Doing A New Thing

Lake Bled, Slovenia.
 One of my most favorite places I have visited this year.
Great image of reflection.

Reflecting on the past year, there have been plenty of moments that were exciting, devastating, wonderful and painful. Isn't that like most years? For me personally, I have so much to be thankful for. I traveled to places I never knew I would see in person, I struggled with my iron saturation and thyroid, I had 4 major surgeries (3 of them in 30 days), I started a new business, I have one son driving (which shockingly increased my already stretched financial situation so much more than I had expected). I have hugged friends and family who have lost husbands and children. I have seen God come through in miraculous ways financially for my family and so much more. So you see, so much to be thankful for.

Going into 2018 I am expecting major breakthroughs in my life personally and for my family as well. Two verses that the Lord has placed on my heart for this coming year. But before I share those, I do feel like I experienced Isaiah 43:1-3 "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God , the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;" I think that sums up 2017.

For 2018, I find the Lord whispering to my heart some verses later in that same chapter of Isaiah. Verse 19: "See I am doing a new thing? Do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness, streams in the wasteland." This is the Engel's year of Breakthrough - breakthrough in our finances, breakthrough in our health, our home, our family dreams and desires and our faith! I'm so excited! So Breakthrough - that's the main word for me in 2018. The other is Restoration.

This is a bracelet I was given by a friend for Christmas.
It's called the Restoration Bracelet from Trades of Hope.

Deuteronomy 30:3 says "God, your God will restore everything you lost, He'll have compassion on you, He'll come back and pick up all the pieces from all the places where you were scattered." I do believe what the enemy has tried to steal or has stolen, we will get back double fold. Both relationships and finances specifically but not limited to just those two of course. So I start my year off with great expectation. Some may say, why would you have expectations...they may be dashed, you may be disappointed. NO, not true. I go back to faith. Faith is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things unseen. You can't have faith without some expectation. (Expectation is defined as "a strong belief that something will happen...in the future.") Besides that, I'm expecting the Lord to work on my behalf. I'm just believing Him at His own word. He has NEVER EVER let me down! Sure, things didn't turn out exactly as I had thought - but I always know He has my best interest at heart. He loves me. I'm undeserving, but He loves me.

He loves you. You are undeserving, but He loves you. There is not one thing you could do to make Him love you more...or less. You do not have to work at being good or perfect. You don't have to check off some this of things that you do for Him to love you more. Just believe Him. The Bible says in Hebrews 11:6 that "without faith, it is impossible to please God, because anyone that comes to him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him."

So let's just seek Him this new year. I just want to be in the center of His will. No placed I would rather be!! Have a blessed New Year friends!

Speak In Psalms

I've been studying the Holy Spirit lately. It's an incredible journey, learning to listen careful and following the leading of the Holy Spirit. One of the things we are asked to do is to speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. So on occasion in my quiet time I ask the Holy Spirit just to lead my pen on the page in my journal. I turn the page and quiet my spirit...and allow the Holy Spirit freedom to write.  I know it encouraged my heart and then I thought it says to do it to one another. So here it is...perhaps it is not only to encourage me...perhaps it is meant for another as well.

And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father; and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. Ephesians 5:19-20

Here it is.

As I walk in the wonder of my spirit. I am drawn to you oh Lord. I am made aware of your very breath upon my face. Your presence Lord! Your sweet aroma.
Why Lord do I ever get up from this place? Why do I let my flesh creep up? Why do words of defeat escape my lips in moments of conflict?
I know the TRUTH and it has set me free. Praise you oh Lord for your grace and mercy. For being my teacher Holy Spirit, I am forever grateful. You are patient with me as I learn to remain in the Spirit, You pick me up when I stumble.
You have given me life. Your Word is my candle and light. Your Spirit is my counsel. You have given me the road map and have provided Emmanuel to show me the way. I never walk alone.
I will continue to abide in you as I know you also abide in me. I have all authority in Christ Jesus to conquer my flesh. For I am Spirit first with a soul in a body. Soul and body must be trained by the Word of God. Thank you for Your Word. May it forever be upon my lips. Amen and Amen.

Being Intentional

I'm working on being intentional about everything that's important to me right now. I've been studying on how to be lead by the Holy Spirit. I want to be lead in every way, in every area of my life. I told the Lord I want to be your student - teach me. So I must invite the Holy Spirit into all the areas of my life that I want to be lead in. My home, my marriage, my schooling, my parenting, my ministry, my business (yes I'm still doing Juice Plus), my dreams and goals all of it!

Slow down. Let's take one thing at a time. Suddenly, I've picked up my "pen" and started "journaling" again. (I place that in quotes because I mean "put my fingers to the keys and starting blogging again" - I journal almost every single day with an actual pen.) I use to blog regularly. I have taken time off, I get caught up in having to "educate" or "entertain", but my original plan for this site was simply to capture moments in my life and save them. If I can be a blessing along the way...Praise the Lord!! (I've got some huge dreams coming to fruition...so I can't wait to share!)

So what's new? Well, today I'm gonna write about my superheros! (Afterall, that is why I started this blog to begin with.) Oddly enough, my children, my teenagers, asked why I haven't written about them recently. I found that so strange coming from the children that wouldn't allow me to take a picture of them at age 13. Same children who said I should be "very careful on social media."

So here we are Shane, age 13, Brendan and Kyle age 15. Brendan (10th grade) has his learner's permit and is presently dual enrolled at our local college. What? How? When? I know...please...I know all too well. Kyle (9th grade) has had the most difficult transition of all (I promise I will touch upon this as well - for all my special needs parents - I will share what I'm learning - and mistakes I've made in the journey), however he is having such a great school year (only day 2 but hey...we'll take what we can get). I see such great potential and changes in him. Shane, well, as much as I've tried to keep this child my baby...I'm afraid he's grown up despite my efforts. Presently in 8th grade and as fun and funny as ever.

Being intentional about homeschooling. I've done this every year since I pulled Brendan out of school and homeschooled him in 1st grade. As I sat in the van after dropping my young 15 year old, my introverted sophomore, my sweet, self motivated, encourager, my precious treasure of a son....(sorry I digress) to take his PERT exams (college placement tests) I cried a million tears.

WHY? Because at that very moment I heard the words of Brendan's kindergarten teacher say to me in a quiet voice at the grocery store...."Have you ever thought about homeschooling? If you did....your son could soar! He wouldn't have to be "placed in the bubble", he could work at his pace and go full speed ahead!"

