grown up despite my efforts. Presently in 8th grade and as fun and funny as ever.

Being intentional about homeschooling. I've done this every year since I pulled Brendan out of school and homeschooled him in 1st grade. As I sat in the van after dropping my young 15 year old, my introverted sophomore, my sweet, self motivated, encourager, my precious treasure of a son....(sorry I digress) to take his PERT exams (college placement tests) I cried a million tears.

WHY? Because at that very moment I heard the words of Brendan's kindergarten teacher say to me in a quiet voice at the grocery store...."Have you ever thought about homeschooling? If you did....your son could soar! He wouldn't have to be "placed in the bubble", he could work at his pace and go full speed ahead!"

Well I brought him home and often times I thought about what she had said and didn't really exactly know what she meant. How do I let him soar? How do I let him...."get ahead"? Does it mean do more chapters in a day...take two math tests a week? I never understood.  Then there he was - at the college - enrolling in two classes for the fall. He will graduate (like many before him) with a high school education and an AA Degree and transfer to the 4 year institution of our choice by the time he is 18. This is his chance to SOAR!  Who knew?  I'm so proud of him!

OK...so it's not super easy to just let him go. He's been under my wings for a long time. He is my little rock...but as I've been memorizing Psalm 91...I know that God will cover him with His feathers and under HIS wings he will find refuge. His faithfulness will be Brendan's shield and rampart. THAT has been my job, my real job from the beginning of parenthood - planting that seed in him and watching the Lord do the rest - for such a time as this.

Being intentional is paying off!

Until next time.

Defeated...I Think Not!

I want to say thank you to my friend Monica -  she is an inspiration. Visit her here! She missed me, needed to catch up, wanted to know what's going on in my life - she and I met in this virtual world of blogging years ago - I consider her my sister and love her dearly. It blessed me that she missed me.

I'm going to be very transparent (when am I NOT transparent?). I say this only because it feels like I'm about to undress in front of you and it is "awkward" to say the least. However, I know I need to do this, because getting vulnerable and being authentic is what ministers most to others.  So, lets catch up a bit.

I am still homeschooling all three of my middle schoolers (6th, 7th, 8th graders). I am attending a new church (well not so new, I may have mentioned that in the past year and a half), teaching preschool Sunday school once a month (pick that jaw up off the floor...I am a new creation). I am hosting my first "Fill My Cup" girlfriend gathering at a local coffee house this week, I am a Sales Coordinator with the most amazing company ever - Juice Plus. I've been privileged to see results in my own life, the lives of my family and so many others. God is totally using whole food nutrition to minister to the health and wellness of many. I'm so close to Senior Sales - May is a very big month for me. I've been spending time helping my team grow.  I've been teaching writing at our Homeschool Co-op, getting ready for our big promotion day this Saturday. Running the Mom taxi to tennis, piano, allergy shots, youth group once a week (all different days). Working on raising money for all 3 of my boys to go to camp this summer. Trying to be that cool Mom who loves to watch Marvel with my man group. Yes, I'm still going through peri-menopause...ready for that to move on. :) I group once a week with my accountability group and am presently studying the book of Psalms with another group of amazing ladies. Love going to church on Saturday nights now that we've added that additional service. I'm going through a little mourning because I'm having to say goodbye to a little ray of sunshine in my life as she goes on an incredible adventure with her precious family for a year plus.  I'm trying to be the best friend, wife, Mom, coach, servant that I can possibly be. That's my nutshell.

With that said, today was a rough day. I am thankful for the friends who speak truth in my life. I think sometimes when I get overwhelmed with all the hats I'm wearing I feel paralyzed. I love my hats. Really, I love every single one of those hats...a lot! I've done some serious evaluating of my "crystal balls" and my "bouncy balls" or my hats whatever you want to call them.  I feel like I've placed my hats in proper triage, but today I had a meltdown.

I woke up this morning on fire! I've been declaring out loud who I am in Christ. My pastor is preaching a great sermon series. "I AM COMPLETE! In Christ I have everything I need to live a full life!" Yes, every morning...read my Psalms and make my declarations. What happened today? Does it have to do with my many hats? Here is my theory.

