Hope Incarnate - My Anchor

Yesterday I revealed that my word for 2016 is Hope. In light of that I want to meditate on that daily. In a commentary that I read this morning it said that our hope enters the inner sanctuary, behind the curtain. That's the little room that symbolized the very presence of God, but people were not allowed to enter it. But HOPE can.

You see our hope, Christian hope is not exhausted by what it sees of earthly possibilities. It reaches into the very presence of God. It has nothing to do with what is going on in the world, or our lives at this moment. It has everything to do with penetrating right into the holiest place, the inner sanctum of God's presence where it anchors itself to HOPE incarnate.

I love the verse in Hebrews 6:19 "We have this HOPE as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain."

That's where my hope is resting right now. In Jesus Christ...Hope incarnate. Listen, when God gives His word, He cannot lie. Your hope, my hope therefore cannot be misplaced if it is in Him...it is anchored!

The First Crisp Page

"May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope is in you." Psalm 25:21

Hope. For a whole year that is all I studied so I could teach about it in Women's Ministry. I've been praying about what my focus word from the Lord will be this year. Last year it was revelation. I believe this year, 2016, it will be HOPE.

Hope means so much to me. It is so much more than a wish. I am aware that Hope is the person of Christ. In this we must know that HOPE thrives on a daily watering of the Word of God, of prayer and shared experience with others who have received hope. Think about how important it is to share the hope in your heart with others and how you feel when others share with you. Yes.

Hope looks at everything that is true about right now, lifts the circumstances of life in to the very capable hands of God and then breathes the breath of trust.

Hope makes it possible to live firmly grounded, yet allows our hearts and minds to soar in believing in the supernatural vision that God births in us.

It's a brand new year. It's like a crisp page in a brand new journal like the one above. I still had room in my old journal from yesterday, but I wanted to start on a new page, in a new journal.

So this morning, I picked up my pen on this first day of the 2016. I am aware that this year will hold unexpected joys and sorrows, moments of faith and fear, mountains and valleys. There is plenty of unknown that we face in the beginning of this journal, in the beginning of this year. What will the pages hold?

However there is much we can count on with absolute confidence in this coming year. We can count on the fact that God is in control and that His heart is good and merciful towards us. We can be assured that we will NEVER be alone. We can be confident that the Lord knows the plans He has for us and that they are good, plans of prosperity, protection, a HOPE and a future. We can know without any doubt that we are loved with an everlasting love. We can be assured that no matter what we write on the crisp clean pages of this new year, the Lord will NEVER disappoint and He has this way of bringing beauty from ashes.

So HOPE! Hope in Him! Hope in the future He has for you! Today we begin to write the new chapter in our lives, on this first crisp page of His Story in us.

Happy New Year...may everyday you see HOPE!

My Story For His Glory

As difficult as it was to put one part of my story in writing, the overwhelming response to that post made my heart move to tears. The truth is we are all walking around with a story. 2 Corinthians 1:4 tells us "He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us." Unless we share, no one will ever know. 

It is sad enough when people judge others by they way they act in the moment, but even more sad when people judge when you are being genuine. It is true. I once had a student of mine call me on the carpet. I knew her life was difficult, but as her teacher I had to be firm with my boundaries for her own sake (I had been there myself to a certain degree). I pulled her out into the hall because she was screaming at me in front of my class, pointing her finger in my face and shouting..."You don't know what it is like to be me!! You sit there and you know nothing, you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth, you don't know pain!" I looked in to her eyes that were full of hate, and I put my hands on her shoulders and said, "You don't know my life either. My Dad left my Mom too, I was sexually abused, I lived on my own for two weeks when I was 6 years old, I watched my Mom endure pure violence to save me, I had to live among drug addicts and drug dealers, I lost my Mom when I was 11 and my Dad when I was 26 years old. I have lost 14 babies trying to get pregnant - and I have never had a silver spoon sweet girl! I have LOST a lot in my 30 years of life, however, I did find something along my sad journey....I found Jesus!"  I told her my whole life store sitting on the ground in the hallway outside my Accounting class. Her mascara ran and mixed with her tears and ended up staining my blouse because she found hope as I held her in my arms. That young girl had more abortions than one could imagine by the time she was a senior in high school. She decided to keep the baby she was carrying, and I saw her through that whole pregnancy...all the while I was dreaming of having one myself. I loved her with the love of Jesus and she found hope!

Who might find hope in your Grace story?

