Where Were You...?

World Trade Center Memorial 7/13

The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:2

My students use to ask me where I was when Elvis died, or when Kennedy was shot, or when the challenger exploded. I loved when they would ask "What was it like to see man walk on the moon for the first time?" I cried when Elvis died (I was 11 years old), but I think I cried because everyone around me was crying. I wasn't born until 7 years after President Kennedy was shot and I was only 4 months old when man first landed on the moon. The Challenger explosion was very disturbing. I was a junior in high school and we watched that live on television in our morning class.

Statue of Liberty 7/13

Living so close to New York City for most of my married life, I looked forward to taking my children back last summer. My boys and I made an American History Road trip, stopping in North Carolina, Washington DC, Trenton, NJ, Philadelphia PA and NYC before we turned around and went home through the western part of South Carolina, GA and finally home.

It was a wonderful time of telling the stories of my childhood as they saw many of my childhood homes. They got to see their Dad's homes too. They heard the stories of how we met and when we visited the Metropolitan Museum of Art and the Natural History Museum...they heard about many of the dates Mike and I went on.

I don't think I could live in Manhattan. We spent lots of time in Time Square...in the morning and at midnight. It is just a different culture..I love it, but I couldn't live there 24/7.

When I took my kids to see the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island, they understood what that was all about. My very own mother came over on a boat from Sicily with her Mom, Dad and 10+ siblings and ended up on Ellis Island. Fascinating.

Then I took them to Ground Zero. Where the Twin Towers use to be. We walked in the bookstore and saw first hand photos. You could hear pin drop...it was so quiet and reverent. (Much like Arlington Cemetery a few weeks prior to visiting NYC). You could hear people talking, whispering, recalling. Where were you Mom? Do you remember what you were doing?

My boys, taking in history. 7/13

Of course. Brendan and Kyle were just born 3 months prior. Twin babies, sharing a crib. I got the phone call. "Put on the TV!" I watched, in horror....for hours. 8:50am, the TV was flooded with news...moments after the first plane crashed into the North Towers. Live on television, while on the phone with my friend Kathleen, we witness the 2nd plane crash. I live a maximum of 20 minutes give or take from NYC. My husband worked closer. We had friends who worked in the World Trade Center. We had friends who worked on Broadway. Such an uncertain time. When the 2nd plane hit the South Towers, I went into my nursery and picked up two little babies, still sleeping, and held them in my arms. I wanted to be close to them. I wanted my husband to come home. I tried to call friends, the phones were down. I waited. I looked out my window from the second floor and could see the smoke.

The next morning blended into the night before. Our cars were full of soot and ash. My husband had to see families come in to where he worked; days, weeks later...waiting for loved ones to get off the train. Cars parked in the train station, never to be recovered. So sad.

St. Paul's Chapel of Trinity 7/13

As we talked in that little memorial shop in Lower Manhattan, my boys listened, understanding that many of us had lived history. But what impacted me that day was visiting St. Paul's Chapel of Trinity Church. The church that is noted as being the place where many fled to find peace on that day, and days to come. I walked in that place, and could sense the presence of God immediately. Where was God on 9/11? He was there. Present in the pain and loss.  He was in the hearts of man. He was with me that day. He was with my friends who worked and lived in the city. For that day, and many days to come...there were no denominations, no dividing walls. People found Jesus in people with skin on. That is where He is today. I believe when we break the dividing walls we can see more clearly. He is found in the men, women and children that He inhabits, in His creation that is all around, and yes, in pain. He was and He is...ever present!

I LOVE Elizabeth Elliot - she is one of my heroes. I close with a quote from her:

"I am not a theologian or a scholar, but I am very aware of the fact that pain is necessary to all of us. In my own life, I think I can honestly say that out of the deepest pain has come the strongest conviction of the presence of God and the love of God." 

Leaving a Beautiful Scent

The road trip! It started off as a plan to keep my children busy this summer since Dad was working nights. Then we got so excited during the planning process....even though Dad is working days...we HAD to go. People have called me crazy, insane, brave...really I'm none of the above, or maybe I'm all of the above, either way it is so rewarding to spend memory making time with my boys.

I'll show a few pictures to show what we've done so far. But really, the best part of this trip so far (and we're only on day 4 of 24) has been the conversations we've had with old friends and perfect strangers.