Well I brought him home and often times I thought about what she had said and didn't really exactly know what she meant. How do I let him soar? How do I let him...."get ahead"? Does it mean do more chapters in a day...take two math tests a week? I never understood.  Then there he was - at the college - enrolling in two classes for the fall. He will graduate (like many before him) with a high school education and an AA Degree and transfer to the 4 year institution of our choice by the time he is 18. This is his chance to SOAR!  Who knew?  I'm so proud of him!

OK...so it's not super easy to just let him go. He's been under my wings for a long time. He is my little rock...but as I've been memorizing Psalm 91...I know that God will cover him with His feathers and under HIS wings he will find refuge. His faithfulness will be Brendan's shield and rampart. THAT has been my job, my real job from the beginning of parenthood - planting that seed in him and watching the Lord do the rest - for such a time as this.

Being intentional is paying off!

Until next time.

Hope Incarnate - My Anchor

Yesterday I revealed that my word for 2016 is Hope. In light of that I want to meditate on that daily. In a commentary that I read this morning it said that our hope enters the inner sanctuary, behind the curtain. That's the little room that symbolized the very presence of God, but people were not allowed to enter it. But HOPE can.

You see our hope, Christian hope is not exhausted by what it sees of earthly possibilities. It reaches into the very presence of God. It has nothing to do with what is going on in the world, or our lives at this moment. It has everything to do with penetrating right into the holiest place, the inner sanctum of God's presence where it anchors itself to HOPE incarnate.

I love the verse in Hebrews 6:19 "We have this HOPE as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain."

That's where my hope is resting right now. In Jesus Christ...Hope incarnate. Listen, when God gives His word, He cannot lie. Your hope, my hope therefore cannot be misplaced if it is in Him...it is anchored!

The First Crisp Page

"May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope is in you." Psalm 25:21

Hope. For a whole year that is all I studied so I could teach about it in Women's Ministry. I've been praying about what my focus word from the Lord will be this year. Last year it was revelation. I believe this year, 2016, it will be HOPE.

Hope means so much to me. It is so much more than a wish. I am aware that Hope is the person of Christ. In this we must know that HOPE thrives on a daily watering of the Word of God, of prayer and shared experience with others who have received hope. Think about how important it is to share the hope in your heart with others and how you feel when others share with you. Yes.

Hope looks at everything that is true about right now, lifts the circumstances of life in to the very capable hands of God and then breathes the breath of trust.

Hope makes it possible to live firmly grounded, yet allows our hearts and minds to soar in believing in the supernatural vision that God births in us.

It's a brand new year. It's like a crisp page in a brand new journal like the one above. I still had room in my old journal from yesterday, but I wanted to start on a new page, in a new journal.

So this morning, I picked up my pen on this first day of the 2016. I am aware that this year will hold unexpected joys and sorrows, moments of faith and fear, mountains and valleys. There is plenty of unknown that we face in the beginning of this journal, in the beginning of this year. What will the pages hold?

However there is much we can count on with absolute confidence in this coming year. We can count on the fact that God is in control and that His heart is good and merciful towards us. We can be assured that we will NEVER be alone. We can be confident that the Lord knows the plans He has for us and that they are good, plans of prosperity, protection, a HOPE and a future. We can know without any doubt that we are loved with an everlasting love. We can be assured that no matter what we write on the crisp clean pages of this new year, the Lord will NEVER disappoint and He has this way of bringing beauty from ashes.

So HOPE! Hope in Him! Hope in the future He has for you! Today we begin to write the new chapter in our lives, on this first crisp page of His Story in us.

Happy New Year...may everyday you see HOPE!

Just a Small Jar of Oil

When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I - Psalms 61:2

Overwhelmed? I've been studying 2 Kings and I love, absolutely love Elisha. He has taught me so much. As I'm in my 4th week of homeschooling my superheros, perhaps it is my theory of education of homeschooling that gets in my way sometimes, but I have a 7th, 8th and 9th grader now. I'm running a household, running a business, serving at church, keeping up with relationships, trying to stay healthy....life can be overwhelming. (could be why I've not written in a while) :)

I was walking with a friend this morning and we agreed that everyone has issues in their lives that can easily bring them down. It's how we deal with those issues, how we look at our situation, what we focus on.

Whatever stage of life we are in, there are moments when we feel like we are faced with too many responsibilities facing us at every turn, or like we've run out of options and we're doing life on empty. I imagine that is how the lady in 2 Kings 4 felt. With her husband's death, she was in terrible financial trouble. When you think your financial problems are bad, read about this woman, it puts it in perspective. She was desperate, in fear of losing everything she had including her boys - to creditors.

We know the story. She asks Elisha for help, and he asked her what she had to work with and she said nothing! Just this small jar of oil.

Wow! Can you relate? Have you ever been in that place where you don't think you have enough, you feel desperation in your gut...what happens? We tend to focus only on our limitations don't we?

God sees our situations much differently than we do. I promise you, I serve a God that specializes in doing a lot with a little! 

God took one jar of oil and multiplied it so the widow cold pay her debts.

I just felt like someone needed to be encouraged this morning. When you feel like you've run out of options, or you are drowning and feel there is no way out,...remember you have all God needs. He's given you everything you need. Practice gratitude for those things in life that you do have...it totally changes our focus.  It's outrageous faith that Elisah teaches us! I want outrageous faith - I've got all I need and that's all God needs to do miraculous things in my life! Take a moment and write down what you have, what is your small jar of oil? That's all He needs.

Defeated...I Think Not!

I want to say thank you to my friend Monica -  she is an inspiration. Visit her here! She missed me, needed to catch up, wanted to know what's going on in my life - she and I met in this virtual world of blogging years ago - I consider her my sister and love her dearly. It blessed me that she missed me.

I'm going to be very transparent (when am I NOT transparent?). I say this only because it feels like I'm about to undress in front of you and it is "awkward" to say the least. However, I know I need to do this, because getting vulnerable and being authentic is what ministers most to others.  So, lets catch up a bit.