A long time ago, I wrote a poem that told my story, but hid the details. I didn't want any glory going to the details...just the beauty that came from the ashes. You can read it by clicking on the title "My Rescuer" and it will bring you to that directly. However, after getting so many emails from my last post I knew I would have to fill in the gaps. So many questions, so many people who could see hope for themselves and others that they know. Thank you for your responses. May the gaps I am about to fill in help even more people in whatever circumstance they are in, may His story in me continue to bring HOPE!

A few years ago, my cousin who lives here in Florida told me about the years of my life prior to my Dad leaving my Mom. He didn't always live with my Mom. I guess it was an on and off kind of thing. She told me that she and her Mom (my Aunt) would take me on occasion and bring me to their house to visit. Apparently, I would be so dirty. She said at one point I had impetigo so badly. They would have to soak me and bathe me every time I would visit. I was so "unkempt". She and my aunt would teach me to be a "lady". They would take me out to dinner and taught me manners. My cousin (who is 70 years old today) told me that I had the foulest mouth as a small child. Would use words that were straight from the gutter. This shocked me so much when she told me. I actually wept. I wept for this little girl, under 5 years old who apparently was living in an environment that was conditioning her. I have no memory of these years at all. In fact it shocked me so much because I don't EVER curse. It just isn't a part of me at all. My high school students use to wait to hear me slip up and I would laugh at them because it just was going to be so disappointing because it wasn't natural for me at all to use foul language. They were never able to catch me slipping, because I would never slip. Again...the redeeming love of the Father.

I will not rewrite what was already written, so you might want to read "They Took My Place" first as I will pick up with after we fled from the violent alcoholic man, who somehow managed to work his way into our lives time and time again, and we made it all they way to California.

My mother had little to no money at all. I will write what I remember, some details I'm sure are gone, but what the Lord allows me to remember is what I will share. We ended up in the projects of Los Angeles. Now, this was the early 70s, I was in 1st grade. What I'm about to share will probably shock some of you because times are very different now.  My Mom and I lived on the first floor of a high rise hotel like building. It was dirty, it was noisy and there were some serious characters that lived in that building. A woman named "Chocolate" who was a prostitute, lots of drug dealers, stabbings, theft, children, and even a Christmas Tree are all the things/kinds of people I remember living among. Oh and roaches - roaches in the toilet and in the Murphy bed where I slept with my Mom. Those of you who know me, can perhaps understand my extreme dislike of bugs. :)

My sister got pregnant and was having a baby and living with someone at this point, so it was just my Mom and I living here. Every day it was the same routine, I got up to the alarm clock beeping, got dressed, walked to school with all the other kids in the building. One day, something happened to my mother. They were rushing her to the hospital. I remember hiding among all the chaos, then they left and I was alone. I was 6/7 years old. She was gone for two weeks. I know it sounds horrible, but I did continue to go to school. I set my alarm and followed my routine every day. (I was a teacher for 10 years in the public school system as an adult. Taught how to see signs of abuse or neglect and required to report it. I'm sure I looked hideous every day, but perhaps coming from the projects in Los Angeles a girl like me was really no surprise.) People checked in on me, you know the people that I mentioned above. I can remember people walking by my open door. I remember eating pickles. I'm sure those same people gave me some food. I went to other rooms with other people. I ate cows tongue for the first time during this period. The same people who served me cows tongue for dinner, also educated me on human anatomy by showing me pornography. Yes. I was just in 1st grade.

One of the boys I walked to school with said his parents said I could come for dinner, they were going to have pancakes. (I know, I remember the smallest details - sometimes that happens when something traumatizing happens). I went to his house, had pancakes and his Mom had to go to work. She worked the night shift. We played with some of his toys, I remember having fun. His Dad said I could stay the night. I thought that would be great. I was all alone after all. We went to bed. I generally never really slept very well. The boy fell asleep so fast. Later his Dad came in to check on us and told me I could watch TV with him since I couldn't sleep. This ended up being the longest night of my life. Even now nausea waves over me. He proceeded to force me to do things that absolutely no little girl should EVER have to do. He did not take my virginity that night, but the things he made me do were horrific. He told me if I ever told anyone, he would "make sure my Mommy would die." Where I came from...I believed him. It went on for hours and hours...and he finally "zipped up" when his wife came through the door the next morning.  I never told a soul..until I was around 17 years old.

Much of what happened in California after that is more of a blur. I remember being home in New Jersey in time to spend the summer before 2nd grade with my Dad. I was 7 years old and he and his wife both worked. So they sent me to Camp. They went through the phone book, found a "Christian Camp" and figured, it was Christian so it must be safe.

