Know Your Place

No pictures today. I'm going to draw them with my words...I promise.

So far, I've been awake for over 33 hours. I'm not joking. My body is adjusting to a new "help-you-get-through-menopause" medication. It is suppose to help with my emotional/mental/get-up-and-go symptoms. Well, it has been...interesting.

Went to the doctor...thinking...I don't want to take anything..I just want to talk about my symptoms and have you make me feel better. Like...by saying I'm normal. She said I was completely normal...and welcome to perimenopause.

She said I was textbook. I don't have to suffer these things (and make everyone suffer around me either) because "this stage could last up to 10 years". I started to well up (because that's what I do now...all the time), and I said "I don't want to be medicated." She said the magic words..."Don't think of it as being medicated..think of is as leveling your hormones out." OK. She gave me options. I evaluated those options. I like somethings of both...so I walked out with...both. More on that later.

This menopause phase of life can be...such a private...personal...and painful battle. Unless you've been through it...it sounds...pathetic. So..I'm choosing this forum to be a little open. It's not been pretty.  I've cried...for hours..I've been irritated easily, I've had no motivation at all and I've not been able to recover from things very well..emotionally. (that isn't even mentioning the physical symptoms).

Needless to say, I started taking the medication that is supposed to give me energy, some motivation (because I was SERIOUS lacking that!). This is how it has gone thus far.

Tuesday morning...2 hours after taking it...I fell deadly tired. I mean...like crawl into bed and nap for 4 hours...suddenly. (That was strange!) Well, we can't be doing THAT every day. Wednesday...I decide sleeping is for night time..I will take it at night. I slept pretty good. NICE. Thursday night..why rock the boat..do the same thing you did last night. I did. I've been awake and energetic ever since. YES...34 hours later..and I'm blogging. From 1:00 - 4:00 I was thinking..I wonder if they need me to rake the local parks around town..because I feel like I could do just that. Then I might run a marathon...oh whatever...triathlon! I am a little tired now..and I WILL NOT be taking anything.

So..that has been my trip so far. What is the purpose of this post...."Know Your Place"?

My husband is so dear. He takes this meat out of the freezer and I'm sure was scoping pinterest and has been salivating about red meat. Men do that with red meat. There it was, a beautiful eye round roast. I get home from co-op (remember I've not slept in well over 24 hours by this point in my day)..and I have these instructions printed for me.  That was nice of him right? Why is he wanting me to do this? I've never in my life cooked pot roast. I followed the directions carefully...and it never reached the temperature it was supposed to reach. I stuck that thing with 3 thermometers...just in case they weren't working right. Blood just came out of the holes I was making. I'm a baker...we follow the directions...always! I made a few phone calls, shed a few tears. I tried a few things...my friends...one walked me off the kitchen cliff and another friend came over and took my boys to dinner...I sat and ate the salad that I made.

I could end the story there...but it wouldn't be my transparent self that everyone enjoys so much. Children are gone...husband is sleeping...I killed the roast...so...I threw that piece of meat in a bag, got in my bed with the large bowl of salad, a diet cream soda (in a nice fancy glass) and a bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream!  If that doesn't scream menopause...I don't know what does!  Don't judge me! I'm working on no sleep for the past 34 hours...and attempting to make a dinner that my husband won't even be able to eat with us. I know my place...it is NOT in the kitchen....unless I'm baking. So I ask...why can't they eat cookies for dinner?