He is My Superhero

My cute baby "A" at 2 years old.

I know I've written so much about Kyle in this "Journey of a Superhero Mom" blog. My boys are my superheros - and I'm simply their Mom - never make the mistake..I'm not a super Mom at all - just a Mom to superheros. They continue to teach me things I never knew...or things that I may have forgotten.  I write again, because this is the place I've chosen to log what is going on in his life - my journal so to speak - and if our experiences can ever help anyone, then...praise God!

I've mentioned before that Kyle is the gift God gave me to show me Jesus every day. I'll just mention briefly that Kyle was diagnosed at the age of 3 with PDD-NOS - an autism spectrum disorder. He was tested and found that he was developmentally delayed as well as severely learning disabled (short term memory issues, as well as sequencing issues). He has gone through speech, physical, and occupational therapy for years. If you know this child, he could easily steal your heart. Today, I would confidently say that he is an OVERCOMER. He is VICTORIOUS! He is perfectly made in the IMAGE OF GOD!

Around 5 years old...obsessed with making "sand"balls.

Today he is going to see a Neurologist because he has been fainting (passing out). We are trying to rule out seizures, because when I found him on the ground 2 weeks ago he just didn't look right. Tomorrow he goes to a cardiologist. I was hit with what felt like a ton of bricks 2 weeks ago while we sat with the second doctor and repeated some of the same things. As we sit in the room with my now 12.5 year old boy, it dawns on my husband and I that we've NEVER told Kyle that he has special needs, or that he is on the spectrum, or that he has learning disabilities. In our family...we ALL have issues. So to explain to my other children when Kyle acted odd, we would tell them, Kyle has issues.

All of this came out right in front of Kyle at the doctors. He heard me say all those things. These past two weeks I've worked hard to replace those words, with words of LIFE! Yes, these may have been true of Kyle's past, and yes he still continues to struggle in many areas, BUT he is God's favorite. He is free. He is chosen. He is a new Creation. He is a child of God. He is greatly loved. He is built up!

We all need to remind ourselves of these things which are true. All found in the Word of God...and we need to BELIEVE God at His Word!

My sweet boy...this past summer (2013)...truly my superhero.

I have heard this child say the most amazing things in the past three weeks. I do believe that God has revealed some truth of His Word...deep into Kyle's heart. One of the best thing about Kyle is that he has the most beautiful heart. I tell him all the time...like David...his heart is precious..and he is a man after God's very own heart!

This week he has had to wear the hat of humility. He made a mistake. Said somethings that he shouldn't have said. He confessed. Asked for forgiveness from the people that his words hurt. Then he asked the Lord to forgive him. He told me later. "Mom, I asked God to forgive me too. Now, it is like I never did it!"

Friends, if we could all understand the forgiveness of God like this...I think we would all feel that much lighter. We have ALL fallen short of the Glory of God, but when we seek His forgiveness, He forgives and that is it. The slate is clean. It is our own minds, or the people around us that remember. Oh to be more like Jesus. Kyle has been deeply hurt in the past - words have hurt him...all too often. Things said, behind his back and even to his face. I've watched this child cry his heart out on my sofa. He knows how to forgive and truly forget. I have watched him. Without apologies...he still forgives. I think that is why he easily asks for forgivness. He knows he is not perfect. He knows he makes mistakes, but he also knows he has a loving God that forgives him...because he trusts God to know his heart.

See...this boy shows me Jesus...all the time. He is my superhero.

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

"Now I lay me down to sleep..." It isn't the prayer we pray before we go to bed. My children just wouldn't know the words. I never really learned those kinds of prayers myself, so I have never really taught my children to pray that way. Absolutely nothing wrong with that...it just isn't how we do it around here. I've always talked to the Lord...very personally...that is how I pray...likewise..it is how we all pray. Tonight...our prayers...were like warfare.

A year ago the 4th of July a series of things occurred that rocked my boy's world. Yes, we lived in unimaginable circumstances for too long, and yes...things were spiraling in such a direction that my son was on the brink of a breakdown.  He in fact suffered from some depression..so much so that it started to not only affect his countenance, but also his stability. It was a scary time for him and me, as his Mom. We spared no expense or time in getting him help. Six months later he was fine. (oddly enough someone just asked me last night how he was doing...with regard to those issues in his life...I told her he was doing great!)

Last night, there was a flicker of a memory of those times. He felt it, I saw it in him. I prayed silently..."Lord, please, not again. He has relief...please spare him from this internal pain...restore his joy..."

Tonight he weeps. Uncharacteristically, somewhat suddenly, not brought on by anything we can attribute it too...yet he weeps. I know that some of this is entering puberty. This is uncharted territory for me as a Mom, and for him as a son. His heart is so incredibly tender...when we pray..."Lord, guard his heart..." there is so much unsaid that I know the Lord knows.

