Wake Them Up With The Word

I read a great article that a friend posted for me on facebook. It took me back to the reasons why we homeschool. The name of the blog post is Homeschooling Held Hostage. If you get a chance-read it.

Being a former teacher, the first year of homeschooling, I put my one son through university. He however, was a self motivated, lover of learning. It worked well. Then came my next child to bring home. My very active, very athletic, very kinesthectic learner. He rocked my world. LOVED having my baby home from preschool - he started homeschooling in kindergarten...but there were days when I thought...I really really liked preschool, why can't he go back?

Then I finally brought my third (who incidentally is my oldest...by 2 minutes) home from public school. He came home with all kinds of learning disabilities, on the autism spectrum, but probably the one that most needed to be home all along. Finally we got to see the best of him, not the worst. Best decision I have ever made for this child...however, there are days when I wonder what in the world did I do...I am failing him.

He doesn't learn like everyone else. He doesn't learn like me. He doesn't learn how I like to teach. He stretches me. He makes me dig deep in my heart to find the thing that will help make history click in his brain. I don't always have it. (Please note that I didn't say, he makes me dig deep into my great college education because I was a teacher....NO...I must dig in my heart...a Mother's heart...that is where we find what we need to school our children - not my BA degree in Education).  We talked about it tonight. He learns better by reading...but doesn't enjoy reading. GREAT! He doesn't remember half of what is spoken (short term memory issues coupled with very non auditory learning style).

Oh how I could labor on all of these points. This morning after my quiet time, my time when I talk/listen and spend time with my Maker. He reminded me why I do this homeschooling thing.

I looked at the notebook filled with pages entitled..."The Psalms of Shane". I hear the prayers of my boy who can't remember one thing about history, but seems to recall everyone's need so he can earnestly pray for them. Then there is the child who remembers everything, who loves to read, who is sensitive to the Holy Spirit and wants to grow deeper in his relationship with Christ. My middle schooler whose heart is precious and not hurt by the social drama and pressure of our society. That is why I homeschool.

This morning, I went into their bedroom. They were sleeping ever so sweetly. I love their faces, love looking closely, just like I did when they were in their cribs. I said good morning to them. I know they were up talking last night, probably after I fell asleep. The rule is, I'll stop "good morning" them to death as soon as they say it back to me. "Good morning Mom!" "Good morning." "Good morning!" Blankets still covering their faces because I had to open the blinds. I sat on one of their beds, with Bible in hand and decided that I would wake them up with the Word. Started reading John this morning. By the time I got to chapter 4 there were thoughts and questions and comments all around and they were excited about the Word...before they even thought about Life cereal.

"The Jews then responded to him, “What sign can you show us to prove your authority to do all this?” Jesus answered them, “Destroy this temple, and I will raise it again in three days.” They replied, “It has taken forty-six years to build this temple, and you are going to raise it in three days?” But the temple he had spoken of was his body. After he was raised from the dead, his disciples recalled what he had said. Then they believed the scripture and the words that Jesus had spoken." John 2:18-22 

I've read that to them before, but they were in awe this morning. Such joy! Tonight before going to bed, my one boy comes in and says to me..."Will you wake us up with the Word again tomorrow?" Yes...that is why we homeschool.

Run To The Cross

We've been doing this every month for over a year now. It has become part of our lives. We look forward to it, to them. We miss them when they're not there, we intercede for them during our family prayer times, we love them. I just never knew how much it would affect me.

I'm talking about feeding the hungry and homeless in our community. We serve with some amazing people. There are several volunteers and we look forward to doing this together as a team every month. For the past 6 months we've instituted a time of individual prayer. I make the announcement to the 70+ people that are waiting in line to be served that we are blessed to be here to share a meal with all of them, but would love to share the love of Jesus with them by praying with them if there is a need. I let them know I'm available if they would like some individual prayer. My boys and I serve as runners during the meal, then once everyone is served, I am usually asked by individuals to come and pray. Sometimes I just go and pray with them at their seat if they call me over, other times we go into a separate room where there is some level of privacy. It is such an honor to run to the cross with people.

I've prayed for people to be healed, prayed for provision and many other things. I just listen. I think just having someone they can talk to, someone that just looks into their eyes, without judgement and listens...I think that means the most. We're all so different in how we interact with people. One way isn't better than the next. This is just the way God made me. I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not....and eventually...I find that they feel the same way. Often it starts off with zero eye contact and grandiose stories. Then after a little bit, sometimes elements of raw truth begin to surface. Oh the beauty of taking off the masks.

The other very important element is touch. I've been told "I'm sure you don't want to hold my hand!" The first time someone said this to me, I was shocked. Did they think they were "unclean", "unworthy"? What? Why wouldn't I want to hold your hand and pray with you. I remember my heart sinking...they need to know love...unconditional love...the kind that my Lord gives. (Remember, I was homeless at one time too) Yes I want to hold your hand....I want to run to the cross with you. I want to hug you when we're through. This is me...the way God made me. I walk away humbled at the opportunity to do this every single time! Yesterday was no exception...except this time...I felt like I was standing on Holy Ground.

