Soul Ministry

Raw. Probably the best word to describe how I've been feeling lately. It hurts. It burns. I'm going through my own very private (for now), very painful journey. One that I'm confident will end up producing something beautiful. Isn't that how it usually is? I'm sure willing to go through the fire in order to come out refined.

He has worked so hard...against all odds..against all naysayers...he did it! It was very difficult towards the end. We lived a 5 loaf 2 fish miracle for almost 2 years. Now he has a job, a good job...but it is just the beginning. Time to make up for the last few months of famine.

I am able to see God's hand so easily when it comes to His provision. This time he is struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel. The horizon just over the mountain. The land beyond the boulder. It is January. We were very intentional during this season (so proud of my family). He sees everything as falling apart...all at once....

Have you been there?

Obstacles, mountains, crisis after crisis, things literally and figuratively falling apart right before your eyes. I can see where if you don't  keep your focus..you can look at these "light and momentary troubles" and think they are never going to get any better.

Friends. We can't choose which scripture to believe or not to believe. I BELIEVE IT ALL! It is all for me. MY God longs to BLESS me. I'm the head not the tail. My Father own the cattle on a thousand hills. He has stored up for us...He WILL provide. I look back at His FAITHFULNESS. HE IS the same, yesterday...today...FOREVER.

I laid my hand on his head before the sun was even up this morning. (like he has done for me in the past). I called out to our Daddy...Oh Abba...remind him who he is...and the plans you have for him...the plans that are good, full of hope and a future. "Thank you" he says.."for caring for my soul." (We need each other.)

His Word is ALIVE and ACTIVE! It is! It doesn't matter that I feel raw...or hurt...or that he cannot see beyond the boulder..or that you think this will never end...it doesn't change the fact that HE IS!

This might remind you. I have a friend. She lives states away...yet the Holy Spirit uses her as an instrument to minister to my soul...PRECISELY...when it is needed. I mean...ALWAYS EXACT!  Never fails, whether it has been a timely card, a plaque, CD or a song link...the timing and message is PERFECT.

Friends...ONLY God can do that! He is intimately involved in your life, in my life, in his life. Whether you believe it or not...doesn't change the fact that it is true! He longs to bless you. So just wait a second.....

You have to do it like I did. Push play...and then close your eyes. If you are brave...raise your hands just a little to receive what the Holy Spirit has for you. I pray this ministers truth to your soul...as it has mine.

Living Manna

"Then the LORD said to Moses, “I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they will follow my instructions." Exodus 16:4

My children have been reading 1 Kings about the story of Elijah. I just said to them yesterday, imagine pouring out our milk onto your cereal every day and the carton never goes empty. (We go through about a gallon every two days...3 superheros go through a lot of milk.)

We have been praying for Mr. Incredible to get a job. He has been applying everywhere. Still only closed doors. Then two days ago my 8 year old reads these words in his Bible in Matthew chapter 18:20...

“Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” He leans over to me and says..."Does this mean that if you and I pray right now and agree and believe that the Lord will answer?" Yes! If it is God's will...absolutely! My 8 year old superhero bows his heads, folds his hands and prays...

"Please Lord, help my Dad to get a job, so we can have food to eat and money to pay bills and Dodger can get his checkup. Please help my Dad be the best nurse ever so he can get a great job as a nurse someday and make be feel better."

I prayed after him that the Lord would indeed provide for our every need. We were standing on holy ground. My boy looked up and wanted to call his Dad, right then and there. Instead he called my friend and when he told her what he had read in his Bible she responded by saying that he certainly found a golden nugget in God's Word and that she too would agree in prayer. He hung up the phone and immediately said..."Well, Mom...that's three. God's totally going to answer our prayers!"

I've been reading through the Bible chronologically. I'm in Exodus now...the Israelites are in the wilderness. God has rescued his people and they have already started to grumble. I know this story. I am aware that in our humanity we could easily grumble. I am conscious of how I respond to God in times of need. We are in times of need right now, and I continue to praise Him. I've done the grumbling thing in the past..that only serves to make me feel horrible. I've learned that lesson..so I approach the throne in love with my Rescuer! Longing for His presence!