It was a day camp. I LOVED IT! Camp Shadyrest (sounds more like an old folks home). We played, sang songs, heard stories and swam the whole summer long! One day, as we sang the song Trust and Obey and they had the words on story boards (before the time of overhead transparencies) I remember how the picture of the little blonde girl praying for her Mama just moved me. "Trust and Obey, for there's no other way, to be happy in Jesus, than to trust and obey!" After the song, the leader said that we could have a personal relationship with God through His son Jesus. If we pray he would answer. He made blind people see, He healed the sick and he answered prayers. This little blonde 7 year old girl needed to know this Jesus! Perhaps He would hear my prayers and heal my mother as she was always sick and always going into the hospital. I remember running, not walking, not being shy...running to meet this Jesus. I also remember going home that day and telling EVERYONE I knew. I told my Dad and his wife, my friends! I was so happy. They told me that I should find a church. So my Dad's wife found me a church and she dropped me off and picked me up every Sunday. I learned memory verses and songs and just was the happiest little girl! I even held little Bible camp meetings in my own back yard. I would get extra papers from Sunday School and invite all my friends and we made a tent with a blanket and I would repeat the lesson to my friends every Sunday after church. Sadly, all good things must come to an end. Before I knew it my Mom was planning a move to Arizona. I was on a plane with my mother, sister and niece - and we live together for the beginning of my 3rd grade. I went to two different schools in Arizona. That makes 6 schools in all and I was in 3rd grade. It's a good things I make friends pretty easily.

Arizona we lived in another roach infested apartment. My sister dabbled in witch craft at the time - I remember a coffin in our living room at one point. So scarey. Well, that is until the violent alcoholic, who we were constantly running from, found us. Until then, I didn't know scarey. This is when I lived in constant terror. You can read this part of my story in "They Took My Place."

When my mother sent me back to New Jersey, I knew my Dad was trying to get in touch with me. He always tried to stay in touch, write me letters, want to send me things. We lived in so much fear, the man we lived with had guns, he threatened to kill my mother, my father. The threat was very real, as I never knew if my Mom would live through another beating.  I mentioned that sometimes I remember such minute details. Oddly enough at this point in my life 8/9 years old I was able to mix drinks for this man first thing in the morning or whenever he would ask. He taught me, and I learned...if he didn't like it, my Mother could very well get beaten. I was an incredible bar tender in 3rd grade. This however, is one of the things I cannot recall. I couldn't tell you the name of an alcoholic drink for the life of me. Seriously. NOT a clue as to the names of any alcohol. Crazy right? I'm thankful. :)

My Mom did send me back to live with my oldest sister and I was to be allowed to see my Dad on weekends. I did just that. I won't go into too much detail about this time in my life. Out of respect for those I love who really were just part of the Enemy's plan to mess up this little girl. His plan was foiled so I will not share some of my pain during this time. I do remember wanting to stay with my Dad more often. I also remember when 4 grade was rolling around, no one was sending me back to my Mom. My Mom was not sending for me either. I ended up staying with my sister and her family and attending the local catholic school. I absolutely have always loved school, no matter the circumstances in my life. School was my sanctuary, my safe place. I'm quite sure that is the number one reason I became a teacher.

I would be able to continue to visit my Dad and that made me happy. In his house, I had a bed time, there were rules and discipline with love. It is very true what they say. Children may fight the boundaries you put out there for their benefit, they may push the lines that were drawn, but in the end...as children, they crave boundaries. I can promise you, children feel safe and more secure when they are kept within loving boundaries.

One day while I was in line at school waiting to go to chapel, I saw my Dad. It was very exciting because he never came to my school before. That day would set a course in my life that, while it was so difficult for a 4th grader to deal with, it was God's plan to set this child on a path of healing. My father took me out of school that day and I never returned to my sister's home. He proceeded with plans to adopt me. While he was my birth father, remember my parents were never married, so he had to go to court to get legal rights for me to live with him on a permanent basis. I would be going to court a lot. The nuns from my school would volunteer to sit with me in the sequestered area of the court room and play with me until it was my time to speak. Our lawyer was amazing. She seemed to really love me and want what was best for me. It was my day to speak in court. "Who do you want to live with?" So so difficult for a little girl who loved her Mommy and her Daddy so much. I felt deeply loved by both of my parents. Even though I was young, I was very aware of the sacrifices that my Mother had made to keep me safe. I know this was absolute agony for her. As a mother today I cannot imagine possibly losing my baby! I had to look at all those grown ups and say who I wanted to live with, yet still wanted to make sure that they all knew my LOVE was EQUAL! I told the judge I wanted to live with my Dad, because I was "afraid my Mom might die, then what would happen to me"? The judge ruled in favor of my father and by the time I was 11, I was adopted and I took on his last name.