Interestingly enough while I was praying with a man for healing (I always leave the door open so others can see me because I'm alone), I looked up for a moment and saw another man...watching. We locked eyes at one point then he turned away. When I was done it was time to serve seconds. This man approached me and asked if I could talk with him. We went into the room (door open) and he began to talk. He told me a little about his personal story. He was passionate. He talked about a few of his friends praying in agreement to God for a solar generator. He is convinced that the Lord will provide one in His timing. I asked him if he has made a decision for Christ, if he has accepted God's plan of salvation for his life. He continued with his story, how he struggled with anger and judgement, but God got a hold of his heart after he read this book and yes he is now saved. He pulled it out of his back pack...The Purpose Drive Life. I told him that I read that book too. He started to weep. He proceeded to tell me all that has been happening in his heart and life since picking up this book and reading it. He felt like he wanted to talk with me since he had walked in the door, before I even spoke about prayer. He felt like he needed prayer, but wasn't sure what to ask for.

At this point I began to pray in the Spirit and ask the Lord to reveal to me how I should pray for him. I wanted to hear from God. As he stood there weeping, he looked into my eyes, with this "please tell me what I should be doing" kind of look. I locked eyes with him, not having any great wisdom at all, and said...can I just begin to pray over you? He said..."You may not want to hold my hands...since I've been crying and blowing my nose."  So I reached over and placed both my hands on his shoulders. I looked down at the floor and I noticed tear drops on the ground. This man was searching for God's purpose in His life.

So I began to worship God right there. Praised Him for His love, His mercy, His grace! Thanked Him for His Word, His sacrifice, His plans! My new friend praised God right with me. I was getting excited, I could totally feel the Holy Spirit's presence in that room. That scripture from 1 Corinthians 1:27 popped into my head "But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong." OH I know this scripture! In context it says this: "Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not —to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption."

As I began to pray in light of what the Lord was speaking to my heart. This man's demeanor began to change. It was totally connecting with him. His purpose...to be a light in a dark place. He was no longer angry with anyone for judging him - he no longer judges other either. He knows that some of his choices put him in the place he has been for the past 3 years. He has changed...his heart and mind have changed...but he loves these people. He wants them to know what he knows. He told me he felt that way, but "why would God use someone like me, a man who made foolish mistakes?" I read that scripture to him. We continued to pray a prayer of equipping. The truth is...God equips those He calls. It will never, should never, be you and your strength...it should always be His!

At the end of our time (and it was a good 30 minutes), I gave him a hug and called him brother (he smiled). I told him he could use support, and gave him some local churches...including my own church, where I'm confident he will find support, love and acceptance.

I walked away...changed. Once again, humbled beyond words. This journey to the cross was different. Even now I weep because I still can't come up with the words to explain what God is doing in my own life. I'm pretty sure that what I was telling Andy was the same things that God was speaking to my own heart. This morning in my quiet time with Him, I laid that all down.

Continue to do this new thing in me Lord. I know you are moving people and things out of my life for a reason..to do a new thing. I'm excited, nervous, but more excited. I feel like a little girl, holding on tight to her Daddy's hand. Thank you for not ever letting go!

This Beautiful Day

It started off with the smell of coffee and the sound of the pages turning in my favorite Book. Then He spoke to me through the pages. We spent the first part of this particular morning just talking with one another. Suddenly He surprised me with a gift. There in the midst of my chaotic life, a precious gift, beautifully wrapped. He beckoned me to open it..I decided to open it then and not wait, like I often do. There it was, on my lap, Peace. Oh and it was a very special gift. The Giver sat and smiled through the pages of The Book as I looked upon it with great delight. He told me that this particular gift is His continual gift to me and that it actually flows abundantly from His throne of grace. Here is the catch; every day, I must remember to meet him here...in our special spot, in this comfy chair right in my room. He told me that this gift is sufficient for the present, when I come to meet Him "by prayer and petition with thanksgiving" He will continue to pour this gift into my life.

It makes perfect sense to me. If He had chosen to give me a permanent gift of Peace, independent of His presence, I might just fall into the trap of self-sufficiency. He obviously loves me too much to let that happen to me! He wants to meet me right here...every single day! I'm glad He designed me to need Him moment by moment. It is a beautiful day, like I know every day can be if I remember to approach His throne of grace in confidence and in trust, receiving His Peace with a thankful heart.

See you soon.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

The Sparrow

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" Matthew 6:26

I have been living this amazing "George Mueller" kind of life lately. (Go ahead..do a google search..he's one of my heroes of the faith). I'm gonna put it out there, I think it is because I have finally come to the place where I am believing God for who He is and what His Word says. Don't get me wrong, I've always believed the Word of God is true, but lets face it, you know what you really believe when you act like you believe it. How often to we say things like, "The Bible says...", "I know the truth is this...", but then at that very same time we worry about our finances, we rack up debt, we continue in our slump...perhaps we are not really believing God. As always, it boils down to trust for me. I found that I could totally trust Him for some areas of my life, but then there are others that I act like I'm just not sure. I would never consciously say that of course, but my actions would.

If I were to mention the miracles one by one that have occurred in my home...the hand of the Almighty God found at my address, time and time again, my fingers would hurt from typing so much! I feel like I'm living in the New Testament. Only the Lord would know the silent prayers my husband and I have prayed for our various, and often times numerous, situations. So when the very next day the Lord sends two or three people to us with very specific answers to our silent prayers...it blows me out of the water. It has happened so much lately that I have just come to expect the Lord to meet our every need "according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus." Please note I said need, not want, dream or desire...NEED. I am so eternally grateful for that!

Believe me when I say that I'm not just talking monetary, physical, and emotional, I'm talking all of those plus spiritual as well. His truth resonates in my heart...so that at times that is all I hear. I am in love with His Word. It totally sustains me! So, please if you know me and you see that I'm struggling (because lets face it, we will continue to struggle this side of Heaven)...please, just remind me of the Word. I have recently heard someone say that people often say when you are in the center of God's will you are sure to be safe. However, when you are in the center of God's will the enemy is not happy and you are more vulnerable for attack. (Living that like crazy lately) The difference is, God will still have His way. God cannot be defeated by the already defeated enemy of our souls. Amen?