We all made shirts for our vacation. Yes, this means that we stood out a little, but it was fun to do and it really sparked interesting conversation - especially while riding the metro in DC. There was plenty of time to talk while I stood up holding on to a bar for dear life while others sat with their eyes closed after a long day. So here is what we were asked: "Have you been to all these places in the past 6 months?" No...we're just starting out...and doing it all in 3 weeks. :) "How is it you have time for this?" "You are still smiling even with traveling this far with 3 boys?" "What is Deb's Cakes anyway?" (That was my favorite, because it is my friend's business...and we'll be seeing her on our return trip.)  Well, I was able to advertise Deb's business and in fact one woman wanted my facebook to connect her with Deb's Cakes for her sister in North Carolina. How about that?!

These questions brought out such interesting and even some deep conversations. Comments from total strangers. One woman even asked the boys about their homeschooling experience. She said she knew there was something a little different about them, when she watched my two boys get up from their seat to allow a woman to sit. I didn't tell them to do it (but I have told them in the past). We teach them, they learn...sometimes. :) Someone else commented that she was a teacher and she had the wrong impression of homeschooling.  In fact she had been outspoken against it...but she said my passion and my children had her rethinking. We can't put everyone in a box and condemn it.

One person asked about my faith. She said she saw it on my face. (Don't ask...it makes no sense to me either)...she said that she watched my boys and I interact on the Metro and saw that we were truly joyful. Well that just blew me away. I was EXHAUSTED that day!

Before leaving for this trip I prayed that my boys would see people the way God sees people. He LOVES all...deeply. I want my boys to have a heart for people, to see beyond the exterior, to get past the lifestyle  or political differences and genuinely love people. That has been a big part of this trip so far.

Here are a few pictures from our trip...won't bore you to death with all of them:

Special Operations Museum in Fayetteville...such a great place..every boy would LOVE it!

What an incredible experience to share with 3 of my favorite people on the planet!

One of my favorite pictures...I feel strongly about teaching my children to respect our heroes and our history!

Of course we had to stop by and see Shane's future home.

See..he fits pretty good!

Taking time to grow a "stash"..while they're on vacation.

My old high school...walking down memory lane.

My teen years...spent in a neighborhood with author's names...hmmm?

My children doing the things that I did in elementary school.

Mama Rosa's Tomato Pie

Friends from the class of 1987

 Let me pause a moment right here. That tomato pie, brought back every wonderful memory of my childhood. So sad that food has a way of doing that isn't it!? Oh...I really feel bad for my Florida friends...I wish I could bring some back for them. There is nothing quite like it.

Now for the girls! I took the picture of the food and they were shocked that I didn't snap a picture of them first. They all wanted to be sure that I blogged about them. So...here it is! I left this amazing night feeling so loved. We're all so different; different political views, different faith views, and some of us share more memories than others, but..around that table tonight...I was proud to call these women my friends. So much talent, so much character, so much heart and passion...I'm humbled that they all took time from their schedule to share a meal. I was reminded today of how insignificant your high school years really are....once you are on the midlife side of things. However, I also realized how significant our relationships are. I'm thankful for facebook. For keeping us in touch with one another. We can be proud of each others children, we can rejoice with each others successes and we can relate to life experiences! After 26 years we sat at a table and caught up, laughed and now look forward to the next time we have Tomato Pie together.  Who knows...perhaps we'll be having grits and hushpuppies...or riding on a pontoon boat together. I love the way people leave an impression on your heart. Kind of like a fingerprint or a scent. One of the things that keeps resonating in my mind and heart is when I first got to the restaurant tonight, albeit fashionably late, they were all asking me..."When are you going to write that book?" "What it is all about?" They were genuinely excited and happy for my new endeavor as an author. I'm feeling very blessed right now...to have these ladies as friends...even after 26 years...each one has truly left a beautiful scent behind. 

I hope that my boys and I leave a beautiful scent behind! Next leg of the trip...takes us to Philadelphia, North Jersey then NYC. 

Gazing At My Tree

Although we have awesome trees in our backyard, I'm not talking about any of those trees. I'm speaking of the project my cousin (actually a few cousins) have been working on: our family tree.

Perhaps because my children are fascinated with the fact that we are indeed decedents of John Adams from my father's side of the family (I think), and the interesting fact that my grandparents along with all of my uncles, aunt and my mother were born in Palermo Italy, and according to documentation (and first hand account) arrived at Ellis Island in 1940, among other very exciting details of people in our lineage that keep coming up on our tree. It has made me think about how about my parents. I lost my mother when I was 10 years old and my father when I was in my 20s. I'm going to be officially middle aged tomorrow. My mother was not much older than I am now when she passed away.

