Silent Pain Brought to Light

Kyle, Brendan and Shane

As if the transformation from boy to man isn't difficult enough, add on the social pressures, hormonal changes, and well meaning parents and it's the making of a perfect storm.

(This post was shared with Kyle prior to my posting.)

This isn't going to be an easy post, but I feel strongly that I have a small voice and if I can help someone else....well,  you understand. This has been, hands down the most difficult year of Kyle's life. As most know, Kyle is my son who was diagnosed at 3 years old with PDD-NOS (a spectrum disorder). Recently the Lord has been revealing His Word to me as it relates to our body, mind and spirit. The Lord brought to my memory today of words I've spoken in the past - words that both Kyle and I had to reread. Here is that post - He's My Superhero.

This past year Kyle has been under certain torment. Imagine the square peg in a round hole. He was finding it easier to be "himself" among people that do not know him, that can not see him, and that only know him by the words he types on a screen. So as a parent you see a pull to this environment, you naturally want to limit his exposure because after all, "these people aren't really your friends Kyle," you don't really know who they are...they are...words typed on a screen.

So, I may not know everything there is to know about all things techy, but that is why I work extra hard to be sure I'm on and in everything my kids do. They know that with every device they have - I have the ability to access it at any given time. That's the way its done around here. I had a parent tell me that their child would not appreciate knowing that I can look at a chat that they're involved in. Well, sorry - pick up the telephone and chat the old fashioned way...I'm not listening to phone calls. We all need accountability....and they are all minors. Anyway, with that said I had read some of the most beautiful words written by my son to others in this building game that he plays. His heart for people astounds me. His heartfelt prayers for people....I know it is kind of a ministry for him. However, he was getting lost in that world. I had to help bring him back.

We went to counseling and he was/is loved by his counselor. She adores him. Kyle will tell you, he had so much anger pent up inside of him. He would lash out, uncontrollably. We started not to recognize him at all.

Mike and I tried to help him by showing him different ways to handle himself. In the most loving way a parent can, we would try to help Kyle "change" so he could perhaps be more socially accepted. We didn't understand. An example would be, Kyle had this "thing" where he would want to give everyone a high five but at the last minute move his hand so you would miss. Okay, not bad right? Well, not the first 20 times, but after a while we kept thinking, everyone is going to get so tired of this. Or his crazy dancing that he would do - people may think that is odd or goofy. So we would suggest, "hey buddy, why don't you try to mix it up a bit, surprise people, shake their hand instead." Things like that. We would try to give him alternatives. Different ways to help him, so he didn't "stand out" because he was different. We just wanted him to feel loved by others. We wanted him to feel accepted, like he had friends. We were afraid that kids were not wanting to be around him. He didn't want to go to co-op, church anywhere...he just wanted to stay home and be with his online friends.  We were just trying to get him to hold back on the things we interpreted as "unusual behavior" or "awkward".

All the while, not understanding what was happening, we were trying to squeeze this very special peg in to a box that he wasn't ever meant to fit into. Well, that's painful isn't it. When the counselor said to us, "You are probably the only people who think Kyle has to change, everybody else in that youth group, or co-op or anyone that knows Kyle is not expecting Kyle to be any different." I wept and wept. My son, who was tired of living, who told me it would be better if he were not alive and if he went to be with Jesus. My boy who smiles and makes people around him smile, was dying on the inside...and the people who love him the most were just trying to make him into something he was not. As if what he is...wasn't enough. OUCH!

He is enough. He is perfect. He is a teenage boy, with a sense of humor, a style of his own. He is this child who marches to the beat of his own drum. The same boy who drew this 5 years ago...

So, as the video shows below shows, we have embraced Kyle's uniqueness. We actually try to remember to encourage it. In this we were at a coffee house and it was 80s night. My boy got up and danced his own special dance and people just came out and joined him. He was on top of the world. So we did what any proud parents would do..we cheered him on (even though it reminded me of some 80s version of jazzercise). We laughed, clapped and cheered and it was FUN! When we got in the car that night he said, "The best part about this night was when I heard you guys cheering me on - that made me feel awesome." Lesson learned! So, we love our Kyle so much. He's going through some serious stuff, I would rather have crazy Kyle, the Kyle that God created, the one that was chosen and who is greatly loved, holy, a child of God than a boy who doesn't know who he is.

Parenting. It's not for wimps. He still has limitations on his technology, I still try to encourage other avenues of entertainment. He had a life altering encounter with the Holy Spirit while he was away at camp with our church youth group. He went up for prayer for a broken heart and he came back whole! He feels like he has friends at church now, brothers. He knows what the Lord has done for him. He wants to share his story with others. He even asked if I thought he could be a youth pastor. Ummm....YES!! I have always believed Kyle was special and unique and that God created him for greatness. I got a little lost in the every day teenage hormonal storm, but I'm standing strong now. It's not easy...I'm a human being...but every single day I rely on the Holy Spirit to get me through. I am working on "supernatural parenting" as our youth pastor would call it. I'm thankful for those that have supported us during this time, this very silent time. I encourage you, do not make the mistakes we've made. Just like Kyle never wanted anyone to ever know he spoke of suicide, we never wanted anyone to know the anguish and level of discontent we were living with either. When you put that stuff in the light, the enemy loses his power. Find people you can trust, people you know will storm Heaven on your behalf. People who will speak life over your family and over you. People who will put you in your place and tell you what is what. I'm so thankful. Kyle is still going through puberty, he still struggles with many things. No question. But I see a huge change in him. I see him trying to get past the limitations his disorder has claimed in his life. We now declare over him what God's word says. Autism Spectrum Disorder...its got nothing over my boy! He is created in the image of God, whole and perfect with a destiny that will astonish the next generation!

My Dreams Didn't Come True

Ten years of dreaming of becoming a mother. No really, after a while I really was day dreaming what it might be like to have children. You know my kids (I even had a girl in my dreams) were lovers of crossword puzzles, avid readers, polite, smelled good and sweet, liked fruits and vegetables, not perfect, but very storybook like. (I was dreaming). I would dream up scenarios about discipline situations, how could I effectively apply all the principles I've read about in all 23 of the books I've read about parenting. Oh...each year I lost babies to Heaven, my desire became greater and greater. I loved my babies, even named them while they were just embryos. Then it happened, I stayed pregnant for more than 4 months. Eight months of carrying Kyle and Brendan...I talked to them, read them stories, let them listen to classical music. I made Mike talk to them all the time. I would feel them moving around in that tight spot in my womb and I would lay hands on them and pray for them.

