Friday, March 6, 2009

Invitro Babies

Recently a friend was discussing her daughter and the fact that she had some "mild issues" that they were just starting to perhaps pinpoint and read up on. As you know my Kyle has some "issues" as he is on the autism spectrum. By the way, that does not mean he is autistic at all. When you meet Kyle, he is the friendliest, most lovable little guy in the world. When you get to know him, aside from his learning disabilities, he loves to be with people most of the time...unlike most autistic children who are content and sometimes more comfortable alone. Kyle just shows some of the sign of autism....sensory integration dysfunction, speech and language delay, and obsessive compulsiveness.

All this to say that after my friend was telling me that the book I suggested made her feel better, she ended our conversation with...."I don't know....these invitro babies....high tech." This is the second or third time those words have rung in my ears and heart. When I was pregnant and on 6 months of strict bed rest, another friend of mine who had had twins via invitro had found out her daughter was having seizures. She wondered if it was because of invitro fertilization. (In case you don't know, invitro fertilization is when they take the sperm and the egg (in my case husband sperm--my egg), place it in a dish and allow them to fertilize, then "shoot" them back into the already prepared uterus for "natural" implantation to take place.)

It took 10 very long years of trying to get pregnant for Mike and I. We prayed and prayed and pursued international adoption, and prayed and we knew this was the route we were to take. In the course of 7 years we did fertility pills (the BBT chart method, alone and coupled with fertility drugs, Artificial Insemination (3 times), Frozen Embryo Transplant-2 times, and Invitro Fertilization 3 times. 750 needles later, 14 babies gone to heaven, Kyle and Brendan seem to stick. The rest of my pregnancy was quite the miracle after miracle.

Why do I struggle when I here those words with the tone of blame? Maybe because I wonder if I did this to Kyle by having invitro. I know that is silly to think...and Kyle is perfectly and wonderfully made by the Lord Himself. I know too that this was the route the Lord wanted Mike and I to take. I am solid in all of this, but still. My babies didn't happen by surprise or even "naturally".

Nonetheless, when you look at these two babies, fraternal twins...yet different in so many ways...I am reminded that the were fashioned and created exactly the way the Lord intended. I am thankful for Kyle's love for Jesus and his love for people. I am thankful, in a sense that we have had (and continue) to travel this road of discovery for and with Kyle. I am grateful for others who have supported us and other still who can empathize with me. One of the challenging things that I had to overcome (yea right...Kyle is the one overcoming) is that he looks like any other kid, but at times acts like, well lets just say, different or unique. It's overcoming other peoples comments that is most difficult, people immediately jump to our parenting skills or lack there of. We have come to love and even adore some of his "issues"....he even laughs when we point out his odd behavior sometimes. He is becoming so much more aware, but he knows he is KYLE...sometimes his brain hurts...most of the time he just tries to make us laugh...sometimes he tries to make us mad though too! HA! He knows that he is a mighty man of God and he shares his love so effortlessly...he knows Jesus lives in his heart...and really those are the important things for us.
So are his disabilities my fault? No, but even if they were do to the "unnatural" way Kyle was conceived...there is nothing "unnatural" about the spirit that lives within him--and that alone came from the Lord. He is a child of God...and he is mine! I am thrilled that the Lord chose Mike and I to be his parents. I celebrate the fact that the Lord enable me to hold these babies in my womb and to give birth to them...I am eternally grateful that the Lord answered my prayers and granted me the desires of my heart. There is no mistake about it...all of this was intentional and purposeful and planned!


Michelle said...

Amen sista! I actually struggled this last week with the issue of: is my "issue" child having issues because I had him vacinated. Silly for us to think we have anything to do with it! Who am I? Invitro, natural, adoption= God knew and so it's just as He planned. As for Kyle, I say he's just a very late bloomer- he'll "get it" whatever "it" is, he'll come along at just the right pace.

A note of encouragement, Justin just told me today that he's not as sensitive to fabrics anymore, he told me he can handle the ones he use to shy, or throw, away from. I didn't ever think this day would come! PTL!!!

Thanks for the post, I can always use the reminder.

Barclay 5 said...

Lisa, I am sorry if those words hurt you in any way. They stung me as well when I read them. We do not choose life, their is one Author. And, He chose for Kyle to be. I know we share the same feeling, it is a privilege to mother our particular children. God chose well when He sent Kyle to you!

Love you, enjoy the zoo and your boys!