I know..this is not a light and fun post. I'm about to change that - hang in to the end. As we prayed before bedtime tonight, my boys wished me a happy birthday, and thanked God for me, told me how much they loved me...I was keenly aware of the many blessings in my life.

Yes, I did live a very difficult life. My one cousin fills me in on some details of my childhood from time to time..and I sit back and mourn for that little girl. This little girl, who was being raised so tumultuously, who was placed in environments no child should ever have to endure. Yet...even in the worst of times, it is as plain as the nose on my face...the Lord had me in the palm of His hand.

I can remember the people he placed in my life that brought rays of sunshine in some of the darkest moments. That included my parents...both of them...as difficult as it was for my mother during those years...she loved me deeply. There were others that God placed in my life too: camp counselors, Sunday School teachers, teachers, principals, friends, extended family....and I am who I am...because of their influence, their prayers and the Grace of God. (Oh Lord may we be rays of sunshine to others, may we look beyond their difficult disposition or the weight that they carry...and be a ray of sunshine to someone else!)

I can't help but think that 44 years ago, when my mother went into labor with me (and apparently almost died), that the Lord knew every detail of my life. The darkest moments as well as the rays of sunshine that he would place at those strategic times so I can recognize His glory. He knew and still knows all that lies before me. Reflecting on all of this has made me so aware of the enormous joy it brings our Heavenly Father knowing what He has planned for me is wonderful, amazing and far better than I could ever think or imagine. I'm sure I wasn't thinking that He had great plans for me when I was being abused, but that doesn't change the fact that He did indeed have great plans for me (and still does). 

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I'm living them right now. I believe if God were, in haste, tell us what lies before us, we wouldn't be able to be as appreciative. Perhaps we'd even come to feel like we are somehow entitled. Friends, it is only His Grace...and never ending, unconditional, incomprehensible love that we can indeed have a Hope! I so desperately want to always remember, and continue to shout it from the rooftop, to always be on the look out for His personal love notes to us. They are there. Those little rays of sunshine in our dark times. They are always there.

So as my cousins work on the family tree, I sit and gaze in awe and wonder. My Father in Heaven, created this tree. Every single leaf was intentional. Every single leaf that has died, was special to Him. He watered that tree, He nurtured every single leaf on that tree. However, I know that some of the leaves weren't even aware of His presence. They were unable to see the Son shining. Some still refuse to see His tender hand pruning, and tending, and loving. Not me. Especially as I gaze on the tree and look at the very young leaves, I think...oh my Master Gardner has such great plans for these precious leaves. They will bloom, bring Him glory, do their part for the Glory of His Kingdom. Likewise, as I turn a year older, I know I'm changing color on that tree, but I will take all the tending, pruning, watering, and Son shine that I can soak in until He calls me home. I want to bring Him Glory! I like the trees that David talks about in the Psalms, I too will clap my hands before Him and sing praises to His name. He has done great and mighty deeds when it comes to this ever changing leaf...and I don't want to ever take one moment for granted. Thank you Lord...even though the words don't seem to do justice...you know what lies deep in my heart!

A Divine Day (Day 3)

Well, today was one of my favorite days of the entire week thus far! We woke up very early and got on the road. Mr. Incredible had to do an observation and take a tour of The School for The Deaf & Blind in St. Augustine...which is right down the road from Historic Downtown St. George St. so we decided it would be awesome if we could hang out and leisurely walk through St. Augustine with out the children. (The only other time we've done that was when I had my first 5K on the Bridge of Lions.) I was so preoccupied back then...so this was so peaceful. One of my goals this week was to read a book from cover to cover. I don't get to read just for pleasure too often. Between studying for Bagels & Blessings and my Life Transformation Group and my personal devotions...then add schooling and reading the read alouds...I don't get much time to read just for fun. So...I borrowed this book Forsaken and was planning on reading for hours. However, my cousin in Jacksonville wanted to join me for a bit too, so we got to St. Augustine around 8:15am. The only things open were coffee shops and the visitor center.

I love coffee...if you haven't figured that out. City Perks is a great coffee shop on St. George St. They brew espresso for their coffee. That makes me smile.

So Mr. Incredible and I had a little chance to take a walk until he had to begin his observation...loved looking at the cemetery and taking our time to read anything we wanted to read. When we are with our children...reading the descriptions of things gets old...they want to MOVE! Made me smile when we were there.