I am still homeschooling all three of my middle schoolers (6th, 7th, 8th graders). I am attending a new church (well not so new, I may have mentioned that in the past year and a half), teaching preschool Sunday school once a month (pick that jaw up off the floor...I am a new creation). I am hosting my first "Fill My Cup" girlfriend gathering at a local coffee house this week, I am a Sales Coordinator with the most amazing company ever - Juice Plus. I've been privileged to see results in my own life, the lives of my family and so many others. God is totally using whole food nutrition to minister to the health and wellness of many. I'm so close to Senior Sales - May is a very big month for me. I've been spending time helping my team grow.  I've been teaching writing at our Homeschool Co-op, getting ready for our big promotion day this Saturday. Running the Mom taxi to tennis, piano, allergy shots, youth group once a week (all different days). Working on raising money for all 3 of my boys to go to camp this summer. Trying to be that cool Mom who loves to watch Marvel with my man group. Yes, I'm still going through peri-menopause...ready for that to move on. :) I group once a week with my accountability group and am presently studying the book of Psalms with another group of amazing ladies. Love going to church on Saturday nights now that we've added that additional service. I'm going through a little mourning because I'm having to say goodbye to a little ray of sunshine in my life as she goes on an incredible adventure with her precious family for a year plus.  I'm trying to be the best friend, wife, Mom, coach, servant that I can possibly be. That's my nutshell.

With that said, today was a rough day. I am thankful for the friends who speak truth in my life. I think sometimes when I get overwhelmed with all the hats I'm wearing I feel paralyzed. I love my hats. Really, I love every single one of those hats...a lot! I've done some serious evaluating of my "crystal balls" and my "bouncy balls" or my hats whatever you want to call them.  I feel like I've placed my hats in proper triage, but today I had a meltdown.

I woke up this morning on fire! I've been declaring out loud who I am in Christ. My pastor is preaching a great sermon series. "I AM COMPLETE! In Christ I have everything I need to live a full life!" Yes, every morning...read my Psalms and make my declarations. What happened today? Does it have to do with my many hats? Here is my theory.

It is May. Every homeschool Mom I've ever known says things like..."Gosh, did we do enough this year?" We are WAY harder on ourselves than I ever was when I was a public school teacher with a class of 23 high schoolers). Truth! So in my "fear" I let the enemy get a little foothold. Suddenly, things were not going as I had planned. There was a bit of nit picking going on, some buttons being pushed - I gently warned if the buttons were continually being pushed the nuclear bomb that the boy holds will eventually erupt and that will just not be pretty. Oh but, lets admit it, when you were 11, it was kind of fun to see just how far we could go before the explosion. It's kind of excited...for the one child, for the other....not so much. Well, it wasn't exactly Chernobyl, but by my reaction, it might has well been. What happened to me. I lost it. Suddenly I was appalled by my own behavior and then I started to fall apart.

Lies. Oh the enemy loves to whisper lies. My weakened state from wearing my many hats may have something to do with my meltdown over something so silly. I'm just being real here. I entertained those lies and I said things. "I can't do this...." "I'm not good at this!"  "I'm not going to reach my goals", "I feel like I'm doing all of this on my own." "I feel like scrap metal put out to the curb!" YES I said these things. The very same woman who declared "I AM COMPLETE!" just 5 hours before...said these things. The words were flying out of my mouth and being echoed in my ears. I seriously could not recover. I know the power of words!  When I tell you that I cried...I mean...I haven't cried this hard in a LONG TIME! Seriously, people are going through very difficult things (I've been through more difficult times) but I couldn't recover. In the midst of my tears...I am saying..."NO weapon formed against me shall prosper!" It was like the enemy heard that and was laughing and just shot a little dart my way (I mean it could have been on of those little orange rubber darts) and I just couldn't get up off the ground! UGH! Pitiful right?!

OK. End this pitiful story right? I ran to a friend. I cried on her shoulder. I got back in my car with swollen eyes, told the devil he's a liar and reclaimed my authority! NO MORE! ENOUGH!

Listen, when we criticize and condemn ourselves, we side with the enemy of our hearts. GOD IS FOR US! WE ARE MORE than CONQUERORS! I AM an OVERCOMER!

It happens folks. Even when we read our Bible, even when we wake up with declarations on our tongues - we can get beaten down. I just needed to run back to His feet! I am all about speaking life. Ask my kids! They recognize immediately when they hear someone speaking death! There is so much power in the tongue.

That top picture. Baloney! Rubbish! Well, we can do it - just not alone! We can do ALL things through Christ!! When the hats get to be too much, when we feel overwhelmed or paralyzed, that is not the time to start "taking the wheel", start controling things...it even more imporant to LET God handle it, let Him be in charge!

Defeated....I think not! You, Me, WE ARE OVERCOMERS! WE ARE VICTORIOUS! Thank you Lord for your GRACE! Yes and Amen!

From A Virgin's Womb To An Empty Tomb

I haven't been writing as often as I like. I journal, I use to journal here, but for some reason haven't lately. Perhaps because my children are getting older and they enjoy their privacy...I have to be more creative if I'm writing about my superheros now.

I reflect on my Jesus once again this morning. This week, my study group and my family are all reading Luke 20-24. It's Holy Week after all. I've contemplated allowing my children to watch the Passion of the Christ (haven't decided yet). They are teens now, I think they could handle it...parenting wisdom...always one of the top requests in my prayer time.

I was writing my morning "nugget" on Facebook this morning and I thought about what I had written last Easter. The story of how my Jesus and my Mother both sacrificed for me. Differently, but a sacrifice nonetheless. The link to that story is : They Took My Place.

So much love from the Father. In years past I know I've cried over the sacrifice of Jesus, the pain that He suffered, for me, so that I might enjoy everlasting life. This year once again, I meditate on this story of Cross and concentrate on His Love. His amazing Love! The fact that He came as a baby. He left Heaven and put Himself in a tiny shell, walked this earth...sinless! Suffered incomprehensible persecution and pain...all because He loves me.

Wow! I've been saved for over 36 years and it still overwhelms me. I think about our moments - Jesus and I. The moments we've had, quiet times in my chair, before the sun rises. The intimate times where I could almost physically feel His presence. Times when I know He rocked me to sleep, or caught every tear. Times when my spirit knows He was speaking to me. Whispers of love, gentle correction or even laughter. My Jesus....I am really always on His mind.

Do you feel that way too? I wonder? Is your relationship the kind that you can reflect and recall moments, special moments between just you and He? I can say, to some extent I really do understand His comment..."I AM". He is! He is everything to me. I don't always do this journey correctly. Many days I wish I can do a do over. But His Grace...demonstrates His love..it moves me, it woos me.

