The Blessing of two.......

...means more time with each one. I do miss my boy who is away at camp this week, but I have learned something invaluable. Because Kyle and Brendan have always been twins, my time has always been split. I don't know what it is like to have one child. I never have really felt guilty about sharing myself with my boys. Really when you have a second child, the second child never really knows what it is like to be an only child either, so no biggie! But then along came Shane. Well, as you know, I am thrilled to have my three sons and life would not be complete as we know it without each of them. (I'm getting to my revelation....hang on!) Because there are three almost the same age and one with special needs, life is crazy and sometimes you don't see very clearly.

My point! Since Brendan has been gone, I've been able to see Kyle a little more clearly. Kyle usually is the one that dominates my energy. He is on the autism spectrum and has some developmental delays. He has some speech and language issues, some sensory integration dysfunction issues and some obsessive compulsive issues. (We usually just say, Kyle has issues, because, let's be honest, we ALL have issues!). I think it is his OCD issues that wear me down the most. So that is my Kyle. Let me say this before moving on....most everyone that meets Kyle (with a few exceptions) says the same thing...."there is something about that boy's heart"! It is true, Kyle has an amazing heart. He can be so loving, so kind, and so genuine and he has this spirit that is always in awe and always learning that is so attractive! Not a shy boy at all! He will make fast friends with you if you are willing and not turned off by his "specialness".

Well, since twin brother is out of the picture and there is nothing that is clouding my judgment on how my son should talk, feel, or act, I can totally see how much Kyle is maturing. Having Brendan and even Shane to a degree, sometimes clouds my vision of Kyle. I know that I need to judge Kyle by Kyle and watch his improvement based on himself, but honestly, Kyle and Brendan were a package and they were my first package. So they are all I have to base milestones on. You know what I'm talking about Moms, you have said it yourself...."Well, by now he should be using a spoon.....or....shouldn't he have learned his ABCs by now...." Because Brendan is so advanced, Kyle always seems so behind. However that is not true! I have seen so much in Kyle this past week. I have heard him talk to me that sometimes I think...who is this boy? I have been able to watch him as he reacts to something spilling on him and I was able to almost see the process in his mind that helps keep him from absolutely exploding into a million pieces. My boy works so hard at overcoming his disabilities! I have not really seen that in a long time, sad to say, I have only seen a lot of frustration on his part. I think that some of what I interpreted as frustration or anger or impatience, is really just a process his brain has to go through in order to cope.

I want to give him a medal. He is such a brave boy. I go back to what the doctor said about his disabilities, he said, that all day long Kyle is faced with so much that makes his skin crawl or causes such an attack on his senses and he is forced to live with that. Many things are so beyond his control (things that we can easily control that we don't even realize that we are doing it) that I need to give him some sense of control when he is home. I get so tired of this part. The outbursts from spillings, the germ phobia, the obsessions, tasting of weird and scary things....it wears me out! However, now I see just how hard he works at being who he is. We are who we are and we don't even try. Kyle works hard at it and he is so amazing!

So, thank you Lord for allowing me to see through the window of Kyle's life a little more clearly this week. Thank you for all of the maturity that has gone on in his body, mind and spirit that I may not have seen had I not had this time with just two of my kids. Thank you Lord for Kyle, who helps me see the beauty in so many little things and the miracles in his life that are so taken for granted by most of us!