Then they were here. I was a Mom. I don't have memory of them as newborns (except for pictures) because of the fact that I was in a coma for 4 days after giving birth. Postpartum bleeding and 8 blood transfusions to help recover I was in and out of a coma. But we finally came home and I was excited to see my dreams come true.

As babies, they were quite textbook. (There were two of them so they were as textbook as they could be). These boys were Gary Ezzo "Growing Kid's God's Way" models. Seriously. Then they became toddlers. One was curious, yet obedient and sweet. The other was, well not so curious, extremely neat and cute as a button. They slept like clockwork. They were just all around amazing kids. (I'm thinking...WOW dreams do come true)!

Then exactly 2 years and 3 days Shane arrives. This rocked my world. I was fine after giving birth. So this was new to me. I held a newborn baby in my arms for the first time in my memory. This was going to be the most amazing journey ever.

I got home from the hospital in 3 days and sat down to nurse this baby and suddenly my other two were literally climbing furniture. I remember thinking...who taught them to do this while I was in the hospital? They never climbed up the changing table and took every video out of its case before. What happened to their routine?

 How did this get all confusing in just 3 days? Why wasn't this baby sleeping like the others did? Why did Shane have to ALWAYS be held? I couldn't believe how tired I was. I was appalled to think that it was my pleasure to have my husband sleep in the glider with Shane on his chest the whole night long. What was happening to my utopia?

Then they get older. I tried to introduce crossword puzzles very early, too early probably. I loaded them up with books of all kinds. They did LOVE it when I read to them. I read so much! 

Then they got older, and older and...now they have deep voices. I have one who loves to read and do crossword puzzles. They have this love of electronics. That was never in my dreams. They want to be with friends all the time. They use to love cleaning up to the "Clean up, clean up everybody do their share" song. Now...not so much. In fact, my clean up song has become more of a melancholy tearful ballad instead of a happy clean up song.

Tomorrow is mother's day. The day I thought might never be something I would celebrate. So my dreams were a little idealistic. Now that I think about it...they were kind of boring. What I thought would be the "perfect" family when I would dream of one...really was more black and white and not so colorful.

If my dreams came true I wouldn't have a dancing king shaking every limb and body part to incredible music. I wouldn't have a boy who takes 5 hours to clean his room (same child I said was neat...the one who would line all his cars and "Little People" figures all around the room). I wouldn't have the boy who can't stop playing the piano long enough to get all his chores done. We wouldn't have had rats for pets. I would never have witnessed my superhero jump from a 15 foot tree house...twice! I wouldn't have had a child who at the age of 4 licked the monorail at Disney world and would never have had that same child ONLY eat foods that were shaped like circles or chew on tables.

I wouldn't have seen melted fruit snacks in my dryer, or had my child draw with crayons on Dad's work shirt. I know I wouldn't have had children who would take the butter cream frosting from the bowl and slather it on glazed donuts and eat them for lunch.
I wouldn't have had boys that made my house smell like a greek salad sometimes, or leave legos lying in the most hurtful places. I probably wouldn't have children who prefer to take showers outside with a bar of soap and the hose.

 

I probably wouldn't have had a boy who insisted on tucking me in at 8pm just so he can pray for me. Or have a 10 year old who still wants to snuggle buggle! I wouldn't have my almost 13 year old still want to camp out in my room. There is a good possibility my children wouldn't have such hearts for worship!  Maybe I wouldn't have children who say to me the night before Mother's Day "You are such a great Mom." "I feel spoiled by your love." "I want every Mother's Day to be special...because you are so special Mom!"
They may not have said things like..."Thank you for all the sacrifices you make Mom because you love us!" or "God must really think I'm special to give you to me."

My life is full, rich, and saturated with joy! I'm so so thankful for my little superheros! I'm so thankful that this is my journey...the journey of a Mom of Superheros! So glad my dreams didn't come true....these kids surpassed anything I could have ever dreamed of! I'm one blessed Mom! Happy Mother's Day to all of you amazing Moms!

He is My Superhero

My cute baby "A" at 2 years old.

I know I've written so much about Kyle in this "Journey of a Superhero Mom" blog. My boys are my superheros - and I'm simply their Mom - never make the mistake..I'm not a super Mom at all - just a Mom to superheros. They continue to teach me things I never knew...or things that I may have forgotten.  I write again, because this is the place I've chosen to log what is going on in his life - my journal so to speak - and if our experiences can ever help anyone, then...praise God!

I've mentioned before that Kyle is the gift God gave me to show me Jesus every day. I'll just mention briefly that Kyle was diagnosed at the age of 3 with PDD-NOS - an autism spectrum disorder. He was tested and found that he was developmentally delayed as well as severely learning disabled (short term memory issues, as well as sequencing issues). He has gone through speech, physical, and occupational therapy for years. If you know this child, he could easily steal your heart. Today, I would confidently say that he is an OVERCOMER. He is VICTORIOUS! He is perfectly made in the IMAGE OF GOD!

Around 5 years old...obsessed with making "sand"balls.

Today he is going to see a Neurologist because he has been fainting (passing out). We are trying to rule out seizures, because when I found him on the ground 2 weeks ago he just didn't look right. Tomorrow he goes to a cardiologist. I was hit with what felt like a ton of bricks 2 weeks ago while we sat with the second doctor and repeated some of the same things. As we sit in the room with my now 12.5 year old boy, it dawns on my husband and I that we've NEVER told Kyle that he has special needs, or that he is on the spectrum, or that he has learning disabilities. In our family...we ALL have issues. So to explain to my other children when Kyle acted odd, we would tell them, Kyle has issues.

All of this came out right in front of Kyle at the doctors. He heard me say all those things. These past two weeks I've worked hard to replace those words, with words of LIFE! Yes, these may have been true of Kyle's past, and yes he still continues to struggle in many areas, BUT he is God's favorite. He is free. He is chosen. He is a new Creation. He is a child of God. He is greatly loved. He is built up!

We all need to remind ourselves of these things which are true. All found in the Word of God...and we need to BELIEVE God at His Word!

My sweet boy...this past summer (2013)...truly my superhero.

I have heard this child say the most amazing things in the past three weeks. I do believe that God has revealed some truth of His Word...deep into Kyle's heart. One of the best thing about Kyle is that he has the most beautiful heart. I tell him all the time...like David...his heart is precious..and he is a man after God's very own heart!