This is hard for me to write about. He has provided in miraculous ways for my husband to go to school. We do not have any debt..praise God. We have had incredible expenses come up and while my husband's school is completely paid for...we are struggling to figure how we will make it for the next few months. I have two part time jobs and am so thankful! We are faithful to give back to the Lord a good portion of what He has so graciously given to us. It is all His! We try always, to live by the Word and walk in obedience.

In the quiet of the night last night I thought to myself that I would begin to ration our food. Only 2 cups of milk a day for each child. Only one for Mike and I. PB&J every day for lunch for all of us...we have beans and that can go a long way. One serving of food is all anyone really needs per meal. My children and friends do not need homemade cookies or cookies at all. We need to make this stretch..if in fact we are going to be able to pay our bills this month and next and next.

This morning I thanked the Lord for His provision. I read that verse I have above and know in my heart that He is indeed my Manna..He is exactly what I need. I wasn't hungry, or in need. He is my supply. My mind did wander to George Mueller and thought about when he had nothing for those orphans to eat, he prayed and thanked God for his provision. His provision of Himself. I shared with my boys at breakfast about how I think we will be eating hot meals for dinner and sandwiches for lunch. No more "leftovers" for lunch..lets save that for dinner..it will feel more like dinner and get us through the night. They were fine with that and the limit of the milk with two meals a day...water can be with lunch.

We were joyfully starting our morning with devotions when we hear a car in the drive way. Jesus stopped by today. He brought us Manna! "Food to eat!" as my 8 year old prayed. My children ran out to the van and said..."We have been praying that God would give us food...and you answered our prayer." No boys, the Lord answered our prayer...through this saint. He is our Provider, our Supply, our Manna!

I think this covers...#280-289 of my gratitude list, my 1000 Gifts.
 

Perspective

Why is trust so difficult?  My friend Denise posted something on Facebook that I just had to share. I'm not sure who wrote the piece..but I thought how perfect.

After just watching Soul Surfer for the second time, I was able to really hear some of the great truth that she spoke, both in her raw moments and in her confident moments. There was a point when she wondered why did God allow her to be bitten by that shark and to lose her arm, her dream, her "life as she knew it would be."

When I think about tomorrow I have to remember not to worry about it. This certainly isn't what I would have chosen for my family...the more difficult road. The road in which we must struggle to get by, the one that to the human eye seems impossible. NO! But with Him..all things are possible!  Every morning I have to lay it down. Lord, you have my steps, my open doors, my closed doors. You have a plan and it is good. PERIOD! I must trust! He has never failed me..NEVER not once! TRUST.

Then today, a couple of my boys were just having a rough day. I reminded them that life is not easy sometimes. In fact sometimes life is down right hard. So what do we do I asked my boys.."What do we do when life is tough?" "We pray! I guess we should pray Mom!" Yes, we sat at that table today and we prayed. We gave it all to the Lord. It is no good giving if we don't TRUST!

Sometimes things happen and we think...Wow! Really?! Meanwhile, if only we could tear back and look through to the heavenlies....what is going on behind the scenes..how exactly is God working this out for us..his children. Because I can guarantee you this...He is working it out - and it is for our good!

Enjoy the rest of this post...I did not write it..I'm "reposting" it from my friend on Facebook. I thought it was a clever way for us to get perspective!

Me: God, can I ask You a question? 


God: Sure 


Me: Promise You won't get mad ... 


God: I promise ... ... ... 


Me: Why did You let so much stuff happen to me today? ... ... 


God: What do u mean? 


Me: Well, I woke up late 


God: Yes 


Me: My car took forever to start 


God: Okay 


Me: at lunch they made my sandwich wrong & I had to wait 


God: Huummm 


Me: On the way home, my phone went DEAD, just as I picked up a call 


God: All right 


Me: And on top of it all off, when I got home ~I just want to soak my feet in my new foot massager & relax. 
BUT it wouldn't work!!! Nothing went right today! Why did You do that? 