Thank you just doesn't seem to fit the emotion that goes along with the words. It will have to do. Thank you Lord for loving me enough to be born in a manger, where animals slept and ate; To walk and work this land before me; to walk the Via Dolorosa bearing a cross that was meant for me. Thank you my Jesus...thank you. I love you too.

I Can't See You!

"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast." Psalms 139:7-10

Have you ever felt like there are times in your life where you are super strong for God and then other times you feel like He has left you and you are running for your life? Crazy right? Those are the very feelings we see in David after he conquers Goliath. I recently heard a pastor tell the story again and so I went and reread the story of David and Goliath and I wanted to share what I learned from his sermon. So powerful!! You know, this young man, running towards this giant..all David has is a rock and a sling but he is running strong because God is with him and he knows it. He kills the giant, runs up and takes Goliath's sword and cuts off his head. Feeling pretty amazing at that moment. (Think about those moments in your life...those are powerful moments!)

Four chapters later, David feels like he is all alone, he finds himself going to the priest, so discouraged, running for his life, so alone, and just wants to see if the priest has anything for him.  Perhaps you've felt like this...even after a moment like the one above. We are a peculiar people. :)

The priest them shows him the very sword that years earlier young David had used in one of the greatest, most amazing battles in history.  "The priest replied, “The sword of Goliath the Philistine, whom you killed in the Valley of Elah, is here; it is wrapped in a cloth behind the ephod. If you want it, take it; there is no sword here but that one.” David said, “There is none like it; give it to me.” 1 Samuel 21:9

David first gets the sword when he conquers Goliath.  Four chapters later he feels like God has abandoned him, he's running for his life from Saul, he runs to the priest and what's waiting for him there? The same sword. 

God's promises are available whether you are running towards him or away from him because its not based on your performance. It is based upon a God who will ultimately fulfill all of His promises! (Remember David was anointed as a young boy by Samuel...he was anointed to be KING!)

The difference between those 2 stories of David was his awareness of God's presence. Because God's presence changes everything.

One of the greatest promises God gives us is His presence. If we are children of God, He IS always with us. That's the verse at the top...David in a moment of solitude, writes that verse because he realizes...that God is always with him...He's everywhere!

When things don't go as we imagine they should we think that God isn't fulfilling his promises for us. That's only because we can't see it. His presence is in us that means his promises are all available to us. Are you aware of God's presence in your life?

You may not see it, but you can always find it! Listen, God's promises are at times hard to see...but they are always available. The picture above is my boy Kyle when he was probably 4 years old. He wore that batman mask for a whole year. He thought that as long as he wore that mask nobody could see him. We would play hide-and-seek and he would hide in the open space and believe that he couldn't be seen. We would go along and say..."Where's Kyle?" "Hmmm? I can't see Kyle!" (meanwhile he is right in front of us!) and he would giggle so we would hear him and say..."OH I found you!!"

This is just how we are with God sometimes. God is right in front of us, we know his promises are there, but we can't see Him. We take the circumstances of life put it right in front of our eyes and block out the presence of God and his promises. We take the doctors report that we got and we put it right in front of our eyes and we ask God, why did you leave me, why is this going on, where are you, why is this happening to me? Or maybe we see our children are running crazy and not turning out they way you hoped and you say, where did I fail, why is this happening? What we don't realize is that God is right there...right there...something is obstructing our view because He's always been right in front of us...we might not always see it because these things in our lives can seem enormous, but we can always find it! 

I think that is how David may have felt in that story. When we find him going to the priest he probably felt like the Lord had abandoned him..."God's blessing everybody else, but not me". Then the priest shows him this sword...this sword that brought David's mind back to that battlefield and was able to remove the thing that was obstructing his view and he started to remember God's past faithfulness. It's like that "AHA!" moment.

He starts to relive that moment and remembers God's faithfulness, and maybe that opened up his mind to remember the times when he was tending sheep and killed a lion or bear with his hands because God always protected him or even before that, he may remember the oil being poured down his head and face as God anointed him to be king. Then He began to feel the presence of God...it never really left him, it was always in him, but he let the circumstances of his life overwhelm him and he forgot about God's past faithfulness and His promises!

If you want to start claiming God's promises for your future...start remember his past faithfulness in your life! Thinking on His faithfulness, brings us right back into the reality of His presence. Can you remember where God provided? Where God healed? Where God showed up and made something out of nothing. If you are alone today, can you remember a time when you felt God's presence comfort your weary soul. You begin finding God's promises when you remember what He has already done!


God has never failed to fulfill one promise in His word..he is not going to start with you. Faith is looking what He has done in the past, knowing that he will do it in the present and believing that he will always accomplish it in His future! The Word of God is filled with his promises!

God responds to us is much like the priest in the story above...If you want it take it! God's promises do not come with expiration date.  

2 Corinthians 1:20  ^"For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ. And so through him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God."

What do you need today, because God's promises are available to you! Find it is His Word and write it down, put it on your refrigerator, write it on the bathroom mirror! Keep it in front of your eyes!

What is your response to God? Perhaps it will be like David in the scripture above: "Give it to me!" It requires an action. A present only becomes useful after it is opened. A sword only becomes a weapon after you pick it up and use it.  A promise can't be earned but it can be embraced. An unclaimed promise is a forfeited blessing. Listen God's word becomes active when we apply to our lives!

What promise are you believing God has for you today? Let me know!

Nothing!

I absolutely LOVE the Word of God. Romans 8:38-39 is a powerful scripture that reminds us that there is NOTHING that can separate us from the LOVE of God. Too many people feel like they've done way too much for God to ever give them a second chance, or that they've used up all of their "2nd chances"! I think the Message Bible puts this scripture in just the right way...for everyone to understand what it is saying. So, I've simply copied this scripture from the Message for you and I to read:

So, what do you think? 

With God on our side like this, how can we lose?

If God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us? 

And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God’s chosen? 

Who would dare even to point a finger? 

The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. 

Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! 

Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture: 

They kill us in cold blood because they hate you. We’re sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one. None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. 

I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

Powerful right? You shouldn't have any doubts about whatever situation you are in...He's not letting go of you...at all! Nothing is going to get in His way of LOVING you and me!

OH how He loves us & NOTHING is going to hold Him back!

Our Little Spot

"He is like the light of morning at sunrise" - 2 Sam.23:4

Good morning Lord,

Only 4 hours of sleep, my eyes can barely open, but I sense that you are there. Our little spot. The spot were we meet every morning. The house is quiet, the children and animals are still asleep, so I know this is the time. I love that you are the Creator of the known and unknown universe yet here you are waiting for me to come to our spot.