My mother had visitation rights. I would visit with her every other weekend at her brother's farm in NJ. I loved it there too. My Uncle and Aunt loved me very much. On one visit I remember so clear as if it were yesterday. Mom and I were sitting in the living room of my Uncle's home and we were doing a jigsaw puzzle, she looked at me, deep into my soul, with eyes of such great love and said..."Are you happy sweetheart? I just want to be sure you are happy!" As I type those words, tears are streaming down my face and I'm sitting here sobbing, because I know the deep love she had for me. "Oh yes Mommy. I get to go to the same school for 2 years in a row. I'm so happy." These would be the last words my mother ever spoke to me. Right before my next weekend, my mother had a brain aneurism and slipped into a coma and died. My Uncle and Aunt told me that her very last words to them were..."Please, just make sure my baby is ok!" I'm ok Mama!

Her death would cause a great divide in my family. My sisters were hurt, devastated, and in fact blamed me for her death. I was told that because of what I said in court my mother's heart could not bear it, that was what did her in. I carried that with me for a long time.

Many years pass. I lived a normal life (estranged from my mother's side of the family for much of my school life). I went back to the church that we had found when I got saved. I was discipled by the children's pastors, Elaine and Joe Gibilisco. They walked me through a difficult recovery time when my Mom passed away. Then my youth pastor was an incredible man. He taught me to study the word, to pray, to rely on God, to strengthen my relationship with Him. I had friends and we were serious about growing in our faith. Those years in youth group were pivotal to who I am today. I was taught early how to evangelize. I witnessed to my Dad. I wanted to see him saved. My step mother finally got saved and started to go to church with me. My Dad was a bit more stubborn.

My Dad finally did accept Christ as his Savior 9 months before he died of esophageal cancer. His story is a part of my Apple of His Eye series.

I went to college. The only one in my family at that point to ever go finish high school let alone go to college. I got an associates degree and moved away to obtain my bachelors. I was 20 years old when I met Mike Engel. I remember telling my Dad I wanted to marry someone just like Mike Engel. His heart for God was the most beautiful thing I have ever beheld. His love for Jesus and the lost were so incredibly attractive to  the spirit within me. I knew that if I were to ever marry...I would want a husband like him. Never thought that he would "pick me" and we would start to date in February of 1990, get engaged 4 months later and be married 6 months after that. If interested you can read that love story here: Step Into The Time Machine.

We were married and I completed my education to become a teacher. We tried to have a babies for 10 years and I kept having miscarriage after miscarriage. We struggled with infertility for all those years, trying to get pregnant. There are many places I talk about this experience in this blog...There Is A Time for Everything is one place you can read about it. We have 14 babies in Heaven waiting for us someday. Today, married for 24 years to Mr. Incredible (Mike Engel), I have the privilege of homeschooling my 3 sons. One son, who was diagnosed with PDD-NOS (an autism spectrum disorder) and who is showing improvements. I am blessed and honored as my boys continue to show me Jesus every day. They are my priceless gifts from God.

My story is long, (I apologize) and it was difficult to write not because the memories are too painful to bear, but because by God's grace in my own life, I have forgiven some very special people for the events that occurred that were not within my control as a child. I don't want them ever to feel like I'm removing their scabs. You see, me, I have no scars. When the blood of Jesus covers you and you let Him have every single part of your story...all the parts, even the secret parts...He heals! Oh, He doesn't just put a bandage on the wounds, He heals them completely, no scabs to peel off again and again, no scars left behind no matter how deep the wounds. He really makes you whole, you really are a NEW creation. Sometimes all it takes is taking your hand off the wounds and letting Him at it.

In the first paragraph I mentioned a verse,  2 Corinthians 1:4 "He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us." It is my greatest desire and hope that if you are reading this, my story can bring you Hope. Please, do not feel sorry for me. I am fully aware that my story was written by the very Hand of God. He knew me before I was even born the Bible tells me. My life was in His Hands. He literally had me in His palm of His hands. How can that be you ask? Yes, I was still abused sexually, mentally, this was no life anyone would want for a child. You could say I was a victim of several horrible things. HOWEVER, this is not where my focus is, nor should yours be for me. You see, I could have chosen a long time ago to be a victim of my circumstances. I could have chosen to try to get retribution for what happened to me. I could blame the adults in my life for making bad choices. I could be bitter today. I could have made really bad choices growing up and you would say...."well, it's not her fault...I mean look at the life she had." HOWEVER. I CHOSE to be victorious instead. I CHOSE to give Christ a chance to heal my wounds, to redeem me by His great love. After all, that is why He came to earth to begin with. I have lived a life full of miracles and wonder. My children are able to grow up seeing the hand of God in our everyday lives. He continues to provide for our needs. Do bad things still happen? Absolutely. There has been much pain even in my life as an adult. But I am safe under the wings of my Savior. He is my Protector, He is my Rescuer. I'm whole! I'm Healed! I'm Free. Memories do not haunt me. I no longer live in fear. I know who I am in Christ and I believe every word He says about me!