God: Let me see, the death angel was at your bed this morning & I had to send one of My Angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that 


Me (humbled): OH 


GOD: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that would have hit you if you were on the road. 


Me: (ashamed) 


God: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick & I didn't want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn't afford to miss work. 


Me (embarrassed):Okay 


God: Your phone went dead because the person that was calling was going to give false witness about what you said on that call, I didn't even let you talk to them so you would be covered. 


Me (softly): I see God 


God: Oh and that foot massage, it had a shortage that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn't think you wanted to be in the dark. 


Me: I'm Sorry God 


God: Don't be sorry, just learn to Trust Me.... in All things , the Good & the bad. 


Me: I will trust You. 


God: And don't doubt that My plan for your day is Always Better than your plan. 


Me: I won't God. And let me just tell you God, Thank You for Everything today. 


God: You're welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I Love looking after My Children...  

My Life Theme

"Guide me in Your truth and teach me, for You are God my Savior, and my HOPE is in you all day long." Ps. 25:5

Every year I love to read through the Bible chronologically, and January always begins with Genesis and then short jaunt over to Job. I love Job. God loves Job. He's real, authentic, and confused at why all of this tragedy has occurred in his life, yet he remains steadfast in his faith!  He has a Hope!

I am confident in my Hope..the person of Jesus Christ. I believe Him, His Word (Romans 15:3-5 "For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have...HOPE") and His faithfulness. When we've had nothing He has provided. When there was no way, He made a way. We are indeed at this place again...where my faith must be strong. I have Hope! People at times wonder how it is we have such hope as they peek into our little world...

1 Peter 3:15 “But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the HOPE that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect,”

It is He who we have Hope in. I am not sure how we are going to make it for the remainder of this semester as my husband finishes school. I will do what I can, I have a small job and will be teaching guitar...Yet we will praise Him!

Psalm 71:14 “As for me, I will always have HOPE I will praise you more and more.”

Isaiah 40:31 “but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a HOPE and a future."

Since God provided the way and means for my husband to complete his degree, so many strange things have happened. Regarding my family in particular. My son, praise God is doing so much better, however there were unexpected expenses that went along with his healing. I must include myself...in the past 3 months medical bills have mounted like crazy...one odd thing after another until finally our home had an obstacle of its own. All the while we have trusted in the Lord to make a way and He is faithful!  Hebrews 10:23 "Let us hold unswervingly to the Hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful."

Romans 8:24 “For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have?” Romans 12:11-13 “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”


I lay it all down, every day, I remind Him of His Word...I think He smiles when I do that! I'm so in love with Him. I am grateful for His blessings that come in so many ways, including opportunities to give and bless others! We can never out give God!! I can honestly say, that there is no room for fear. I have something to look forward to, the Almighty God of the universe loves us, loves you. "We wait in HOPE for the Lord: He is our help and our shield." Psalm 33:20

Psalm 39:7 "But now, Lord, what do I look for? My HOPE is in You!"


No surprise that my theme this year for Bagels & Blessings would be...HOPE! It is my Life, He is my Life! I know I'm not alone, there are those who suffer financially, physically, emotionally, mentally....those of you who need Hope.
Psalm 33:22 "May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our HOPE in you."

For you and for me...I pray Ephesians 1:18 "..that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people,"

My Strength & My Song

The LORD is my strength and song, and he is become my salvation: he is my God, and I will prepare him an habitation; my father's God, and I will exalt him. - Exodus 15:2

Shane saw the sky yesterday and called me over to take a picture. "Mom, come take a picture, it looks like Heaven!" That is the picture we took over in Oak Hill just yesterday.

