That Mom

I love being that Mom who lets all the kids come over and hang at the house or in the backyard. That Mom who gives pitchers of ice cold water and homemade popcorn or cookies to a bunch of hungry boys who've been playing hard outside. On Wednesday my boys had some friends over (two are missing from this picture) and they were having the best time outside (even without a trampoline). I brought out some snacks only to find that they have taken their shirts off (well all but one modest friend). It was too cute. They also had taken it upon themselves to get the demolition of my banana trees underway. Every year we have to cut down all 21 banana trees, it is such a huge and messy task. I have decided that since they all loved knocking my trees down, that they can come over on some Saturday and help bring those trees to the front yard to be picked up. Hauling is the most exhausting task. Anyway, as I looked out on the 7 children playing in my backyard, I whispered a little prayer: "Lord, thank you for my little arrows, may they grow to be amazing men of God someday, may they continue to foster the friendships they have and enjoy the fellowship with their brothers in Christ." This was a God stop for me today. I remember asking the Lord to open my womb and grant me the blessing of having children. Ten years of trying and praying and crying and dreaming. I dreamt of the day that I would have a bunch of children playing in my backyard. I dreamt that I would be "That Mom!"

God's Ears & Arms

I've been asked now for a few updates. I have to say even as I begin to type, that I am humbled by the amount of people who not only read my blog, (I know many of you who are afraid to leave comments because you don't want to join, but you are out there and you are faithful readers.) It blesses me when someone asks me a question about something I have written. Someone recently asked about my husband's job, and today I got a phone call from a relative asking about my meeting with Kyle's school. Well, I am just so touched that so many people care. Thank you all for your encouragement and prayers. Now about God's ears and arms....

I can say this....He hears everything and His arms are not too short! Let me start by saying, my husband's job is going well. He has been in intense training for the past 3 weeks, he hasn't made it "on the road" yet, but he feels like he is being trained properly and very well! He is getting itchy to make his first "sale", but the company requires him to make something like 35 appointments before he actually goes out on his own. Once again, it's baby steps, but good training. All that to say that he is really enjoying himself. Thank you for praying for him!

The car situation has not really changed. Mike's new boss gave him his car to ride around until we can get a van for me. I now drive in Mike's old car. However, now someone else needs the car at his job, so.....here is how God worked that out. We live with our 90 year old grandfather. He has just surrendered the keys to his car (that was a long and heart wrenching process let me tell you)! Pop has been lost one too many times and his mind is very forgetful, this needed to be done, but it was not without a fight! Needless to say, I believe Mike will now be able to drive Pop's old car, while I drive Mike's old car and we have wheels once again. Mind you, it is not easy to have 2 seven year olds and a 5 year old in the back seat. We will not be taking any long (45 minute plus) drives in the very near future....unless I can borrow someone's Ipod for the trip. One can only take so much of this: "Stop touching me! OUCH! OH you stink, you forgot your 'oderant'" all the while playing with the windows!!!! Mom, are we there yet? ::crying:: He hit me in the head! That was my foot OUCH! Your magna doodle is touching mine.....OH NO NOW I HAVE GERMS........." Stop breathing!!!" I could go on and on! Yea, I miss my van! But thank you Lord for transportation!!!

We were trusting the Lord to stand by his word and you have read that he miraculously provided for us. Well, he did that 3 more times. In the form of friends who just picked some stuff up at the store, or who provided a gift card for me to get my hair cut and colored, or treated us to dairy queen, or gave us a gift card just because I introduced her to Jesus! HELLO! When we are faithful, friends, God is even more so! He has heard our prayers and every morning I dedicate my tithe to Him and I praise Him for all that he has done. I'm trying very hard in my prayers to be very specific in my praise! Gratitude! (I need to update that too!)

Finally what happened with Kyle. This was amazing. I stood in the shower that morning of October 31st, my meeting with Kyle's child study team. I had laid my fleece before the Lord and was confident it was out of my hands and into the Hands of my Father! As the water hit my face, I reminded the Lord that I was a little nervous, that I needed his strength especially because I didn't have Mike with me. If you've not ever been to an IEP meeting, it can be intimidating. Now, I taught public high school for 9 years and have been in the seats those team members are in...we have an agenda...it is what we as the staff feel is best for the child. That is all well and good, but what do the parents feel is the best? That doesn't always carry the weight it should. With that said, I must say the staff I met with really do love my boy. They had to read their reports about Kyle, each who dealt with Kyle in a different scenario. Speech therapy, school psychologist, occupational therapy, regular ed teacher, resource/special teacher, guidance counselor, child advocate (who wasn't there this time), principal and a special guest, the special education teacher (who hadn't worked with Kyle before)...I think that covers it.

Hearing what they all had to say was very difficult for me. I lost it a few times. It is one thing to know your child has issues, and know that your doing the best you know how, but then a whole other thing to hear some of those issues come out of someone else's mouth. "Kyle is extremely learning disabled, Kyle says things like "I want to die, I hate myself, I am so stupid". Ouch....that make me cringe even typing that out. He doesn't say these things a lot, but the fact that my sweet 7 year old boy says things like that breaks my heart into a million pieces. He says those things because he feels so trapped in his little body and brain. Anyway, then you hear things that make you feel like you are too coddling as a parent. He is much more independent at school than he is at home. Tsk tsk Mom (no finger shaking, but definite eyes rolling at each other) YUCK....didn't like that feeling. Again, they forget that I sat in their seats for many years. I shed a few more tears, and we moved on.

So you don't fall asleep reading all of this, in a nutshell, this is what I felt was needed in order for me to allow Kyle to stay in the school: Special education teacher teaching him reading and writing and math, regular ed teacher teaching him social studies, science, art, music etc. I did not want my boy in a special education class exclusively. It is not for Kyle. Here are the results: Special education teacher teaching him reading and writing, math being taught by a resource teacher, regular ed teacher everything else. It really couldn't have gone any better. They seemed to be on my side. I didn't get a curbside bus for Kyle, but that is ok...we will drive him to school. I felt a tremendous weight lifted and I was confident that the Lord heard my prayer and He feels Kyle should be where he is for now. Kyle loves his new teacher too! So all is well in Engeland!