Today, if you have children who have made bad choices and have gone on a path you would never have chosen for them. Don't give up. Pray for them. If you are struggling today as a single Mom and worry that your children will never be what you hoped them to be because your life, or the life you are giving them is less than ideal. Please, remember my story. He is our Redeemer. He loves your children more than you do. No matter what the circumstances of our lives are...His Word remains true. It is NEVER too late to CHOOSE LIFE! We most certainly can have joy in our journey. I'm a living testimony to that very truth. I heard it once said that the Lord never wastes pain. He has written my story (and continues to do so)...and it is all for His Glory.

This is legacy my Jesus leaves for His children:

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the suffering and afflicted. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted, to announce liberty to captives, and to open the eyes of the blind. He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of God’s favor to them has come, and the day of his wrath to their enemies.  To all who mourn in Israel he will give: beauty for ashes; joy instead of mourning; praise instead of heaviness. For God has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for his own glory.....Instead of shame and dishonor, you shall have a double portion of prosperity and everlasting joy. Isaiah 61:1-7

There Is A Time For Everything...

...And a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die,a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace." Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 

December is all in itself a season: the winter season, the Christmas season, a busy season. I think of all the songs that talk about the season..."Tis the season to be jolly!" I actually love LOVE this season, even though it hold bittersweet memories. I am convinced that each and every memory whether happy or sad, plays a part in making you who you are. Although...I understand how this "season" can be difficult. I want to encourage you to take it all in.

One of my happiest memories would be my wedding day...December 15th, 1990. One of my saddest memories would be December 12th, 1997.  This December 12th will be the 15th anniversary of the loss of our first child. (I lost his twin three weeks after that). Then we have so many wonderful memories that go with celebrating the birth of our Savior.

I'm thankful for those words from Ecclesiastes above...they speak volumes to my heart.

I was in school, teaching...when it happened. I tried to deny it! Rushed to the specialist...I saw the screen! I remember not wanting to go to the hospital. I remember having to deliver in my pastor's home with a doctor who went to our church. I remember the tears and the prayers of my dearest friends who laid on that bed and prayed over me as I was in labor...too stubborn to go to the hospital. Too emotional to give up on this long awaited baby. I had been trying to get pregnant for 5 years already. My first attempt at insemination...and I was pregnant. I had started a baby book, received blankets and cards. My entire church family rejoiced (a time to dance) at the news that I was in fact going to have a baby! Now here I was, late first trimester, in the spare bedroom of our pastors/friends, going into labor...(a time to mourn)! I finally went to the hospital and remember feeling dead inside. Three weeks later I would find that I had an ectopic pregnancy too. This baby had died many weeks prior, but we weren't aware that he/she lay lodged in my tube (life and death situation)...which was about to burst.

December 12th was indeed a time to be born, and a time to die. Not just the death of my son, but my dream of having one, my hope of holding him. Shortly after this, a new hope was born in my heart. I understood that everything that He created (even my first son), was created for His pleasure. For now..my son..was created for His pleasure only.  A precious woman of God, my mentor, spoke at a retreat shortly after my miscarriage. She spoke about how everything was created...to bring Him Glory (Rev. 4:11). Even every grain of sand, or every shell upon the earth...was made special and for the purpose of bringing Him Glory. She even handed out little tiny shells that were to remind us that everything was created for His pleasure. This spoke straight to my heart.

I remember coming home and showing Michael the shells. I took two, one represented my son and the other the baby lost in my tube. At first I had them in a little baggie tucked away in my baby book. I would panic when I couldn't find them. Kept asking Mike..."Oh my gosh..where are the babies?!!" When I really meant "Where are the shells!" I realized that these little shells became my memorial of the babies, who for now, would wait for me in Heaven.

Another friend of mine gave me a very unique jar. It is a magnifying glass on top so when you look through the top you can see more detail of the items that are in the jar. This very special jar holds 14 little shells...each serving as a memorial of the babies who wait for us in Heaven...each created in the image of God...and for His pleasure.

Yes, I do have 3 amazing and precious sons now. Three boys who know this story and understand that they have been chosen to live here...for a great and wonderful purpose...a destiny that I anticipate will indeed bring Him honor. Not unlike their brothers/sisters...they too have been created in God's image and for His Glory and pleasure!