I felt like today was a day of divine appointments. On the way to St. Augustine Mike and I talked about some of the changes we might be having to make in the next month. Financially speaking..we are running very low on money. We've budgeted so well, and God has been so good, but the next month or two are going to be a real test. Mike will be done school in August and we are praying he gets a job quickly. We also talked about the changes in our children (had to talk about the children right?) and how we have to begin to adapt our parenting to their growing needs and changes as well.

As we walked back through the city gates of St. Augustine...we talked about how grateful we are to be where we are right now. Gratitude is a vital part of joyful living...no matter what the circumstances. Our time this morning filled me with such peace and joy. Once Mr. Incredible left for school, I found my spot....

...and read. I watched as the store owners arrived to open their shops. I thought about how wonderful it would be to come here and stay a few nights...just Mr. Incredible and I. We would totally do this very thing...he and his book, me and mine. Makes me smile again. Shortly after reading a few chapters my cousin called to tell me she had arrived. This will be another divine appointment.

She and I walked around a bit. I love her. I'm thankful to have her in my life. We talked about the boys and how I missed them, but knew this was so good for all of us! We went to lunch and we continued talking. She said she woke up with Nana on her mind. Nana would be our grandmother who passed away the year after I was born. She felt strongly that she had to talk to me about my family. I never met my grandmother on my father's side. Come to think of it..I've never met any of my grandparents. As she began to speak, talking about family history, I felt my eyes beginning to well up. I've been mourning the fact that I feel so disconnected to family. I know I have family (not very many), I have memories as a child albeit limited. Because I'm the youngest of all my cousins, she has memories that don't include me..because when I was born she was already 26 years old. She filled me in on details of my history. Are you ready for this...I am related to..wait for it...JOHN ADAMS! I can't wait to tell my kids. Yes, I actually qualify to be a Daughter of The American Revolution. WOW! Our cousin Kathy traced our blood lineage on my father's side directly to John Adams. She also told me things about my grandmother back in the early 1930s and what she  did to survive. Such fascinating stories - such a divine appointment.

Mr. Incredible joined us for lunch and Ilene had to go shortly after that. We walked around and explored things we had never seen before. Like the history of New Smyrna which is the town directly above where I live presently. I love Florida History. Then of course we absolutely love international foods. The part we miss about New Jersey...however you can find just about every international flare right here in St. Augustine (the oldest city in the United States by the way!)

Cafe con Leche and a guava & cheese pastalitos. OH yummy! We continued walking up and down the town, all over the side streets and then decided to walk over the Bridge of Lions. It was such a beautiful day!

As we were walking over I ask Mike what would happen if the bridge would go up...is he sure they would see us? "That's not going to happen." Well....we step onto the section of the bridge that would go up and no sooner than our feet hit the ground...all these alarms go off! The bridge was going up. We had to run off that part, by the time we got to the flashing gates..they were closing us in on the wrong side. I think they finally saw us and lifted the gates for a second so we could run through.

 That was invigorating to say the least. I love watching boats. So peaceful and relaxing.

We ended up having dinner at Harry's a New Orleans style restaurant...where I enjoyed jambalaya and he had shrimp and grits. Again...yum! We held hands, talked, laughed, missed our kids together but realized an important fact, we need more of this. Someday our superheros are going to be on their own, we need to take care of us, enjoy us...we don't do this enough. What a divine day! I'm so in love with Mr. Incredible...22 years of marriage and he still gives me butterflies when we hold hands.

Our Trip Back In Time

This past weekend we asked ourselves as a family if we could step into a time machine, when would we travel to? Surprisingly, it wasn't back to prehistoric ages, or even middle ages with the knights and castles...it was early America...late 1700s to 1800s. The above picture shows two books found in this years curriculum. We finished The Diary of an Early American Boy awhile ago, and just this Friday we finished the Bell book. So we decided to take a step back in time. (and we brought a precious little friend with us too). Join us as I walk you through this picture journal of our time travel.

Every year the Pioneer Art Settlement has a Country Jamboree. There are live reenactments, live music from over 150 musicians, animals, Florida Cracker food, and tons of demonstrations of Early American Living. We had the absolute best time!!

We even brought Shane's best friend Luca with us! That made it super special for all of us too. These two have been best buddies since they were in preschool together. We love this boy!