It is May. Every homeschool Mom I've ever known says things like..."Gosh, did we do enough this year?" We are WAY harder on ourselves than I ever was when I was a public school teacher with a class of 23 high schoolers). Truth! So in my "fear" I let the enemy get a little foothold. Suddenly, things were not going as I had planned. There was a bit of nit picking going on, some buttons being pushed - I gently warned if the buttons were continually being pushed the nuclear bomb that the boy holds will eventually erupt and that will just not be pretty. Oh but, lets admit it, when you were 11, it was kind of fun to see just how far we could go before the explosion. It's kind of excited...for the one child, for the other....not so much. Well, it wasn't exactly Chernobyl, but by my reaction, it might has well been. What happened to me. I lost it. Suddenly I was appalled by my own behavior and then I started to fall apart.

Lies. Oh the enemy loves to whisper lies. My weakened state from wearing my many hats may have something to do with my meltdown over something so silly. I'm just being real here. I entertained those lies and I said things. "I can't do this...." "I'm not good at this!"  "I'm not going to reach my goals", "I feel like I'm doing all of this on my own." "I feel like scrap metal put out to the curb!" YES I said these things. The very same woman who declared "I AM COMPLETE!" just 5 hours before...said these things. The words were flying out of my mouth and being echoed in my ears. I seriously could not recover. I know the power of words!  When I tell you that I cried...I mean...I haven't cried this hard in a LONG TIME! Seriously, people are going through very difficult things (I've been through more difficult times) but I couldn't recover. In the midst of my tears...I am saying..."NO weapon formed against me shall prosper!" It was like the enemy heard that and was laughing and just shot a little dart my way (I mean it could have been on of those little orange rubber darts) and I just couldn't get up off the ground! UGH! Pitiful right?!

OK. End this pitiful story right? I ran to a friend. I cried on her shoulder. I got back in my car with swollen eyes, told the devil he's a liar and reclaimed my authority! NO MORE! ENOUGH!

Listen, when we criticize and condemn ourselves, we side with the enemy of our hearts. GOD IS FOR US! WE ARE MORE than CONQUERORS! I AM an OVERCOMER!

It happens folks. Even when we read our Bible, even when we wake up with declarations on our tongues - we can get beaten down. I just needed to run back to His feet! I am all about speaking life. Ask my kids! They recognize immediately when they hear someone speaking death! There is so much power in the tongue.

That top picture. Baloney! Rubbish! Well, we can do it - just not alone! We can do ALL things through Christ!! When the hats get to be too much, when we feel overwhelmed or paralyzed, that is not the time to start "taking the wheel", start controling things...it even more imporant to LET God handle it, let Him be in charge!

Defeated....I think not! You, Me, WE ARE OVERCOMERS! WE ARE VICTORIOUS! Thank you Lord for your GRACE! Yes and Amen!

Lessons From The Little House...

April 2011 Loving the flowers in front of the Little House

on Willow Oak! Two of my children are studying early American History and in my opinion there is no better way to watch the expansion of the US than watching Little House On The Prairie. I have always LOVED the show when it was on television. Then it was in syndication while I was pregnant and on bed rest and I was obsessed with watching every episode. That was before Netflix and DVDs.

Now I sit on Monday nights with my two boys while my other is at youth group and we watch a few episodes...in order of course. There are so many lessons to be learned in each one. Something to take away for today. We have only seen the pilot movie and then we just watch the first 2 episodes of season 1 and I have cried at every one. I wonder if I will cry for every single episode?

So what am I thinking about tonight? As my husband woke up at 8:30pm this evening and we made the transition to bed by 9:00pm for my children, I thought about my life in our little house on Willow Oak.

So many things are falling apart. The car, the shed (very dangerous), the fence, we've got little acrobatic ants now, the electricity in my kitchen is faulty...so many things. We gave up cable TV about two years ago..and purchased an antenna. What a hoot, this week as my boys and I crowded around my TV as we took turns holding the antenna "just so" so that we could get a halfway decent reception. We went for a walk this weekend and I reminded my husband that a year ago, he didn't have a job, our lives had changed dramatically as Pop had died last March. We prayed big and God provided for our every need. Now he has a job, and we are presently paying off what we owed during our time of famine. I told him how happy it makes me feel for him that he is a homeowner, with a fine nursing job and a family who loves him and is so proud of him. I (in my ever so careful way) also mentioned that he must be 'excited' about getting some things done around the house. Of course I know he has never learned how to fix things, make repairs, or any of that...and he's a bit nervous of doing more damage than good. Then he explained to me, that the dreams he has doesn't match the income he receives. I know it doesn't.