Oh, if you need comfort today...here it is! He is on His Throne. He was on his throne on December 12, 1997, He was on His throne when my mother and father died. He was on His throne when I lost each of those babies. He is still on His Throne. He is my Redeemer, my Hope, my Rescuer! He is my Healer, my Restorer!  I look forward to the day I see Him face to face. I look forward to the day I see all of my babies, my parents....one day I will...He has set eternity in my heart  --  that is a precious and wonderful gift - for which I'm eternally grateful!

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end." Ecclesiastes 4:11 

An Encounter With Hope!

It was almost a year ago when I posted about My Little Man With a Big Heart. I realized that he may potentially have a calling on his life and it was important for me to foster that. So we ended up seeking a way that we can be a light in our community. For just about a year now we've been helping, along with others, serve food to the hungry once a month - see this post. We have developed amazing relationships and deep love for these people. Then several months ago our children's director at our church asked us to help pilot this missions minded project called Mission Possible. Of course then I Left My Heart In Eustis...yes...I pray for those children every single day. All of this, coupled with the fact that I'm working on memorizing the book of James and doing Beth Moore's Study Mercy Triumphs and a large part of James regards our heart for the lost, the poor, the widows, the orphans. Well, the only surprise today was that it was Monday as we normal try to devote Wednesdays to really focus on what God would have us do, how He would have us pray for the lost in our community and in our world. Actually, I love when God interrupts our plans, because His are always better.

So on with it Lisa! Today we had to go to the library to begin our research papers. Since I'm working on getting fit..and possibly thinking of a Triathlon (shhhh..I haven't announced that officially -- you know that means on Facebook right?) I figured I'm gonna ride my bike whenever I can..since I'm already running and then we just have to work on swimming. I digress. We ride our bikes (we meaning my superheros and I). Get to the library and get our books only to find that my one son's back tire is flatter than flat. There is no way he is going to make it another 2.2 miles home..just walking. So I pull out my phone and begin to make the phone calls. Two of my friends have no car, one was apparently mowing his lawn and numerous people didn't answer the phone. Hmmm?

There she was....having a bad day. So Kyle decides that maybe if he gave her a magazine it would make her smile. She smiled as she sat on the bench next to mine. She had grabbed some guy to come and tie her shoes..I'm thinking because she was too strung out on drugs to do it. She talks to Kyle and says nice and loud, "Do you think we could ask your Mom if I could borrow her phone?" So I reply, "sure can I call someone for you." I am pretty sure that my children were watching this all go down...very carefully. "Well, I need to call it, I'm really a nice person, can I just use your phone..if anyone calls you back about your tire, I will give it back!" I hand her my phone. My one son says, so astutely, "Are you worried she might steal it?"

Well, yes, that thought crossed my mind for a moment. Then I remembered, everything is His anyway. She made a few phone calls and as I listened to bits of her conversations I realized her life is hard - possibly by her own bad decisions, possibly some challenges that have come her way for whatever reason...possibly both. It was my moment. I asked if everything was ok...she replied..."Oh you don't want to hear my sob story!" Well, actually, I'm pretty sure that I'm stranded here for that very reason...with all 3 of my superheros right next to me. "YES, I do...please tell me your story. Oh and I'm Lisa by the way!"

For the next hour we sat and talked. She confessed that she was living on the streets, poverty stricken, addicted to pain medication, stemming from an accident she had a few years back, had stolen from the dollar store, was 20 years old, had a 3 year old son and hated her life...all she wanted was a good night sleep. She had a fight with her Mom the night before and slept on her front porch. She was at her end and really didn't have hope.

Well, you could have blown me down with a feather! I'm teaching on Hope at Bagels & Blessings (I have been for the past year...my final B&B for this season is...Saturday). He is our Hope! We talked about the local shelters, food pantries...etc. I was about to ask her if I could pray for her...so I said..."I wish I could do more, but can I...(and before I could get the rest of the words out she cried..."can you pray for me?" I was just about to say that. I asked if she had a relationship with Jesus. We went through the ABCs of salvation. She prayed that prayer with me. Then I began to hold her and pray over her as she wept in my arms right there on the curb of the library.

She couldn't stop crying. I just sat and held her hand, and put my arm around her. Sometimes you just need someone to put your arm around you. Finally someone came to pump Kyle's tire and she knew I didn't have much time to get home before it would go flat again. She asked me why my children were not in school and I told her I  homeschooled. She asked if I might teacher her math so she could pass her GED. "If I could get my GED maybe my life would be different!" I gave her my number and told her I would do it. I would teach her what she needed to pass the GED. We embraced. She told my kids to "Stay away from drugs!" ;) and off we went.

