The first book I found on a sale rack in our Christian Book store in New Jersey. It was Deadline. For the first time I got a real glimpse of what Heaven and Hell just might be like. Randy Alcorn's ministry is called Eternal Perspectives Ministry and if you read any of his books, you will begin to think as you should - eternally! Many years ago, I would say probably 10 or 11 years ago, as was my tradition, I purchased a Randy Alcorn Book to go on vacation with me to Vermont. This time it was Dominion the second in a series of three using the same core character. As many of you know my husband and I had to fight the fertility battle for many years. We tried to get pregnant and lost so many babies along the way. I had a condition, that made it very difficult to produce healthy eggs. So, until I had sought the help of a fertility specialist and had surgery on my ovaries, I was unable to hold a pregnancy longer than 3 months. In the middle of those 10 years of trying to get pregnant, was when I picked up this book. At first glance I would never had thought it would minister to me the way it did, other than getting my mind off of trying to get pregnant.
I sat pool side looking at the amazing beauty of Vermont's mountains as I read the words of a character in this book who is seeing Jesus for the first time face to face. She is noticing the hands of her Savior, marred and disfigured, hands of a Carpenter and Creator. This character had suffered a wound that scarred her on earth. A wound that came from violence that literally and emotionally scarred her. The following is the quote that brought new understand to a me, a woman who was scarred by infertility and feeling all alone.
" She wept again, dropping to his mangled feet and caressing them with her hands. He put his fingers under her chin and turned her eyes up toward his. "For you," he said to her, "I would do it all again." She could not stop weeping. She was surprised she could cry here, one of the first surprises in an eternity that would bring endless ones. If some tears would never be cried again, she thought, then tears of love and joy and fulfillment were among heaven's pleasures.
She searched the Carpenter's face as one searches a face she has yearned for, which she has seen in her dreams as long as she can remember. On the right side of his throat, she saw another scar, a mark of discoloration, not prominent, only an inch long. The scar looked remarkably like....She reached suddenly to the side of her neck to feel the scar from the broken beer bottle. She couldn't feel it. Gone. He smiled at her, rubbing his finger on his scar, which used to be hers, just as she had so often done on earth. That quickly the scar on his neck disappeared. But the scars on his hands and feet remained. She knew they always would."
For the first time, I got it! I had been saved and serving my Savior for many years, and I understood healing and I understood that He has already taken our wounds to the cross. I knew that He understood my pain. However, I didn't really believe that the Lord could bear the scar of infertility. I don't know why I didn't believe that, after all He is my Creator. But I was a woman and I didn't think even the son of God could truly understand. I know that sounds limiting and shallow of me, but it is not that I thought that out loud. I didn't really say those words, they weren't even conscious to me at that stage in my juncture. However, I totally identified at that moment, to that character, as I sat poolside weeping. Weeping and thanking Jesus for truly understanding my pain. I knew then and there that He understood the pain and anguish of infertility and the loss of so many babies, so many dreams. I felt loved all over again. I remember it clearly, as if it were yesterday, sitting there with my towel wiping the tears, and almost feeling my sweet heavenly father holding me as he revealed yet another truth to me, his daughter.
The Lord took two little paragraphs of a non-fiction book to minister to me, his daughter, and to again reveal another facet of His love to me. I love the word of God. His word is truth. I am one to always find scripture to back up what I say to people when giving counsel or advice. I don't want to go outside the Word of God, because His word is true and the Truth will set you free!
Last night I went to the emergency room for cluster headache pain. It is so severe that even my hair hurts. Someone comment on my blog yesterday that shares my same love for this author and it prompted the memory of this book and the ministry of the truth in my life at that time. It couldn't have been more timely. I am blessed to know that my Jesus understand the pain I am in right now and I will rest in His loving care until He lifts my head (pain free) from my pillow.
Thank you Randy Alcorn for blessing me as you did then, and as you continue to do, through your pen. I am thankful for God inspired men and women who write for His pleasure and ours!
Gifts continued from previous posts....(thankful for...)
116. The words penned by many of my favorite authors.
117. The truth spoken, just they way I could understand it.
118. A Heavenly Father who longs to be that real and that close!
119. Being reminded today that he knows intimately all about the pain we suffer.
120. Eternal hope that I have in someday going home and seeing my "sweet Jesus" face to face!