I'm learning something in my quiet time lately. My spiritual "education" for lack of a better word, is never far from trust. Lately, besides feeling a little sleep deprived, and totally inadequate when it comes to Mike's grandfather's care, I guess you can say that on Fridays (especially Fridays because I'm on my own with Pop's care and homeschooling) I wake up feeling a little wobbly. So I go to my chair that I meet Jesus in every morning and give it all to Him. I just tell him how I feel and I praise Him for his faithfulness. Gratitude is so important to our spiritual, physical and emotional well being.

As I sat there this morning, I felt like He was reminding me of that scripture above, from Exodus. Actually, that was ringing in my heart, but I wasn't sure where it was in the Bible, so I got my Bible out and starting looking for it. I love when this happens because then I get to read so much scripture, you never know what greatness is going to come from a time like that. I started in Psalms..because it just sounds like Psalm..it wasn't there but while I was hanging out in chapter 118 and stumbled across v. 14 and it cross referenced Exodus 15:2. Ahh...

Anyway, I realized that when I look at difficult times looming ahead, measuring them against my own strength, I always feel inadequate and overwhelmed. However, when I allow the Lord His will in my life, when I simply surrender those thing to Him, I begin to see how he empowers me to handle each task as it comes..because He is my strength. Likewise, because He is my song, He gives me joy as I work alongside of Him.

His Word is true! Every single time...He comes through. I'm still tired, I have very little energy to tackle the yard work that must be done or the house work for that matter. Funny, that I'm sitting here typing, but in my peripheral vision I totally see dust. However, this is therapeutic in another way. So the picture I chose above reminds me that my hope of heaven should fill my thoughts and the Light of His Presence will envelop me. I pray the same for those who read this!

Another Great Adventure

My husband and I have been on this adventure before...too many times! However, here we are again: Unemployed! This time it is a little different, we have been here before, we are familiar with the territory and although it is not pleasant...we have abosuletly no fear! No. Just peace! We are armed with not only the promises of God, but we can clearly see the stones that we laid out before that remind us that God has a plan and is going to see us through, because he did it before!

What does that look like in real life and not just poetic phrase? It looks like this: A husband and wife that has not stopped praying together for God's will for our family. The Word of God so clear in its promises to care for our every need and actually provide in abundance (so much that we cannot even store it. Malachi 3:10) A small child who says, "This is so Daddy can become a nurse huh Mom?" Memories of food on our table that was given to us by an anonymous person....living on 5 loaves 2 fish!! While we are not clear where God is taking us at this point, we are very clear that He has a plan for our family and it is a good one! So, that is where the peace comes from...I'm just trusting and it is easy to trust someone who never fails you!

What are you going through? The Lord will never fail you...NEVER! If there is a moment when I begin to doubt or have any kind of fear I will ask myself of Psalm 42:5..."Why so downcast oh my soul...put your hope in God?"

Mike will be starting nursing school in a week. We are all very excited about his major change of career! He can hardly contain himself....he is going to make an awesome RN!

So I don't know about you, but I'm looking forward to this new jaunt with Jesus!

Victory!

Why am I hesitating to type? Is it because I'm about to share some personal goals, issues, and fears....perhaps. However, I do know that it is when we are vulnerable that the Lord shows His mighty strength and I as well as others can be penetrated by His Word and His Spirit. So Holy Spirit penetrate me!

In January I made the decision to join Weight Watchers...it was my time...I could feel it! It has been 16 weeks so far, and I am loving every single day! I have lost a total of 25.8 lbs since joining. I have a about 60 more pounds to lose to reach my personal goal! In February I over did it when I rode my bike for 6 miles, played racket ball two days in a row and did some weight training (all without properly stretching...yikes)! I thought I pulled my back out or something...I was in intense pain in my lower back. I tried Tylenol, ice, heat, rest...nothing took away the pain. I began just to get used to the pain. It wasn't keeping me down! I was feeling great, except for the low back pain and a low grade temperature. By late March I made it to the doctor because I still had this temperature. After some tests the doctor thought I had a very serious/advanced kidney infection. Three weeks later, different doctor, more tests....my new MD. isn't so convinced it is kidney infection (still have a temperature) but my kidneys are definitely not working properly. I am headed for a CT Scan on Thursday of my abdomen and pelvic region.