It never fails to amaze me that when we meet, you know exactly what I need. When I need a Father, you are ready with open arms to receive me, just as I am. When I'm confused, stressed, anxious, you remind me to give all of that to you and then you hold me tight. I feel so safe and secure no matter what is going on around me. There are those times too that I come and I'm ornery. Complain, complain, complain, you are so patient. You listen, then you gently instruct, reminding me that its not about me, you help me put things in perspective and show me how to die to myself. Only You can do that, because You died...and rose again. Even in the times where I'm needing instruction or discipline, you love me so much you always leave me with my dignity.

When I've needed a Savior, I would be running to get to you in the midst of tears, yet I could see that you were running to get to me too. Then you rescued me. Scooped me up, held me tight beneath the shadow of your wings and carried me. Those times are absolutely incredible because I've seen you gently place me in a safe spot while you unleash your mighty power and do battle on my behalf! Who does that but my Savior?!

Then sometimes, like this morning, I come to you as my King! I come to our spot and I cannot sit, I must lay with my face on the ground in utter worship. At these times, I am so immensely aware that I don't have a clue. Oh we meet everyday, I spend time in your Presence we are so intimate, yet I know that it will not be until the day I see you face to face that Your All will be revealed. Even then, it may take all of eternity to see your vastness and majesty. However, there I lie, before the King of Kings and You kneel down beside me and gently lift my head and whisper sweetly in my ear, "Rise my daughter and take your place, here on my lap." You remind me again that while you are the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, you've adopted me, you've chosen me. I am a daughter of the King. A King whose reign will never end. A King who chose to pay a price for me. A King who created the known and unknown universe. A King to whom all creation bows down. A Father who loves gently and unconditionally. A Savior who rescues me and battles on my behalf. I'm Yours! You're mine! Why would I EVER want to miss this time? I love our little spot!  

Who Am I?

Teaching my boys about their identity in Christ!

In the past I've mentioned that I use to struggle with my identity. It's true. When I was a child, I was "Lisa Tulli/Sine (Sine was my adopted name, Tulli my Mother's maiden name) unplanned, intruder, the cause of my mother's death, average, ugly girl." These were the things I was told, things that others perceived me to be, things that sadly I started to believe myself. No worries - my early childhood was rough for sure, but...I was rescued!

As a young married woman, in New Jersey I was "Lisa Engel, teacher, speaker, woman who spent 10 years struggling with infertility and loss..." and finally when I moved to Florida 10 years ago I was simply "Lisa Engel, Mom of 3 boys under the age of 2".

It's a puzzle of who God says he is - unique and perfectly fitting!

You see the problem. While much of these "identities" are based on truth in my life, they are NOT who I am, they are more of what I've done or possess, what I've been through, or even what I'm perceived to be. None of those things is who I am! 

Today I no longer struggle! I'm confident in my identity because I understand what it is to have my identity in Christ. The more time I spend with Him the more I become aware of His nature, and the more I want to be like Him. I'm His! 

He fashioned me to be simply Lisa! Simply me!

Who am I in Christ? What does that mean anyway? Here it is...and its all found in His Word:

I'm forgiven. I'm greatly loved. I'm adopted! I'm chosen! I'm God's favorite (blessed and highly favored)! I'm fearfully and wonderfully made! I'm the head and not the tail! I'm redeemed, healed, a new creation! I'm MORE than a conqueror! I'm firmly rooted! I'm built up! I'm alive! I'm FREE! I'm loved unconditionally! I'm a child of a King! An heir to the throne...from royalty! I could go on and on and on and on! 

 

Indeed God's favorite - don't let anyone tell you differently!

Now, if you really believe all these things that are actually found in His Word....and you make a habit of reminding yourself of these truths about your identity. YOU WILL NEVER BE THE SAME!

He's refining me everyday! I know not everyone will like it, but I don't have to worry for one second about that - because HE loves it! I use to worry about what others thought. In fact there are people who have a problem with me being me, me being full of joy, confident and using the gifts God has given me. They've so much as told me so. At one point this hurt me so much! I understand now that is their issue...not mine! They can take it up with my Maker! Listen, He doesn't make mistakes!  Don't let others or the world mold you into something - you already have a Creator for that!

Absolutely, I'm in LOVE with my LORD!

Lastly remember, these are not to make you proud! I laugh because it really couldn't make us proud, we've had nothing to do with these things. It's all about the One who created us! These are because of Him. You and I are who we are in Christ because HE made us in His image! We had NOTHING to do with it! That is why we can be confident and not cocky!  

Finally, all these things are true. It doesn't become void because we've doubted it, or because we've messed up. If you are a child of God, if you accepted His free gift of salvation through Jesus Christ, if you have partaken of His Grace...His Amazing Grace...than these things are true of you! 

If you've never made a decision to give God a chance, guess what these things are true of you too. There is a man or woman of God (created in the very image of God) inside of you longing to rise up! The only barrier standing in the way, is your unbelief. If you know that you are a sinner (we were born in sin), and you believe that Jesus Christ was God's only Son sent to die for your sins (He paid the penalty for us - shed His blood, so we could be saved), and you if would accept His free gift of salvation - you could remove that barrier - and you too could be confident today that you are indeed all that the Word says you are in Christ! 

I would love to help you with any questions you may have. You can leave a comment, or message me. I'm excited! 

Listen, I cannot stress enough....SPEND TIME WITH YOUR CREATOR! He knows you best! As you spend time in His presence (talk with the Lord, pray, listen, sing...just be)  you start to talk like Him, smell like Him, act like Him. It's true! Try it...I dare you! 

Breathing Jesus Words

 

After the post about My Second Chance I thought that could most definitely be added to my 1000 gifts. The fact is I think I lost track of my number. I've been working on the list for years, that is the point isn't it? Finding treasures every single day that you are thankful for! My Second Chance is about how God gave me a second chance at life, He literally gave me the very breath I breathe and I will be forever grateful that I didn't have to leave my family in sorrow. We will all go home at some point to be with Jesus, and in fact I long for the day. However, as my 10 year old stated..."I know it would be great for you to be with Jesus in Heaven Mom, but I would be miserable without you!" So...thank you Lord for orchestrating every single detail of Friday's events! 

Now for today. A friend of mine gave me these cards to read and discuss every day of the Thanksgiving season. We've enjoyed it as a family. I love that I homeschool and can spend extra time on the couch first thing in the morning just listening to my boys.

