The Priceless Treasure

Summer of 2013 After being gone from him for a month on vacation,
this was a much needed reunion!

This week is flooded with memories! I'm not sure I'll be able to post on the exact days...so here is a conglomerate.

This will be one crazy busy weekend as Friday night I will be at my final set up for Bagels & Blessings and the Saturday my final B&B teaching (unless of course I'm invited to share again), right after that is my son's play at church and then Sunday is my 23rd Wedding Anniversary. Whew!

December 12th marks the 16th anniversary of the loss of our first son. You can read more about that in There is a Time For Everything. So I sometimes get a bit emotional at the memory of that, not that I'm still sad, but I just remember the time and how it really affected the rest of the month of December that particular year. I know I will meet with every single one of my babies again someday when we see Jesus face to face - and that actually brings me joy.

Then there is the closing of this chapter in my life. My final Bagels & Blessings at EAC. I will be stepping down as Women's Ministry Director after 5 years of serving, and actually announcing that my family and I have been worshiping someplace new. I've been very quiet about it. I guess I was thinking no one would actually notice that we've not been there on Sunday mornings. :) I have received several phone calls in the past 3 months...especially from the people that sat nearby. At any rate, this is a wonderful thing. While my heart is still not sure how to leave Bagels & Blessings, because in some ways I feel like it is my baby. I know it has grown up and it is fully functional and totally does not need me, but still, I liken it to when your child goes off to college. You've done well, you gave birth then you've watched your baby go through some growing pains, you've see it blossom and become its own thing...and then boom..its ready to stand on its own and doesn't need Mama anymore. :) I know it sounds silly. I have some friends who actually understand my silly heart - and I'm thankful. I've come to be very excited about what God is going to do...B&B is His...and so I know He's got the perfect plan for it! As for me and my family...well, we're His too and I know He has some amazing plans for us as well.

Still, I'm going to miss doing this - and I'm going to miss the women especially! I just have such an incredible love for the women who come to B&B. I know that is from the Lord...because even when women are new...I just love them so! EAC will always be a part of my family...we've been there 10 years and have walked through some very difficult storms personally and corporately, but we have rejoiced over many miraculous times as well. You know we bond through those times right?! So thankful for my relationships and friendships that will last for eternity! Such incredible gifts.

I'll be sharing on JOY! I think it is the perfect way to close this chapter!! I'm so very very excited and I think the Lord has big plans for Saturday!

Then there is Sunday. My 23rd wedding anniversary.

Last year I wrote a blog that talked about my wedding day it was called Holding His Hand. The year before that it was "I Still Do!" I've been blogging since 2007 how many ways can I express my joy of being married to my best friend?

Well every year it is just a little different. You reflect on the past year and so much happens. As we approach our 23rd anniversary we are both aware that we've been married for over half of my life.

The making of a great marriage is hard work. As we grow older together, there is a level of comfort, but this year I'm finding a new spark in the thought that we do this thing called life really well together. It isn't like everybody else..its the way the Engels do it and I really really LOVE it!

After 23 years, I still get butterflies when he holds my hand - it brings me right back to my college days. I love just sitting next to him. There is so much more behind a kiss after 23 years...it is deeper, more meaningful. I couldn't be more proud of someone in my whole life! I mean I'm super proud of my children, but I have to admit, I supremely proud of my husband. He is such a sweet and loving soul. Even when he is going through difficult times in his life I want nothing more than to be his cheerleader! I'm not shy at all when it comes to bragging about him! I love the fact that we are most definitely best friends. There are NEVER any eggs shells, NEVER any worries, NEVER any doubts....ALWAYS REAL!

Unlike some couples, we had a good 10 years before we were able to conceive children. I think that has made our lives, in some ways, a bit easier. Well, I said in some ways. I think parenting when we were in our 20s would have been a bit easier (more energy) but ... oh well, so we're old parents! That is why I color my hair!

Is my marriage perfect! I laugh....NO! I love him...the best I can here on earth and I know he loves me the best he can - but if you're looking for perfection...then that would be Jesus! We both know that...so I think that helps too!