So, as I close my first blog in many many months...take a look at that picture. That is my boy and the baby bird we found hopping along our driveway. He barely had his flying wings. My Kyle, lover of all nature, has a precious heart for God's creation. Prayed for his friend, Baby Peeps, that God would protect him, help him find his Mommy & Daddy, and make sure no stray cats ate him. After we prayed I spoke that verse to Kyle. His eye is on the sparrow (even though that is technically a baby blue jay)...

Popular hymn penned by C. Martin here is a little history of the song:

Civilla Martin, who wrote the lyrics, said this about her inspiration to write the song based in the scriptures outlined above,
Early in the spring of 1905, my husband and I were sojourning in Elmira, New York. We contracted a deep friendship for a couple by the name of Mr. and Mrs. Doolittle—true saints of God. Mrs. Doolittle had been bedridden for nigh twenty years. Her husband was an incurable cripple who had to propel himself to and from his business in a wheel chair. Despite their afflictions, they lived happy Christian lives, bringing inspiration and comfort to all who knew them. One day while we were visiting with the Doolittles, my husband commented on their bright hopefulness and asked them for the secret of it. Mrs. Doolittle's reply was simple: "His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me." The beauty of this simple expression of boundless faith gripped the hearts and fired the imagination of Dr. Martin and me. The hymn "His Eye Is on the Sparrow" was the outcome of that experience.
—Civilla Martin


Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heav’n and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant Friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I’m happy, I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

“Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

You can listen to it here.

Pruning

As soon as someone says something like..."I am really a big fan of your blog" I am suddenly ridden with guilt because I haven't been keeping up lately. You see I had a wonderful vacation (still more to come on that) and then I got back and my world exploded.

So, I digress from the vacation blogging and talk about what God has been showing me. As I work so hard to get off the speeding train that I've been riding for the past three weeks, I found myself outside in my yard, inspired by God's beauty. Beauty inspires you know? It also speaks, nourishes, comforts, and draws you to God! (I'll be sharing about Beauty on Saturday at Bagels & Blessings). So, I was looking at my jasmine bushes the other day and realized that spring is here and it is time for some serious yard work. I darn my gloves & I begin the task of pruning my jasmine. I am not a big fan of pruning, only because I could prune so much that I feel like I would ruin the whole plant. So, I go the other way and I find that I am a conservative pruner (if indeed pruner is a real word). I'm not exactly sure of the ramifications of conservative pruning, but I do know the benefits of cutting back so the jasmine will grow even more beautifully and fuller the next time it blossoms. Wow, the word choice: cutting back! That speaks a whole other blog I think (hmmmm...see I just need to type and then all these blogs pop in my head).

So, as I stood and looked at my bush. I was a little timid to cut the branches. I snipped a little here and there, but I knew that if my husband was out there, he would have snipped that thing to nakedness.

That night, I found myself praying after pruning. Asking God, NOT to be conservative when it comes to pruning me. I long so desperately to please Him! I know that nakedness is painful sometimes, vulnerability is hard, pruning actually hurts, but the benefits far outweigh the momentary pain. I want to be all that God wants me to be. I don't want to get in my own way of growing in Christ. Prune me Lord, don't hold back! I want to blossom more beautifully, I want to be more like You Jesus! I want to make You smile!

The Light Vs. The Darkness

It is very dark! Blackness surrounds you in your room for several hours as you get your well needed sleep. Early morning hours do not even bring the sun or any light for that matter. Your eyes have adjusted to the darkness even as you stare at the clock turning 3:00 am. Then suddenly someone comes into your room and "Boom" turns the lights on! Not nice dim lights, but 75 Watt light bulbs...4 of them in the light fixture hanging just above where you sleep! Can you imagine what happens next? The pain of the light...the anger you feel for someone suddenly turning your darkness into light and waking you from this state of slumber!

My last post was about spiritual warfare. I am convinced that I am living in a time when Satan is trembling. He is out to try and bring the church down like never before. I talked about being a "fearless warrior" for Christ and I do believe that we can be just that. I mentioned that our offensive weapon while fighting this battle is our sword, specifically the "sword of the spirit" or the Word of God. As I continue to study and continue to fellowship every day with my Commander and Father God, I am sharpening my sword and using it more than ever to fight the battle before me. I learn best by watching Him. If I truly stop to observe the Lord and follow his example this is what I see: God the Father loves this world so much that He gave his Son to save us. Jesus came as light into a dark world. This world hates the light...the enemy hates the light. They have adjusted to the darkness and they find comfort there...and it is painful when the light shows up! "This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God." John 3:19-20 This is the reason why Jesus was so hated. When doing battle friend remember that you may not be liked very much! Why, because if you are following the plan of your Commander you are casting off the works of darkness and putting on the armour of light. John 15:18-19 says, "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you."