The blessing to do this in our back yard.

Then tonight as I reflect on our little house, I realize that it is full of very big things. Huge miracles from God...priceless treasures in the children that bring so much joy. The honor and privilege we have to homeschool our children, the time we get to spend together...reading together, playing games, laughing, watching Little House episodes. The sacrifices that we have made, to live with less, (in comparison to the rest of the world is NOTHING), but for where we live, it has done a great deal in the raising of my boys. We treasure things like time, laughter, and joy and even sorrow. We've learned contentment (even though at times we long for more). We can look around and see beyond the broken cabinets, old mattresses, and dilapidated sheds and see a sense of humor, a big yard, and have I mentioned laughter. Wow, we giggle a lot around here. This makes me very thankful for Pa (aka.) Mr. Incredible and his love and faith that he models for my children. Thankful for my boys, far from country boys, but their love for one another, the Lord and for others runs true and deep. Thankful that we even have a Little House...and no mortgage. Praise God! So as I listened to the laughter tonight coming from the other side of the house and Pa said goodnight/goodbye to the boys...I smiled and realized we've learned many lessons in our Little House and I'm sure we'll be learning many more.

Know Your Place

No pictures today. I'm going to draw them with my words...I promise.

So far, I've been awake for over 33 hours. I'm not joking. My body is adjusting to a new "help-you-get-through-menopause" medication. It is suppose to help with my emotional/mental/get-up-and-go symptoms. Well, it has been...interesting.

Went to the doctor...thinking...I don't want to take anything..I just want to talk about my symptoms and have you make me feel better. Like...by saying I'm normal. She said I was completely normal...and welcome to perimenopause.

She said I was textbook. I don't have to suffer these things (and make everyone suffer around me either) because "this stage could last up to 10 years". I started to well up (because that's what I do now...all the time), and I said "I don't want to be medicated." She said the magic words..."Don't think of it as being medicated..think of is as leveling your hormones out." OK. She gave me options. I evaluated those options. I like somethings of both...so I walked out with...both. More on that later.

This menopause phase of life can be...such a private...personal...and painful battle. Unless you've been through it...it sounds...pathetic. So..I'm choosing this forum to be a little open. It's not been pretty.  I've cried...for hours..I've been irritated easily, I've had no motivation at all and I've not been able to recover from things very well..emotionally. (that isn't even mentioning the physical symptoms).

Needless to say, I started taking the medication that is supposed to give me energy, some motivation (because I was SERIOUS lacking that!). This is how it has gone thus far.

Tuesday morning...2 hours after taking it...I fell deadly tired. I mean...like crawl into bed and nap for 4 hours...suddenly. (That was strange!) Well, we can't be doing THAT every day. Wednesday...I decide sleeping is for night time..I will take it at night. I slept pretty good. NICE. Thursday night..why rock the boat..do the same thing you did last night. I did. I've been awake and energetic ever since. YES...34 hours later..and I'm blogging. From 1:00 - 4:00 I was thinking..I wonder if they need me to rake the local parks around town..because I feel like I could do just that. Then I might run a marathon...oh whatever...triathlon! I am a little tired now..and I WILL NOT be taking anything.

So..that has been my trip so far. What is the purpose of this post...."Know Your Place"?

My husband is so dear. He takes this meat out of the freezer and I'm sure was scoping pinterest and has been salivating about red meat. Men do that with red meat. There it was, a beautiful eye round roast. I get home from co-op (remember I've not slept in well over 24 hours by this point in my day)..and I have these instructions printed for me.  That was nice of him right? Why is he wanting me to do this? I've never in my life cooked pot roast. I followed the directions carefully...and it never reached the temperature it was supposed to reach. I stuck that thing with 3 thermometers...just in case they weren't working right. Blood just came out of the holes I was making. I'm a baker...we follow the directions...always! I made a few phone calls, shed a few tears. I tried a few things...my friends...one walked me off the kitchen cliff and another friend came over and took my boys to dinner...I sat and ate the salad that I made.

I could end the story there...but it wouldn't be my transparent self that everyone enjoys so much. Children are gone...husband is sleeping...I killed the roast...so...I threw that piece of meat in a bag, got in my bed with the large bowl of salad, a diet cream soda (in a nice fancy glass) and a bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream!  If that doesn't scream menopause...I don't know what does!  Don't judge me! I'm working on no sleep for the past 34 hours...and attempting to make a dinner that my husband won't even be able to eat with us. I know my place...it is NOT in the kitchen....unless I'm baking. So I ask...why can't they eat cookies for dinner?