This Old Tent

The words of a dear "blog" friend have been weighing on my heart for a week now, and I remember her in prayer. The Lord truly uses her as a beacon of encouragement to so many others. Check out her latest blog at Everyday Simple Abundance.

So after reading her blog and listening to my pastor's sermon, I was moved to write. We live in this tent, this body, but remember it is only temporary. I thought about how I am never pleased with the way I look, or sometimes I get frustrated with the fact that I have to struggle with some physical ailments. 2 Corinthians says this:

"Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come. "

My husband said after reading this again on Sunday he felt justified in his moaning and groaning. LOL! Truth be told, God made us this way and has given us a deposit, the Spirit, and with that deposit He planted a seed of eternity in us. Because of this, we long for our permanent home. (hence the groaning)! Friends, this is our tent, (not meant to be a permanent dwelling place) we are not supposed to love it! Does that set you free or what!?!

Let me show you what the rest of that section in 2 Corinthians says: "Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. We live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad."

In my opinion, we have so much to look forward to. Do you remember what it was like looking forward to Christmas (before you were responsible for buying the presents)! I am in that same place today. Some of my family/friends are coming to visit in March. I can hardly contain the excitement. That is how we should feel about moving into our permanent home. That same sense of excitement and anticipation! We live by faith, not by sight. I love that God has purposed us to be just uncomfortable enough so that we long for eternity! You see that makes rejoicing in our sufferings that much more palatable.

You know, now that I think about it, it applies to all of our struggles, not just physical, but financial and emotional issues too, whatever we struggle with this side of heaven. None of this is permanent, it is all temporary. What is permanent is our relationship with the Lord and with His body. That is why the verse says to make it our goal to please Him!

I'm encouraged today, how about you?

Let me end with the verse from Revelations 21:1-8.

"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." He said to me: "It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son. But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars—their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death."

A Blessed Mother Indeed

Here is the photo of my boys in their Fall Festival costume. The Three Kings, bearing gifts.....I was dressed as Mary, the Mother of Jesus. As the true story goes, the Kings were looking for the baby Jesus and of course the Mary as well. In my story, I was looking for the three Kings all night! I was working a booth at the Fall Festival so my children were left to enjoy themselves without my supervision...(we have an awesome church and my boys are well known, so they were not in any danger) as I tried to keep an eye on them all night long. Dad had to work! So, picture Mary running around every 1/2 hour saying...."Have you seen the three kings?" It was a hoot! We had a blast!

Redneck Entertainment

Oh my goodness, I don't believe I just typed that in the title line. We have lived in Florida for 5 years. Grant it, it is really the only place knows as home (my twins too for that matter). My boys have been very blessed to have such great friends (oddly enough, as hard as it is to find a Florida native around, they have 2 or 3 friends who were born right here!). A few days ago, I was in the kitchen cooking (don't laugh, I'm getting good at it!) and I peeked out the window.....this is what I saw!

That would be my boys and their friend yelling at the picnic table as if they were watching some sport on TV. Actually, they were watching their three bugs race up the side of the table. OH! Who will win?! Oh my goodness. It gets worse. I thought, at least Kyle is not partaking in this oddity! Well, yesterday I go outside to check my three sons and this is what I found...(to my friend in South Africa....I hope this makes you smile!)

Oh the joys of having boys!

Family October Memories

We will go to great lengths to get my son Kyle to try new foods! This is my husband....he rocks!!

Welcome October!

Ok, so the above pictures makes me laugh. This is what Floridians consider a pumpkin patch. OH HELP ME! My children may never know what it is like to go pumpkin picking in a real pumpkin patch, like the one in Hillsdale NJ where Mike and I would go every year. They not only had pumpkins, hay rides, and apple orchards, but one year we found the perfect peach! We worked hard to get that peach and since then (16 years ago) we have not had a peach worthy of comparison. (Sorry for the digression there....just a memory). You can check out Demarest Farms by clicking here.


Choosing the perfect pumpkin can still take a long time! I think I have 3 happy hunters!

Every year it seems we have an unusual moth that comes to our home. Right outside our front door, waiting all day for Kyle to return home from school. I haven't researched yet. We will learn what it is!


This is my family before getting lost in the swamp!
This is an hour into our hike, off the beaten path, somewhat lost! What good memories.....ah...no snacks, no water, sweating hot, lots of flying bugs and hermit crabs. We learned a lot on this walk!

Ah, getting lost has its perks!

Day of mourning.....no more trampoline....at least for now! What will my boys do? Oh you'll see soon enough. That is a whole other blog!

It is carving time at the Engel home! I love this picture! Three, four years ago, Kyle would never get his hands dirty like that! By the way, if your going to roast your seeds, a great way to get all that pumpkin pulp off the seeds is to soak them in water. I always roast them up and we eat them up very quickly! A little salt, a little pepper, a lot of garlic! OH YUM!

My first attempt at a 3-dimensional cake. I couldn't get the icing as dark as I wanted, but since this cake, I have learned a few more secrets! I had a blast doing this. The cake and goodie bags were for our Pumpkin Day Celebration for our Homeschool group.

Finally, here is our pumpkin. He looks just like an Engel. Seriously, we all agree that he has some family resemblance. We think it is the smile, or maybe just the little light inside that shines Jesus. The Engel family had a great October. My personal favorite holiday however is coming up this month! November here we come!

Picture Journal - October Homeschool Memories

Care to take a quick journey down our "Homeschool Memory Lane" for the month of October? Here we go....

Technically, this was in September, in honor of Johnny Appleseed! We love our Ms. Ida for pretending to be Mr. Johnny Chapman that day!

