Showing posts with label loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label loss. Show all posts

Monday, November 11, 2013

A Tribute to Our Favorite Veteran

As a tribute for Veteran's Day we wanted to honor the life of our favorite Veteran, Pop. Pop served in World War II stationed in Hawaii at the beginning of the war and ended up in Okinawa Japan at the end. He talked about the war...all the time! Grant it, Pop suffered from Alzheimer's and Dementia for 4 years. We cared for him during this terrible time in his life. He would often think he was still in the war..looking frantically for his uniform. Serving in the military and serving as a U.S. Postal delivery man were two of his most favored hats that he wore in his lifetime.

Below is a re-post of the blog I wrote back in March of 2012, when at 94 years old Pop went home to be with Jesus. I hope it gives my readers just a glimpse of the love we had for this man.

We observe this Veteran's Day and remember all of the men and women who have ever served to keep America's soil FREE! Thank you for the sacrifices that you and your families have made!
Tonight we wait for the phone call. We've said our goodbyes, we have amazing memories and know deep in our hearts that Heaven is where he will finally have his mind and health back and that too is where we will meet again. Above is Pop and Shane..when we first moved here.
I reflect on when we first moved here 8 years ago. Pop was one of the few people in my husband's family who loved and accepted me. Moving to Florida was incredibly difficult, yet Pop opened his home and heart to my family and loved us as much as we loved him.
 We celebrated life every single day together..not just birthdays and holidays..but every day.
We made tons of memories together. Not too many boys can say that they have made a lifetime of memories with their great grandfather.
Kyle prayed the most precious prayer tonight..."Jesus, please take him to Heaven soon, I don't want him to be in pain or suffer. When he gets there Jesus can you give him a message from Kyle? Tell him I love him and I miss him, but I couldn't come and say goodbye, it was too hard. Please would you tell him that, and when I want to say something to him, you can give him the messages until I see him in Heaven."  OH I love this child.

 On of my favorite pictures of Pop!!

 So many sits on his lap. My boys were really blessed.
 He had a thing for Shane. I think because he was a baby when he moved here, Pop just enjoyed this child very much. Ironically enough, Shane had a thing for Pop too. Tonight Shane was the one child who needed some special time saying goodbye. He went and said it was harder than he thought it would be. He told Pop he loved him and kissed his cheek. Then he looked at Mike and said..."I have to cry now Dad..where can I go to cry?" So hard...but their love is deep!

 This is the Pop that would drive me crazy. Trying to raise 3 boys and one Pop...lol! Please stop climbing up on the counters...all of you!


 Mike and Pop had many many many long nights together. Especially in the past 4 years while Pop struggled with Alzheimer's and Dementia. One night in particular Pop accepted Christ as his Savior..after 7 years of living and witnessing to him. Thank you Lord for that blessed assurance.


 What God wants for Christmas, is you Pop!


So glad that for the past 7 months Pop had on earth, he was in a facility that could really care for him. He always seemed happy and alert when we would visit.
 My sweet Brendan (who has Pop's last name as his middle name), who for so long felt as though he was responsible for Pop. Years of watching his great grandfather decline in his mental health, my sweet boy felt that he too was Pop's caregiver. He would stay up late at night listening for Pop to cry out for Mike...if we couldn't hear him..Brendan felt as though he had to tell us. Countless nights of not sleeping here in the Engel house. Such sacrifices, by all of us..including my children. I pray for my boy who's heart is so sensitive.
 Just look at how alert he is!
 Many friends from our church embraced Pop...no doubt he felt well loved!










 Gotta love the man who would have to wear his winter coat on the beach..in April. I'm gonna miss this man!
 The Callahan jowls. :)

Dear Pop,

Why is this so hard for me. I didn't expect to cry a river, yet here I sit unable to stop the tears. You are 94, you have lived an amazing life, one to be proud of. You have taken care of your family and have welcomed me as one of them. Thank you for loving me..for thinking of me as "precious cargo". ;) I guess I'm sad because you were the last link I had to Mike's family. I pray that the Lord would heal this unit. I think that part of my grief is that I probably spent the most time with you out of everyone in the past 8 years...and I am not sure what to feel right now. My heart is raw. It was so challenging towards the end. I couldn't even sit in the same room for too long...I was completely and utterly worn out...and felt horrible about how I felt. I knew that I was unable to care for you, to give you what you needed. Thank God for Michael. Oh I am so grateful to have this man as my husband and the father of my children. He loves you so much Pop. He was such an amazing caregiver. Watching him with you these past few years...made me even more grateful for the man God placed in my life.

