Here You Go God...

"Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. Our God is a God who saves; from the Sovereign Lord comes escape from death." Psalm 68:19-20

This morning I laid it all down once again...at the cross. Every once in awhile I find myself carrying things I was not made to carry. I trust in God. My faith is in Him. So...I started to give Him what I was carrying this morning..one by one I looked at all of this and began to weep. I wept because I realize that when I hold onto these things in my life, I'm not really trusting Him.

I handed Him my children...and asked him to fashion them as He chooses and protect them along the way.

I handed Him my will...to conform it to His.

I handed Him my body image...and asked Him to help motivate me to focus on my health.

I handed Him my hormones...and relinquished control to my Maker, Creator.

I handed Him my marriage...and thanked Him for the amazing gift that it is and asked Him to bless it.

I handed Him my relationships...and asked Him to cultivate each one or dissolve it if not healthy.

I handed Him my hurts...and asked Him to heal me.

I handed Him my time...and asked Him to help me prioritize and show me what's important.

I handed Him my husband...and asked Him to help me be the helpmate He's called me to be.

I handed Him my plans..and asked Him to line them up with His, plans for a hope and a future.

I handed Him my future...and asked Him to order my steps.

I handed Him my failures..and asked Him to help me see them as learning tools.

I handed Him my victories...and gave Him the Glory and asked Him to keep me from pride.

I handed Him my dreams...and asked Him redirect any that are not from Him.

I handed Him my heart...and thanked Him for being so gentle, so loving, so willing.

He is so gentle, so willing. As He took each one, He let me talk, He listened. When I was done...He reminded me that His burden is light....so we traded.

He kindly spoke to my heart and reminded me...that those things I handed Him were not mine to begin with. They are His. No doubt I have them; a husband, children, time...but they are His.  Suddenly I am thankful. I trust Him...and He trusts me.

I feel lighter. Ready to begin my day. 

Arise With Wisdom

It is peaceful as I watch the deer take a leisurely lap of water at the fresh brook.

He is startled. He runs away. I look around and I am awoken.

I feel His warmth around my eyes as He brushes my hair away.

"Arise, my precious."

Through my eyelashes I see Him and my heart is overwhelmed.

I look towards the sun but it is not there.

Because He knows my thoughts, He comforts me...

"It is not time for that yet, you first my child, arise and meet me at our special place."

 I walk to our place, first, without coffee, without even my journal, just me and the Word.

He is the Word.

Even before the sun has risen, there is light at our special place - the Light of all mankind.

I sit. Bringing my knees to my chin. There is no need to wait, for He is.

He takes my legs and places each foot on a stool.

It is not a stool, it is a Rock.

He presses on each foot as He gently reminds me.

"There will be distractions today. People will seemingly need you all day long. Your children will need you, your husband too. Take care of them. I have placed them in your care. 

Be Me to them today."

Taking care to firmly press each foot into the Rock, He looks deeply into my eyes and reaches my soul. 

He continues. "The phone will ring. You will be asked to minister in all kinds of ways. I know how you love to serve me, but you are not to be distracted. 

Wisdom will accompany you 

throughout your day. I have called so many. There are others that can go. You have gone before, so many times , you've been so obedient.

Now it is time. Stand."

As I stand, my feet firmly planted upon the Rock I am stable.

"Walk with me."

As I begin to walk the rock continues beneath my feet with each step. 

"It is imperative that you see that you are firmly planted in me. Stay focused my child. Even good opportunities may long to distract you from what I've called you to for this moment."

I look at His warm expression as He smiles at me. He leans into me and whispers in my ear.

"I'll will be speaking to you this way, stay grounded here so you will hear."

My heart is enlarged. Mysteries have been revealed. The sun is rising.

Wisdom and I begin our day.

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do."   James 1:5-8

My Story - My Rescuer!

Someone suggested I write my story online. I have journals, many journals that I have written for my children about my testimony and my story of infertility. I have had the opportunity to speak to several churches and women's groups about various parts of my testimony throughout the past 18 years. If my story can bless and minister to anyone I pray that it does.

I love Beth Moore. I am presently doing her Daniel Study and it is amazing. One thing she said in her study was that we can share things without having to give all the gory details and it will, more effectively, give Glory to God. People can actually see the goodness of God when they don't have to sift through all of the horror. That is how I want to share my story - without the details of all of the "horror". I am thankful for my testimony. I am thankful for my Rescuer. I am still in awe of His amazing grace.

So, with that in mind I wrote a poem giving Glory to the Lord for rescuing this little girl whose life was anything but easy. Inside the words of this poem is the story of a little girl who in many ways was alone, abused and abandoned, frightened and downcast. But then God rescued me, placed me in the palm of His hand as a 7 year old child and never ever let me go!

He Rescued Me
By Lisa Engel

As a little girl life was anything but a breeze.
With my very first breath man became bitter with me.
A murderous intruder, a mistake a tragedy,
But He took one look, saw His child and rescued me.

With great capacity to love came a greater need to receive the same.
Though love can come in many ways, never should it bring fear or shame.
Man may try to twist it and turn it and never give it freely
But he opened up His arms, ready to give and to receive and rescued me.

What He did upon that tree
Showed me love unconditionally.
He died that I might live
And live abundantly.
He came into this world,
His sole purpose to rescue me.

I have lived and loved so deeply, but not without great cost,
For many whom I’ve poured out my love are the same that I have lost.
Many times I wanted to run and hide and never again to breathe,
But, He breathed in me the breath of life and rescued me.

Never leaving me lonely,
Yet truly setting me free!
In Him I move and live and breathe,
Because He rescued me.