Let me set the stage for you, so you can feel like I did this morning watching and listening to my boys as we discussed the scripture and questions. Today was day 4 (November 4th). The scripture was from Psalm 118:28 "You are my God and I will give You thanks; You are my God and I will exalt You!" The question to discuss was simply "What does it mean to exalt God? What would that look like in your life?" 

If you were peeking through my window this morning you would have found 3 boys, covered in their blankets (because I had the windows WIDE open so the rare Florida cool breeze could blow in!). One boy nestled on the couch with the dog and I, another on the rocking chair and yet another in a ball on the floor. So we read the verse and we talk about the questions. 

What does it mean to exalt God? What does exalt mean anyway? Here is what you would have heard...and I'm trying hard to quote the best I can, I wrote some responses down as they spoke, but I got carried away just listening toward the end.

"Exalt means praise, like (in a singing voice) WE EXALT YOU LORD!" 

"Yea, like hallelujahs!"

"It means to lift Him up, to praise Him." 

GREAT JOB BOYS!

What would that look like in YOUR life?

"Singing praises....(as he demonstrates)", 

"Maybe reading His Word out loud?" 

"Memorizing His Word!" 

"Sharing our story about how He loves us and others".....and you can see it got better and better....

"Obeying Him!", 

"Just being who He created me to be!",

 "Sharing this story Mom....(as shared by my 10 year old)

"The story starts as 4 kids were in the back of the car, like any day after co-op. Mom was driving us to get a treat at the local store. We go to the park, like every other Friday. Mom sitting with her friends, chatting about whatever Moms chat about. Kids playing, running, laughing like always. Then suddenly the world is not like it was always. Mom got stung by a bee. She had never been stung before. I watched her fall to the ground trying to breath. All her friends trying to help her. Someone called 911. Mom's head was drooping and laying on her friend. I thought she was dying. The ambulance came, they put a mask on her, they put her in the ambulance, I hugged her, she gave me the thumbs up. I was scared. There were people crying, even other Moms. I saw the tears. Their words didn't match their tears. Then there were kids. Kids everywhere breathing Jesus words for my Mom. Jesus words...they are very powerful...they heal! Jesus words, prayers of children went all the way to Heaven and then Heaven reached my Mom. She was healed, she could breathe, she didn't leave me!" "That's a story that would exalt God don't you think?!" -- by Shane Engel

I consulted with my boy before I finished this blog...I wanted to get as close to exact as I could. I think we've got this whole EXALT thing. I'm pretty sure they see God every day! I'm pretty sure we won't be taking each other, our words or our actions for granted...at least for awhile.

As we prayed, it was different this time. Bold, they were so bold. Thankful, they were so thankful for so many things, even little things. Then it turned, I didn't think it was going to turn....prayers for a friend, for a boy who needs the love of Jesus to invade his life, prayers for healing for friends and loved ones, prayers for salvation for those who don't know this God who deserves all praise and honor. As my most mature boy closes in prayer....his voice quivered..."I don't deserve this amazing family, but I thank you God, thank you for all the love that I receive from my Mom and Dad, all because they received love from you first!"

I think they grew up a little this past weekend. I'm pretty sure their faith has matured. I'm so so thankful for every circumstance, every trial, every detail of a life that is submitted to the sovereignty of a mighty mighty God!

Oh so grateful Lord God, for the 1000 gifts....

We will exalt you with our obedience. We will exalt you with our praises. We will exalt you with our breath. We will exalt you with our lives. We will exalt you with our story...your story in us! We will breathe Jesus words....and that will exalt you!

Our Greatest Joy

A walking stick and a cleft in a rock on Raven Run overlooking the Kentucky River

“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no human mind has conceived the things God has prepared for those who love him!" 1 Corinthians 2:9

I really admire Moses. Reading his entire story over the years I think that he's inspired me. Even this morning as I was reading in Exodus I know the Lord was speaking through his word to the unspoken need of my heart.

You know Moses never made it to the promised land (physically anyway). He obeyed God, helped lead the people out of Egypt,  put up with the crankiness of the people he lead for over 40 years. His journey was not easy that's for sure. We know he got frustrated and in his flesh reacted to the grumbling of the people and did not obey God this particular time...he was to speak to the rock and the Lord would show his power by making water come from the rock. (How many of us have ever reacted in our flesh due to frustration with others or circumstances?)  Moses ended up reacting and striking the rock instead.  Just so we are aware that in Exodus 17...the Lord had once before told Moses to strike a rock and water came out...but this time..in Numbers 20...he was told to speak to the rock. I'm a mother, my children at times could drive me to hit a rock...or react in ways I shouldn't. I've had to repent in the past for my reactions in frustration.

Cumberland Gap pinnacle in the early morning hours.

So here is the part that ministered to me today. Moses, was told he would not see the promise land. Numbers 20:12 "But the Lord said to Moses and Aaron, “Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them.” OUCH!

I think the normal, understandable reaction would be to beg for mercy, cry, plead, use the old..."NOT FAIR!" He didn't react like that at all. Oh that we attain that reflection of God!

You see Moses's desire to be in the presence of God far outweighed anything else. I love this:

Exodus 33:18-23 Then Moses said, “Now show me your glory.” And the Lord said, “I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the Lord, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion.  But,” he said, “you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live.” Then the Lord said, “There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen.”

I LOVE his relationship with God! Once he saw God (even if it was just his back)...I would think that nothing else could come close to that moment! He got to see God!! He persevered through that entire journey in the wilderness..I wonder if in difficult times...he remembered the time He saw the Lord.


You know, things happen along our journey that could very well make us want to throw the towel in and give up. We may at times think...I thought I heard from God, but I must have been mistaken..this is way too hard and not turning out anything like I expected. 

GOD IS FAITHFUL....ALWAYS! I've been through enough to see the hand of God in the ninth hour and even after that to know...HE KEEPS HIS PROMISES! We get to see God all the time! He lives in us...we get to spend time in His presences whenever we choose to!

I want to encourage you, wherever you are not to give up - press on!

In the new testament, many many years after Moses' death he appears with Jesus on the Mount of Transfiguration. Matthew 17:1-3 "After six days Jesus took with him Peter, James and John the brother of James, and led them up a high mountain by themselves. There he was transfigured before them. His face shone like the sun, and his clothes became as white as the light. Just then there appeared before them Moses and Elijah, talking with Jesus." 