Remember I said to sharpen your sword. I know that the enemy's primary strategies against the church is to plant division and strife. (He has been doing this since the beginning of time...nothing really changes!) It looks like this: race against race, rich against poor, friend against friend, brother against brother, sister against sister, leader against leader! Has He given us a battle plan?...YES! In that same chapter, in the 17th verse it says this: "This is my command: Love one another." Simple?...yes and no...effective...absolutley! I say we give it a try. I'm not saying we need to love Satan! NO! I'm saying no matter the conflict, no matter the world, the people being used by Satan to cause division...remember...our battle is not against flesh and blood, so we need to love one another. In John 13:35, Jesus says it again to his disciples (He says it so much really) "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." David Wilkerson wrote this: "Then the lost will see and know God's love, through his obedient, joyful, sacrificing people - the church." Seriously, I'm all about being obedient right now. That is why I can find joy in the midst of battle, because I'm trusting in the one who has called me to obedience! I know I am safe, I know I have done right by my Father and He is on my side. So how do you love? I think Mr. Wilkerson says it just perfectly, "The truth is, I truly love my brother when I can stand confidently before Christ's throne knowing I have nothing in my heart against him. I know I truly love my brother when I have the same love for him that Jesus has shown me. It happens when we forgive those who have hurt us, just as Christ has forgiven us. It happens when we reach out to the backslidden, doing all in our power to restore them." I love that! That is why I am confident today! I stay in a prostrate position of submission to my Father God and walk in love the love of the Lord for my fellow brothers and sisters! This is how we are going to win this war against Satan.

Well, these are my thoughts for today! I think it is time for a light little family update for my next post! HA!!

Fearless Warrior

The title of this picture is "Without Fear". Can there be such a person as a fearless warrior? We've heard the term before, but really, does it mean that these warriors who are in the depth of battle seriously fear nothing? If that is so, what is it about them that makes them "fearless"? They cannot possibly know the outcome of the war/battle while they are in the midst of it. If they could, then perhaps I can see where they could be truly fearless. Perhaps they are very prepared and truly know their enemy, or at least they think they do, or they are completely confident in their weaponry. I could understand being confident or even somewhat fearless. Or does fearless really mean wreckless...without abandonment?

I have been served my papers to go into battle. Actually, when I got saved, I was served those papers. I think sometimes we think that battling and war talk are for small seasons of our lives, but in reality...it is the times of respite that are indeed the small seasons. I am seeing that more and more clearly now as evident in my own walk. Can I say that I am a fearless warrior? Well here is what I know:

My papers (Bible) say this: "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes."

Ok...I know my enemy and I have my armor for defence and really just based on this portion of scripture alone, I don't even need my own power, I have the Lord's mighty power.

Then it goes on to further explain what the battlefield looks like:

"For our struggle (battle) is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." The truth is often times this is exactly where we get our fear, because it looks like flesh and blood and we are not really equipped to fight that kind of battle. So before we even step out into the battlefield, we are crippled with fear because how can I fight this manipulative person, or how can I fight this evil system? Ahhh...but often..that is not who we are fighting at all! Recognize your enemy and realized the weapons we need are not carnal, but are spiritual!

If we stop here I can see where fear can creep in...lets not stop!

"Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints."

Ahhh...here is my protection and my instructions on how to use the tools that my Commander has equipped me with. This is pivotal! I can already feel the fear being extinguished!

So lets recap for a second. Here is what we know:

As Christians we are engaged in a spiritual conflict with evil. This spiritual conflict is described as a warfare of faith that continues until we get to Heaven. The great news is this: our victory has been secured by Christ himself through Christ's death and resurrection. Jesus waged a triumphant battle against Satan, disarmed the evil powers and authorities. ("And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross." Col.2:15) The truth is that we must wage war not in our own power but with spiritual weapons! Finally we are called to endure hardships like good soldiers of Christ, suffer for the gospel, fight the good fight of the faith, persevere, conquer, be victorious, triumph, defend the gospel, contend for the faith, not be frightened by opponents, put on the full armor of God, stand firm, destroy Satan's strongholds, take captive every thought and become powerful in battle! Whew!!!! It is true...read 2 Corinthian 10 and Hebrews 11:34!! If my Commander has said I can do this...then I can!

I feel stronger already! I don't have to fight this alone and there is no need to be wreckless...we have very specific instructions! I have been given all that I need to be prepared and confident. Indeed I have what it takes to be a fearless warrior! Watch out, I am all fired up now!!

You know what? If I had to pick, and I'm really not picking (because they are all equally important), but for me personally right now...my sword is so valuable! Seriously the "sword of the Spirit" is my offensive weapon to be used in battle! There is NO WAY, I will sit back and let the enemy shake my confidence in the truth found in my sword (the Word of God!)!

So friends, please do me one favor, as Paul asked...this next verse finishes Ephesians 6:10-20:

"Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should."

And I will do the same for my fellow warriors!

Another Great Adventure

My husband and I have been on this adventure before...too many times! However, here we are again: Unemployed! This time it is a little different, we have been here before, we are familiar with the territory and although it is not pleasant...we have abosuletly no fear! No. Just peace! We are armed with not only the promises of God, but we can clearly see the stones that we laid out before that remind us that God has a plan and is going to see us through, because he did it before!

What does that look like in real life and not just poetic phrase? It looks like this: A husband and wife that has not stopped praying together for God's will for our family. The Word of God so clear in its promises to care for our every need and actually provide in abundance (so much that we cannot even store it. Malachi 3:10) A small child who says, "This is so Daddy can become a nurse huh Mom?" Memories of food on our table that was given to us by an anonymous person....living on 5 loaves 2 fish!! While we are not clear where God is taking us at this point, we are very clear that He has a plan for our family and it is a good one! So, that is where the peace comes from...I'm just trusting and it is easy to trust someone who never fails you!

What are you going through? The Lord will never fail you...NEVER! If there is a moment when I begin to doubt or have any kind of fear I will ask myself of Psalm 42:5..."Why so downcast oh my soul...put your hope in God?"