I Really Need To Spend More Time Here

Hi, my name is Lisa a.k.a. Superhero Mom (remember that is a Mom of Superheros, I myself am not super Mom). I've been absent and I wanted to reintroduce myself!

Writing is a strange thing. I just have to get into the habit of coming here and not other sources of media (or maybe in addition to other sources of media) to journal what has been going on in my life.

So much has happened since July! God has moved in mighty ways! I have eyes that are starting to smile and a love that is being rekindled. There is freedom where I felt shackled and heart that is beginning to soar! I have a renewed hope and a refreshed spirit! Are there challenges and trials?...well of course. This is a fallen world after all. It is a good thing too, because if everything were rekindled, renewed and refreshed all the time, we wouldn't need to constantly rely on the One who gives us strength, courage and endurance.

So, preparing for Bagels & Blessings is amazingly rewarding, but time consuming as well, hence the lack of time to come and write. Homeschooling brings on the same challenges, not to mention that I'm required to read at least 30 chapters a week for my Life Transformation Group and I have children who are older now and like to utilize their computer time. But alas, this is what brings me the greatest joy...writing...journalling..recording my memories and thoughts. So, I crave this special time.

Interestingly enough, I have found that with my new life circumstances I have a greater desire to spend more time in my living room...with my men. I'm trusting the Lord to work all of this out. So, I want to share, I want to write and post pictures of what is going on in my life again...just because I love it! So...

...if I'm not here writing...I'm not gone forever...I'm just...

Homeschooling 3 boys..a 5th grader (and no I don't feel smarter than a 5th grader), a 4th grader and a 3rd grader..in a one room school house. ♥

or I'm...

Spending time with my superheros...just having FUN making memories and learning LIFE!

or I could be...

Making memories with Mr. Incredible...enriching the love that God has given me in a best friend and husband!

or I might just be doing this....

..because it is my goal to do this once a week...children's choice..each kid gets to pick a different cookie every week.

or (you might want to sit down for this one)...I just might be doing this...

Because I'm trying to bless my husband while he does this...

Just kidding..I mean this...

Mike is studying to be a nurse! So there are times when I'm in charge of the kitchen. (At this time you can pick up your jaws off the floor..I know it is a shock.)

So you get the idea. There are numerous pictures I could post..pictures spending time with friends, reading, studying...partaking in life..now just to fit this back into the scheme of things. I'm gonna work on it! Stay tuned!

The Value of Things Eternal

I'm a little nervous, and I'm not sure why. I've been vulnerable in the past, in front of large groups of people...sharing my testimony and teaching. However, I sit here, somewhat trepidatious about exposing my heart. Well, here it goes. Perhaps by the time I've completed this entry, you and I will be equally blessed.

I've recently taken a very good look at myself in my photos from 2010. Noticing something, I started to compare them to the pictures of myself in 2009. It was uncanning. I would pull pictures up to the screen and look...it was my eyes. I would see myself smiling, but in 2010 my eyes tell a different story than my smile. They look tired, strained, beaten down. It is true. I'm thinking that is one of the reasons 2010 doesn't show too many blog posts either. I was most definitely going through some serious stuff in 2010.

We are about to say goodbye to 2010..and I for one, am looking forward to it! There were many blessings, please don't misunderstand. God has been so good to me, my family, our lives. No doubt. However, my husband and I were under serious attack, really from the summer of 2009 until the present.
I don't need to go into all the details at this time of some of the serious attacks that we had to endure. There were times I felt like...wow..am I going to survive this battle? Some of what we went through was so clearly the work of the enemy to try to bring us down...that is what he does best..wears on you until you are beaten down enough that you finally give in. Oh, how on this side of things now, I can totally see the benefit in hanging on to God's Word!! So much of my passion for His Truth was birthed through this past year and a half of pain. Wounds that cut deep into my heart and the heart of my my husband. To make matters worse, Mike was unemployed for a good portion of these months. So add that circumstance to an all out onslaught of "twilight zone" type of attacks...you could possible see why my eyes might read: worn out!

