Wednesday, January 30, 2013

The Sex Talk

Shocked by the title. I was hard to type too. I knew that day would come. I knew just covering "the Mum machine & the Dad machine) periodically in the Usborne Books wasn't gonna cut it! I secretly hoped that Dad could really just teach this to our boys...but alas...he is a nurse now..and works all wonky hours. So it's all up to me. (I urge you to PLEASE read all the way through as I have copied a claim by my curriculum towards the bottom of this is very important...Sonlight carries a unique edition of this book.)

Grant it, I will give this to Mr. Incredible, he did take my "oldest" (well, most mature) child out for "the talk" because we knew he would be needing to know what was going on with his hormones, his body, and the rest of the world too. We want our boys to feel comfortable talking freely with us about this important change in their lives.

Well, that didn't go so well. He was "embarrassed", said that did not count as a "Dad Date" at all, said it was all good until "Dad mentioned girls!" This coming from the child who, when he was 8 or 9, responded to me when I asked him if he thought he might get married some day by saying this...and yes..I can quote this..because I wrote it down..."Oh Mom, I'm gonna walk around and keep my hands in pockets, and if some girl picks me, I'll marry her!"

Well, as a Mom...I like the whole..keep your hands in your pockets thing!

On Monday, it was a little uncomfortable. We hadn't opened Almost 12 yet, we were just reading their science book and labeling the body parts. So one boy hid behind his cereal box, one kept reminding me he was only 9 and this was for his brothers, and the other told me he would rather clean his room or write his "final copy" of his paper on Florence Nightengale. (That's one way to get them not to complain about writing!) Oh and a side note...after teaching details about the boy's and the girl's reproductive boys have a greater respect for me. They are so glad to be boys - "girls have it way worse"!

I'm glad I talked about it with them...apparently, even though we have discussed this...tenderly in the didn't sink in with my two (youngest/less mature) children. They weren't quite clear on how babies were made. (Somewhere deep inside, I kind of wished I could let them live with those illusions..hoping it would keep them from ever doing some very innocent things that may progress to less innocent things! ::wink wink::)

Tuesday we actually cracked the "Almost 12" book that you see above. Very candid, very real, Some of my favorite quotes..just to give you a taste for the book were these...

"When the Lord Jesus was twelve years old it was said of Him that He grew in grace and in favor with God and man. This means that He was becoming more and more useful and well-loved by all who knew Him. I hope that this will be your experience too."

After clearly explaining the process/mechanics of sexual intercourse, it says this...

"This is God's wonderful way of growing His children, and we must be careful no to spoil the glory of His plan by joking about it or thinking wrongly about these things."

It proceeds to explain what to expect your body to do and feel during this stage of life. Talks about the day that God will give the gift of love for a boy or girl who will become your husband or wife and says this..

"God has made us this way, and it is right and good. But it is also a time to be careful.....God gives the gift of kissing and caressing primarily for two people who are married. He trusts you not to misuse this gift."

It talks about the dangers for people who don't wait until they are married; physically, emotionally and spiritually as well. We praise God for His redeeming love.

Then it ends with this..."If you want favor with both God and man, and a reputation for good judgment and common sense, then trust the Lord completely; don't ever trust yourself. In everything you do, put God first, and he will direct you and crown your efforts with success."

Actually, I want to credit my curriculum, Sonlight, once again for broaching this subject so beautifully, really all throughout their science curriculum - even from earlier ages..just enough information at the right time. They have wonderful books, from a beautiful Godly perspective that really do a great job explaining sex and marriage. However,  "Almost 12", is my favorite thus far!

I have taken the liberty to copy what Sonlight has said about this book...Almost 12...:

"Written to be read page-by-page with a child, Almost 12 follows the progress of human life from conception to birth, highlighting key facts and important moral values. With its question-and-answer section, art, photography, and easy-to-read format, children ages 10-12 will discover the miracle of birth in an effective and non-threatening way. Sonlight carries a unique edition of this title. We do not recommend the current edition from the publisher."
We're going to be opening this book next week: The Boy's Body Book!

We've not gotten to this book week! I think I'm more excited than my boys!

Mr. Incredible, affectionately called Dad by the young superheros, came home today as we were finishing the Almost 12 book. When we finished, the boys had questions to ask Dad too. I love, LOVE, that my husband and I can be truthful with our children. I'm glad they can see that living according to God's plan is totally possible!

Best moment of the day was when we sat around our table, held hands together as a family and my husband prayed over my boys. He prayed for the Lord to bless them, guide them through all the changes, to keep their hearts and minds pure and always conscience of the Lord. He prayed for their bodies and the changes they will experience. He prayed for them and how they should respect girls. He reassured them of his love and the love of the Father for each of them. He prayed for protection from the enemy and from outside influences. He prayed for us as parents that we would have wisdom in parenting. He prayed very specifically. There was not one giggle, not was squirm. It was precious beyond words! 

Then I prayed. I prayed for the girls that will come into their lives. For the ones who will want to court my boys. I prayed for their future wives. I prayed and thanked God for my husband and the example he is to my boys. I prayed that we would always have open communication and trust with each other. My love for them grew in a way I didn't know possible. I love and care deeply for my future men. 

(Friends, don't worry, we also talked about how this is for discussing within our family only. We explained how just like we did, other families will want to talk with their children privately too. Its for parents to explain to their children...not children to other children.)

So often we get caught in parenting the 9 & 11 year-old's...and forget that they will be men someday. It can't always be about the moment. In order to parent intentionally...we have to be mindful of the men they will someday be. 

For now, we'll "just keep our hands in our pockets" and be kids! After school today we played games, watched Star Wars, built Legos, ate pudding parfaits and had fun being 9 & 11! Childhood is too precious to rush...there will be no rushing here!


Anonymous said...

Found your blog through Sonlight. We are going through these books next year, I was apprehensive about it all, but reading what you have to say, has encouraged me to look forwards to it! Thank you for writing it so well! Blessings~ (Another homeschool Mom)

Anonymous said...

Just found your blog through the Sonlight link. These books are both wonderful. I love your approach to this subject.Will be forwarding your link to other friends with boys. We need to keep our boys on the right path-they grow up so fast. -another hs mom too!