Oh, if you get a chance to read this book....it was great! We had so much fun learning about penguins! Next stop....Sea World - (that will be in November)!

Here is Shane at the Marine Science Center. That is one big shell! We learned about all kinds of animals and what the Center does to help wildlife in need!

Kyle got a chance to join us on this field trip! We love the animals!

When homeschooling, every opportunity can become a teachable moment. Brendan was fascinated by the little ferns growing out of this tree. Did I mention that we love living in Florida!

October was Fire Safety Month! This is our homeschool group - don't they look like a great bunch of kids! We are so blessed!

Here is Shane getting first hand experience some serious water pressure!

Poor Brendan was sweating hot that day! He did have a blast though! That horn is loud!!

Seeing "Nate The Great" live and on stage! Brendan read this book last year and the local college theater was running "Nate The Great" --this was Shane's first play (that he is old enough to remember)! This was awesome!

We even got "Nate's" signature for our copy of the book! So cool!

Here we are on Pumpkin Day. I told the story of how Christians are just like pumpkins and all the kids got to help carve their pumpkins. We played games and ate snacks! It was so much fun!

Science experiments are my kids favorite activities! So just how do cargo ships carry their goods and not sink? Finding out was so much fun!

Our final experiment of the month....."What makes a submarine ship stay under water?....How does it come to the surface?" The Engel boys know the answer now!

Well, thanks for joining us on our stroll through our October Homeschool memories! Catch us later as we stroll through our family memories next!

Stop Shaking & Just Click Submit!

Well, my friends who have been waiting for me to submit my article to Guidepost Magazine, I just clicked submit. I have been tossing and turning and probably fretting about my issues with rejection, but I did it today! Thank you Amanda for giving me that last shove! For your reading pleasure is the article I submitted. I wrote this awhile back on my other blog site. My friend Susan told me that I needed to have it edited and then submit it for publication. Who knows? I had it edited a year ago and just today I mustered up enough courage. We'll know in about two months if it was accepted or not. If not, after two months I can submit to another magazine. We'll see!

Just Pull Over
By Lisa Engel

Well, have you ever had to take a test more than once in order to pass, in order to really get it? ! I used to teach high school. I taught for 9 years and I was the kind of teacher that used to really care if the kids "got it". I mean, grades didn't matter that much really, as long as, in the end, they really understood what you've been trying to teach them. So, if a student took a test twice, or three times, I was happy to give him the average. Not to say everyone was allowed more time to study, so “just fail Mrs. Engel’s tests and she'll let you try again”, NO, I had to see you trying the whole time. After all, I'm not God. But God is like that you know. He will let you try and try until you "get it". Then, every once in a while, He'll test you again, just to see that you've retained it all. Yes! That is where the title of this story comes in, “Just Pull Over”.

This past fall I learned, finally, to just pull over. I was in the car with my three boys. I have one child, Kyle, with some challenges; he has an autism spectrum disorder called PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified). He is an awesome kid! However, you never really know what might set him off. I was picking up my 3-year old from preschool and Kyle, along his twin brother Brendan, were supposed to stay buckled in the car. It was pouring outside. I just had to go to the door and the school would send my little one right to me so I didn't even have to go inside and I can still keep an eye on my other boys. Well, of course my son Kyle had to unbuckle, climb out of the car, into the storm, and follow me to the door. Oh, did I forget to mention he had no shoes on, (that becomes important in a moment)? Now, first of all, I knew that his clothes would get wet and that would be unsettling and difficult to handle, but then as he was running to me he slipped, fell and scraped his leg on the cement. I quickly grabbed him and my 3-year old and ran to the car to get them buckled in again. All the while Kyle was, screaming because he was wet and hurt. I checked his leg and there was no blood, so I buckled him in (I was soaked to the bone) then, I buckled my 3 year old in and off I drove to go home.

Meanwhile, I have my other twin, Brendan, screaming because his brother is screaming and throwing a fit, and then the other one joins in because, well, if you can't beat 'em..... So, I am less that 5 minutes away from home and I calmly tell Kyle, "It's okay, Mommy will put a Band-Aid on it when we get home, we're almost home, just hang in there, then we can get new clothes and we'll fix your scratch". Isn't that what you would say? Well, he had those sobs where you can hardly breath and the tears were really plinking out hard. I knew in my heart he was uncomfortable in every way. He struggles with sensory integration dysfunction and the wet clothes plus the scratch were too much for him. So, less than 3 minutes from home, I just PULLED OVER. I went to the backseat of my van, unbuckled my boy, held him in my arms, kissed him, prayed for his scratched leg and literally rocked him in my arms for 5 minutes. It was amazing. It was so quiet in my van. The sound of the rain was calmingly loud. As I held him, and he held me, he said to me in such a peaceful loving voice, "I SO love you Mommy". I learned a very important lesson. It's all about Pulling Over!

I've had to be reminded of that a lot. I'm getting better. Don't we all struggle sometimes just to get through the day? But what is really important at the end of the day? Is it that we get everything done, or that all of our ducks are in a row? Or are the important things found in moments when we "pull over", grab the moment, and cherish the memory of holding our crying 5 year old, or tickling one another, or having a tea and cucumber party. Really, for me it's about sitting on the carpet instead of always standing at the stove or sink. As one of my friends said, it's about silently staring at the stars with your son, that moment that you wish you could freeze and make time stand still.

I know why God keeps allowing me to take this test. Not only is it because he wants me to pass, but He knows I will cherish those moments forever. Also, He wants me to know that that is exactly what He does for me, and He cherishes those moments with me, His daughter, just as much as I do with my sons. The next time God pulls over for you, don't forget to tell him "I SO love you Abba."

Special

I know you've met my Kyle before! Isn't he just special? OH I can't stand it---I love him so much! All my boys are special of course, but Kyle as you know has some "issues"! I've gone into much detail in previous posts and in fact this one is not really all about him, but I met someone last Sunday when I went for a walk that really made me think.