Mike will be starting nursing school in a week. We are all very excited about his major change of career! He can hardly contain himself....he is going to make an awesome RN!

So I don't know about you, but I'm looking forward to this new jaunt with Jesus!

Help Along The Way

Recently I've been traveling along side of sweet friend as she is on a very difficult journey. We have been able to see the hand of God so often because there are two sets of eyes (hearts) looking for the Lord every step of the way! I have been thinking about the journeys that we walk in our lives and how often we feel so alone. Adventuring off into any journey can be exciting and scary at the same time! I look at this picture below...there is my Kyle in the red kayak...in the inter coastal waterway.

He was having a blast on his little journey. He was most likely a little nervous to venture out, but he new he might see dolphins, manatees and other wildlife while out there...so he wanted to go out by himself! Everything was great until he figured out that he couldn't turn around and he was headed out for the ocean! That is when he called for help! Along came a friend and Kyle held on for dear life as this young friend paddled him back to shore! Not an easy task as you can see with Kyle's kayak in that position.

Sometimes we need rescuing. We are so off course that we need someone to help us find our way back. Christ is always faithful to do that for us. Then there are times when he sends a friend our way to be His hand extended. I thank God for the people in my life that he has sent to gently keep me on track. Those encouraging words, gentle correction, gifts of love, and leading questions that have kept me on a safe course in my walk with the Lord.

Then there are times like the ones below that the Lord brings a person into your life to walk it with you. Kyle found himself on the bottom level of this historical landmark, while his friend Hunter was easily climbing on top of the walls. Kyle, feeling despair called out for help. We all called out instructions to Kyle to help him, but he couldn't seem to climb up. Finally, Hunter jumped down and climbed the wall, step-by-step with Kyle. He came along side of him and climbed up the wall until they both reached the top.

Thank you Lord for the people in our lives that you send that will actually stop and not only show us the way, but join us along the way. Hand in hand, side by side...carrying the burden with us...demonstrating the process! You know what? In this process, both people are equally blessed. You see, the person who is enduring (or enjoying) the journey is blessed by having someone encourage them and actually demonstrating along the way. During the process then too, that encourager/demonstrator is relearning eternal truths and thus engraving it even more deeply in their hearts and growing their faith as well.

I pray that as I walk in my own personal journey and as I walk with my friend in hers, that we continue to have the perspective of gratitude for the people that God places in our lives for such a time as this.

Shhhh...Listen Up

We live in a very busy, highly technical, loud world! Unless of course you are Amish or live in the country or just practice that laid back lifestyle. I don't really know what that is like. I used to live 10 minutes from New York City...the busiest place I know, when I moved to Florida I thought, life quieted down. It has a little, but not really. I am convinced that it just follows me. This week I am purposefully practicing slowing down. I need quiet time. Before I had children Mike and I would just sit and read for hours at night. Not so much anymore. Unless I'm reading to my children, I'm usually cleaning up, doing laundry, bathing children, doing bills, and the TV is usually on. UGH! By the time my boys are in bed there is still the every 15 minute check on them until the last one falls asleep and then finally, I have some time & I'm exhausted!

That is why I practice this: Psalm 5:3 "In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation." For me, it is necessary...up before the family = quiet time!

You know why quiet is necessary? In 1 Kings 19 you read about Elijah, the prophet. To encourage and strengthen Elijah's faith, God visited him on Mout Horeb (ironically enough that mountain means mountain of revelation, cool huh?)! This is what happened:

"v.11-12: Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave."

This visitation was accompanied by a great wind, earthquake and fire, but the Lord was in none of those events. Instead, God's revelation came in the form of a "gentle whisper." Elijah learned that God's work proceeds and advances "Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit," says the Lord Almighty" (Zec. 4:6). God had in fact not deserted his prophet or his faithful people. By his Spirit and eternal work, he would bring redemption, righteousness and eternal salvation.

Seriously, I don't know about you, but I need to hear from God. It is essential to my life...like breathing in and out!

Do you wonder sometimes if your prayers are hitting the ceiling and not reaching Heaven? Have you been so busy with life that you can't hear the Lord clearly? Do you feel anxious, worried, frustrated?

Wait quietly in His presence while His thoughts form silently in the depths of your soul. Do not try to rush that process, because hurry keeps our hearts earthbound! He is the Creator of the entire universe, yet He chooses to make His humble home in our hearts. It is there where we can know Him most intimately; it is there where He speaks to us in holy whispers. Let's remember to ask the Holy Spirit to quiet our minds so that we can hear His still, small voice within us. After all, what He says will make a difference. He speaks words of Life...Peace...Love. Ahhh...that is the way I want to start every single day!

I'm Lost Without You

I took my boys to the beach on Friday morning. We had worked so hard all week on school, I decided to do my morning walk on the beach with two of my children and one of their buddies and then they could swim/surf/play until it was time to go home.

My 5 year old son Shane is going through a stage right now where his stranger radar has totally increased. He is very aware of his surroundings and needs to be able to see me at all times. A few weeks ago, we went to the beach and he wouldn't let me sit in my chair, I had to be in the water the whole time or he was in the sand next to me. Even with his brothers braving the waves, he still needed me.

This time was no different, except that we brought a friend with us this time. I think Shane wanted to appear brave in front of his buddy, but he clearly still needed me.