This week he has had to wear the hat of humility. He made a mistake. Said somethings that he shouldn't have said. He confessed. Asked for forgiveness from the people that his words hurt. Then he asked the Lord to forgive him. He told me later. "Mom, I asked God to forgive me too. Now, it is like I never did it!"

Friends, if we could all understand the forgiveness of God like this...I think we would all feel that much lighter. We have ALL fallen short of the Glory of God, but when we seek His forgiveness, He forgives and that is it. The slate is clean. It is our own minds, or the people around us that remember. Oh to be more like Jesus. Kyle has been deeply hurt in the past - words have hurt him...all too often. Things said, behind his back and even to his face. I've watched this child cry his heart out on my sofa. He knows how to forgive and truly forget. I have watched him. Without apologies...he still forgives. I think that is why he easily asks for forgivness. He knows he is not perfect. He knows he makes mistakes, but he also knows he has a loving God that forgives him...because he trusts God to know his heart.

See...this boy shows me Jesus...all the time. He is my superhero.

He Ain't Heavy...

Brendan and Kyle...I love this picture so much...says so much about their relationship.

He's my brother. We've heard the song, if you haven't check it out...it was made famous by The Hollies in the mid 70s. I know, I'm dating myself. So years ago,when my sweet Kyle was first diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (PDD-NOS) I got myself in a support group where I felt right at home. These people understood me and my world. It was comfortable and I learned a great deal from others who have walked down this road.

Today, I don't have a support group and some say I don't need one. Truly, most every adult I know...absolutely loves my boy, and really cannot see any "special needs". I'm so thankful - he has come a long way!! We see it all, we see what others don't. I've turned to writing as my way of wrestling with the raw feelings that really only others who have walked this path can truly understand. Perhaps if you haven't had to walk this path, you will run into someone who is and can be a source of encouragement.

Twins!

I have written quite a bit about Kyle. My oldest (by 2 minutes). I have written about the fact that I once prayed for healing...and realized that God made no mistakes when He created Kyle - the healing came in me. I would love for him not to struggle socially or academically, but honestly...the boy shows me Jesus all the time.  Tonight the boys came home and once again I am sitting here with a huge lump in my throat. I do feel for my boy and his challenges and Mr. Incredible and I work hard at trying to give him tools to help him work out those "issues", but it is getting more difficult now that hormones are getting involved, not to mention he is just getting smarter. He knows things now that he wasn't aware of before...and it is starting to hurt.

The lump that is in my throat has to do with his twin brother, Brendan. As we talked about what happened during the car ride tonight Brendan looked at me with tears in his eyes and explained to me that people do look at Kyle differently. People do raise eyebrows and people can be rude to him. Brendan says that often he will step in as his brother and explain "My brother has a form of Autism...he can't help it." He told me that most of the time, almost all of the time, people get it and understand. He said to me with a tear in the corner of his eye, "Mom, if people would just get to know him they would love him and accept him!"

This is why I am purposeful to teach them the truth about who they are in Christ!

Who Christ says he is!!

Then he asked me if I thought the Lord might heal Kyle, if I still pray for his healing like I use to. I haven't prayed for his healing. I guess I pray for his challenges and that he would be an overcomer...but I love him so much and often think...he is this way for a reason.  Most people do understand and most people love him. It is this age, 13 years olds, it is a weird phase, and boys this age...can be hurtful without even knowing it. We try to explain to Kyle that some of the things he does...can annoy people. You see he tries so hard to fit in, to make people laugh. Sometimes, if he feels even a bit uncomfortable he will resort to trying to be funny...that is his way of feeling better in social situations.

My pain is for Brendan, who at the age of six tells me..."Mom, don't worry, when you die my wife and I will take care of Kyle." Who says that at age six? Today, he hurts for his brother. He hurts when his friends act impatient and rude to him. He carries a burden that I never ever wanted him to have to carry.

Kyle feeding Brendan!

I told him tonight that I am so thankful that Kyle has him as a brother. He is an amazing kid with a incredible heart! He told me right back..."I'm glad I have Kyle...I love him Mom!" I really feel like Brendan doesn't feel like it is a burden. Like the song says...

"The road is long, with many a winding turn that leads us to who knows where. Who knows when, but I'm strong -  strong enough to carry him. He ain't heavy, he's my brother.

So on we go, his welfare is of my concern. No burden is he to bear, we'll get there. For I know he would not encumber me. He ain't heavy, he's my brother.

If I'm laden at all I'm laden with sadness, that everyone's heart isn't filled with the gladness of love for one another. It's a long, long road from which there is no return. While we're on the way to there why not share and the load doesn't weigh me down at all. He ain't heavy, he's my brother."

I can not even put into words how much I love this boy. How thankful I am for his heart for the Lord and for his family. He has stepped in an intervened on so many occasions. His precious heart hurts for his brother and being 12 years old himself...I'm sure he doesn't know how to deal with it all the time. I'm in my mid 40s and I don't even know. I'm glad that Kyle has found some new friends at our new church. They seem to love him and truly make him feel like he belongs.

Brendan absolutely loves his brothers. He would gladly carry them, wherever, whenever! Kyle and Shane just don't know how incredibly blessed they are to have Brendan in their lives. I pray someday they will! I pray that someday they will appreciate that they are amazing brothers...my true superheros.

He ain't heavy, he's my brother!

This is the perfect set of pictures! There is my sweet Brendan...pushing his brothers...and smiling the whole time! "He ain't heavy, he's my brother!"  I love you son....more than my words or actions could ever express! I'm so thankful you are in my life my sweet superhero!

Someday I'm Gonna Be!

"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing."  1 Thes. 5:11

He's the object of much of my learning and much of my writing. I love him so much! With all of his challenges, learning disabilities and social issues, he continues to draw most everyone he meets to see Jesus in a special way. I can't really explain it. He is just a genuine love, uniquely created to bring Him glory!

As I have written in the past, this boy was my last to pull out of school to homeschool. Yes, I was fearful, I admit it. Could I possibly help him more than he is already being helped? If I can't, then I am the only one to blame.

Throughout the past 9 years since he was first diagnosed with PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder an autism spectrum disorder) I have been very conscious of how we have encouraged him. We have cried and pondered and hoped and wondered and prayed about his future. There is no doubt that we have made the right decision to bring him home. He has grown so much academically, but most importantly he has grown up so much more in so many other areas of his life...we are so incredibly blessed to be a first hand witness to the miraculous hand of God in this child's life.