Her name was Terri! I didn't have my camera, and she was a complete stranger, but we walked by each other as I was going for my walk last Sunday after church. I was headed west, she was headed east. Usually, when people pass by, I smile and say "Hi". It was no different with Terri, but she spoke up first. "Lots of loud bikes out today huh?", she said with a smile. "Yes, Biketoberfest always brings out the loud pipes" I replied. In order to say this many words, we actually had to stop. She looked at me, eyes darting right into my soul, and she smiled as if she and I were old friends. She was most likely in her 70s and she wore a smile that was so contagious! I kid you not, when she and I looked at each other I saw a sparkle in her eye and she said these words to me as she reached out her hand: "My name is Terri and I love Jesus!". "Well, it is so nice to meet you Terri, my name is Lisa and I love Jesus too!" I couldn't help but love her instantly!

She went on to explain to me that she has brain damage. A few years back she was attacked, and though they could not find her attackers, she was left with brain damage but she loves Jesus and is very thankful that her daughter has taken her in. As she spoke, her whole face shined with joy. She told me that her daughter doesn't go to church with her and she will not let her grandchildren go either, but Terri still goes and hopes that they will someday. We talked as if we were old friends and yet it was for less than 5 minutes. I said that I would pray for her and her family, that they would come to know Christ as their Savior. She smiled at me with her understanding eyes, we shared a brief hug, then we said our goodbyes and she headed east and I headed west.

As I walked away, I said a little prayer to the Lord, something like this: "Father, thank you for allowing me to meet sweet Terri today. Lord, she loves you so much! I pray that you would heal her brain damage in the name of Jesus." As if the Lord were right there beside me, walking west with me, he whispered in my heart: "Why do I need to heal Terri? She is perfect.....she loves me with all of her heart, all of her mind and all of her soul." OH, Father, of course, there is nothing wrong with Terri! She may have brain damage, but the Holy Spirit resides in her heart and her mind is clear on the most important thing......her Jesus loves her and she loves Him!

I was reminded that I feel that same way with my son Kyle. Really, what is most important when it comes to his life. As a Mom, I don't want to see my son struggle, I pray regularly that the wires in his brain would be connected and that he would be healed. I would love to know that those obstacles in his sweet life were lifted, but really, what is most important? That he learn to read and write, that he can handle change, that he transitions well, or that he knows that his Jesus loves him and he loves his Jesus! What is most important? Thank you Lord that Kyle loves you and that you show him regularly how much you love him. His mind may not work like his brothers', he may not be able to grasp some of the same concepts that other children his age can grasp and he may not always act like a 7 year old, but there is one thing that he is sure of.....he loves his Jesus and his Jesus loves him.....and he will tell anyone at anytime....just like Terri! We all need to be a little more like these two people!

Please pray for me this week as I go before the child study team and we work out Kyle's IEP. Kyle has recently been through a battery of tests and it has been determined that although he is high functioning on the autism spectrum (PDD-NOS), he has be evaluated as Extremely Learning Disabled. Kyle is not homeschooled, he goes to a public school and I do believe that most people there that know Kyle love him. (It is hard not to)! However, I am his Mom, and really, I have laid out my fleece before the Lord. Kyle needs certain things in order to help him learn, and there are certain things that, we as his parents, feel would be detrimental to him. If the school leaves us with no choice, we may have to remove him and homeschool him. The Lord knows what is best for Kyle, hence the laying of the fleece. It is our way of knowing God's will for our son at this particular juncture. Please pray that the Lord grants me wisdom and strength at this meeting, as my husband will be unable to attend.

As parents, and/or as believers, we must trust in the Lord at all times, for all things and then we must obey. We are trusting the Lord for our Kyle, help me Father to obey! Thank you Lord for special people in our lives, like Terri and Kyle that remind us what is most important. I love you Lord!

The Lord Came Knocking!

Just ask my boys. It is true. Last night at 8:45pm (I know my boys should have been sleeping - they were tyring), we opened up our front door and this is what we saw!

I felt a little bit like Granny Han last night. For those of you that do not know Granny Han....click here...and meet her! My boys were blown away. "God came here....I don't see Him?" "Wow, God bought me bubble bath!" In my last post I said that I have been standing on the Word of God to see us through this hard time. Well, God showed up last night and did exactly what He says He will do in Philippians 4:19 "And my God shall meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus." My boys have prayed these prayers right along with me and now they know, and if you ask them they will tell you, "God gave these bags of groceries to us!" Not just groceries either, Spider Man Bubble Bath, Laundry Detergent, and you can see the rest. We don't know the person who did this. All we know is that this family did not have enough this week to make ends meet, but we trusted and obeyed, and God is always faithful!

Granny (Pauline) Han, was ambassador for Christ in Taiwan and she totally depended on the Lord for her every need. He came through every single time and not only for her needs, but for some of her indulgences (chocolate and coffee) as well. Spider Man Bubble Bath and Jif Peanut Butter - come on....that is just so special - indulgences (bubble bath is not a need and we would have been happy with Winn-Dixie peanut butter, but Jif is our favorite!). Shane came to me this morning and asked if he could take a bath with the Bubble Bath that Jesus gave to us! The Lord also filled our gas tanks so we could last until my paycheck which is next Tuesday! Thank you Lord for hearing our prayers and seeing that all of our needs are met!

Husband starts a new job next week. We are very excited for him. He will be surrounded by other believers and his work environment will be an encouragement to his soul. We pray for the Lord's favor upon him and thank the Lord for yet another opportunity for Mike to gain more knowledge and to touch people's lives.

The Journey

This is a picture of our latest hiking adventure. We so enjoyed getting lost in the swamp/marsh and getting lost in the beauty of what God has placed in our on back yard. This is a 10 minute drive from our home.