As Mr. Incredible sat on the sofa...reading...Psalm 46...with my sweet boy curled up next to him I silently prayed. I did battle with the Enemy of our souls! Get your hands off my boy! You do not want to mess with him!! As a family of 5 we laid hands on him tonight. I reminded my boy about the strength he has because of who he is in Christ. The Almighty God of the Universe stands beside him, covers him, fights his battles for him. My boy does not have to fear when he raises his sword...the Enemy will flee...because the Enemy sees Lord encamped about my boy!

Father protect him, he fears all of those things coming back into his life...when he had no joy...when he couldn't smile. He doesn't know what is going on..."why do I feel like there is a heavy brick on my chest?" I am crying out to the Lord on his behalf. Rescue him..restore his joy!

"God is our refuge and strength,an ever-present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. 

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; 

God will help her at break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. 

Come and see what the Lord has done, the desolation he has brought on the earth. 

He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth. 

>He breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the shields with fire. 

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; 

I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” 

The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress." Psalm 46

He is!

Faster Than A Speeding Bullet

It seems just yesterday they were drooling on their shirts and riding in any basket I had available.

Then before I could say..."Faster than a speeding bullet"...

They're going bike riding on their own...and lovingly picking up important items for Mom and Dad...

What is going on here? How do they grow up so fast. Today was a classic moment that I knew I had to journal. My 10 year old has been riding his bike alone for about month now. I know, that is so "big girl" of me. He rides all over our neighborhood..he goes about 10 miles a day...it has become his sport of choice. Good for him. Today 10/26/11, he took his little brother on a superhero adventure..and did they ever get an adventure..one they will not soon forget!

He takes younger 8 year old brother (a padawan or "Jedi apprentice") for a bike ride, together, (without me) all the way to Duncan Donuts. Younger brother buys big brother a bottle of water from Duncan Donuts and big brother calls to check in with Mom. (Very Important) This is how the conversation went on the phone..."Hi Mom, Shane did so well, you would be so proud of him, he was really obedient...hold on Mom...Shane, do you have your wallet?, ok good go wash your hands now...Anyway, Mom, he did great we're going to check out this bookstore and maybe go to Chick-Fil-A...I'll call before we head home." He is such a mini me! Looking out for his kid brother..I am really proud..but wait the story continues...

At the bookstore, young son purchases a book (he has millions of books at home, but I understand the book addiction thing). The woman at the bookstore sadly tells the boys that she does not have a bag to put their purchase in. They get outside only for Shane to realize, how do I hold on to my handle bars and carry a water and a book? (Brendan is an old pro and always wears big pockets to put his water in)...Being the older brother Brendan suggests they go to Winn-Dixie to get a bag. (Remember they have their water bottles and young son has a book as well). They stroll into the store and nonchalantly go to take a bag off of the self check out lane and begin to walk to the doors. "HOLD IT!" shouts the clerk. "What do you boys think you are doing? Did you pay for that water?" Brendan's face (I'm picturing) turns pale and he speaks up, "We bought this at Duncan Donuts." "Oh you did? Well, lets see that receipt!" Brendan turns to his little brother and says.."Shane do you have a receipt?" "Ummm..no..she didn't give me one" Shane speaks softly. Brendan speaks up on his brother's behalf, "He didn't get a receipt, he didn't know. We were just trying to get a bag because he bought a book and can't hold the water and the book and his handle bars on his bike...I promise..that is the truth." The woman let them go. When they got outside, Brendan placed his brother's things in the bag and made sure he was ok. (Very proud Mommy moment here!)

He brings his young brother to Chick-Fil-A where they go up to the counter to ask for Mr. Smith..a friendly face (owner of this Chick-Fil-A) and a friend...Shane shares what happened and is comforted by Mr. Smiths smile and some french fries of course! I love that my boys found a little oasis on their journey through this rough world - so very glad we have such wonderful friends all over this neighborhood. The boys ride home, bag on the handlebars and a little more grown up than when they left.

So they may be growing faster than a speeding bullet, and at times they may feel more powerful than a locomotive and think they are now able to leap tall obstacles in a single bound....but when the rubber "tires" hit the road, I as a superhero Mom must be sure my superheros have the ability to LOOK UP...and recognize it is not a plane, not a bird, but a God that is firmly rooted in their hearts and minds that they can lean upon when life brings it scary and challenging moments. As for me, I thought I handled all of that just fine..until 10 minutes after being home my boy comes running over to me yelling with great excitement and pride..."Mom, come look!! (he proceeds to raise his hand in the air and points to his armpit)...do you see it? I have a hair under my arm!" Yup, I'm just undone!