I been taught that this particular place, where this happened, where Moses appears with Jesus, is indeed the promised land. Not only was Moses now in the promised land...but he was face to face, talking with the very son of God. HE ALWAYS COMES THROUGH FOR US!

The Lord knows what He is doing! Even if things don't seem to work out on this side of heaven, we can't even imagine how amazing eternity will be! 

“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no human mind has conceived the things God has prepared for those who love him!" 1 Corinthians 2:9

I am pretty sure that the greatest joy in Moses' journey was to see and experience God.  I'm pretty sure that is to be our greatest joy as well.

Presence, Purpose and Power...

My two boys on a hike with Dad on Chimney Rock while Kyle and I stayed behind learning to find JOY.

...These three things I desire most in my life. While I'm studying "Joy" for my final teaching as Women's Ministry Director at Edgewater Alliance Church I'm really experiencing a myriad of emotions. So excited about the path that the Lord has placed before my family, seeing the incredible changes in my men and knowing that the decisions that we've made are most definitely the will of God, I am still going through some kind of adjustment. Watching Bagels & Blessings grow from a conception/dream to a fully grown and flourishing ministry over the past 5 years is most humbling and most amazing. I know it is time for me to move on, but the tears keep flowing. He knows what He is doing.

So the way I've been dealing with this adjustment is to bury myself in the study of JOY. It just so happens that like every other theme for the year that God has placed on my heart for the past 5 years, and every single teaching that I have labored through...I'm personally able to learn, first hand what I'm about to speak on. This is very exciting! The most exciting part, is that my family must endure the lessons I'm learning for themselves as well. It has been life changing for everyone in my house.

I'm not sure if it is because getting pregnant was so difficult for me, or that I lost 14 babies along the way that when I finally had children I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were only on loan to me, and it was my (and my husband of course) job to take what we've learned from the Word and "teach them diligently to my children" like it says in Deuteronomy and I'm pretty serious about it!

So I now share our most recent lesson on JOY.

I know it is important to for me touch upon the supernatural result of joy, regardless of our circumstances.

Last week my family and I went on vacation together - including Mr. Incredible (this would be his first real vacation in years and years)! I was very careful not to allow my boys to go near anyone showing signs of a sniffle, let alone any horrible virus. We had the hand sanitizer out and we were playing it safe. The Sunday before we leave, my Kyle gets very VERY sick. His temperature spikes to 102.3, he feels lousy! We took him to the Emergency Room they hooked us up with tons of medication...for just in case...but they were quite sure this was a virus and medicine wouldn't help at all. I BEGAN TO PRAY! First response...always prayer! Invite the presence of the HEALER! By Monday it got worse, he began to vomit. The plan was to leave Tuesday, we had reservations..you know how it is. I thought ok, this could just be a 24 hour thing, "cheer up family -- all hope is not lost!!" - I was purposeful in my attitude. We were going to praise God through all of this! Tuesday morning he wakes up with spots all over his body and he threw up again in the early morning hours. We take him back to the doctor because of the spots. They confirmed, it is a nasty virus, highly contagious and it's running rampant. He says we'll most likely all come down with it. Poor Kyle, feeling so miserable, and then adding to that the thoughts in his head about ruining everyone's vacation. We decided that he could only get better. We were going to take the chance and drive to North Carolina. We left hours later than we had expected, but we were on our way. We CONTINUED to PRAY!

I felt the very PRESENCE of the JOY GIVER in that van. We gave Kyle a bucket, we thanked the Lord for being SO GOOD to us! We were not going to let this virus get the best of us! I kid you not, PRAYER and PRAISE were going viral in that van. My boys were believing God for a miracle...and so was I.

Right about South Carolina I began to feel sick. My temperature was rising 101.4, and my stomach felt horrible. My poor husband! Should we cancel this trip! I decided that we should keep going. I literally, and purposefully, worshiped...OUT LOUD...from South Carolina to North Carolina...and as long as worshiped I felt fine...the minute I stopped...I began to feel sick again. We had a blast in the car. My husband and I taught the boys some old songs from our college days -- oh we laughed and sang and had the best time in the car!! I went to bed in my hotel room, humming "Thanks be to God who gives us the victory!"

The next morning...I was healed! Kyle on the other hand, had developed sores in his mouth. My poor baby! He laid there on a cot in our hotel room, and said...."Why hasn't God healed me?"

Don't we all wonder where God is when life is not looking or feeling good at all, when our circumstances flat out stink? YES, we've all been there before. I knew it was my responsibility to see Kyle through this and give him the tool to find the joy in the midst of all of this.

My husband and other boys went hiking on Chimney Rock and Kyle and I stayed back at the hotel. I was able to get some fluids in him and he and I just rested. We had time to talk about how good God has been in our lives. We pulled out those "stones" and remembered how faithful God has been.

You see joy flows from the discovery of our Lord and Savior in every circumstance where we wish to find Him. If we seek Him, we will find Him!

While I worked on my teaching for December, Kyle began to dose off. I could hear him whispering..."God has been good to us!" YES!!! That's my boy!

The next day, Kyle was able to eat, drink and laugh! He was feeling 95% better! PRAISE GOD! We had an amazing vacation...finding JOY in JESUS everywhere!

You see my family understands now how Paul could say, "Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice!" Phil. 4:4 We were already in God's presence and then, just like Paul and Silas we praised God through it all! Then just like Paul and Silas we saw the amazing Power of God come through! Hello JOY!!

My prayer is that this encourages you. Look at what you are going through right now as an opportunity to refine the skill of finding joy in the midst of your circumstance. Make it yet another chance to learn and experience the presence, purpose and the power of  God. You see, I'm pretty certain that JOY is best discovered through challenges/difficulties! So don't be discouraged, get in His presence, be purposeful and watch the power of God break through - HE loves it when His children bathe in an abundance of JOY.

Intimacy Only Found In Quiet

Me, in 1973 - I was 4 years old, but that is still me. There is a little girl/boy in each of us!

I try the best I can to express the necessity of quiet time. We tend to often find so many other things to get in our way, or perhaps we feel like we don't know what to do in this...quiet time.

I haven't been blogging lately. Hoping that changes. However, I have completed a book that is presently with the editor. That has taken up much of my creativity and writing time. No matter how busy I can be, the one thing I know that is necessary is my time with my Creator.