The truth is, my sweet boy is getting older. (I know...I don't like this part!) He is becoming so much more aware of his abilities and even his disabilities. He is having a hard time accepting that he is "behind" others in his age or grade (including his twin brother...and even his younger brother in some areas). Typically we have always accentuated each of their strengths. "Oh you are an amazing artist!" or "You are such a studious child!" or "You have a gift for athletics!" They even realize each others gifts...and encourage one another by praising each other in their differences.  What about aspirations for the future?

Well, in the past, I've concentrated on encouraging anything and everything he might be interested in. "I'm going to be a zookeeper when I grow up Mom!" You will be a great zookeeper! "I want to be a 'smoothie guy' (a guy who makes smoothies)" You will an amazing smoothie guy if that is what you want to be. See, that would be my encouraging him in whatever he wants to pursue.

In my prayer journal I write about my children and their future. I prayed about Kyle's concern about being..."behind". It was breaking my heart! Even though I would tell him, that he wasn't behind..he was right where he should be...it is only natural to compare yourself...not healthy but certainly natural.

I have had to dig deep, and try many ways of teaching this child so that he can remember something. Kyle suffers from short term memory problems. We're trying something new...and I think its working. After one of our school day's this week I said these words to him...and little did I know the impact. "Kyle, you are doing so well! I'm so proud of you. You know, you would make a great teacher some day!"

A few days later I'm teaching another superhero at the table and I hear Kyle and his Dad chatting in the other room. As he sits in his Dad's lap, he says these words..."You know, someday, I'm going to be a teacher. Probably I will teach reading!" I was overwhelmed with joy (which of course manifested in tears)! I didn't just encourage him, but clearly, I spoke life into him.

That night as I prayed, the Lord reminded me of a memory stored way deep in my heart. I was a high school teacher, teaching interviewing skills about 15-16 years ago. I had many of my students in several classes. This one girl in particular struggled academically. I remember always trying to say something positive to every student - its important to find something. THERE IS GREAT POWER IN OUR WORDS! They can be used to build up or destroy! I remember saying to her one year when she was in my keyboarding class that she was a great speller. She would rarely have spelling mistakes in her timed writings - so that is where I was able to "speak life" into her - I know..it wasn't much. The following year she was in my class where I was teaching interviewing skills. We had a mock interview with the vice principal and I always video taped it and we would watched them together in class the following week. When the VP asked her what her strengths were, I remember she paused, thought about it, sat up straight in her chair and said..."Well, I'm a really good speller!" I have no idea of the lasting impact of those words in her life. How those words could have made a difference.

I have no idea what Kyle will be when he grows up. But I am going to be more purposeful in planting seeds in his precious heart. I'm going to be more diligent than ever in watering and nurturing the soil of his heart. Finally, I am going to continue to not only agree and encourage all of my children in their aspirations for their future, but also dream big and pray big about what they can/will do and continue to encourage them to reach beyond what seems just a reality! I never want to limit my dreams for them or their own dreams for themselves! I trust God! I've seen him do miraculous things already! Of course you can be a police officer. You could be a lawyer, mayor, yes even president!

You could be a teacher Kyle! Yes you could. In fact, you would be an amazing teacher. So encouraging, so loving, so caring! So able! I don't know what he will be when he grows up...but I do know...he's gonna be!

Wake Them Up With The Word

I read a great article that a friend posted for me on facebook. It took me back to the reasons why we homeschool. The name of the blog post is Homeschooling Held Hostage. If you get a chance-read it.

Being a former teacher, the first year of homeschooling, I put my one son through university. He however, was a self motivated, lover of learning. It worked well. Then came my next child to bring home. My very active, very athletic, very kinesthectic learner. He rocked my world. LOVED having my baby home from preschool - he started homeschooling in kindergarten...but there were days when I thought...I really really liked preschool, why can't he go back?

Then I finally brought my third (who incidentally is my oldest...by 2 minutes) home from public school. He came home with all kinds of learning disabilities, on the autism spectrum, but probably the one that most needed to be home all along. Finally we got to see the best of him, not the worst. Best decision I have ever made for this child...however, there are days when I wonder what in the world did I do...I am failing him.

He doesn't learn like everyone else. He doesn't learn like me. He doesn't learn how I like to teach. He stretches me. He makes me dig deep in my heart to find the thing that will help make history click in his brain. I don't always have it. (Please note that I didn't say, he makes me dig deep into my great college education because I was a teacher....NO...I must dig in my heart...a Mother's heart...that is where we find what we need to school our children - not my BA degree in Education).  We talked about it tonight. He learns better by reading...but doesn't enjoy reading. GREAT! He doesn't remember half of what is spoken (short term memory issues coupled with very non auditory learning style).

Oh how I could labor on all of these points. This morning after my quiet time, my time when I talk/listen and spend time with my Maker. He reminded me why I do this homeschooling thing.

I looked at the notebook filled with pages entitled..."The Psalms of Shane". I hear the prayers of my boy who can't remember one thing about history, but seems to recall everyone's need so he can earnestly pray for them. Then there is the child who remembers everything, who loves to read, who is sensitive to the Holy Spirit and wants to grow deeper in his relationship with Christ. My middle schooler whose heart is precious and not hurt by the social drama and pressure of our society. That is why I homeschool.

This morning, I went into their bedroom. They were sleeping ever so sweetly. I love their faces, love looking closely, just like I did when they were in their cribs. I said good morning to them. I know they were up talking last night, probably after I fell asleep. The rule is, I'll stop "good morning" them to death as soon as they say it back to me. "Good morning Mom!" "Good morning." "Good morning!" Blankets still covering their faces because I had to open the blinds. I sat on one of their beds, with Bible in hand and decided that I would wake them up with the Word. Started reading John this morning. By the time I got to chapter 4 there were thoughts and questions and comments all around and they were excited about the Word...before they even thought about Life cereal.

"The Jews then responded to him, “What sign can you show us to prove your authority to do all this?” Jesus answered them, “Destroy this temple, and I will raise it again in three days.” They replied, “It has taken forty-six years to build this temple, and you are going to raise it in three days?” But the temple he had spoken of was his body. After he was raised from the dead, his disciples recalled what he had said. Then they believed the scripture and the words that Jesus had spoken." John 2:18-22 

I've read that to them before, but they were in awe this morning. Such joy! Tonight before going to bed, my one boy comes in and says to me..."Will you wake us up with the Word again tomorrow?" Yes...that is why we homeschool.

