Victory!

Why am I hesitating to type? Is it because I'm about to share some personal goals, issues, and fears....perhaps. However, I do know that it is when we are vulnerable that the Lord shows His mighty strength and I as well as others can be penetrated by His Word and His Spirit. So Holy Spirit penetrate me!

In January I made the decision to join Weight Watchers...it was my time...I could feel it! It has been 16 weeks so far, and I am loving every single day! I have lost a total of 25.8 lbs since joining. I have a about 60 more pounds to lose to reach my personal goal! In February I over did it when I rode my bike for 6 miles, played racket ball two days in a row and did some weight training (all without properly stretching...yikes)! I thought I pulled my back out or something...I was in intense pain in my lower back. I tried Tylenol, ice, heat, rest...nothing took away the pain. I began just to get used to the pain. It wasn't keeping me down! I was feeling great, except for the low back pain and a low grade temperature. By late March I made it to the doctor because I still had this temperature. After some tests the doctor thought I had a very serious/advanced kidney infection. Three weeks later, different doctor, more tests....my new MD. isn't so convinced it is kidney infection (still have a temperature) but my kidneys are definitely not working properly. I am headed for a CT Scan on Thursday of my abdomen and pelvic region.

Again, I feel like in many ways this is a new beginning in my life. I feel great, I'm getting stronger, but at the same time....my body is fighting something. I just started training for a 5K today. I did the plan....it was rough...but I am going to do it! (Unless Dr. says NO!) I am planning to run the race that benefits the Louis Argitis Jr. Foundation for Challenged Children in July. I'm very excited! So why the picture up above?

I have to admit, through all of my learning about trusting this year, I am struggling with fear. Fear of what they might find in this CT Scan. Several years back they found that I had pre-cancerous lining in my uterus. I have several benign fibroids resting in uterus now and Lord knows I was a fertility patient for 10 years. A long time and a lot of meds for one body to endure! I do not want fear to creep into my mind! I rebuke the enemy....but the reality of what might be is still there. Both of my parents died very young & I just turned 40!

Up at the top of this blog is a card that my friend gave me today! That little girl is me and that BIG dog is fear! Reminding me that I hold the leash in Christ Jesus! Ironically enough...I am in the midst of writing a book that centers around a scripture that someone else quoted to me today. After this friend read Joshua 1:9, I went a step further and wanted to read the whole chapter....because of the research for my book! I had to quote this here from the Message Bible:

Joshua 1:1-9:
After the death of Moses the servant of God, God spoke to Joshua, Moses' assistant:
"Moses my servant is dead. Get going. Cross this Jordan River, you and all the people. Cross to the country I'm giving to the People of Israel. I'm giving you every square inch of the land you set your foot on—just as I promised Moses. From the wilderness and this Lebanon east to the Great River, the Euphrates River—all the Hittite country—and then west to the Great Sea. It's all yours. All your life, no one will be able to hold out against you. In the same way I was with Moses, I'll be with you. I won't give up on you; I won't leave you. Strength! Courage! You are going to lead this people to inherit the land that I promised to give their ancestors. Give it everything you have, heart and soul. Make sure you carry out The Revelation that Moses commanded you, every bit of it. Don't get off track, either left or right, so as to make sure you get to where you're going. And don't for a minute let this Book of The Revelation be out of mind. Ponder and meditate on it day and night, making sure you practice everything written in it. Then you'll get where you're going; then you'll succeed. Haven't I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don't be timid; don't get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take."

I have been reading through the Bible chronologically this year and I'm just finishing up Judges, 1 Samuel...there have been so many battles! If there is one common theme in all of these battles, I know that when God is in charge...the battle is won! So, here I am...still facing fear...but I hold the leash....the victory is won...I can laugh at the site of fear because I am holding on to Jesus and His word and His promise! I declare today that I will not let the enemy of my soul try to use the very Word I find comfort in to cause me to doubt my Commander and Chief! Satan has tried to do this today! I am thankful for words of scripture quoted and cards "mysteriously" purchased for such a time as this...Praise God. I am not alone....when my arms get tired during battle, and I like Moses, have a hard time keeping them lifted...I have friends who will come beside me and lift up my arms.

Tonight, I sat at this very computer mad because I felt fear...now, I'm empowered..."Perfect love casts out all fear!" Fear may be a giant...but I've got the victory! Now let me go get my slingshot and stones!