I will try to focus on the memories. Especially early on..the ones with my boys. They are indeed blessed to have spent so much amazing quality time with you. You've made an imprint on their hearts. They are grieving tonight...mostly because...the love they have for you is very deep. 

You are on your way to meet Jesus face to face. I'm so glad you gave your life to him, even if you didn't understand it 100%, Mike always says...he believes your spirit man did...and now you meet my Jesus. He will give you a new name Pop. It will be...amazing! Don't worry...you'll always be Vincent Donald Callahan...and yes we know that the "O" got dropped in the ocean when your family came over from Ireland. 

Until we meet on that side dear Pop....I love you!

 "Where sky and water meet, Where the waves grow sweet, Doubt not, Reepicheep, To find all you seek, There is the utter East." - The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, CS Lewis

Monday, December 3, 2012

There Is A Time For Everything...


...And a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die,a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace." Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 

December is all in itself a season: the winter season, the Christmas season, a busy season. I think of all the songs that talk about the season..."Tis the season to be jolly!" I actually love LOVE this season, even though it hold bittersweet memories. I am convinced that each and every memory whether happy or sad, plays a part in making you who you are. Although...I understand how this "season" can be difficult. I want to encourage you to take it all in.

One of my happiest memories would be my wedding day...December 15th, 1990. One of my saddest memories would be December 12th, 1997.  This December 12th will be the 15th anniversary of the loss of our first child. (I lost his twin three weeks after that). Then we have so many wonderful memories that go with celebrating the birth of our Savior.

I'm thankful for those words from Ecclesiastes above...they speak volumes to my heart.

I was in school, teaching...when it happened. I tried to deny it! Rushed to the specialist...I saw the screen! I remember not wanting to go to the hospital. I remember having to deliver in my pastor's home with a doctor who went to our church. I remember the tears and the prayers of my dearest friends who laid on that bed and prayed over me as I was in labor...too stubborn to go to the hospital. Too emotional to give up on this long awaited baby. I had been trying to get pregnant for 5 years already. My first attempt at insemination...and I was pregnant. I had started a baby book, received blankets and cards. My entire church family rejoiced (a time to dance) at the news that I was in fact going to have a baby! Now here I was, late first trimester, in the spare bedroom of our pastors/friends, going into labor...(a time to mourn)! I finally went to the hospital and remember feeling dead inside. Three weeks later I would find that I had an ectopic pregnancy too. This baby had died many weeks prior, but we weren't aware that he/she lay lodged in my tube (life and death situation)...which was about to burst.

December 12th was indeed a time to be born, and a time to die. Not just the death of my son, but my dream of having one, my hope of holding him. Shortly after this, a new hope was born in my heart. I understood that everything that He created (even my first son), was created for His pleasure. For now..my son..was created for His pleasure only.  A precious woman of God, my mentor, spoke at a retreat shortly after my miscarriage. She spoke about how everything was created...to bring Him Glory (Rev. 4:11). Even every grain of sand, or every shell upon the earth...was made special and for the purpose of bringing Him Glory. She even handed out little tiny shells that were to remind us that everything was created for His pleasure. This spoke straight to my heart.

I remember coming home and showing Michael the shells. I took two, one represented my son and the other the baby lost in my tube. At first I had them in a little baggie tucked away in my baby book. I would panic when I couldn't find them. Kept asking Mike..."Oh my gosh..where are the babies?!!" When I really meant "Where are the shells!" I realized that these little shells became my memorial of the babies, who for now, would wait for me in Heaven.

Another friend of mine gave me a very unique jar. It is a magnifying glass on top so when you look through the top you can see more detail of the items that are in the jar. This very special jar holds 14 little shells...each serving as a memorial of the babies who wait for us in Heaven...each created in the image of God...and for His pleasure.

Yes, I do have 3 amazing and precious sons now. Three boys who know this story and understand that they have been chosen to live here...for a great and wonderful purpose...a destiny that I anticipate will indeed bring Him honor. Not unlike their brothers/sisters...they too have been created in God's image and for His Glory and pleasure!

Oh, if you need comfort today...here it is! He is on His Throne. He was on his throne on December 12, 1997, He was on His throne when my mother and father died. He was on His throne when I lost each of those babies. He is still on His Throne. He is my Redeemer, my Hope, my Rescuer! He is my Healer, my Restorer!  I look forward to the day I see Him face to face. I look forward to the day I see all of my babies, my parents....one day I will...He has set eternity in my heart  --  that is a precious and wonderful gift - for which I'm eternally grateful!

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end." Ecclesiastes 4:11