Lately, if you've read my blog, I have shared with you some of the trials in my life. Well, about a week ago, I thought I was going to lose it. I came home from a field trip, and I must have cried for 2 hours! Not just cried, but sobbed. I felt like I was experiencing post-partum issues again. NO, it wasn't that! I think it was just the Lord showing me I must trust him even more! He was encouraging me to trust him more and to develop my faith, my spiritual endurance and if affect my ministry. OK. So after I made my distress call to my friend Lorrie, who dropped everything to find me in a puddle of tears on my bedroom floor, and my husband came home from work to make sure I was not really losing it.....I rested! God was truly preparing me for something.

He was preparing me for my journey. If your reading this blog, you've chosen to join me in my journey like my blog header proposes. Yea!! I'm excited, because let me tell you, I am presently armed and carrying my compass (unlike the journey above when we got a little lost in the marshland). Let me share with you what God is showing me today!

3 John 2 says this "Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well." It is normally God's will that believers be healthy and that our lives be accompanied by his blessings. He wants all to go well with us, i.e., that our work, plans, purposes, ministry, families, etc., go according to God's will and direction. Thus, God's blessings through redemption in Christ are intended to meet both physical and spiritual needs. Here is the coolest part...the word here translated "all may go well" in the Greek (I know I sound like Beth Moore huh?) is "euodoo" and it means to have a good journey, to be led along a good road. According to that meaning, John's primary prayer was that as believers walk the road of salvation, they may continue in God's will and his truth and enjoy his blessing! I'm so excited.

I have been sharpening up my sword! As far as my trials are concerned....I declare today...I am not in control of these circumstances, (caring for an elderly grandfather whose mind is declining, not enough money to cover my expenses, no health insurance, no car, a child whose disabilities are at times glaring and troublesome, my own health issues), I relinquish control to Him who is able. 2 Corinthians 9:8-11 "And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things, at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. As it is written, 'He has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor; his righteousness endures forever.' Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. you will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God."

Philippians 4:19 "And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus."

Proverbs 4:21-22 "... listen closely to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to a man's whole body!"

This is the reason why I sit here today with index cards with His words on them, that I pledge to read out loud every day, several times a day, I will not let them out my sight...I plan to keep them within my heart!

My "compass" is telling me that I must seek God's will, obey the Holy Spirit, remain separated from the world, love God's Word, seek his help in prayer, work hard, trust him to supply all of our needs, and live by the principle of seeking first the kingdom of God and his righteousness.

My journey......its a good journey!

Honor Thy Mother

My mother-in-law has been fighting Stage 4 ovarian cancer for over 7 years now. I have to say, in my book, she has done an amazing job at fighting (and it has been a fight), and she continues to do so. This past month has been the most difficult for her as her chemotherapy has changed and her body absolutely hated it!! This weekend my husband and his sister had their Mom admitted to the hospital. She was in terrible condition. She had been terribly dehydrated and her blood pressure was something like 60/80. She was disoriented and her body had gone into renal failure.

I have known my mother-in-law for 20 years (I've been a daughter-in-law for almost 19 years). I went to hospital to see her on Sunday after church and this is where my story begins. I tiptoed into her room, hands full of cards written and drawn with much love from my boys. The faith of my boys ministers to me greatly (but that is another blog)! I go in and for the first time I see my mother-in-law with her bald head. She is careful to always have it hidden, at least in my presence. I know my husband and his sister have seen her this way, but not me. She was beautiful. She didn't expect me (I didn't call ahead of time), but she seemed pleasantly surprised. I came over and sat beside her and we talked through the pictures and cards from my boys. She laughed as she read each one, particularly amazed at Shane's penmanship and the "Z" on Kyle's picture of Jesus. Of course I had to explain that Kyle says "Jesus" like "Zesus" so hence the "Z" on the shirt of Jesus. I placed the cards on her table and sat down again. I asked her what I could do for her while I was there and she asked me to do a few things. My heart just leaped inside my chest, because like her son, it is hard to help them when they need it. I think in runs in that family - that whole independence thing.

I sat down next to her and said that I know that she generally doesn't like visitors (she hasn't in the past), but that I just wanted her to know how much we love her and that we are praying for her and my whole church is praying for her too. Then she reached out her hand to hold mine. My heart was so moved. I got a little choked up. She has never reached out to me like this before. She held my hand tightly and said, "I'm glad you are here, you are family!" Well, that just about did it for me. It took everything to hold back my emotion. I squeezed her hand back and told her that I have always loved as if she were my own. I wanted her to know that Mike and I will always be there for her and that she must know that there is no end to our love and we want her to know that it truly is our desire to honor her. Whatever she needs, she needs just to ask.

As we sat there hand in hand, we talk of a few other things and then I knew that my sister-in-law would be coming soon so I wanted to give her a chance to rest. I stood up and told my mother-in-law that I wanted to "lay hands on you and pray for you". I don't think she knew what I meant when I said "lay hands", but she soon found out. I place one hand gently on her beautiful bald head and one on her heart and I prayed something like this: "Father in Heaven, I love you so much! I am so glad that you are all that we ever need Lord, you are the Great I Am. Lord, I bring before You my "mother" and I ask Lord that you would reach down from Heaven and touch her body. Pour out Yourself for the healing of this woman's body and spirit. Lord, I pray that she would sense Your presence. I pray that You would send your Holy Spirit to comfort her soul and her body. Set a hedge of protection around her heart and mind. Line up her body with the Word of God. Father, you created her and even knew her before she was born, you have command over ever cell in her body, heal her Lord and may she give you all the Glory. In Jesus Name.....Amen".

As I prayed over her, I felt the peace of God all over her body. I could feel her heart under my hand and it beat so calmly. Her breathing was steady.....there was peace. I reach over and kissed that beautiful bald head and thanked her for letting me visit. She thanked me for coming, I told her I love her and I left.

Thank you Lord for allowing me to honor my mother-in-law. Please continue to do a work in her heart and in her body!