He Is Just Misunderstood

My precious boy..and the bird we rescued!

My emotions have been all over the place today. I know it is probably pre-menopause for the most part, but I have laughed hard today and even cried a little. I felt blah then amazing. I felt like a failure and then a winner. Crazy what one day can bring.

Kyle and his snickerdoodles!

My friend Allison has planned our Homeschool Christmas party for tomorrow..and one of the things she encouraged us to do is bake cookies together with our children (thank you for that Allison). I love to bake!! I love to bake with my boys. However, my sweet and precious Kyle has never shown an interest in baking. He would rather draw, play legos, make paper airplanes....700 of them. He is such a sweet and wonderful boy...it is over him that I wept today. Tonight as he mixed his ingredients..he was very awkward. I noticed, he didn't stand right...this is not his thing. I gave him the scoop to scoop out the dough and for the life of him he couldn't figure out how to squeeze it so the dough would drop off. I demonstrated it about 5 times...I watched him struggle...I got all choked up.  I told him, how much I loved baking with him tonight. I held his hands in mine and squeezed the scoop..and out plopped the ball of dough. He was so excited...like the first time he learned to use the water fountain. Everything to Kyle is....amazing!

Always so genuinely thankful - he loves nutcrackers!

Coming home from the park one day, Kyle's twin brother says to me..."Mom, I think that Kyle is just misunderstood by people. They don't understand his ways." OH that weighed heavy on my heart.

Toilet paper contest at Grapple!

 When he was very young, before he had words (he didn't speak on his own until he was 3 years old), when he was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (Pervasive Developmental Disorder) PDD-NOS I wanted to wear a shirt that said...please don't mind him...he's on the spectrum.

What he does with his legos...He made Cruella DeVille and some dalmatians.

 I tossed and turned about how to explain him, if I should bother explaining him. How do I explain him? Well, he is precious beyond words. He is honest and good. He has an innocent heart, one that cares deeply for all things. He loves animals and art and adores nutcrackers. He genuinely cares about people. He loves God...and really really knows Jesus. He prays like nobody's business. He sees what nobody else notices! He cares about the details!

"Oh how embarrassing" His love/hate relationship with the Paparazzi!

He use to stand on his head in new situations. No, I'm serious, that is not a figure of speech. When Kyle was uncomfortable, for many years he wore a batman mask. Yes, even to sing in the children's choir. He did grow out of that and moved on to carrying a magna doodle with him...so he can draw...when he was uncomfortable. A few years back..the boy would stand on his head..it is quite impressive. He was warming up to different situations and people by showing his talent. Now he carries a composition notebook..it helps to keep him centered.

I just had to show the detail!

 He can be very "silly", seem immature, say things just a little differently. It is his way of making his world seem...safe..when he feels out of his comfort zone. He is funny and his is very polite. Many people, many children have said unkind things to him. I think Brendan is right...he is just misunderstood.

I love this boy, his heart, his face...every single thing about him!

So..tonight as I stood by him at the table, we talked. I told him how much I loved him. How special it was for me to have him join me in something I absolutely love to do. I told him that he has enriched my world so much. He looked at me...right in my eyes (he didn't do that when he was 3 years old)..with that gorgeous smile and said "Mom, I want to be wherever you are...always. You know, you are beautiful Mom...and I love you!" I hugged him...he in his green apron, me in mine! You know what I don't care if you don't understand my Kyle. I don't care if he annoys you with his "oddness". This boy shows me Jesus...every single day! I sit here right now..with tears..running down my face..because I'm the one that is blessed. He belongs to me. Yes, he has challenges. He doesn't know everything a boy his age should know. I don't care. He knows how to love...how to treat people with respect...how to touch your heart. He's mine...misunderstood or not...his brothers, his Dad and I understand.

Thank you Lord for giving Kyle to us. May we do right by you Jesus in the way we continue to raise this boy. May you fashion him and perfect him to do whatever it is you have planned for him. May he continue to have your heart Lord...and shine Jesus wherever he goes!

We Love It Like This! (Day 1)

I decided since I will have all kinds of time not playing board games, geocaching, taking lego pieces apart with my fingernails, washing tons of laundry, fixing breakfast (2x), lunch and dinner  (insert blushing smile face) for 3 adorable and  very missed superheros, I thought I could journal my experiences...without them.

Today, I sent all 3 of my boys off to camp. (The one in the green is our friend). I've never been in my home without my children for this long. Tonight it feels like they are at a sleepover (which rarely happens but occasionally).  In preparation for their trip I did the following. Labeled every item in 3 suitcases with a sharpie or fabric marker (tedious by the way), wrote 3 cards (one to each boy) and hid that in each suitcase, wrote 3 more letters and mailed them out today (so they will get it during camp). I also spent time snuggling with each one, speaking life into them (as well as reminding them oh...100+ times about proper hygiene care) and prayed with each one for their individual experiences. UGH...starting to well up now...hold on...composing myself...ok!

My best friend Lorrie drove her van packed full of boys and suitcases. We took the 2 hour journey, and we finally arrived...along with all of our friends. The boys went crazy. I had visions of teary goodbyes and hugs. Nope. They ran off in 10 different directions while I quietly made their bunk beds. I realized as they popped in and out of the rooms and I rattled off some detailed command...that I totally micromanage them...just a bit.

They are going to be fine. The picture below is the swim test for the lake. You see you can go tubing, swim out to the doc, canoeing...it is a glorious place. I really wanted all of my boys to experience this. This was Brendan's 3rd time going to camp, but my other two..it was their first.

This would be my Kyle. He just completed his swim test (I knew then I should have not stayed). I watched, he is my...special...boy. I saw him swim out and then swim back. The lifeguard told him to get a certain color wrist band...red. He went to the next life guard and she says.."What color?" and he sweetly tells her with a beautifully big grin (and I overheard)..."Oh, I don't know, surprise me!" I piped in and said..."Kyle, she told you red." The life guard proceeds to put a red wrist band on his wrist and off he goes to join his brothers and friends out by the dock. It wasn't too long when I saw him on the shore, covering his wrist looking forlorn (see I knew I shouldn't have stayed). His twin brother was standing next to him, explaining something, so I go and micromanage investigate. Apparently you are not allowed out by the dock without a green wrist band. My heart was broken. I told him to get back in line and try again..."Do your very best Kyle...you can do this...you are a good swimmer." Then with tears in my eyes, I told Lorrie..I better leave. I couldn't handle seeing him look all rejected. It was breaking my heart.