He went into the water with Brendan and Chase and then as the waves would take them off...he would look up from where he was and frantically search the beach for me and my chair. He waved as he saw me and then off with his body board he went. Sometimes the tide would take him off to the right or left and I could see it in his face..."I have to see my Mom!" Every 5 seconds, I'm not kidding, he would look up and I would have to wave at him. Even if he saw me, he wanted to be sure that I saw him...I had to wave back. I understood and complied. He had a great time.

After about an hour of waving, my arms were tired so I called him in. I asked him why I had to keep waving. This is how he responded: "I just feel safer knowing you are there. If I see you, and you see me, then I know I'm not lost!"

Even as I type these words the tears flow down my face. I hugged him and told him I would continue to wave (even if my arms were in pain!)

As I sat there I thought about what an example he was to me. Every single day, I want to be that desperate for my Jesus. It is so easy for us to be overtaken by the storms in our lives. It is all we can do sometimes, just to keep our heads above the crashing waves of the ocean and sometimes we do get off center and are taken left or right. We should frantically be looking for our Savior...not just in times of storms, but in all times. I don't want to do this journey called life on my own. I'm am indeed lost without Him. I do feel safer knowing He is there, right beside me. And yes, if I am constantly aware of His presence in my life, then I know I am where I am supposed to be and I am not lost!

God said to Jacob in Genesis 26:15 and he says it to us today: "I am with you always and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you."

Victory!

Why am I hesitating to type? Is it because I'm about to share some personal goals, issues, and fears....perhaps. However, I do know that it is when we are vulnerable that the Lord shows His mighty strength and I as well as others can be penetrated by His Word and His Spirit. So Holy Spirit penetrate me!

In January I made the decision to join Weight Watchers...it was my time...I could feel it! It has been 16 weeks so far, and I am loving every single day! I have lost a total of 25.8 lbs since joining. I have a about 60 more pounds to lose to reach my personal goal! In February I over did it when I rode my bike for 6 miles, played racket ball two days in a row and did some weight training (all without properly stretching...yikes)! I thought I pulled my back out or something...I was in intense pain in my lower back. I tried Tylenol, ice, heat, rest...nothing took away the pain. I began just to get used to the pain. It wasn't keeping me down! I was feeling great, except for the low back pain and a low grade temperature. By late March I made it to the doctor because I still had this temperature. After some tests the doctor thought I had a very serious/advanced kidney infection. Three weeks later, different doctor, more tests....my new MD. isn't so convinced it is kidney infection (still have a temperature) but my kidneys are definitely not working properly. I am headed for a CT Scan on Thursday of my abdomen and pelvic region.

Again, I feel like in many ways this is a new beginning in my life. I feel great, I'm getting stronger, but at the same time....my body is fighting something. I just started training for a 5K today. I did the plan....it was rough...but I am going to do it! (Unless Dr. says NO!) I am planning to run the race that benefits the Louis Argitis Jr. Foundation for Challenged Children in July. I'm very excited! So why the picture up above?

I have to admit, through all of my learning about trusting this year, I am struggling with fear. Fear of what they might find in this CT Scan. Several years back they found that I had pre-cancerous lining in my uterus. I have several benign fibroids resting in uterus now and Lord knows I was a fertility patient for 10 years. A long time and a lot of meds for one body to endure! I do not want fear to creep into my mind! I rebuke the enemy....but the reality of what might be is still there. Both of my parents died very young & I just turned 40!

Up at the top of this blog is a card that my friend gave me today! That little girl is me and that BIG dog is fear! Reminding me that I hold the leash in Christ Jesus! Ironically enough...I am in the midst of writing a book that centers around a scripture that someone else quoted to me today. After this friend read Joshua 1:9, I went a step further and wanted to read the whole chapter....because of the research for my book! I had to quote this here from the Message Bible:

Joshua 1:1-9:
After the death of Moses the servant of God, God spoke to Joshua, Moses' assistant:
"Moses my servant is dead. Get going. Cross this Jordan River, you and all the people. Cross to the country I'm giving to the People of Israel. I'm giving you every square inch of the land you set your foot on—just as I promised Moses. From the wilderness and this Lebanon east to the Great River, the Euphrates River—all the Hittite country—and then west to the Great Sea. It's all yours. All your life, no one will be able to hold out against you. In the same way I was with Moses, I'll be with you. I won't give up on you; I won't leave you. Strength! Courage! You are going to lead this people to inherit the land that I promised to give their ancestors. Give it everything you have, heart and soul. Make sure you carry out The Revelation that Moses commanded you, every bit of it. Don't get off track, either left or right, so as to make sure you get to where you're going. And don't for a minute let this Book of The Revelation be out of mind. Ponder and meditate on it day and night, making sure you practice everything written in it. Then you'll get where you're going; then you'll succeed. Haven't I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don't be timid; don't get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take."

I have been reading through the Bible chronologically this year and I'm just finishing up Judges, 1 Samuel...there have been so many battles! If there is one common theme in all of these battles, I know that when God is in charge...the battle is won! So, here I am...still facing fear...but I hold the leash....the victory is won...I can laugh at the site of fear because I am holding on to Jesus and His word and His promise! I declare today that I will not let the enemy of my soul try to use the very Word I find comfort in to cause me to doubt my Commander and Chief! Satan has tried to do this today! I am thankful for words of scripture quoted and cards "mysteriously" purchased for such a time as this...Praise God. I am not alone....when my arms get tired during battle, and I like Moses, have a hard time keeping them lifted...I have friends who will come beside me and lift up my arms.

Tonight, I sat at this very computer mad because I felt fear...now, I'm empowered..."Perfect love casts out all fear!" Fear may be a giant...but I've got the victory! Now let me go get my slingshot and stones!