One of the first stops was watching this man whittle.  After Kyle read a Daniel's Duck a book about a boy who whittled a wooden duck, he has been wanting to learn!

The crazy bird houses made out of gourds and of course all kinds of homemade brooms. I could have had one made with different colors.

But who wants a broom, when you can have a nice toasty warm wool hat. That was my souvenir and I actually needed it..I was quite chilly!

Kyle got to explore a little bit of what a surveyor would work with. Oh and then there was this...

Sugar cane. That was an experience. In fact if you look carefully at all of the pictures, you will probably see Kyle who was very very bent on whittling that sugar cane down with his teeth. He gnawed on his almost the entire day. There was a huge vat of sugar can syrup/juice being boiled all day long. The smell was amazing.

We were quite impressed with the size of the veggies..

Animals were everywhere looking for a friend to pet them...look carefully, Kyle still has his sugar cane.

Love the log cabin. Seeing how the early Americans slept and lived. So beautiful in their simplicity. Actually Michael explained to the children that his first home in NJ was a log cabin in West Milford. True story.
 

We could dream about what it would have been like for us. Hardships, lots of very hard work, and other kinds of trials...but ahhh...just our little family..trying to make it in this new land.

I could totally see Shane splitting wood in the back yard while I do the laundry.

Here we are at the cow pit. Yes. We sat around and watched this man crack his whip and explain how the early settlers laid claim to the wild cattle. (Shane was thinking..this is why we love Chick-Fil-A..eat more chicken.) No. This was one of our favorite spots of the day. He explained a few theories on where Florida Cracker got its name...one being the sound of the crack from the whip..(and boy it is very very loud!)

We got lessons in branding..we all branded wood with our initials. Then there was the marking of the pigs. So interesting...that is in fact (as Mr. Incredible shared with the group) where we got the term earmarking from. Such a smart husband I have.

Yes, here we are in front of one form of shelter...oh and there is Kyle--look how he peeled through that sugar cane. Fascinating. 

I just love these boys...here with the covered wagon..but the best was yet to come...

This was unbelievable. Candy Corn. No I'm serious..this corn was so incredibly sweet..it tasted like candy. The line was crazy long to get your ear, but totally worth the wait! As you can see...

Kyle laid down his prized sugar cane...for some sweet corn.

Luca made corn eating seem like a cross between a sport and an art. Impressive!

Brendan loved the firehouse. It has been interesting to see how this system has changed over the past 100 years.

This was probably one of my favorites. We literally just read that book on Bell and communication the day before. Still fresh in their minds and here was this man, with a Morse Telegraph machine right here. Clicking out every one's name in dots and dashes. So fun to hear and watch. He made this whole concept come alive. I love the living classroom!

Our Pop was a radio operator in the army and knew a lot about the dots and dashes too.

Pop was also a wealth of information when it came to...

The US Postal Service. This was a blast as well. Just look at Shane's smile!

No DS games, or the Wii, or Saturday morning cartoons...nope..just homemade fun and games like this.

Now this seemed like something I could use in my home. For when my superheroes get a little out of hand. Sadly not for sale.

Ok..I said that the telegraph was my favorite part of the day, well, not really. This was...lots of very cute moments watching little boys build their friendship.

Is there ever an Engel outing that doesn't include ice cream? I don't think so. We waited until after lunch for this because..well because I'm a Mom and that is just the way I do things. I did not get any, but the boys all had pumpkin ice cream..and watched as it was made. They did share a taste..and it was amazing.

Lots and lots of music..and some very unique instruments. Here we were sitting a spell and listening to one of the many bands.

Here we are making our own music. Souvenirs - why must they be so loud? As we continued to walk around into the late afternoon, the boys would follow behind us and blow their little flutes...reminded me of the opposite of the Pied Piper...just give yourself a moment to think about that.

Ahh..hanging the laundry out to dry. If we didn't have so many trees and birds..I might consider more of that. But we had fun just being silly!

From the moment we walked into the settlement, Shane had his eye on this necklace. All the boys were allowed to get a souvenir (under $2). We know Kyle and Brendan chose flutes, Luca chose rock candy, and Shane really wanted this. It is a simple Timucuan Indian turtle symbol made of clay. (Found out today how easily this could be broken). He loved it and wore it out of the settlement with great pride. We ended our amazing day with a some barbecue.

Now back to reality, but with a little better perspective on making our lives a little more simple. There is something very comforting about simplicity..but that will be tomorrow's blog.