As we walked back, I grabbed my other superhero and told him to encourage his brother. Tell him its gonna be ok. I went up to the benches by their cabin and our Children's Director, Jamie saw me sitting there....with tears in my eyes...well...lots of tears. I told her what happened and she said..they will reevaluate him...no worries. Before we left, Lorrie and I went over to the Anniversary Lodge where we always stay on women's retreats...so beautiful, so peaceful. I felt better and knew..no matter what...everything was going to be fine.

While I was in the car on my way home...Jamie texted me the above picture. HE DID IT! He got the green wrist band. There is nothing that is going to stop him now. You see, there is a part of my heart that carries Kyle just a little differently. There were times and talks about if Kyle would ever talk, would ever function in society, would ever get married, have a career...we just didn't know. We knew he had to get to know Jesus..that was the important thing. He has overcome so much in his young life...and I'm enormously proud of him. This picture was a defining moment for my week. I've entrusted him to others...others that don't know him like I do. He's going to try new things, eat new foods, swim in a lake, off a dock and probably go tubing. I can hardly contain my joy.

Ok..so what did I do besides cry today. Well, I got home to find my husband slaving over the stove for our company on Thursday. (It's complicated)...and we talked about the kids...looked at all my pictures...prayed for the Lord to move in their lives..then I wanted to go running. So I went running on Riverside Drive as my husband and dog went for a walk. We came home and...

 I had popcorn for dinner at 8:00pm. (I know, don't be jealous). We didn't have to cook tonight. Yesterday I bought some twizzlers for the boys to take to camp and I bought a little bag of black. My youngest superhero says to me..."Mom, why are you buying black twizzlers..nobody likes those?" I responded with.."Your Dad and I do! You know when you leave..we're gonna watch movies, stay up late, eat popcorn for dinner and candy for dessert!" He just stared at me in wonderment! So I didn't have twizzlers for dessert, but I did have popcorn for dinner! This was my view towards the end of my run this evening. Perfect huh?

I miss them. They light up my life. I guess I like a house full of noise. Funny, Mr. Incredible and I were married for 10 years before children came into the picture. We were quiet people...we liked it..we thought our children would be like that. They are not & we're glad, because we love it like this!

Welcome To Engeland

No..I didn't spell it incorrectly. This is a little something I wrote (thought I blogged it, but can't find it)....way back in 2007. My son Kyle was diagnosed with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified) way back in 2003/2004...that diagnosis explained a lot, but totally rocked my world at the time. I have spoken about Kyle so many times...love that boy as he shows me Jesus in so many ways. I have a friend who read something that I once read...a long time ago. It blessed me way back then, just as it has blessed her most recently - It was called Welcome To Holland. When I read it, it prompted me to write something of my own. I called Welcome to Engeland!

I read it again tonight...it made me laugh. Oh how I remember those days of being misunderstood. How hard it was for me, but at the same time really loving what God was doing in me. I remember how I use to pray for a healing for Kyle. Still believe God totally heals. But what I believe was more powerful is the change God has done in my life & the lives of the rest of my family. Kyle is absolutely amazing. Does he have challenges? Of course. He still struggles, but nothing like he use to. If you ask my family (the citizens of Engeland)...we will say, Kyle has issues, but don't we all!?! That is what we say. Anyway, I thought I would share what I wrote back in 2007. In case anyone else wants to relate or needs to relate to what goes on in our world. (REMEMBER I WROTE THIS IN 2007) :)

Engeland 

By Lisa Engel

January 2007 

Engeland (kind of like England, but with the extra "e" that makes it my special country). I recently read a description that someone wrote about what it is like to have a child with a disability. It is called "Welcome to Holland". It is basically saying that when we were pregnant and waiting the day of our delivery it was like planning a trip to Italy. You get all excited about going to Italy, you read the books, talk to others who have been to Italy, you buy the clothes for your trip and you are beyond excitement after months of planning this trip and finally the day arrives for you to land it Italy and you get off the plane and the flight attendant says "Welcome to Holland". You can imagine the shock and then all the things that go into having to learn a new language, meet new people, learn new customs...... you get the idea, all the while wondering what life would have been like in Italy. If you’d like to read the full story just let me know, I can show you where to find it. There is an update to that story that someone else wrote, that brought even more comfort to my heart and that was entitled "Holland Shmolland". Basically, that having a child with a disability is not always pretty and spotted with windmills (like Holland) and yes though, we can find the joy in our lives even while in Holland, it still is splattered with trials and turmoil.


That is why I call my little country Engeland. Because no two families, no matter how close in disability you get, are never ever the same. Ours is where the Engels reside and it is unique. Sometimes I weep when I think about Kyle. Will he ever conquer the challenges in his life?


Sometimes I laugh when I think about Kyle. He is such an individual with such a sense of humor and carefree spirit because black and white just make sense. Gray is hard. In Engeland, it is tradition to wake up each morning and go through the ritual of making yourself into an edible burrito with all the toppings just to get dressed and ready for school. Literally, it is the same corny jokes and same corny story that we must tell Kyle in order for him to get dressed in a timely manner. If not in a rush, Kyle will change 3-4 times when the room is at the right temperature and his clothes will match - oh yes, blue on blue or black on black. But, the citizens of Engeland, if you ask them, they would prefer to stay in their jammies! Oh yes, and where a mask. The other day at church Pastor Tim was thrilled that Batman would grace Edgewater Alliance Church with his presence while singing on the stage.


Ever give an Engeland citizen a fruit rollup. Oh dear. Beware. It has to be straight, no wrinkles, and it needs to go on a plate and fast. First we must look at it for some time and then we must try to eat it with a fork. Yes, a fruit rollup. Don't laugh.


You see to Mike and I these are the things we do to survive in peace and unity in our country. We understand, as do my other boys, that this is just how it is here and if we work on accepting some of the "isms" that our fellow citizen has, it makes for a pleasant and sometimes hysterically fun place to live.