Get Well Mom

I've been a little under the weather lately. I've come down with a crazy head cold. UGH! I know this is the way the Lord tells me to SLOW down. Even without a car, we are still a wild and crazy bunch in this house. Anyway, I wanted to share with you a sure fire way to get well quickly!

This would be Kyle, always trying to make me smile!

This would be my Shane - always trying to do everything his big brothers do!

Beauty or the Beast?

It is no big secret that there has definitely been some financial issues in the Engel home as of late. Husband was laid off for about 6 months, finally got a job, but job doesn't pay so good. We have no car, or money to buy a car, we really cannot afford to splurge in any way shape or form. No problem, because I'm studying faith and I'm guessing I'm a" hands-on" kind of learner.....so, like Paul, I am forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, pressing on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. See Philippians 3:13-14.

All this to say that something very strange happened last week. Let me rewind and you can peek in the window of my life on an ordinary Thursday morning. Woke up and saw Kyle off to school. Had a half-hour to do my devotions/bible study and pray. Woke up Brendan and Shane, went outside and started doing our homeschooling devotions -- Ironically enough the lesson was on God is faithful!

I was feeling kind of blah that morning. I didn't get a shower, because I wanted to get my Bible study time in, so not only did I feel blah, but I looked the part as well. Then suddenly, there was a knock on my door. Jesus in skin appears (whom I recognized as a dear friend/sister) and says to me: "My car is running, I'm here to homeschool your children today, you get in my car and go to the Riverview Spa."

The spa! Me! My mind could not handle it. My "Jesus in skin" had purchased a facial for me and I was to go and get pampered for a few hours and let every care be released. In the car, I cried all the way to the spa, saying things like this: "I so don't deserve a facial!", "I'm embarrassed to walk into that place right now when I can't even rub two pennies together.", "Why bother tyring to make this beast of a face beautiful." (ouch!)...I just cried and cried. By the time I pulled in to the parking lot, I looked into the rear view mirror and saw my red nose and swollen cheeks from crying and all I could say was..."UGH!" I got out of the car and placed a smile on my face and walked in for my appointment.

I told the lady at the desk that I was there to see (another friend of mine who does facials for a living), and this kind lady walked me back to the showers. She said I could put my bathing suit on and go into the mineral waterfall or take a shower or do both. It was then that my own personal waterfall began to flow again, I just said in my awful cry voice, "I would love to just take a shower, since I didn't get a chance to get one this morning." She showed me my locker and handed me towels and washcloths and then she said "If you would like a razor...." How did she know that shaving is a luxury. I don't have the time or proper lighting in my bathroom to shave comfortably and perfectly -- I love to shave my legs! OH, I was overwhelmed. By this time, there were five other women in that room, who all thought I was (probably pathetic) in desperate need for some pampering because they all told me to use the showers first!

As I stood in the shower, razor in hand, with every soap, shampoo, conditioner and lotion at my disposal, I let the water run on my red face and cried again. As the water hit my head and ran down my face and mingled with my tears, I could almost feel the gentle hand of my Lord and I could almost hear His voice whisper "My daughter, I long to lavish you with my love and my grace. This is my will for you, allow me to wash you with my presence and fill you with my spirit. You are my daughter and to me you are worth more than gold and far more beautiful that rubies! In me you find rest and restoration for your body and spirit." Oh, I just cried out to God, this time saying things like this: "Please forgive me my Lord! Fill me with the joy of the Lord so that I may have the strength to endure the road before me! Thank you Lord for lavishing your grace and love upon me, your daughter! Thank you Lord for placing people in my life who, by loving me in this world, demonstrates in some small part the greater love you have for me!"

By the time I actually went into the room to get my facial done, I was more than ready to receive! I told my friend, please do everything you do and don't skimp I am so ready to receive! She smiled and loved on me that day! She is amazing at giving facials - truly gifted! She let the tears flow and she made me smile and laugh. She messaged my neck, arms, hands, legs and feet! She took me on a little trip to paradise right there in that room! It was blissful!

I was a new woman when I left that spa. I came home, only after a few hours and told my children school was done and we were going to play the rest of the day. I jumped on the trampoline, colored outside in the grass, pushed my 5 year old on the swing and giggled, laughed and tickled my kids for the rest of the day. My Shane asked me where I had gone, when I told him where I had gone and how it made me feel, he looked me straight in the face as we laid in the grass together and told me this: "Mom, you didn't need to go anywhere to make you feel pretty - you're the most beautifulest Mommy in the whole wide world."

Seriously? Could life on this earth get any better than that!?

September Memories

Other than the "journey" that God has me on this month, we have been having some fun here at the Engel home.

Inspired by the ever so slight change in our weather - (Nothing like NJ by the way)

Don't they look YUM?!
Ok, let me explain the above picture...That would be Shane "Sweatin' To The Oldies" with Richard Simmons. OH my goodness, this boy found these tapes (I'm almost embarrassed to say I own) way way down in the depths of our video collection. Can you say "the 80s!"?

This is the best part of homeschooling. Now they are fully dressed - I require at least shorts in the morning, but there is nothing like doing devotions to start us off!

These are bees, or dragon flies not sure, but they are just like the children in some African countries make for themselves to play with. They are vegetable animals. This was fun.

Below you will see what we do on Fridays. We belong to a Homeschool Co-op and on Fridays this month the children are being taught all about the election process. They have so much fun being with all of their friends and learning about our Presidents, congress and how the election process works....

Below is Brendan and Shane with their good buddy Valor waiting for class to start! As you can see there are a lot of friends in our humble homeschool group. Some of the signs read..."Proud to be a Republican", "Think Elephant", my children's signs read......"Vote Shane"....and "Vote American" - Brendan did tell me later that he meant to write America, but he is so used to writing the "a" and "n" together (because of his name of course) that it was just a mistake. I saw nothing wrong with that....the way our country seems to be going we never know....we may have to make signs that say that at some time.