Why these pictures? Most recently, this past week in fact, life has changed dramatically once again. While the changes are good on one hand, it still leaves this family in a place of holding. I understand how powerful the tongue is, as words that have recently been spoken that have literally attempted to tear my husband's heart into shreds. It has been most difficult for me to watch and hear, and know that those same thoughts are for me as well.

After calling someone to share good news about a family situation, my husband was deflated! He shared that conversation with me and afterwards we got on our knees and laid it at the altar. While I was on my knees, next to this man I've been married to for almost 20 years, it hit me, how many times we have knelt at this very place over the past 18 months? Grateful to a Father in Heaven to truly fights our battles and gives us supernatural abilities to forgive. Praise you Jesus, without that I am pretty sure we would not have survived. After praying, my husband puts his arms around me and says this: "You could have married anybody 20 years ago! Someone with a good steady job, making money, with a family who loves him and you! You could have had a house with decent carpeting and windows that work and aren't a danger to your children! You could have gone on vacations, and not have to be stuck here because of our situation, not able to get away even for a night with your family! You could have...."

I turned to this man, that I married on December 15, 1990, held his face in my hands, looked him straight into his tear filled eyes and with my own tears running down my face said this: "There was never and will never be a man on this earth that could be better than the one I am looking at right now! If I had married "anyone else", I wouldn't have the three most amazing gifts from God (my boys)! I am fully aware of the value of things eternal!! I have a husband who I can kneel at the side of our bed and take our burdens to the altar with! I have a husband whom I find sitting in his chair in the morning with the Bible opened up...and sitting next to him is his 9 year old son with his Bible opened too! I have a husband who is a Godly example for our sons! I have a husband who is not afraid to be silly and play games with his boys!I have a husband who lovingly cares for his 92 year old grandfather and actually gets joy from do so! I have a husband who goes out of his way to minister to the very people who have hurt him so deeply. A husband who is obedient to the Lord and His Word, even when the world would think he is insane! I have a husband who makes it a priority to pray for people and demonstrates that in his own home, with his own family! These are the things that are of worth! I don't care about windows that don't work, I don't care about carpeting that is horribly disgusting, I don't care about family/relationship drama, I care about the things that matter, the things that matter for eternity!! I have the utmost respect for this man I have had the honor of calling my husband for the past 20 years! I'm pretty sure that the Lord is pleased with this man as well!

Lord, may 2011 bring us joy not only in our hearts, but in our eyes too! Thank You for Your amazing love and for the man You gave me 20 years ago!

Randomness

Above is our exchange student from some tribe....no, it is just my 5 year old Shane doing what he does best....looking cute even when he is filthy filthy dirty!

I think every blogger blogs a random post every once in awhile. So much is going on here that it has been challenging to sit and type. So, a few pictures should catch you up!

Pictures I do not have however, are the ones of my boys riding their bikes...I'll have to work on that! Everyone but Kyle is officially on the road! Ahhh....just in time for the 90 degree weather! At least we can ride our bikes and jump in the pool!

Ok..so this is me on Mother's Day. Blessed to be a Mom! FYI: My weight loss journey is going great...28.6. lbs. so far... I'm in my 4th week of training for my first ever 5K. Very excited about this! I've been asked to write for a magazine...my article must be accepted first...many surprises here...if I get chosen I'll let you know!


It is May in Florida and this is what we do from now until about November! We love it! I did get a very cool new bathing suit...even got my picture taken in it...won't be showing it though! HA!

Brendan!

Shane (clean)

Kyle

Fun with friends! We don't get enough of each other at Bible Study every other Friday night..so why not hang out on the other Friday nights! Actually Mr. Dave is a police officer and he will be working on the Bible study nights...so we need to implement this game night....Oh by the way...Mike and I crushed them all in a very long long game of Cranium! I told them not to mess with the Engels!

Teaching my young one the art of winning, oops, I mean playing games! (Michelle, if you read this..how do you type something with the line through it?) hmmm? Anyway, as most people that know us know, we are a huge game playing family and this is one of Shane's (and mine) favorite games!

This is all I have for now. The Lord has been good to us & more life changes are on the way! Stay tuned!

My Heart - And Those Crystal Balls

I have been unable to blog for awhile. The following should explain why.

About my heart.....
Sometimes I question the ability of a heart to handle all that is put on it! These past two weeks my heart has been pulled, tugged, burdened, aching, full of love, and broken into a million pieces, but yet it still stands. Amazing. God knew what he was doing when he created a mother's heart.