Mike Engel - here's to eternity! May we continue to weather the storms together, walk on water together, share in victories together! May we continue to honor each other, look out for each other, love each other the best way we know how. May we never give up on learning new ways to show our love! May we raise our children to be mighty men of God! May we continue to make sure we have time together in the business of running a household of preteen boys. May we always remember to laugh! May we continue to lay each other at the throne of Grace...daily! May we cheer the loudest for one another! May we never stop praying WITH each other! May we never ever forget the priceless treasure God has given us in each other! May we hold each other's hand in the journeys ahead. I wouldn't want to do ANY of this life without you Mike Engel! I'm so eternally grateful that God loved me so much...he would have you choose me! Wow! May we continue to look at our stones and enjoy making new memories in the years to come!

The Dark Place

 

Photo by tiverylucky @ freedigitalphotos.net

This week we talked a lot about freedom. Freedom because of the men and women who fought and continue to fight on our country's behalf. What about our Freedom in Christ? Everywhere I look I'm seeing captivity.  My heart is so burdened for my friends who are believing lies today. That's what it boils down to, believing lies and choosing not to renounce the words that others have spoken over them.

A few years ago, my pastor came to my home, having heard what had been done to me before he even came to pastor our church. He came to renounce the lies spoken about me, and replace the curse with blessing. Around my dining room table he petitioned Heaven on my behalf and spoke words of blessing and truth! That spoke volumes to my soul. I hadn't realized up until that point the real power behind words.

I realize now why God has been calling me to study our identity in Christ - so many people in my life are struggling right now. I just wrote "Who Am I?" a week ago...explaining the truth about how God sees us. 

Now, if we are in His Word, writing down the truth on index cards and on our hearts - repeating it to ourselves daily we will start to actually believe it. Then because thoughts become actions, our daily lives will testify what we really believe about ourselves.

Here is the truth - GOD cannot lie!! So if He says something about you....believe it!

I've been there before. I lived most of my youth believing things about me that were not true. I even believed lies as an adult, gosh....a few months ago. I probably still believe lies!! However, I have learned to renounce those words that don't line up with God's Word. I have asked God to give me the ability to recognize and believe the truth. My reality isn't necessarily God's reality! OK, so I'm most likely an optimistic person. I've been studying joy also, so I'm thinking that is helpful.

The number one enemy of JOY is FEAR/ANXIETY. Why do we believe lies about ourselves? Why do we dwell on the negative...FEAR. That is why we need to learn to pull the truth out of God's Word! I promise...it will set you FREE! 

In the past two days this is what I've heard from various people in my life: If any of this resonates with you...renounce the condemning words with truth!

I'm a failure. (Well, perhaps you have failed today at something, perhaps you got or done something wrong today, you've made a mistake)...THIS DOES NOT DEFINE YOU!   
You are actually God's workmanship (Eph. 2:10) (He doesn't EVER fail or make failures!)
You are free from condemnation (Romans 8:1)

I'm unlovable! (You think that no one wants you because you've been alone. Perhaps you think something must be wrong with you.)....THIS DOES NOT DEFINE YOU!  
You are actually tenderly loved by God (Jeremiah 31:3) and you are a sweet fragrance of Christ to God. (2 Corinth 2:15)

I have no friends! (You may not be going out every night. Maybe you don't get the phone calls you thought you'd be getting. Perhaps you've not been invited to hang out with "the others".) Investigate here...are you reaching out to others? ....regardless...THIS DOES NOT DEFINE YOU!  
You're a member of Christ's body (1 Corinth. 12:27) 
You're Christ's friend (John 15:5)...

I'm not being used by God! (Perhaps your time to operate your gifts has not happened yet. His timing is perfect by the way. Also, I've learned...be faithful in the little things)...either way...remember -  
You have been established, anointed, and sealed by God (2 Corinthians 1:21:22) and 
You are God's coworker (2 Corinthians 6:1, 1 Corinthians 3:9)

These are just a few things...but enough to bring some so far down to almost depression. Listen, the enemy loves to have a field day with our minds. If he can get you to doubt...he will be thrilled!

I implore you - READ THE WORD - and ask God to help with unbelief!! Of course my friends that have mentioned these things don't read my blog. That's ok, I've already said ALL of this to their faces.

