Stop Shaking & Just Click Submit!

Well, my friends who have been waiting for me to submit my article to Guidepost Magazine, I just clicked submit. I have been tossing and turning and probably fretting about my issues with rejection, but I did it today! Thank you Amanda for giving me that last shove! For your reading pleasure is the article I submitted. I wrote this awhile back on my other blog site. My friend Susan told me that I needed to have it edited and then submit it for publication. Who knows? I had it edited a year ago and just today I mustered up enough courage. We'll know in about two months if it was accepted or not. If not, after two months I can submit to another magazine. We'll see!

Just Pull Over
By Lisa Engel

Well, have you ever had to take a test more than once in order to pass, in order to really get it? ! I used to teach high school. I taught for 9 years and I was the kind of teacher that used to really care if the kids "got it". I mean, grades didn't matter that much really, as long as, in the end, they really understood what you've been trying to teach them. So, if a student took a test twice, or three times, I was happy to give him the average. Not to say everyone was allowed more time to study, so “just fail Mrs. Engel’s tests and she'll let you try again”, NO, I had to see you trying the whole time. After all, I'm not God. But God is like that you know. He will let you try and try until you "get it". Then, every once in a while, He'll test you again, just to see that you've retained it all. Yes! That is where the title of this story comes in, “Just Pull Over”.

This past fall I learned, finally, to just pull over. I was in the car with my three boys. I have one child, Kyle, with some challenges; he has an autism spectrum disorder called PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified). He is an awesome kid! However, you never really know what might set him off. I was picking up my 3-year old from preschool and Kyle, along his twin brother Brendan, were supposed to stay buckled in the car. It was pouring outside. I just had to go to the door and the school would send my little one right to me so I didn't even have to go inside and I can still keep an eye on my other boys. Well, of course my son Kyle had to unbuckle, climb out of the car, into the storm, and follow me to the door. Oh, did I forget to mention he had no shoes on, (that becomes important in a moment)? Now, first of all, I knew that his clothes would get wet and that would be unsettling and difficult to handle, but then as he was running to me he slipped, fell and scraped his leg on the cement. I quickly grabbed him and my 3-year old and ran to the car to get them buckled in again. All the while Kyle was, screaming because he was wet and hurt. I checked his leg and there was no blood, so I buckled him in (I was soaked to the bone) then, I buckled my 3 year old in and off I drove to go home.

Meanwhile, I have my other twin, Brendan, screaming because his brother is screaming and throwing a fit, and then the other one joins in because, well, if you can't beat 'em..... So, I am less that 5 minutes away from home and I calmly tell Kyle, "It's okay, Mommy will put a Band-Aid on it when we get home, we're almost home, just hang in there, then we can get new clothes and we'll fix your scratch". Isn't that what you would say? Well, he had those sobs where you can hardly breath and the tears were really plinking out hard. I knew in my heart he was uncomfortable in every way. He struggles with sensory integration dysfunction and the wet clothes plus the scratch were too much for him. So, less than 3 minutes from home, I just PULLED OVER. I went to the backseat of my van, unbuckled my boy, held him in my arms, kissed him, prayed for his scratched leg and literally rocked him in my arms for 5 minutes. It was amazing. It was so quiet in my van. The sound of the rain was calmingly loud. As I held him, and he held me, he said to me in such a peaceful loving voice, "I SO love you Mommy". I learned a very important lesson. It's all about Pulling Over!

I've had to be reminded of that a lot. I'm getting better. Don't we all struggle sometimes just to get through the day? But what is really important at the end of the day? Is it that we get everything done, or that all of our ducks are in a row? Or are the important things found in moments when we "pull over", grab the moment, and cherish the memory of holding our crying 5 year old, or tickling one another, or having a tea and cucumber party. Really, for me it's about sitting on the carpet instead of always standing at the stove or sink. As one of my friends said, it's about silently staring at the stars with your son, that moment that you wish you could freeze and make time stand still.

I know why God keeps allowing me to take this test. Not only is it because he wants me to pass, but He knows I will cherish those moments forever. Also, He wants me to know that that is exactly what He does for me, and He cherishes those moments with me, His daughter, just as much as I do with my sons. The next time God pulls over for you, don't forget to tell him "I SO love you Abba."