Kyle: "Mom, you gave her Jesus today!" WOW - I'm often shocked at his abilities (being my boy on the spectrum)!

When we got home my Shane had lots of questions about what she talked about. Abuse, drugs, homelessness..."Mom, what if she has to sleep on the streets tonight can we bring her some food?" YES!

I made lunches for everyone including our new friend. We drove it to the library. Peanut butter and jelly, an apple, banana, and orange, some peeps and other candy and a bottle of water. It really was all I had..it was what my children ate too. She saw me, my boy hands her the bag and I tell her..."Lunch. Because we love you and want you to remember how much you are loved by the Hope of this world...Jesus!" She was so thankful. Her friend was there now too. She asked if I could pray for her too. Of course! They both cried. She looked up at her friend and she said..."I want to go to Lisa's church...I want to turn my life around!" She hugged me and told me I was an angel. I reminded her that no...I was a girl..just like her...saved by Grace. I asked her to just think about what we had prayed about...and consider this a gift of love from Jesus, the One who Loves you just as you are..and longs to rescue you..if you allow Him to.

I don't know if I will ever see her again. Possibly, this could be her story...ten years from now. I know one thing for sure. She had an encounter with Jesus today...and so did we.

The Power of Words

As I reflect this week on all that I am grateful for, I keep reaching over to the lamp next to my bed and picking up this card. I have this amazing spirit filled friend whom the Lord uses mightily to saturate my soul in my love language..words of encouragement. I know whenever I receive something from her, it is because the Lord Almighty has spoken to her obedient heart...and I'm always incredibly blessed. I do hope she doesn't mind me sharing her personal sentiments to me with the readers of this blog. I just felt like it was a huge part of my 1000 Gifts..my gratitude this week..and I couldn't pass it by..I had to pass it on.

There is amazingly great power in words...

 as they fall off of the page and into my heart I read these POWERFUL words...

 "Your difficult times end up being an encouragement for others because we always see God do IMPOSSIBLE things to answer your prayers." WOW! God!!! To You be all the Glory & Honor! That my life song may be a blessing to others - what an encouragement to "remain faithful to waiting on God."

I've been teaching on Hope this past year at our Bagels & Blessings. As always the Lord is faithful to teach me so I can effectively teach others. To Him be the Glory!!

Then she goes on to pray provision over me....that "He do things that blow my mind!...He rewards my patience as I wait on Him...and Healing will take place in all of us!" Thank you Lord for such saturating my soul..for friends that really pray for me!!

Then look at this final paragraph..."Lord take this IMPOSSIBLE situation and SHOW OFF with it!...Show the world...NOTHING is too hard, too difficult, too impossible...another opportunity Lord, do it...BIG!!" Even as I type, these powerful Spirit-filled words move my heart that tears are falling once again.

We do have a very BIG God...who cares immensely...and who has a PERFECT plan. Even when I do not see where my next foot will fall...I walk by faith..not by sight!! He has ordered my steps and He will provide for each one. We continue to look for part time employment for my husband and I am about to embark on a new endeavor with teaching guitar. We understand fully that we are living on 5 loaves and 2 fish. If I remember the event as it is written in the Word...they had enough and even some left over. GO God!!! Do it BIG!

Thank you Father for...

270. Caring for little me and my little family, that you would place us on the hearts of others whom you trust to obey your will.

271. All the persons that are you. The Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit.

272. The words of a friend, moved by the Spirit, that have saturated my soul with encouragement.

273. Your provision, and your Word that says..you will continue to provide for our every need.

274. Making memories with my arrows....the bonus..education.

275. Scripture memory...as each member of my family pours into your word...it becomes alive and active in us.

276. The mystery that You are Lord...although you have revealed Yourself fully, I keep wanting more and more of you.

277. Your perfect plan that includes, hope and a future.

278. A husband who is trying and working so hard...hold on to Him Lord as he continues to hold on to you!

279. Teachable moments in Your curriculum...lessons on love, hope and giving. ♥

Amen!

....and the gifts keep growing on...

My Life Theme

"Guide me in Your truth and teach me, for You are God my Savior, and my HOPE is in you all day long." Ps. 25:5

Every year I love to read through the Bible chronologically, and January always begins with Genesis and then short jaunt over to Job. I love Job. God loves Job. He's real, authentic, and confused at why all of this tragedy has occurred in his life, yet he remains steadfast in his faith!  He has a Hope!