Pink & Blue

I listened to the intro to this Marriage Conference last night. It is called Love & Respect by Emerson Eggeriches and his wife. It was so good! I want to listen to the whole conference now. He talked about how women see through pink shaded glasses and men see through blue shaded glasses. That everything we see we filter through those "shaded" lenses. Not only that, but we hear with pink hearing aids and we speak through pink megaphones. Of course, men hear with blue hearing aids and speak through blue megaphones. That is why we can say one thing to our man and he totally hears something else, but when we talk to our girlfriends they completely understand. I'm not going to go into all the details of his research, but suffice to say I think he has something here.

For example when a we as women go looking through our closets and drawers and say something like "I don't have anything to wear!" Men hear this (through their blue hearing aids) and think "What, you have two walk-in closets full of clothes, what are you talking about?" However, when women who also speak through pink megaphones and hear through pink hearing aids hears another woman say that very thing, they say.."Me either...come on let's go shopping!" Because really, what women are saying is that we have nothing new to wear! In the same way, if a man were to say that same thing "I don't have anything to wear!" to other men listening with their blue hearing aids...they respond by saying, "She's not doing your laundry either huh?" See, men say they have nothing to wear because they have nothing clean to wear. The whole idea is that men & women communicate so differently, not incorrectly, but differently. We have to learn to decode. He gave so many great examples, Mike and I were cracking up!

I found the picture above, because I was thinking, if women wear pink glasses, speak through pink megaphones and hear with pink hearing aids, and men wear blue glasses, speak through blue megaphones and hear with blue hearing aids, why is it that my boys at times don't understand what either my husband or I am saying. I think they will eventually have blue glasses, blue megaphones and blue hearing aids; but right now in their life, I think they have green! This is my own theory mind you. Not at all part of the Love & Respect book! I just find it funny that they speak a language of their own, have very special selective hearing and they too see things just a little differently.

Anyway, just food for thought! I love my boys, their uniqueness and their charm! They make our parenting journey so much fun!

Raising The Bar

A repost from my blog archives 2007...

When I was a teacher I remember that one of my big beliefs was that if I set the bar high, my students would work hard to attain that. I believed that if I motivated them, showed them their value and help them to belive in themselves, that they would desire to reach the bar. As a teacher it was more about helping these kids to reach that "love of learning" that was inside of them, as well as finding the good in themselves and culitivating that, causing it to grow. It was about helping them believe in themselves and that they ABSOLUTELY could reach higher than they had ever reached before.....and then we did a little Accounting, Business Law, Entreprenuership or Computer class.

Now, I know at least one or two of my former students keep in touch with me still. They would have to agree that that was Mrs. Engel. For the most part, it is EXACTLY what happened. So many of my students were able to find that within themselves, and many of them came back to me throughout the years (long after they graduated) just to be encouraged again. For you skeptics out there - no not every student reached for their highest potential. But in a class of 25 if 2 were able to then......

I am a Mom now. After 10 years of trying to get pregnant and losing so many little one's to Heaven, I have three boys. Back when I first gave birth I remember feeling like the Lord placed on my heart that my first and highest calling was to be a mother to these boys. It was liken to missionary work in a way. I was called to this "people group"(and they can be a wild people at times) and the Lord would supply for me what was needed along the journey I just had to be obedient to Him and surrender MY will and He would enable me to do the rest. So I'm doing my devotions today. It's a book/study guide about Lies Women Believe & The Truth that Sets them Free. I have read many of Nancy Leigh DeMoss books, heard her speak and truly her wisdom has always impacted my life in a big way. So the Lie was this: "Children need to get exposed to the real world so that they can learn to function in it." (in the book it follows Eve and her sin/repentance/restoration...) Satan convinced her that by eating the forbidden fruit, she would learn something she needed to know. "When you eat of it your eyes will be opened...knowing good and evil" (Gen 3:5). Satan was right -- when Eve ate, her eyes were opened (v.7); she did learn something she had not known before--the experience of evil. The result of this knowledge was shame, guilt, and alienation from God and her husband. God never intended that you and I should know evil by experiencing it for oursleves. His desire is that we should be "wise about what is good, and innocent about what is evil" (Rom. 16:19)

The challenge of every Christian parent is to bring up children who love God with all their hearts, souls, minds, and strength; who have a vibrant, personal relationship with the Lord Jesus; and whose lives will be bright and shining lights, penetrating the darkness around them. We are to be seeking to raise up not just "good" children, but children who enthusiastically embrace the Truth, children who love righteousness and hate evil, children who will be used by God to change this world. I am encouraged to RAISE THE BAR. I had no issue with this when I was a High School Teacher. Now I'm a mom and the stakes are much higher - these are MY children. I've been called to raise Godly men. I am not able to do this alone - I must rely on Christ and I trust He will show me every day how I can best do this.