Mercy

I am so thankful that I have a teachable spirit. I didn't always want to be learning the lessons the hard way, but I'm just glad, really glad that I can learn them nonetheless.

It was a rough week here at the Engel homeschool. Brendan had testing this week. He absolutely LOVED it! (He is my child...I always loved standardized testing too)! I had the opportunity to proctor the exam for the 4-6th graders for three days and Brendan had a chance to take the exam for 2nd grade. He had never tested before....we are not obligated to do any testing of our children when we homeschool, but as I told Brendan...it is more for me to see if my curriculum is doing the job that needs to be done. (So in theory Brendan thought he was taking this test to see how Sonlight was doing in our home). ;) Well, after the first four hours of testing, he came running to find me..."Mom, I can't wait to come back tomorrow, this was SO much fun!" Ahhh...he loves to be tested! He finished his 3 day exam in 2 days and can't wait to do it again next year!

Well, needless to say, after testing and getting up very early, he probably deserved a break from reading, writing, history, math lessons this week....but NO, Brendan's Mom can be...ummm...a little inflexible sometimes when it comes to getting in the school time. I probably crammed too many things in the last two days of the week...he was just exhausted. If you were in close proximity to my home you might be able to hear someone humming the tune "So, I had a bad day..." and it would have been Brendan! OH my he was off today. A little talking back, a little whiny, a little disobedient...need I say more. So, at the end of the day, I had no choice but to stick to my guns and take away a few things and change his afternoon plans.

Each time I called him to the carpet he would say, "OH I am soooo sorry Mom!...I don't want to be this way!" "Please forgive me!" My first response was..."I do forgive you, but you cannot go on the computer today." That was just the first thing. By the end of the afternoon, I had to resort to changing his afternoon plans. "Sorry son, but you obviously don't understand how this behavior is just not acceptable." Mind you, Brendan is my most obedient child, rarely gets into any trouble, and is always very willing to repent and seek forgiveness. He is the pleaser of the bunch! So, he explained to me, through his tears that he just doesn't understand..."I really don't want to be this way...really! I'm trying to do what is right, but I just don't!" (Can you hear the apostle Paul in Romans 7:15 "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.")

At this point I had no choice but to take him in my arms and tell him I thought we just needed to pray. This is his beautiful prayer, cried out to Jesus in the arms of his mother: "Dear Jesus, please forgive me. I am such a sinner! I don't want to sin and be disrespectful to my Mom, I know that breaks your heart Jesus. Please forgive me and wash my heart clean and help me not to be this way anymore...I really want a good attitude. In Jesus name, Amen." This is what I prayed, with tears streaming down my face, being held by my 7 year old son: "Heavenly Father, please forgive me. I am not a perfect parent, forgive me if I have been too hard on my boy today. If I in any way crushed his spirit, please mend it quickly. He is far too precious of a gift to me. Lord your word says that when we need wisdom we are to just ask for it, so I ask for your wisdom Lord. Help me, help my son. I thank you Lord that you are with us right now, in this moment holding both of us. Teach us both to be more like you in everything we say and do and in how we act. We want you Jesus, we just want you! Thank you Lord for my sweet Brendan and may he continue to grow in his faith in you! Such a gift you gave to me in this 7 year old boy! Now lift up our heads Father and restore a joyful heart in both of us! In Jesus name we pray...Amen!"

I just held him after that and we exchanged our love for each other. Shortly after this, we went to pick up Kyle. When Kyle got into the car, Brendan felt the need to tell Kyle that he had a bad day...he was disrespectful, talking back to Mommy, not listening....I pulled the car over and turned around and looked right into those blue eyes and said: "Brendan, you know that you don't have to go over all those things that you did right? You don't have to worry about those things anymore, because when we repent and ask Jesus to forgive us, he doesn't remember those things anymore! He doesn't keep of record of wrong doing!..You are forgiven!" He knew that he had been told that before, but he just couldn't really believe it...afterall...who "really" forgets? When we got home, I knew the Lord spoke to my heart about Brendan's afternoon plans. One word spoken very clearly in the quiet place of my heart....Mercy! Oh when we not only don't get what we deserve, but we get something even more special! MERCY!

I got Brendan to the side before we got into the house and whispered this to him: "I have called your friend's Mom and she is bringing him over today." He looked at me with huge eyes...questioning..but not verbalizing the question. I simply smiled at him and said...."Mercy sweet boy...mercy." He hugged me and thanked me! Isn't that exactly what Christ does for us! We see more Mercy than we do consequences. When we deserve to suffer the consequences of our wrong doing...He, more times that we know, shows up with one word..."Mercy"! Thank you Father for your Mercy!

This Old Tent

The words of a dear "blog" friend have been weighing on my heart for a week now, and I remember her in prayer. The Lord truly uses her as a beacon of encouragement to so many others. Check out her latest blog at Everyday Simple Abundance.

So after reading her blog and listening to my pastor's sermon, I was moved to write. We live in this tent, this body, but remember it is only temporary. I thought about how I am never pleased with the way I look, or sometimes I get frustrated with the fact that I have to struggle with some physical ailments. 2 Corinthians says this:

"Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come. "

My husband said after reading this again on Sunday he felt justified in his moaning and groaning. LOL! Truth be told, God made us this way and has given us a deposit, the Spirit, and with that deposit He planted a seed of eternity in us. Because of this, we long for our permanent home. (hence the groaning)! Friends, this is our tent, (not meant to be a permanent dwelling place) we are not supposed to love it! Does that set you free or what!?!