The other day while at Disney, Kyle had to touch every person he came close to. Just a finger, a soft touch with a finger and then move on to the next person. Oh yes, he has been in the phase of tasting things too. Have citizens of your country ever tasted the monorail at Disney before? Well, that is an experience not many have encountered. He is ours. And we love him.


In fact it blessed me today, while trying to get one of our other "citizens" dressed and off to school, I asked Shane if his best buddy was a little boy Luca in his class. Shane said, Kyle & Brendan are my best buddies too. I pray that my boys will always be best buddies. We've been invited to dinner by a newer couple in our church and Mike & I always fear that our first invite will be our last, because not everyone understands the lifestyle of the citizens of Engeland. That has never happened yet; we have in fact been blessed to have some really wonderful friends. Some of our friends even volunteer actually ask to "hang" with our children for a while. WOW! 


The truth is, that the citizens of Engeland have an enormous capacity to love. We know love, we have felt it in real ways, we have experienced it in many arenas, and we are generous-genuine sharers when it comes to love. That makes the citizens of Engeland very special and I'm so glad to be a part of this country. 


Well, two of my citizens are home now, and I must go and welcome them and go through our afternoon of lining up the pennies, eating fruit rollups with a fork, and cutting fruit snacks with scissors. I can't wait. No really, I am saying that with a smile. It's going to be a full day. Oh yea, one other thing we do real well in Engeland is sleep. After a full day here in our country we get real tired and sleep comes easy.

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If you would like to read more of my posts about raising a special needs child, or children with ASD...please feel free to search at the top for those labels (special needs child or Autism Spectrum Disorder).

And Then There Were 3

Kyle at a homeschool function this past Friday, he is a Lenni Lenape Indian from NJ!

Well, I've always had three! Just when it comes to homeschooling, I started out with one and then I brought in the second and as of next Monday we are bring home the third! I am so excited. It feels like it is just right with my heart. To the world it may seem crazy, but to our family, well, it just feels right! I say it may seem crazy because my husband has no job, we care for his 91 soon to be 92 year old grandfather and my son has special needs! I have to just chuckle!

I have always hung my hat on the fact that every year, we did what was best for each child. Keeping Kyle in school I felt was really the best thing for him. He has been attending this school since he was 3 years old! I remember the day I sent my child off in this huge bus, and he didn't speak at all! I drove my car behind the bus until it pulled into the school parking lot. My boy had no words. He was diagnosed with PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified) an autism spectrum disorder, he was nonverbal at age three (he could repeat words, but never initiate words), he had sensory integration dysfunction, and obsessive/compulsive disorder! (He was one of the three cutest/sweetest boys in the whole wide world though!!)

Needless to say, off he went to school and by the time he was almost 4 he said these words to me: "Mommy, I love you!" He had never said those words before! That moment is etched in my brain and heart and as I type these words the memory brings tears to my eyes! A year later when he was 5 years old, he could hug me with a full hug. Years before, he would want a hug, but have to back up into my arms. When he was five I got a full on hug!! Speech/language therapy, physical therapy, occupational therapy...several times a week, plus these wonderful, nurturing teachers....I had my boy...the little boy I knew was in this quiet little soul!

Fast forward to present time. Kyle is 8 years old and in 2nd grade. (He really didn't pass 1st grade, but he had already been left behind in kindergarten...you get the picture) At the beginning of this school year, Kyle was content with going to "his" school. He loves "his" school. Brothers get homeschooled, he was curious about that, but he had friends now at "his" school. He was invited to a birthday party by himself for the first time ever!! A friend "chose" him! However, slowly, I started to see serious regression. My happy little boy, was angry. He was reverting to toddler type behaviors (a classic response to shutting down). He was exhibiting behaviors that I hadn't seen in years. What was going on?

We had a few meetings at school. "Let's change Kyle from having been pulled out to one or two places and put him in a co-teach situation. With a regular class, with a resource teacher assisting the primary teacher. Let's do this for two subjects now." For a child who has never done well with transition (when he was very young if we made a u-turn in our car he would cry and kick), and who thrives with routine, my boy had to transition at least 10 times a day..from teacher to teacher to this classroom to that classroom. He was on overload!! While he held it together at school, he let it loose at home (toddler behavior and total regression). So much more went into make this decision, but when I finally decided to "get out of the boat" and go with what the Lord was telling me to do, not only have I been confirmed, but I have been set free!

Kyle will begin homeschooling with his brothers this coming Monday! I am so excited and very nervous as well. This will be a transition for sure. There are kinks that will need to be worked out for sure! He will be partially enrolled with his special education teacher and his speech/language therapist - it equates to about 1 1/2 hours a day at the school! It is almost like the best of both worlds. He will still see his friends, and I will make the serious effort to keep those going outside of school!

The benefits far outweigh the fear! Is there fear...well...yes! I think that I gave too much credit to the school (after all they taught him to say "I love you"! Well, as my husband said...we had been saying that for 4 years...we taught him to say I love you...they just gave him the opportunity to grow and some tools to help him!

Here he will do devotions with us, snuggle on the bed to hear some of the most amazing books ever!! We will go on nature walks and make meals together. He will learn a new way to do math and see history come alive as we do some fun activities with our history! He will take art classes with the local art museum and have park play dates and do co-ops with our homeschool friends. He will be with his brothers who love him, and he will be able to work at his own pace and not feel overwhelmed or rushed! He will feel successful and confident! This is what is best for my boy!! So....Welcome Home Kyle!!!

(shh....my other boys are planning a surprise breakfast...all of Kyle's favorite foods (because he must eat and run most mornings he has enough time to only eat an oatmeal bar for breakfast every day)...so they made up the menu...grapes...pancakes with chocolate chips...chocolate milk...and decorations of course! )

Special Times For My Special Guy!

The summer is a time for things to grow! My grass needs to be cut every single week...or we are in up to our knees! My son Kyle has had a growth filled summer as well. Summertime has always been a challenge for Kyle because he thrives on routine. Being on the "Spectrum" obviously adds challenges to his daily life, more than anyone would know! He is a fun loving, funny little guy with a sensitive spirit and a beautiful heart, but what he must overcome on a daily basis would exhaust me, emotionally and physically.