Is what Nancy says unrealistic? Read Psalm 101. I think not! Nonetheless, I am unable to sit and be happy with a bar that is only half way up - I need to raise it. For myself and for my kids. (Because we all know that when we raise the bar, the child may not reach the top of that bar, but becuase it was raised higher - the higher they had to jump, climb, grow...

No one would think of taking a young tender plant and planting it outside on a day when the snow was falling hard on the 8 inches of snow that had fallen the day before and have any hope of its surviving. That's what a greenhouse is for--to provide an optimum environment for plants to grow. Then, when their roots have developed and they are strong enough to withstand adversity, they can be transplanted to the outdoors!

So in closing, I am spurred on. We are not to be molded by the culture, rather, we are to be filled with the Spirit and the Word of God that our lives will penetrate and convict the culture around us. That is my challenge as a Christian parent--to raise up a young men who are not conformers but transformers. OH YEA!

Sidebar: This is why I chose to name my homeschool "GreenHouse Homeschool Academy - a place to provide an optimum enviornment for my children to grow...Learning to Love Learning!"

Little Boy in Big Boy Body

"Children keep us in check. Their laughter prevents our hearts from hardening. Their dreams ensure we never lose our drive to make ours a better world. They are the greatest disciplinarians known to mankind." -- Queen Rania of Jordan, Hello Magazine

My Brendan. I love him so much. He is one of the most sensitive, caring, loving little boys I have ever met. He wears his sweet little heart on his sleeve just like his Daddy. He is so smart, loves to read and reads very well, loves all things school and has such a heart for the Lord. Just to give you a little insight into his heart let me share this: I used to sing "You Are My Sunshine" to my boys before they would go to bed. Often I would hear sniffles from the top bunk, when one day I said "Brendan are you crying?" "Yes", he sniffles, "I just don't like the part when she wakes up and the child is not in her arms, it was only a dream...that part breaks my heart!" Oh my Brendan. He makes me very proud. With this said, I must confess that he challenges me as a parent. Really, it is not him, but it is his appearance I think. So many people have told me that he looks so big for a 7 year old. Excuse me, but exactly what does a 7 year old look like? I really am not sure. You see, I have two of them and they are worlds apart in many ways.

Brendan is 4 feet tall and weighs 70 lbs....his twin brother is 3 feet something and weighs in at about 54 lbs. When Brendan and I have the mornings all to ourselves...we will snuggle up and read as much as we can until Shane has to wake up. Some of our best conversations are at 7:30am and he is so easy to talk with...so mature in many ways. Then I go and get so caught off guard when he does something so silly...so 7 year old like....and I don't know how to react. Well, I know how I should react, but I don't...no...I get upset with him for doing something so "immature". HE IS ONLY A 7 YEAR OLD BOY LISA!! Funny, that same behavior would be totally blown off if were his twin brother....hmmm?

Well, I am being transparent here...it is true...I struggle with letting him be a little boy sometimes. He doesn't play with cars really, he would rather read or play chess on the computer. He has to be forced to play outside sometimes, because he would rather build with his legos or complete a Highlights magazine. He is the first one to give up his things for his brothers, and never puts up a fight. He is just that kind of guy...the kind by the way that will make an amazing husband some day...much like the one I have.

So today, I bit his cute little head off for something, which in retrospect was really "NOTHING". I caught myself immediately, (because I pray about this difficulty of mine a lot and the Lord is really helping me) and pulled the car over to the side of the road. I turned around and said "Brendan, I am so sorry that I just snapped at you. You were just being 7 and I totally expected you to be 17. I am sorry, can you forgive me." This is what he said.

"Mom, I am sorry too, I don't want to whine like a baby!" "No Brendan, you are a child, I don't like whining, but I was out of line snapping like I did...I love you so much, can you forgive me son?" Then he said it...this is why I quoted Queen Rania at the top of my blog today..."Mom, I forgive you...I will always forgive you Mom...because you always forgive me!"

He taught me a huge lesson right there on the side of the road (which by the way is where I learn many lessons!). It is because of Christ that we forgive. Because of His sacrifice. I know how important my job as a parent is...my children know that the authority I have comes from the Lord...for He is my authority.

Thank you Lord for giving Brendan a sensitive spirit. I do confess Lord, it is at times that sensitivity that bothers me, but I know that it is a gift from You. Help me help him hone this gift so that he can effectively use what You have given him for Your continued glory! Amen.