Evidence

I could not believe my eyes when I signed on to my blog this evening......September 9th was 13 days ago. WOW! That is so not like me, but I must say, I have been going full steam with all my "balls". The Lord has not really released any yet, so I keep plugging along.

Last week while driving my husband's grandfather to his doctor's appointment and insurance agent, I experienced quite the "thrill". My breaks went out. Yes, there I was with all of this precious cargo and absolutely no breaks. The Lord did see us to safety and once again, I am without a car.....not sure how long this one will last.

Well, I have been pondering this word evidence lately. It is amazing how it is as if the Lord Himself, sits down and writes a prescription for me when I am going through a challenging time. He is so faithful to do that. Sometimes, the prescription is simply more time in His arms, sometimes it is close your eyes and walk, sometimes it is Bible Study. Well, this time I am pretty sure He has written me all three.

Hebrews 11:1 says "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen." This happens to be the King James Version (which I memorized when I was little), it is so fun though to look at the other versions to see how it is worded. But, my word evidence is in this version so I like it. I'm on this journey of faith. You are too. We all are. The journey just varies in scenery and direction, but it is all still a journey. I am in the Beth Moore "Believing" study with a bunch of women from my church. I am just having the time of my life in my small group -- I love these ladies. But if you have been looking for Lisa these past two weeks on Sunday morning, she has been on her face at the altar. The Lord is doing something in me, and perhaps that is why I have been unable to pump out a blog.

Here it goes. Evidence....that which tends to prove or disprove something; ground for belief; proof. Something that makes plain or clear; an indication or sign: In Law; data presented to a court or jury in proof of the facts in issue and which may include the testimony of witnesses, records, documents, or objects.

Just reading this makes me understand where I am in my faith. Faith is being sure of what we hope for, or the substance of things hoped for. Do I know what I hope for? Yes! It is the evidence, the proof, the certainty of things even when they are not visible. Whoa! How can we be certain if we can not see? Hello? I have been certain of my Jesus my whole life, and He has yet to show up in flesh and blood to me. I am certain because I have three miracles named Kyle, Brendan and Shane, I am certain because He rescued me even when I was a sinner, I am certain because the moon and stars are set just so because HE set them there, I am certain because I have seen a flower bloom, I am certain because I believe His word when it says that He is the same yesterday, today and forever. That means that all that He was and all that He is, He will continue to be!

The Lord knows our needs right now. We have some huge mountains that have been placed in our path. My husband and I are determined to watch and see what faith, even the size of a mustard seed, will do. Look out mountains - get ready to move!

Lord increase my faith today. Become bigger and bigger in me Jesus. Do in me the work that needs to be done so that my life may bless you Father. I lay my life, my home, my family, my car, my finances at your feet Abba father. Please, handle my affairs and grant me wisdom to hear you clearly and obey. Amen.

Kids Quotables!

Not much time to be on my computer these days. Having to homeschool all day and then having to share my PC with my children only allows me to get minimal computer time. Which is fine. Here is a short one (I know your thinking....RIGHT?!....it is true this time!)

Little quotes from my little men:

Shane setting the table: "Is this fork for a kid or a human?"

Brendan after reading 6 chapters so he could get to the end of his book: "Mom, go easy on me today, I have crowded my brain with lots and lots of words already this morning!"

Kyle frustrated with Dad for making him get dressed in the morning to go to school: "Daddy Donald Engel...What in the world are you trying to do to me!! I CANNOT wear this shirt!!"

Shane sitting down bouncing his left leg quickly: "Mom look, I can hold a baby now!" (He must see babies being bounced a lot!)

Shane sitting front row in church on Sunday with Mike and I during communion - (kinda loud): "That is Jesus blood and you are GOING TO DRINK THAT STUFF! -- (Yea, it was his first time sitting in for communion - there I was in the front row having to explain all about communion and NO it was grape juice!)

Kyle frustrated again, this time with his brothers: "No one wants to play with me! My brothers won't play, my mother won't play, it is no fun playing with me!" (When I told him what he said, he laughed....."I mean it is too fun playing with me!!"

While reading the story of the Princess and The Frog, I read the part where the young girl has a wicked stepmother and how she was so mean, she made the girl do horrible chores and bring water from the well with a sieve (I demonstrated to show how hard that would be). We finished the story and I made Shane finish his chores (empty trash from bathroom)....he did it, but not without this comment..."You can be just like the wicked stepmother sometimes"........and from the peanut gallery this was heard (Brendan)...."Hahahaha that was classic Shane simply classic!"

Where do these kids come up with this stuff!

Oh The Weather Outside

My boys are currently learning about weather and keeping a weather journal in their science studies. I'm pretty excited that we started here and we've had some "interesting" weather since the beginning of our school year. As a Floridian (native or not) I think we cannot help but become "obsessed" with the weather. It there a hurricane, tropical storm or a tornado? Is there flooding? Is there a fire hazard due to drought? Is there red tide going on right now? How is the beach erosion? At least there is always something to talk about! Anyway, this has been passed on to my children and Brendan in particular loves to watch the weather channel. So to lighten things up, (and it was for his assignment today) Brendan has prepared the weather report for today Friday, September 5th (with the help of Shane, of course!) Enjoy!

Gift List Continued...

The Lord so graciously reminded me (since writing my last blog) that it has been awhile since I focused on what I am grateful for! Here it goes...

116. The "aha" moments of my little Shane! The boy who had no idea what the number 64 was or how to say that number now knows to say "six..T...four"! I am so proud! The same little 5 year old who now after only 2 full weeks of "homeschooling" writes his name! YOU GO LITTLE MAN!

117. My friends who love me through my moments.

118. My Lord who carries me and teaches me through my moments! Oh how I am grateful that I know and recognize the voice of my Savior and friend!

119. Love notes in lunch boxes! I love to write love notes to Kyle and leave them in his lunch box! I love it because he gets so tickled when we hears/reads what they say! (I can be silly, just like him!)