We don't have to spend our quiet time the same way or at the same time. That would be silly, you and I are very different. Sometimes I will close my eyes before I read anything, and just listen. Sometimes, I will start out with simple words of praise (HE is worthy of all praise). Then there are times, when I start off, much like that little girl excited to see her Daddy and tell him all that is on her heart. I know He's waiting for me....and that makes me smile.

A few weeks back, I sat in my spot and had just finished reading Jeremiah 29:13 "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart I will be found by you,” declares the Lord,.." I closed my eyes and it was as if I were watching a silent movie...let me try and set the stage: I was running, like a little girl, through a thick forest. So many trees of all different sizes. Then I paused, leaned on a tree and almost out of breath I closed my eyes and starting counting...1..2..3..4..5..10..."Ready or not, here I come!" The smile on my face was filled with excitement and anticipation. I ran just a little bit and I see Jesus leaning up as if to hide behind a tree, but instead he was "hiding" IN FRONT of the tree. I laughed and ran up to Him and shouted..."I found You!" He embraced me and we both just laughed! Then I did it again. 1..2..3..4..5..10.."Ready or not, here I come!" This time He had wrapped His arms around the tree, so His hands and feet were clearly visible.

For a moment, I thought my heart could be sad, because that thought of How he allowed His hands and feet to be nailed to a tree briefly entered my heart. But I realized that is just how much He loves me.

So I sneaked up on Him and shouted...I found you! He acted surprised, but I knew He really wasn't. He again wrapped me up in His arms and twirled me around! We walked hand in hand..and played hide and seek again. He was so easy to find every time, because if  you will seek Him, you will always find Him!  Talk about intimacy! I still get teary just thinking about this time I had with my Jesus!

Today I woke at 5:00am. Got into my chair and closed my eyes. This morning I was searching for His gaze. You know that He is always present! I am aware that He dwells inside of me. I'm a part of Him. I want to see myself through His eyes. His gaze is true, steady, sure and untainted by sin. He sees me as one who is loved eternally, deeply, intimately. I find such peace in His presence, in His gaze.

There have been times, for much of my life that I would concentrate on what others saw in me. Others, however, always (to no fault of their own), see me through the filters of their own life and limitations. Christ does not have that problem. You see at one point in my life it was important to me that people liked me. OH the danger in this.

Now that I have come to understand my identity in Christ...I don't struggle with this nearly as much. I once read that the "major problem with letting others define you is that it borders on idolatry." You see, "your concern to please others dampens your desire to please your Creator!"

That is why I need to check in with my Creator every day - so He can remind me who I am in Him. Its a big deal! Not to mention the fact that the more time we spend with Him, the more we know Him and the more time we will want to be with Him. It really works just like that!

We were all created for intimacy. True, glorious, life changing intimacy is most definitely found in our quiet time. Have you had your quiet time today?

Gazing At My Tree

Although we have awesome trees in our backyard, I'm not talking about any of those trees. I'm speaking of the project my cousin (actually a few cousins) have been working on: our family tree.

Perhaps because my children are fascinated with the fact that we are indeed decedents of John Adams from my father's side of the family (I think), and the interesting fact that my grandparents along with all of my uncles, aunt and my mother were born in Palermo Italy, and according to documentation (and first hand account) arrived at Ellis Island in 1940, among other very exciting details of people in our lineage that keep coming up on our tree. It has made me think about how about my parents. I lost my mother when I was 10 years old and my father when I was in my 20s. I'm going to be officially middle aged tomorrow. My mother was not much older than I am now when she passed away.

I know..this is not a light and fun post. I'm about to change that - hang in to the end. As we prayed before bedtime tonight, my boys wished me a happy birthday, and thanked God for me, told me how much they loved me...I was keenly aware of the many blessings in my life.

Yes, I did live a very difficult life. My one cousin fills me in on some details of my childhood from time to time..and I sit back and mourn for that little girl. This little girl, who was being raised so tumultuously, who was placed in environments no child should ever have to endure. Yet...even in the worst of times, it is as plain as the nose on my face...the Lord had me in the palm of His hand.

I can remember the people he placed in my life that brought rays of sunshine in some of the darkest moments. That included my parents...both of them...as difficult as it was for my mother during those years...she loved me deeply. There were others that God placed in my life too: camp counselors, Sunday School teachers, teachers, principals, friends, extended family....and I am who I am...because of their influence, their prayers and the Grace of God. (Oh Lord may we be rays of sunshine to others, may we look beyond their difficult disposition or the weight that they carry...and be a ray of sunshine to someone else!)

I can't help but think that 44 years ago, when my mother went into labor with me (and apparently almost died), that the Lord knew every detail of my life. The darkest moments as well as the rays of sunshine that he would place at those strategic times so I can recognize His glory. He knew and still knows all that lies before me. Reflecting on all of this has made me so aware of the enormous joy it brings our Heavenly Father knowing what He has planned for me is wonderful, amazing and far better than I could ever think or imagine. I'm sure I wasn't thinking that He had great plans for me when I was being abused, but that doesn't change the fact that He did indeed have great plans for me (and still does). 

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I'm living them right now. I believe if God were, in haste, tell us what lies before us, we wouldn't be able to be as appreciative. Perhaps we'd even come to feel like we are somehow entitled. Friends, it is only His Grace...and never ending, unconditional, incomprehensible love that we can indeed have a Hope! I so desperately want to always remember, and continue to shout it from the rooftop, to always be on the look out for His personal love notes to us. They are there. Those little rays of sunshine in our dark times. They are always there.

So as my cousins work on the family tree, I sit and gaze in awe and wonder. My Father in Heaven, created this tree. Every single leaf was intentional. Every single leaf that has died, was special to Him. He watered that tree, He nurtured every single leaf on that tree. However, I know that some of the leaves weren't even aware of His presence. They were unable to see the Son shining. Some still refuse to see His tender hand pruning, and tending, and loving. Not me. Especially as I gaze on the tree and look at the very young leaves, I think...oh my Master Gardner has such great plans for these precious leaves. They will bloom, bring Him glory, do their part for the Glory of His Kingdom. Likewise, as I turn a year older, I know I'm changing color on that tree, but I will take all the tending, pruning, watering, and Son shine that I can soak in until He calls me home. I want to bring Him Glory! I like the trees that David talks about in the Psalms, I too will clap my hands before Him and sing praises to His name. He has done great and mighty deeds when it comes to this ever changing leaf...and I don't want to ever take one moment for granted. Thank you Lord...even though the words don't seem to do justice...you know what lies deep in my heart!