Pray with one another. Call someone to pray for you. DO NOT get stuck in that dark place of self pity and anxiety/fear. If you're thinking too much of yourself and your life (what it is or isn't)..that is another thing that will rob you of your JOY.

God is faithful. Be confident in this, that the good work that God has begun in you WILL be perfected!

Our Greatest Joy

A walking stick and a cleft in a rock on Raven Run overlooking the Kentucky River

“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no human mind has conceived the things God has prepared for those who love him!" 1 Corinthians 2:9

I really admire Moses. Reading his entire story over the years I think that he's inspired me. Even this morning as I was reading in Exodus I know the Lord was speaking through his word to the unspoken need of my heart.

You know Moses never made it to the promised land (physically anyway). He obeyed God, helped lead the people out of Egypt,  put up with the crankiness of the people he lead for over 40 years. His journey was not easy that's for sure. We know he got frustrated and in his flesh reacted to the grumbling of the people and did not obey God this particular time...he was to speak to the rock and the Lord would show his power by making water come from the rock. (How many of us have ever reacted in our flesh due to frustration with others or circumstances?)  Moses ended up reacting and striking the rock instead.  Just so we are aware that in Exodus 17...the Lord had once before told Moses to strike a rock and water came out...but this time..in Numbers 20...he was told to speak to the rock. I'm a mother, my children at times could drive me to hit a rock...or react in ways I shouldn't. I've had to repent in the past for my reactions in frustration.

Cumberland Gap pinnacle in the early morning hours.

So here is the part that ministered to me today. Moses, was told he would not see the promise land. Numbers 20:12 "But the Lord said to Moses and Aaron, “Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them.” OUCH!

I think the normal, understandable reaction would be to beg for mercy, cry, plead, use the old..."NOT FAIR!" He didn't react like that at all. Oh that we attain that reflection of God!

You see Moses's desire to be in the presence of God far outweighed anything else. I love this:

Exodus 33:18-23 Then Moses said, “Now show me your glory.” And the Lord said, “I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the Lord, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion.  But,” he said, “you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live.” Then the Lord said, “There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen.”

I LOVE his relationship with God! Once he saw God (even if it was just his back)...I would think that nothing else could come close to that moment! He got to see God!! He persevered through that entire journey in the wilderness..I wonder if in difficult times...he remembered the time He saw the Lord.


You know, things happen along our journey that could very well make us want to throw the towel in and give up. We may at times think...I thought I heard from God, but I must have been mistaken..this is way too hard and not turning out anything like I expected. 

GOD IS FAITHFUL....ALWAYS! I've been through enough to see the hand of God in the ninth hour and even after that to know...HE KEEPS HIS PROMISES! We get to see God all the time! He lives in us...we get to spend time in His presences whenever we choose to!

I want to encourage you, wherever you are not to give up - press on!

In the new testament, many many years after Moses' death he appears with Jesus on the Mount of Transfiguration. Matthew 17:1-3 "After six days Jesus took with him Peter, James and John the brother of James, and led them up a high mountain by themselves. There he was transfigured before them. His face shone like the sun, and his clothes became as white as the light. Just then there appeared before them Moses and Elijah, talking with Jesus." 

I been taught that this particular place, where this happened, where Moses appears with Jesus, is indeed the promised land. Not only was Moses now in the promised land...but he was face to face, talking with the very son of God. HE ALWAYS COMES THROUGH FOR US!

The Lord knows what He is doing! Even if things don't seem to work out on this side of heaven, we can't even imagine how amazing eternity will be! 

“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no human mind has conceived the things God has prepared for those who love him!" 1 Corinthians 2:9

I am pretty sure that the greatest joy in Moses' journey was to see and experience God.  I'm pretty sure that is to be our greatest joy as well.

Presence, Purpose and Power...

My two boys on a hike with Dad on Chimney Rock while Kyle and I stayed behind learning to find JOY.