It usually takes about a month before he stops asking the question, "Is it school today?" Then when he is not asking that question, we know that we have "detoxed" him from that routine. However, he is constantly searching for consistency in his day. Well, we are far from consistent here...especially in the summer. Children come and visit all the time, we are beaching, or swimming, or visiting or whatever, and sometimes we don't even know until that day what we will be doing. Craziness for someone like Kyle. So needless to say, he has had some serious challenges. He acts out a lot in anger/frustration. What will happen is this: Kyle will start to sing a song or behave a certain way to entertain and make his audience laugh. Well, it is cute the first 15 times, but then, after about 100 times of hearing the same song or seeing the same behavior....it is NOT FUNNY any more...to any one! Children have a far less level of tolerance for this type of thing (I, being his Mother and knowing his "issues" can tolerate it a bit longer). Then the natives get annoyed and the fighting commences. You here kids shouting "KYLE STOP IT!!! YOU ARE ANNOYING...GO AWAY!!!" His brothers don't do this regularly because they are use to him as well, but if another child starts in on Kyle...his brothers will agree!

We have had many, many, many tears! I have talked with him. "Kyle, people don't like it when you do this 100 times in a row, it is really annoying!....No one thinks you are funny right now....you are not going to be able to keep friends if you continue this..." You get the idea?

Because he struggles socially, it is really hard for him to get that!! He doesn't know when to stop...he doesn't catch the social cues like average children do.

All this to say, he finally had a moment of clarity. Kyle went on his first sleepover, by himself! HUGE deal. Shane & Brendan have both had sleepovers....Kyle NEVER! This was one of the most precious moments I have witnessed with my boy.

We are all set to go to our friends home where his friend Sammy (5 years old) is anxiously awaiting Kyle's arrival. We get into the car and you can tell Kyle had been rehearsing this event in his head for awhile. He says to me, "Mom, I'm not going to sing that song anymore and I will only save my kisses for my Mom and Dad...I don't want to be annoying...I'm a big boy and want to be a good friend." He heard everything I said this summer. When we arrive at the Dinardi's home everyone was waiting outside to greet him. "HI KYLE!!!".. Kyle in the car says to me..."Mom, should I put my backpack on now?" So adorable...you see his need for routine. We get out and he walks up and says this..."Hello everyone, it is so good to see you all today." My eyes just got all welled up with tears. My precious boy...has been working on this for awhile now. Again, because of his social deficits, he has to work very hard to communicate in a way he feels is acceptable. He is the most polite boy I know....far more than my other children who I must constantly remind..."say thank you...what do you say?" Well, his sleepover was an amazing success! The Dinardis tell us that he can come anytime! Here are that happy friends!

Special

I know you've met my Kyle before! Isn't he just special? OH I can't stand it---I love him so much! All my boys are special of course, but Kyle as you know has some "issues"! I've gone into much detail in previous posts and in fact this one is not really all about him, but I met someone last Sunday when I went for a walk that really made me think.

Her name was Terri! I didn't have my camera, and she was a complete stranger, but we walked by each other as I was going for my walk last Sunday after church. I was headed west, she was headed east. Usually, when people pass by, I smile and say "Hi". It was no different with Terri, but she spoke up first. "Lots of loud bikes out today huh?", she said with a smile. "Yes, Biketoberfest always brings out the loud pipes" I replied. In order to say this many words, we actually had to stop. She looked at me, eyes darting right into my soul, and she smiled as if she and I were old friends. She was most likely in her 70s and she wore a smile that was so contagious! I kid you not, when she and I looked at each other I saw a sparkle in her eye and she said these words to me as she reached out her hand: "My name is Terri and I love Jesus!". "Well, it is so nice to meet you Terri, my name is Lisa and I love Jesus too!" I couldn't help but love her instantly!

She went on to explain to me that she has brain damage. A few years back she was attacked, and though they could not find her attackers, she was left with brain damage but she loves Jesus and is very thankful that her daughter has taken her in. As she spoke, her whole face shined with joy. She told me that her daughter doesn't go to church with her and she will not let her grandchildren go either, but Terri still goes and hopes that they will someday. We talked as if we were old friends and yet it was for less than 5 minutes. I said that I would pray for her and her family, that they would come to know Christ as their Savior. She smiled at me with her understanding eyes, we shared a brief hug, then we said our goodbyes and she headed east and I headed west.

As I walked away, I said a little prayer to the Lord, something like this: "Father, thank you for allowing me to meet sweet Terri today. Lord, she loves you so much! I pray that you would heal her brain damage in the name of Jesus." As if the Lord were right there beside me, walking west with me, he whispered in my heart: "Why do I need to heal Terri? She is perfect.....she loves me with all of her heart, all of her mind and all of her soul." OH, Father, of course, there is nothing wrong with Terri! She may have brain damage, but the Holy Spirit resides in her heart and her mind is clear on the most important thing......her Jesus loves her and she loves Him!

I was reminded that I feel that same way with my son Kyle. Really, what is most important when it comes to his life. As a Mom, I don't want to see my son struggle, I pray regularly that the wires in his brain would be connected and that he would be healed. I would love to know that those obstacles in his sweet life were lifted, but really, what is most important? That he learn to read and write, that he can handle change, that he transitions well, or that he knows that his Jesus loves him and he loves his Jesus! What is most important? Thank you Lord that Kyle loves you and that you show him regularly how much you love him. His mind may not work like his brothers', he may not be able to grasp some of the same concepts that other children his age can grasp and he may not always act like a 7 year old, but there is one thing that he is sure of.....he loves his Jesus and his Jesus loves him.....and he will tell anyone at anytime....just like Terri! We all need to be a little more like these two people!

Please pray for me this week as I go before the child study team and we work out Kyle's IEP. Kyle has recently been through a battery of tests and it has been determined that although he is high functioning on the autism spectrum (PDD-NOS), he has be evaluated as Extremely Learning Disabled. Kyle is not homeschooled, he goes to a public school and I do believe that most people there that know Kyle love him. (It is hard not to)! However, I am his Mom, and really, I have laid out my fleece before the Lord. Kyle needs certain things in order to help him learn, and there are certain things that, we as his parents, feel would be detrimental to him. If the school leaves us with no choice, we may have to remove him and homeschool him. The Lord knows what is best for Kyle, hence the laying of the fleece. It is our way of knowing God's will for our son at this particular juncture. Please pray that the Lord grants me wisdom and strength at this meeting, as my husband will be unable to attend.

As parents, and/or as believers, we must trust in the Lord at all times, for all things and then we must obey. We are trusting the Lord for our Kyle, help me Father to obey! Thank you Lord for special people in our lives, like Terri and Kyle that remind us what is most important. I love you Lord!