120. Opportunities to read to my children. Our curriculum is very rich in literature! I love to read and I love to read to my kids! Shane is getting to hear all of my favorite storybooks from when I was a child. You know....all of those "Little Golden Books"! Oh, I just love them!!

121. Brendan's sensitive spirit and heart! I found a quite place to cry last week after my conversation with Kyle, and Brendan found me. He put his little arms around me and told me I was the best Mom and that Kyle is going to be just fine! He hugged me and gave me a kiss and my husband came in (impossible to hide in a small house full of men!) and told my son that he was going to make an amazing husband and father some day! Thank you Lord for moments like this, when we can be real with each other and watch the Lord do His thing in all of us!

122. The strength to do what is right even when it is not easy!

123. The excitement of learning and being in the Word of God that is spreading like crazy amongst the women of my church! Go God!!!

124. His everlasting arms that I can freely fall back into without taking a breath! Deuteronomy 33:27 "The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms."

125. Peace in the midst of storms, trials or simply "balls that we are juggling"! Hannah Whitall Smith once said, "The fruit of our placing all things in God's hands is the presence of His abiding peace in our hearts!" You can have all my "things" Lord, I just want You!

My Heart - And Those Crystal Balls

I have been unable to blog for awhile. The following should explain why.

About my heart.....
Sometimes I question the ability of a heart to handle all that is put on it! These past two weeks my heart has been pulled, tugged, burdened, aching, full of love, and broken into a million pieces, but yet it still stands. Amazing. God knew what he was doing when he created a mother's heart.

Last Friday I received a phone call from my Kyle 1st grade teacher. Concerned for him, she called me first thing in the morning. I of course, was not here. By the time I received the message, it was closer to noon. The message went something like this..."Mrs. Engel, I am very concerned about Kyle, he is cry hysterical and I cannot get him to stop. He says that he wants to come home. Could you please call me as soon as you get this message." By the time I got the message, I knew that he more than likely had stopped crying. So, I called and she explained to me again, that yes he had stopped crying, but that he seemed very upset. I explained to her that Fridays are always a challenge for Kyle, just expect that he needs a little extra grace on Fridays. He is exhausted from dealing with all the stimuli all week long, plus having to get up before the sun does not help. She put Kyle on the phone and this is what I heard, in the sweetest little voice you can imagine..."Mommy, I cried very hard this morning. I cried real tears. Mommy, can you come pick me up? I just want to come home. 1st grade is too hard Mommy, I just want to homeschool with my brothers? Is Brendan working? "Yes Kyle Brendan is doing school right now." How about Shane? Is Shane doing school too? "Yes honey, Shane is schooling too." Well, Mommy please can I just come home and do school with my brothers too? 1st grade is very hard and I just want to come home!"

Can you just imagine my heart? Being pulled and stretched to its maximum capacity, it literally hurt inside my chest cavity! My baby is needing me and I knew I needed to say this, (which is what I said) "Kyle, I love you so much! You are such a strong brave boy! You are a great 1st grader!! Mommy is going to come and get you in 2 hours only and so I really need you to put your smile face on for Mrs. Garrett and show her what a brave little man I have OK?" "Ok Mommy I will see you in parent-pickup!" I hung up that phone and cried every tear I had left! As a Mommy I wanted to go running to that school and pick up my baby! He totally knows that his brothers are homeschooled and he is not. He gets that this year. He never used to really understand that! It used to be fine that Brendan had his "special school", Shane had his and Kyle had his own special school. With all of Kyle's changes this year, he is having a challenging beginning, one of which absolutely needs to be soaked with prayers (and evidently a few Mommy tears as well).

I really have sought God on this and know that for now I am trying to do what is best for each of my children individually. Right now, Kyle needs the structure of every day being the same - knowing what to expect. This helps him function a little better. Shane and Brendan have their reasons for being homeschooled as well. Believe me when I tell you, I am not homeschooling because I'm being selfish with my kids. No way, it is just the opposite. For me the easier thing would be to send them to school, but that wouldn't necessarily be the right thing for my children at this point in our lives. As far as Kyle goes, I want to bring him home too. The day will come when he is home, I believe, but for now, until he is able to mature some of those coping skills, homeschooling might not be the best option for him.

About those crystal balls and rubber balls....
As well as being a God's girl, and a mother, I am a wife, a granddaughter, a friend, a sister, a small group leader (of two groups), an AWANAs leader, a sign language teacher (for a homeschool enrichment program), a homeschooler, in charge of primary events in our homeschool group, a women's ministry vision team member, a meal team coordinator and a connextion team leader, and finally I have the role of making phone calls/house visitation to women who are interested in becoming a Christian. Whew, I'm exhausted. I love all of those things, I really do! However, I know myself, when my I am feeling a lack of grace in any of these areas, I am not operating in the will of God, no matter what those things are that I'm doing. My husband's new job keeps him away from home for a good portion of the day and night. We live with his 90-year old grandfather who is really needing more and more of my attention. (Falling down, forgetting medications, drives to Dr. appointments) - I love being able to serve him and all of my other "acts of service" too, but I'm quickly feeling the weight on my heart.

We all juggle balls, all day long! Some are delicate crystal balls, you know the kind that if they are dropped, they will shatter! Then there are the rubber balls, those are the ones that if they are dropped, they just keep bouncing and bouncing, until you (or someone else) can pick them up again. I've been trying to determine which of my "duties or services or roles" are crystal balls and which are rubber. This needs so much reflection for me. I love all of my "balls" and want to juggle all of them, but alas we were not called to be "Marthas" we are called to be "Marys". More and more I am being reminded that I need to stay here at the feet of Jesus and allow him to hand me each "ball", for He is the one who taught me to juggle in the first place. So, I may be needing to rework my life a little. Would you pray for me today? I know I am not the only one in the world who takes on too much with the best of intentions.