Again, I feel like in many ways this is a new beginning in my life. I feel great, I'm getting stronger, but at the same time....my body is fighting something. I just started training for a 5K today. I did the plan....it was rough...but I am going to do it! (Unless Dr. says NO!) I am planning to run the race that benefits the Louis Argitis Jr. Foundation for Challenged Children in July. I'm very excited! So why the picture up above?

I have to admit, through all of my learning about trusting this year, I am struggling with fear. Fear of what they might find in this CT Scan. Several years back they found that I had pre-cancerous lining in my uterus. I have several benign fibroids resting in uterus now and Lord knows I was a fertility patient for 10 years. A long time and a lot of meds for one body to endure! I do not want fear to creep into my mind! I rebuke the enemy....but the reality of what might be is still there. Both of my parents died very young & I just turned 40!

Up at the top of this blog is a card that my friend gave me today! That little girl is me and that BIG dog is fear! Reminding me that I hold the leash in Christ Jesus! Ironically enough...I am in the midst of writing a book that centers around a scripture that someone else quoted to me today. After this friend read Joshua 1:9, I went a step further and wanted to read the whole chapter....because of the research for my book! I had to quote this here from the Message Bible:

Joshua 1:1-9:
After the death of Moses the servant of God, God spoke to Joshua, Moses' assistant:
"Moses my servant is dead. Get going. Cross this Jordan River, you and all the people. Cross to the country I'm giving to the People of Israel. I'm giving you every square inch of the land you set your foot on—just as I promised Moses. From the wilderness and this Lebanon east to the Great River, the Euphrates River—all the Hittite country—and then west to the Great Sea. It's all yours. All your life, no one will be able to hold out against you. In the same way I was with Moses, I'll be with you. I won't give up on you; I won't leave you. Strength! Courage! You are going to lead this people to inherit the land that I promised to give their ancestors. Give it everything you have, heart and soul. Make sure you carry out The Revelation that Moses commanded you, every bit of it. Don't get off track, either left or right, so as to make sure you get to where you're going. And don't for a minute let this Book of The Revelation be out of mind. Ponder and meditate on it day and night, making sure you practice everything written in it. Then you'll get where you're going; then you'll succeed. Haven't I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don't be timid; don't get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take."

I have been reading through the Bible chronologically this year and I'm just finishing up Judges, 1 Samuel...there have been so many battles! If there is one common theme in all of these battles, I know that when God is in charge...the battle is won! So, here I am...still facing fear...but I hold the leash....the victory is won...I can laugh at the site of fear because I am holding on to Jesus and His word and His promise! I declare today that I will not let the enemy of my soul try to use the very Word I find comfort in to cause me to doubt my Commander and Chief! Satan has tried to do this today! I am thankful for words of scripture quoted and cards "mysteriously" purchased for such a time as this...Praise God. I am not alone....when my arms get tired during battle, and I like Moses, have a hard time keeping them lifted...I have friends who will come beside me and lift up my arms.

Tonight, I sat at this very computer mad because I felt fear...now, I'm empowered..."Perfect love casts out all fear!" Fear may be a giant...but I've got the victory! Now let me go get my slingshot and stones!

Giving God The Glory

I am infinitely aware that every good and perfect gift is from above! I am truly living a miracle today and I need to give God the glory. Mike has been without work since January yet we are living the 5 loaves and 2 fish miracle in this house! He has taken care of our every need plus added some amazing blessings beyond what we could hope or imagine.

When you really and truly lay your circumstance down on the altar (like Abraham laid his son Isaac on the altar) God takes control and supplies what you need to continue in obedience to His will. It is true.

Thank you Lord for being so close and speaking so clearly. Thank you that we can relax in the knowledge that the One who controls our lives is totally trustworthy. Thank you Lord that we can come to you with confident expectation! There is nothing we need that you cannot provide.