...These three things I desire most in my life. While I'm studying "Joy" for my final teaching as Women's Ministry Director at Edgewater Alliance Church I'm really experiencing a myriad of emotions. So excited about the path that the Lord has placed before my family, seeing the incredible changes in my men and knowing that the decisions that we've made are most definitely the will of God, I am still going through some kind of adjustment. Watching Bagels & Blessings grow from a conception/dream to a fully grown and flourishing ministry over the past 5 years is most humbling and most amazing. I know it is time for me to move on, but the tears keep flowing. He knows what He is doing.

So the way I've been dealing with this adjustment is to bury myself in the study of JOY. It just so happens that like every other theme for the year that God has placed on my heart for the past 5 years, and every single teaching that I have labored through...I'm personally able to learn, first hand what I'm about to speak on. This is very exciting! The most exciting part, is that my family must endure the lessons I'm learning for themselves as well. It has been life changing for everyone in my house.

I'm not sure if it is because getting pregnant was so difficult for me, or that I lost 14 babies along the way that when I finally had children I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were only on loan to me, and it was my (and my husband of course) job to take what we've learned from the Word and "teach them diligently to my children" like it says in Deuteronomy and I'm pretty serious about it!

So I now share our most recent lesson on JOY.

I know it is important to for me touch upon the supernatural result of joy, regardless of our circumstances.

Last week my family and I went on vacation together - including Mr. Incredible (this would be his first real vacation in years and years)! I was very careful not to allow my boys to go near anyone showing signs of a sniffle, let alone any horrible virus. We had the hand sanitizer out and we were playing it safe. The Sunday before we leave, my Kyle gets very VERY sick. His temperature spikes to 102.3, he feels lousy! We took him to the Emergency Room they hooked us up with tons of medication...for just in case...but they were quite sure this was a virus and medicine wouldn't help at all. I BEGAN TO PRAY! First response...always prayer! Invite the presence of the HEALER! By Monday it got worse, he began to vomit. The plan was to leave Tuesday, we had reservations..you know how it is. I thought ok, this could just be a 24 hour thing, "cheer up family -- all hope is not lost!!" - I was purposeful in my attitude. We were going to praise God through all of this! Tuesday morning he wakes up with spots all over his body and he threw up again in the early morning hours. We take him back to the doctor because of the spots. They confirmed, it is a nasty virus, highly contagious and it's running rampant. He says we'll most likely all come down with it. Poor Kyle, feeling so miserable, and then adding to that the thoughts in his head about ruining everyone's vacation. We decided that he could only get better. We were going to take the chance and drive to North Carolina. We left hours later than we had expected, but we were on our way. We CONTINUED to PRAY!

I felt the very PRESENCE of the JOY GIVER in that van. We gave Kyle a bucket, we thanked the Lord for being SO GOOD to us! We were not going to let this virus get the best of us! I kid you not, PRAYER and PRAISE were going viral in that van. My boys were believing God for a miracle...and so was I.

Right about South Carolina I began to feel sick. My temperature was rising 101.4, and my stomach felt horrible. My poor husband! Should we cancel this trip! I decided that we should keep going. I literally, and purposefully, worshiped...OUT LOUD...from South Carolina to North Carolina...and as long as worshiped I felt fine...the minute I stopped...I began to feel sick again. We had a blast in the car. My husband and I taught the boys some old songs from our college days -- oh we laughed and sang and had the best time in the car!! I went to bed in my hotel room, humming "Thanks be to God who gives us the victory!"

The next morning...I was healed! Kyle on the other hand, had developed sores in his mouth. My poor baby! He laid there on a cot in our hotel room, and said...."Why hasn't God healed me?"

Don't we all wonder where God is when life is not looking or feeling good at all, when our circumstances flat out stink? YES, we've all been there before. I knew it was my responsibility to see Kyle through this and give him the tool to find the joy in the midst of all of this.

My husband and other boys went hiking on Chimney Rock and Kyle and I stayed back at the hotel. I was able to get some fluids in him and he and I just rested. We had time to talk about how good God has been in our lives. We pulled out those "stones" and remembered how faithful God has been.

You see joy flows from the discovery of our Lord and Savior in every circumstance where we wish to find Him. If we seek Him, we will find Him!

While I worked on my teaching for December, Kyle began to dose off. I could hear him whispering..."God has been good to us!" YES!!! That's my boy!