I am confident in my Hope..the person of Jesus Christ. I believe Him, His Word (Romans 15:3-5 "For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have...HOPE") and His faithfulness. When we've had nothing He has provided. When there was no way, He made a way. We are indeed at this place again...where my faith must be strong. I have Hope! People at times wonder how it is we have such hope as they peek into our little world...

1 Peter 3:15 “But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the HOPE that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect,”

It is He who we have Hope in. I am not sure how we are going to make it for the remainder of this semester as my husband finishes school. I will do what I can, I have a small job and will be teaching guitar...Yet we will praise Him!

Psalm 71:14 “As for me, I will always have HOPE I will praise you more and more.”

Isaiah 40:31 “but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a HOPE and a future."

Since God provided the way and means for my husband to complete his degree, so many strange things have happened. Regarding my family in particular. My son, praise God is doing so much better, however there were unexpected expenses that went along with his healing. I must include myself...in the past 3 months medical bills have mounted like crazy...one odd thing after another until finally our home had an obstacle of its own. All the while we have trusted in the Lord to make a way and He is faithful!  Hebrews 10:23 "Let us hold unswervingly to the Hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful."

Romans 8:24 “For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have?” Romans 12:11-13 “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”


I lay it all down, every day, I remind Him of His Word...I think He smiles when I do that! I'm so in love with Him. I am grateful for His blessings that come in so many ways, including opportunities to give and bless others! We can never out give God!! I can honestly say, that there is no room for fear. I have something to look forward to, the Almighty God of the universe loves us, loves you. "We wait in HOPE for the Lord: He is our help and our shield." Psalm 33:20

Psalm 39:7 "But now, Lord, what do I look for? My HOPE is in You!"


No surprise that my theme this year for Bagels & Blessings would be...HOPE! It is my Life, He is my Life! I know I'm not alone, there are those who suffer financially, physically, emotionally, mentally....those of you who need Hope.
Psalm 33:22 "May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our HOPE in you."

For you and for me...I pray Ephesians 1:18 "..that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people,"

Like an Eagle

"But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary,they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

Such a familiar verse. Memorized, repeated, meditated upon! Yesterday I dissected this verse and found how truly full of promises this really is.

I really need to read verse 28 first, because it sets us up by reminding us who God is after all!! "Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom."

Then in verse 29 clears up the fact that we will in fact we will face troubles and trials, but He starts it out with a promise: "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;" Then we get to the verse above.

We have been doing some backyard birding recently. Having a new puppy has really increased our time outside. As birders, we don't really feel comfortable being outside with out our binoculars. Especially in Florida during the winter months. My husband said he spotted 30 different species right in our own back yard. Just yesterday we saw a mature bald eagle just soaring over our heads. It was so crystal clear you could see the face and the beak contrasted by the black wings and body! Such an amazing sight to see. So peaceful! Not the first time by any means, but I think that this time, it just came alive to me through this verse, because I was reading Isaiah 40:31 exactly at the same time my husband called me out to see the sighting. I came back into the house and dissected this verse and found that it was exactly what I needed for this time in my life. My hope is in the Lord.

To hope in the Lord is to trust him fully with our lives; I believe it involves looking to him as our source of help and grace in time of need. I see several things, first, those who hope in the Lord are promised God's strength to revive them in the midst of exhaustion and weakness, of suffering and trials. I have experienced this just as recent as early this morning! Truly!

Secondly, those who hope in the Lord are promised that God will give them the ability to rise above their difficulties like an eagle that soars into the sky. Just look at the eagle. When I watch an eagle soar my lungs enlarge, it rejuvenates me! Just thinking that the Lord gives me the ability to coast, soar above my difficulties brings me such peace!

Thirdly, those who hope in the Lord are promised that the Lord will give them the ability to run spiritually without tiring and to walk steadily forward without fainting at God's delays. OH how often we don't want to wait! OH what we miss when we try to rush God! I just reminded my husband of this very thing. He is called at this time in his life to care for his grandfather. It is challenging to say the least, exhausting, both physically, mentally and spiritually. But God promises Mike that he can do this...that He will give Mike the strength to endure, no matter how long!

Finally, God promises that if his people will patiently trust him, he will provide whatever is needed to sustain them constantly. I have lived that, I'm know that the Lord is faithful and His Word is true! We are in a place right now where it is hard to see an end. We really cannot leave the house, until Pop is back in respite two days a week. We cannot go out together even for a walk on the beach. I know that won't last forever. It is hard to watch someone you love deteriorate in his mind so much! It is difficult to endure for sure. We all have our things. For some it is financial, some it is regarding family situations, or physical challenges. Whatever it is we face, we cannot forget that we don't face an unbeatable foe, or an obstacle too big! As for the Engels...our hope is in the Lord.