Let me show you what the rest of that section in 2 Corinthians says: "Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. We live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad."

In my opinion, we have so much to look forward to. Do you remember what it was like looking forward to Christmas (before you were responsible for buying the presents)! I am in that same place today. Some of my family/friends are coming to visit in March. I can hardly contain the excitement. That is how we should feel about moving into our permanent home. That same sense of excitement and anticipation! We live by faith, not by sight. I love that God has purposed us to be just uncomfortable enough so that we long for eternity! You see that makes rejoicing in our sufferings that much more palatable.

You know, now that I think about it, it applies to all of our struggles, not just physical, but financial and emotional issues too, whatever we struggle with this side of heaven. None of this is permanent, it is all temporary. What is permanent is our relationship with the Lord and with His body. That is why the verse says to make it our goal to please Him!

I'm encouraged today, how about you?

Let me end with the verse from Revelations 21:1-8.

"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." He said to me: "It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son. But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars—their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death."

The Journey

This is a picture of our latest hiking adventure. We so enjoyed getting lost in the swamp/marsh and getting lost in the beauty of what God has placed in our on back yard. This is a 10 minute drive from our home.

Lately, if you've read my blog, I have shared with you some of the trials in my life. Well, about a week ago, I thought I was going to lose it. I came home from a field trip, and I must have cried for 2 hours! Not just cried, but sobbed. I felt like I was experiencing post-partum issues again. NO, it wasn't that! I think it was just the Lord showing me I must trust him even more! He was encouraging me to trust him more and to develop my faith, my spiritual endurance and if affect my ministry. OK. So after I made my distress call to my friend Lorrie, who dropped everything to find me in a puddle of tears on my bedroom floor, and my husband came home from work to make sure I was not really losing it.....I rested! God was truly preparing me for something.

He was preparing me for my journey. If your reading this blog, you've chosen to join me in my journey like my blog header proposes. Yea!! I'm excited, because let me tell you, I am presently armed and carrying my compass (unlike the journey above when we got a little lost in the marshland). Let me share with you what God is showing me today!

3 John 2 says this "Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well." It is normally God's will that believers be healthy and that our lives be accompanied by his blessings. He wants all to go well with us, i.e., that our work, plans, purposes, ministry, families, etc., go according to God's will and direction. Thus, God's blessings through redemption in Christ are intended to meet both physical and spiritual needs. Here is the coolest part...the word here translated "all may go well" in the Greek (I know I sound like Beth Moore huh?) is "euodoo" and it means to have a good journey, to be led along a good road. According to that meaning, John's primary prayer was that as believers walk the road of salvation, they may continue in God's will and his truth and enjoy his blessing! I'm so excited.

I have been sharpening up my sword! As far as my trials are concerned....I declare today...I am not in control of these circumstances, (caring for an elderly grandfather whose mind is declining, not enough money to cover my expenses, no health insurance, no car, a child whose disabilities are at times glaring and troublesome, my own health issues), I relinquish control to Him who is able. 2 Corinthians 9:8-11 "And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things, at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. As it is written, 'He has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor; his righteousness endures forever.' Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. you will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God."

Philippians 4:19 "And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus."

Proverbs 4:21-22 "... listen closely to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to a man's whole body!"

This is the reason why I sit here today with index cards with His words on them, that I pledge to read out loud every day, several times a day, I will not let them out my sight...I plan to keep them within my heart!

My "compass" is telling me that I must seek God's will, obey the Holy Spirit, remain separated from the world, love God's Word, seek his help in prayer, work hard, trust him to supply all of our needs, and live by the principle of seeking first the kingdom of God and his righteousness.

My journey......its a good journey!

Who's Walking on Water?

My morning devotions had me seeking and turning pages today! I want to quote two more scriptures that really blessed me this morning:

Jude 24-25 (such a tiny book with big encouragement): "To Him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy— to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen. (Say this one out loud a few times and boy you might just feel a little stronger!)

2 Corinthians 4:16-17
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."

Ok, now for what Jesus said when He called this morning in my morning devotions: an excerpt from "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young

"Stay calmly conscious of Me today, no matter what. Remember that I go before you as well as with you into the day. Nothing takes Me by surprise. I will not allow circumstances to overwhelm you, so long as you look to Me. I will help you cope with whatever the moment presents. Collaborating with Me brings blessings that far outweigh all your troubles. Awareness of My presence contains Joy that can endure all eventualities."

A few weeks ago, my husband got his results back from an x-ray of this lump (the size of an egg) on the back of his neck. The results were inconclusive, so he went for a CT-Scan to get a better look at it. Dr. is not overly concerned, however, he doesn't know what it is and why it has been there for over a year or why it is causing so much pain. Incidentally, My friend Lorrie's dad went to see his doctor about a lump on the back of his neck a few years ago and has been going through extensive chemotherapy and radiation for two years now. SO, I could worry and guess and wonder. But, why bother? It won't help, it won't change things - I have to wait to see what the CT-Scan says and then we move forward. My point is, I'm am resolved to not sink! I want to walk on water - never take my eyes off of He who is faithful to prevent me from falling!

Well, the results are back. The doctor called and told Mike that he wants to see him in his office to discuss the CT-Scan. My husband however, has been unable to go to the doctor. He doesn't feel like he can take time off of his new job to get the results. The doctor will not budge! It is his policy - NO results without an appointment - NO exceptions! Please pray that my husband will be able to see the doctor somehow or the Dr. will make this one exception!

I am not worried! I know that whatever lies ahead - God is faithful!