Last Friday I received a phone call from my Kyle 1st grade teacher. Concerned for him, she called me first thing in the morning. I of course, was not here. By the time I received the message, it was closer to noon. The message went something like this..."Mrs. Engel, I am very concerned about Kyle, he is cry hysterical and I cannot get him to stop. He says that he wants to come home. Could you please call me as soon as you get this message." By the time I got the message, I knew that he more than likely had stopped crying. So, I called and she explained to me again, that yes he had stopped crying, but that he seemed very upset. I explained to her that Fridays are always a challenge for Kyle, just expect that he needs a little extra grace on Fridays. He is exhausted from dealing with all the stimuli all week long, plus having to get up before the sun does not help. She put Kyle on the phone and this is what I heard, in the sweetest little voice you can imagine..."Mommy, I cried very hard this morning. I cried real tears. Mommy, can you come pick me up? I just want to come home. 1st grade is too hard Mommy, I just want to homeschool with my brothers? Is Brendan working? "Yes Kyle Brendan is doing school right now." How about Shane? Is Shane doing school too? "Yes honey, Shane is schooling too." Well, Mommy please can I just come home and do school with my brothers too? 1st grade is very hard and I just want to come home!"

Can you just imagine my heart? Being pulled and stretched to its maximum capacity, it literally hurt inside my chest cavity! My baby is needing me and I knew I needed to say this, (which is what I said) "Kyle, I love you so much! You are such a strong brave boy! You are a great 1st grader!! Mommy is going to come and get you in 2 hours only and so I really need you to put your smile face on for Mrs. Garrett and show her what a brave little man I have OK?" "Ok Mommy I will see you in parent-pickup!" I hung up that phone and cried every tear I had left! As a Mommy I wanted to go running to that school and pick up my baby! He totally knows that his brothers are homeschooled and he is not. He gets that this year. He never used to really understand that! It used to be fine that Brendan had his "special school", Shane had his and Kyle had his own special school. With all of Kyle's changes this year, he is having a challenging beginning, one of which absolutely needs to be soaked with prayers (and evidently a few Mommy tears as well).

I really have sought God on this and know that for now I am trying to do what is best for each of my children individually. Right now, Kyle needs the structure of every day being the same - knowing what to expect. This helps him function a little better. Shane and Brendan have their reasons for being homeschooled as well. Believe me when I tell you, I am not homeschooling because I'm being selfish with my kids. No way, it is just the opposite. For me the easier thing would be to send them to school, but that wouldn't necessarily be the right thing for my children at this point in our lives. As far as Kyle goes, I want to bring him home too. The day will come when he is home, I believe, but for now, until he is able to mature some of those coping skills, homeschooling might not be the best option for him.

About those crystal balls and rubber balls....
As well as being a God's girl, and a mother, I am a wife, a granddaughter, a friend, a sister, a small group leader (of two groups), an AWANAs leader, a sign language teacher (for a homeschool enrichment program), a homeschooler, in charge of primary events in our homeschool group, a women's ministry vision team member, a meal team coordinator and a connextion team leader, and finally I have the role of making phone calls/house visitation to women who are interested in becoming a Christian. Whew, I'm exhausted. I love all of those things, I really do! However, I know myself, when my I am feeling a lack of grace in any of these areas, I am not operating in the will of God, no matter what those things are that I'm doing. My husband's new job keeps him away from home for a good portion of the day and night. We live with his 90-year old grandfather who is really needing more and more of my attention. (Falling down, forgetting medications, drives to Dr. appointments) - I love being able to serve him and all of my other "acts of service" too, but I'm quickly feeling the weight on my heart.

We all juggle balls, all day long! Some are delicate crystal balls, you know the kind that if they are dropped, they will shatter! Then there are the rubber balls, those are the ones that if they are dropped, they just keep bouncing and bouncing, until you (or someone else) can pick them up again. I've been trying to determine which of my "duties or services or roles" are crystal balls and which are rubber. This needs so much reflection for me. I love all of my "balls" and want to juggle all of them, but alas we were not called to be "Marthas" we are called to be "Marys". More and more I am being reminded that I need to stay here at the feet of Jesus and allow him to hand me each "ball", for He is the one who taught me to juggle in the first place. So, I may be needing to rework my life a little. Would you pray for me today? I know I am not the only one in the world who takes on too much with the best of intentions.