The next day, Kyle was able to eat, drink and laugh! He was feeling 95% better! PRAISE GOD! We had an amazing vacation...finding JOY in JESUS everywhere!

You see my family understands now how Paul could say, "Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice!" Phil. 4:4 We were already in God's presence and then, just like Paul and Silas we praised God through it all! Then just like Paul and Silas we saw the amazing Power of God come through! Hello JOY!!

My prayer is that this encourages you. Look at what you are going through right now as an opportunity to refine the skill of finding joy in the midst of your circumstance. Make it yet another chance to learn and experience the presence, purpose and the power of  God. You see, I'm pretty certain that JOY is best discovered through challenges/difficulties! So don't be discouraged, get in His presence, be purposeful and watch the power of God break through - HE loves it when His children bathe in an abundance of JOY.

Joy To The World

Honoring our Pop...missing him this Christmas!

I'm about to open the blinds into my soul once again. The email response and discussions I received from my writing about pre-menopause reminds me that I am not alone. However, my personal encounters with people this week made me realize that great need for joy certainly transcends the affects of menopause.

In light of what has recently happened in our world, the tragedy of Newtown CT, the lack of words are only shadowed by the shed of tears of grief. Yet we sing the song, Joy to the World. Remember, joy is possible...because the Lord has come. (OH He is coming again...and for that the Spirit and the Bride...say COME!)

The most recent affects of my body going through a change that occurs around my age has been somewhat physical, but mostly emotional/mental. I am watching my symptoms very closely, keenly aware..yet somehow unable to stop them.

Yesterday we took this pie to a dear sweet woman. She struggles with her health and thus with her emotions. I understand, to a degree. She told me her friends are afraid that she is depressed...she won't admit that...she is "just sad" she says.

Needless to say the special delivery and our extended visit certainly brought cheer to her heart. We left her laughing and promising to see her at the end of the week. She was at a point just a week ago...just wanting to "Go Home"..not wanting people to fuss over her, not wanting to see anyone, go anywhere, do anything. But the Lord has come.

We spoke of my latest symptoms (with the hope that she would share what is going on in her psyche). The feeling of not being able to recover...both physically (like when I was sick with the flu) and emotionally. While months ago something could happen and I would let it roll, and move on. Now when something happens, I'm disappointed or disapproving I can't seem to let it go as easily. My recovery time...is so much greater. That is SO frustrating - after all, I live in a world of pre-pubescent boys and a husband who sleeps during the day and works when I'm sleeping...there is lots of room for disappointment.

The other symptom I'm noticing besides the occasional hot flash is feeling paralzyed. I can't seem to accomplish the things I use to accomplish. Kind of like attention deficit I guess. I will start out in my mind thinking I'm going to accomplish this list of things...and be very fortunate to get one or two things done. Again...not me at all!

Then there is the weepy thing. UGH! Enough is enough. I weep when I'm happy, sad or sometimes over absolutely nothing at all.

Then just today, this morning a woman called me, someone who read my previous blog and on her way to work, she needed someone to pray with her. She too is experiencing similar symptoms. She just wants to hide, withdraw, she feels like she can't recover from her emotions.

I am aware that our Creator, the one that formed us in our mother's womb, did not make a mistake. I am certain that when we are feeling this way, whether it is from menopause, depression or anxiety...if we spend time with our Maker...he will help us stay centered. Remind us that we are created in His image....He did not make a mistake. Sometimes this world marks us, harms us, dents us...but our Creator...he knows how to fix us, heal us, polish us. 

So, I centered myself once again on scripture. The one thing that is an anchor, dependable and true.
1 John 17:13 "But now I am coming to you, and these things I speak in the world, that they may have my joy fulfilled in themselves." 

Joy you see is a fruit of the Spirit. Not something we work for...it is just there for us, accessible, no matter what is going on in our world, lives or others' lives. It is because He has come...the glory of His righteousness and the wonders of His Love. I think the more I center on that...the more joy I begin to feel. So...Joy To The World...and yes...The Spirit and The Bride say...COME LORD JESUS!

Mother Teresa said it best...

"The coming of Jesus at Bethlehem brought us joy to the world and to every human heart. May His coming this Christmas bring to each one of us that peace and joy that He desires to give!"